Take the shot Pt. 02

"Another?" Inga teased.

"Honey. I think he meant like a genetic female, girl." Thankfully Annet spelled it out for me.

"It doesn't change what I said earlier. This is super new to you. I would be worried if you just traded teams without serious consideration. I know neither of us would hold it against you. But on that note... are you going to be ok if we happen to see other people?"

I nodded in agreement, despite the pit of despair I felt in my stomach.

**

Christmas came and went without too much fanfare. There was no exchange of gifts, as we agreed upon. Dinner was quiet and relaxing. Annet had invited a male friend, who was alone over the holidays. I had my guard up, thinking the guy might be a potential crush for Annet. I had no right to feel that way but tell that to my stupid ego. Turns out, Philip was from Mexico. He was very slight and very gay. I quickly realized their friendship for what it was... friendship. Inga cuddled up to me more than a few times and it felt good. There was no pressure, just a closeness.

I headed to the rink on boxing day to get a workout in. We played the next day, and I took the opportunity to work off all the delicious food I consumed. There were a few other guys thinking the same thing, so it was a chance to socialize too. Sounds like LT and a few of the older guys were in first thing this morning, likely saving the daytime to hang out with their families. I walked into the change room to find Dimitri loading up a duffel bag with the contents of his locker. He caught my presence and smiled.

"Tibo! Happy Christmas!" He bellowed in his Russian accent.

I laughed. "Thanks big guy. Same to you." I looked at his duffel bag. "So, what's up?"

"I was going to call you later, but I guess I have to tell it now." I was puzzled by his behavior. "I'm going up to the IceHogs. I must be on plane tonight so I can be at practice in the morning." He looked apologetic.

It hit me hard... I can't lie, but that's why we're here and if anyone deserved the call up, it was Dimmer. "Don't look so sad asshole!" I slapped his shoulder. "I am super happy for you! I'm surprised it took them this long to see your value."

"Thanks Tibo." He flashed his big smile. "I know it is good thing. But it will be weird without having to drag you around the ice." He laughed at my fake shocked look.

"I'm only shorter because I had to carry you on my shoulders this whole time." He coughed and gave my shoulder a push. It was the version of a hockey hug.

He put his hand out and I quickly took it. "Seriously Tibo... I had great time here, especially playing with you."

"I think you're just going to miss all the puck bunnies shining your dick!" He snorted in amusement. "It's been a blast big guy. Give them hell... ok?" He nodded his head and released my hand.

I watched him zip his bag and with one final nod he headed for the door. "Hey Dimitri?" I called after him. He stopped and looked back. "I'll see you soon."

A broad smile broke out on his face. "I save a place for you." With a final nod, he walked out the door.

Fuck! I wasn't prepared for that. My dad always told me the hardest part was getting used to the business side of the game. Players traded, moved and sold on a whim, throwing all those involved into a whirlwind of emotions. Good-bye's you never expected and with no time to let it soak in. But... it was good news for Dimmer, and it reminded me what my main goal was. It was to move to the next level, not figure out my sexuality. Again, my dad was right... women can be a major distraction.

I was a little unfocused by the time I got home and decided to just head up to my room and digest the news of the day. As I tried to figure out who coach would line me up with now, a soft knock came on my door.

"Yeah..." I called out.

Inga pushed her beautiful blonde face past the door. "Hey. I didn't hear you come home. Everything ok?" I nodded but I guess I wasn't overly convincing. "Timmy? What happened?" She let herself in and sat on the end of my bed.

"Dimmer was just moved up to the AHL. I had all of thirty seconds to digest it and say goodbye. I guess I'm still processing it all."

"Dimmer? The big Russian boy?" I nodded at her recollection. "You guys were close, weren't you?"

"We didn't hang out or text each other all the time, but he was here when I showed up and we just kind of connected on the ice. He made it easy to fit it."

"Are you worried it might affect your game... him being gone?"

I had to think about that for a moment. I don't think my initial response was based on that, but mentally thinking about who I might play with now was revealing. "I don't know, maybe? But that's the game, right? A good hockey player learns to adapt quick and bring their best every game." I sounded like my dad more and more.

