All Comments on 'Taken in Hand'

That was good! Would liked for the sex part to be longer but looking forward to his time with Elsie!

I met Newgent in the Literotica Chatroom and he requested that I give his work a read and provide feed back. Specifically he seemed to want my thoughts on how to make his story more appealing to women. While I cannot speak for all women, I am more than happy to give this woman’s thoughts.

First, I gave it five stars. I will be giving some thoughts on how to improve your writing, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that these stories are first and foremost, erotica, masturbatory fodder in written form. Your story accomplishes that. When the writer is passionate about, when he/she is writing something that that turns them on, it will come through to the reader even when the kink isn’t necessarily shared by the reader, and if the it is not, it won’t be felt by the reader, even if it is a kink of the reader’s. Even if it is entirely in fantasy, write the smut that you truly perv about.

Second, in our chat Newgent, you mentioned that you thought that being in the NonConsent/Reluctance category may be a turn off to most women. I cannot say if that is the case for all women, but until you asked me to read your story, I don’t think I have ever read a NonConsent/Reluctance story. It is not a fantasy or genre that appeals to me, but there are women that do enjoy it. That said, unless I missed it, Pete never said no, never actually tired to stop it, nor was the sexual encounter not welcomed by him and as such, I would have maybe put it in the erotic couplings category. In my mind one party being more sexually assertive is not the same as NonConsent/Reluctance.

Here are my suggestions to make writing more appealing to women:

I prefer a story that has a good lead up to the act. Flirtation… Seduction… The more you can make me want to see the parties involved fuck the brains out of one another, the more intense it will be for me when they do. I have noticed this in my porn preferences too, I tend to get more out of an acted out scene, even in pad porn acting, than I do out of scenes that just have two people fucking for a camera.

Stylistically, there was one point in the story where you speak to the reader about how they might be feeling about Pete… I’m not sure that works well. I think that if you do that, it needs to be done more, it should be your style of writing, or it shouldn’t be done at all I think.

There were a few times that you seemed to move back in forth between having dialogue and writing what was said in paragraph form. I would largely recommend writing out as much of the dialogue as you can. In general this might be an example of a greater writing philosophy: Show us, don’t tell us.

The last bit of advice I have is, don’t be afraid to be graphic in the descriptions of the sex acts. There were times that it seemed like you were holding back on that maybe…

Anyway, I hope you find these tips helpful, and if you have any questions I would be more than happy to answer them.