Inga worked her way up my bed and sat with her back to my headboard. "Come here." She patted the space in front of her. I cautiously shifted so my back was facing her, and I felt her hands on my shoulders, kneading the stress in my shoulders. "You'll be just fine." She soothed me as her hands did their magic. "I'm not a huge hockey person but Annet says you have a real gift. She never seen a better skater in all her time around hockey, and when it comes to hockey, auntie doesn't throw around compliments very often."

I smiled at the thought that Annet had such a high opinion of my game. I continued to relax until I felt Inga's arms cross my chest and pull me back to rest on her generous breasts. She rocked and hummed quietly, doing such a good job of relaxing me, I fell asleep. I awoke sometime later, still in my sweats, but covered with a sheet and my lights off. I didn't even hear her leave.

**

The dressing room was full of testosterone as the boys were excited to play tonight. Everyone was talking about Dimitri. He was a big loss for our team, but everyone was ready to step up and fill the void. LT put his hand on my shoulder as he walked by.

"It doesn't matter who you play with kid, you make everyone better."

"Thanks TL. Do you ever get used to this kind of stuff?"

"No... not really." He sighed. "By the way, Petie's playing tonight. I doubt he's happy about being sent off to Kalamazoo, especially since they are in last place." I nodded at the unspoken message. "Just keep your head up when he's around."

From the warmup skate to the first puck drop, Petie was chirping me steady.

"Hey, look. It's tiny dick boy!"

"Careful Tibo, you're playing with real men now!"

"Hey boys, keep your eye on smurf dick!"

"I bet you need tweezers to jerk off!"

There were so many more, but you get the gist. On top of the constant verbal abuse, I received more than my fair share of well-timed slashes, and hidden butt ends. I'd call him pathetic, but truth was, he was in my head and had me off my game in the worst way. He was good at being the hated pest.

By the middle of the second period, coach benched me for a spell. No one wants to miss shifts, but I couldn't really blame him. Our team was playing down to their level, and I had no jump in my game. It didn't help that Bugsy, the guy who took over for Dimitri, was not a good fit for me. He was a good center, but he thought the game different than I did, and that caused a lot of miscues on my part. Needing to get my act together, I walked down the tunnel towards the dressing room, to get some space. Bent over, with my stick resting on my thighs, I gave myself a pep talk. You know, the usual... get your head in the game... don't overthink... trust your process. After a few minutes of that, I stood up and turned to head back to the bench in hopes I'd get back on the ice soon. Just before I turned the corner, I saw Sasha standing in the middle of the tunnel, looking at me. She was in a pair of tan, knee high boots, with black leggings. She wore a short white designer jacket that sat just above her waist. She looked amazing! She lifted her hand from her side and gave me a casual finger wave. I nodded my head in return and headed to the bench. When I sat down, I could feel that my cock was getting hard. Even with my size, it's never a good idea to get hard in a jock. Thankfully, my attention was drawn away by the voice of the coach.

"Tibo! Next shift. Jake, Gibber you got the wings!"

I hadn't played center since my peewee days, but when the coach asks you to do something, you do it. On the whistle, the three of us jumped the boards.

"How's your friend, Sasha the slut!"

I looked to the opposing bench to see Petie leaning over the boards, smiling at his own sense of humor. I shook my head and took up position in our zone for the faceoff. After losing the draw, we got trapped for a good stretch. All our outlet passes were getting pinched, forcing us to battle back in the corners. After one of their guys lost an edge, I scooped the puck and instead of trying to move it to the winger, I cut back in front of the net and broke from our zone. Initially my plan was to get past the red, dump and change, but from my left I saw a skater making a beeline for me. I knew who it was instantly. Something inside me clicked, my dad's words hitting home.

"Use your low center of gravity. With your strong lower body, you can drop a shoulder and go through most people... especially with your speed."

Petie had jumped on for a line change and he saw his opportunity to really get me. The neutral zone can be dangerous if you don't have your head up... but I did. Just before he launched his big hit from my supposed blind side, I chipped the puck deep and dropped my shoulder into chest, stealing both his momentum and surprise. It was a massive collision, and my shoulder felt the impact, but I fared better than Petie. A combination of my height and shift of weight caught him moments before he was prepared for the contact. As a result, I stood him up like he ran into a wall. His body went up and straight back, his helmet popping off from the collision.

As I approached my bench, I could hear the crowd going crazy, and two of the opposing players began mauling me, which caused a group to gather. I took some serious face washing but I smiled knowing I must've really caught him good to get this response. When the ref's finally got us under control, I was guided back to my bench and could see their team trainer leaning over him. I wasn't excited about the potential injury, but I felt good about giving him his own medicine. After ten minutes of assessment, the trainer, with the help of another of their players helped Petie to his feet and slowly guided him to the gate. The crowd gave the appropriate cheer to see he was ok enough to get up. Unfortunately for him, they had to pass by our bench. Guys were lightly tapping the boards, when I stood up and leaned over.

"Hey Petie." I called out. I watched his eyes scan to the location of my voice. "Sasha says hi." Maybe he heard me, maybe he didn't, it was hard to tell. His look was anything but normal.

My moment of toughness seemed to spur on our team. Like a fight or a big time hit, the energy on our team instantly picked up. The fact that Petie had six inches and fifty pounds on me just added more fuel to the energy fire. Back on a regular shift, my own get-up-and-go, was back. I was back to winning puck battles and used my new position to my advantage... skating. Playing center allows a player more freedom to use the ice since you're required to not only carry the play offensively, but you are in essence the third defenseman too. Somehow that seems to transpire to more puck touches, more engagement and eventually more opportunities. We scored three goals by the end of the second period and another four in the third. They got one on us during a power play, which unfortunately started with my lost draw again, but I was plus three for the night with two goals and two assists.

"Who needs Dimmer?" Our captain yelled in the dressing room. "When we got Tibow the train wreck!" That scored a series of whoops and hollers from the boys. As much as I appreciate the shout out, I still would rather have my big Russian buddy back.

Keeping in line with my after-game process, I was the last to leave, putting my coat on. I was about to leave the rink when I heard a feminine voice call my name. When I turned around, I could see Sasha accelerating in my direction. I stopped to wait for her and quickly wrapped in a warm embrace.

"Oh my god! That was fucking awesome!" She smiled at me.

"That we won or that I decked Petie?"

"Both! But knocking Petie out was my best hi-light for sure!" Her pretty face was all a glow. "Rumor from their side of the rink is you broke his collar bone."

I winced at the information. "Shit! I sure as heck didn't want to do that."

She rubbed my arm, then wrapped her hands around it and began walking me out the door. "I know you didn't, but that didn't mean he didn't have it coming." I shrugged and accepted her take on the situation. "So, I know it's last minute... but did you want to grab that burger? My treat!"

Some of the guys were heading to the pub down the way, but my original plan was to head home. Tomorrow is a travel day, and I needed some time to organize my shit for the next four days. Before I could ask for a raincheck, something inside me pushed at my heart. "You know what... sure, why not?"

We jumped in Sasha's SUV and made our way to Burger Barn. The name wasn't all that original, but they did make the best burgers in these parts. We talked about the game and laughed at some old stories. It was a side of her I'd never seen and I was liking it. She was sweet, funny and very easy on the eyes. The way her lips looked wrapped around a straw, threatened to raise my flag up the pole, if you know what I mean.

Long done our meals, we sat and talked until they threatened to kick us out, as they were trying to close. Begrudgingly we left and hopped back into her SUV. She offered to drive me home, but I knew it was way out of her way, so I suggested the closest bus terminal. She pulled into the large, mostly vacant parking lot across from the terminal. It was late and most commuters were done for the day. She slipped her vehicle into the park and turned towards me.

"I had a great time, Timmy." Her face was a glow.

"Yeah, me too. It was nice to get out, just the two of us."

She blushed a little and it made her look adorable. "So, I guess you guys are out of town for a bit?"

"Yeah, three games in four nights. It's our worst stretch as far as back-to-back games, but hopefully we'll do ok."

She lifted her center counsel and slid right up beside me. "Can I give you a kiss for good luck?"

Her full lips looked so soft and inviting, I didn't give her a verbal answer. The kiss started out tentative and conservative but quickly developed into something deeper and more sensual. Her hand went to my chest, and I reflexively cupped the side of her face as our tongues danced with each other.

Sasha gave one last nip at my lower lip and pulled back. "Wow! That was some kiss Mr. Bower." I nodded and blushed simultaneously. My awkwardness caused her to giggle, before she came back for more.

I'm not sure how long we spent necking, but it was amazing. Her hands were all over my chest and mine were caught up in her hair and shoulders. Our lips passed and squeezed over each other's, leaving room for our dueling tongues to slowly caress each other. My brain involuntarily brought an image of Inga into the forefront of my mind, causing me to take a brief pause and Sasha immediately picked up om it.

"You ok Timmy? Am I moving too fast?"

"No... no not at all." I forced the image away, as I owed it to myself and Inga to be honest about my feelings.

I was soon back in the rapture of her kisses, when I felt her hand slide from my chest to my stomach, until they rested on my belt buckle. She slid her hand down and rubbed my erection and then back to the fastener. Sasha pulled back from our kiss.

"Are you ok with me... doing this?" Her concern was both appreciated and disheartening. Clearly, she felt I was still fragile.

Not to be defined by my past, I gave her a smile and she smiled back, her head lowered to my stomach as her clever hands figured out my belt, among other things. My head tilted back, in what should've been a moment of desire, but instead it was a massive head fuck.

I vividly relived that moment in the bathroom as she giggled at my cock. The images of Dimmer pounding her with his porn star monster cock, watching her face scrunch up in pleasure. Her remarks of wanting more like him. My eyes shot open; my breathing became labored by the flash backs.

I closed my eyes, wanting them to be gone. *She knows about your cock, but still wants you*, I rationalized with myself. Her hands were working the zipper down, as her lips kissed my cock over the material.

I made the mistake of closing my eyes again, only for more images to pound on my self-confidence... Valerie screaming as she orgasmed over horse cocked Andrews big dick. Dimmer choking the puck bunny with his huge cock outside the bar, Sasha giggling, Sasha moaning on Dimmers' cock... Sasha giggling, Valerie laughing, Petie laughing.... INGA's COCK... FUCK!

Just before Sasha could get my underwear down, I reached down and stopped her. She looked up at me with concern.

"What's wrong Timmy?"

"I... I... can't." I muttered in shame.

Sasha pulled up until she was looking me in the eyes. "It's what I did before isn't it?" I couldn't verbalize an answer just yet. "Oh my god! It is, isn't it? Timmy, you must believe how sorry I am about that. I mean it! You're an amazing guy... I was just a drunk silly girl!" Her eyes began to get watery, causing her to back away from me.

Shaking my head, I began to pull up my zipper and put everything back the way it was. When I was done, Sasha was openly crying now, and I felt like a fucking asshole. It was bad enough that I was having some mental issues, but now it was impacting other people. I put my hands on my face as I tried to put some words together, something to make this go away.

"Sasha? Sasha, please look at me." Her eyes were red and wet when she turned towards me, and my heart sank. "It's the biggest cliché, but it's true... it's not you, it's me."

"Oh please..." She started but I cut her off.

"No! I'm serious." I put my hands on hers and waited until she gave me her attention. "Look, Sasha. I've been dealing with this issue my whole life. From my first girlfriend to now. I have zero confidence in what I bring... physically... to a relationship. I've basically convinced myself that a woman can only be happy if her partner has a big manly cock."

"Oh, Timmy..." She started again, but I shushed her.

"It's asinine, I know! Trust me... I know! But... I can't seem to shake it. Lord knows I've tried, and I plan to keep working on it. I must, if I hope to have some kind of a normal life after hockey." I turned to face her more directly. "You've done nothing wrong." Her face winced at my statement. "Sasha, you came to me and apologized and expressed regret for your actions that day, and I do believe you and I do accept your apology. What I'm dealing with is larger than that... larger than you." I pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I think you're amazing, beautiful and you don't need my baggage. We can't undue what happened that night at the party and every time I have some kind of mental relapse, you're going to blame yourself and I can't live with that... you, shouldn't have to live with that."

"It doesn't matter Timmy. It's the size of a man's heart that matters, not his cock. A true man loves from his heart, not through his cock. I really need you to believe that Timmy."

We stared into each other's eyes, both of us thinking of a way to salvage this, but I knew deep down, I wasn't ready... not yet anyway. "Fundamentally Sasha, what you're saying is one hundred percent true. But I'm reminded daily, in the locker room, by my shortcomings and no matter how much I try to get past it... I can't."