All Comments on 'Taking a Chance'

Good story, hope there's more chapters.

I really enjoyed this beautiful erotic love story. I hope to see more from you in the future.

This story about real true love is one of my favorites now. You have quite a way with words that touch the heart! I love where you wrote that he waited two heart beats to tell her!!! And the conversation with his mom! Beautiful😊

I would love to hear more about these characters. It would be beautiful if they were to marry ;)

Soiled by the condom crap

He should have cum deep inside her showing the deep passion they have for each other

This is story land no VD or babies

Super cute wee story. Congratulations!

Looking forward to chapter two

Almost the whole paragraph describing June's physical attributes is unnecessary. Her height and bra size have no bearing on the story. The same goes for the length of his penis given to us later. Instead of feeding the reader irrelevant information, let the reader use their imagination and fill in the blanks themselves. If a character's physical attributes must be given to the reader, show, don't tell. You do do that later in the story with her hair in a bun, glasses pushed up to her face, and t-shirt showing off her curves. It's much more natural and sexier than rattling off dimensions like they're sports stats. It also means you were repeating information. Just omit that original paragraph and you're gold.

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"It was around Thanksgiving when things." It looks like a sentence got cut off.

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"I did my best to pull off a sexy smirk." "Now it was her turn to try a sexy smirk." "I smirked. 'Your wish is my command,'" Smirk doesn't mean what you think it means. From dictionary.com: "What does smirk mean? A smirk is a kind of smile, but it's not a friendly smile—it's often a sarcastic or arrogant one or one that's intended to provoke or irritate the person who sees it. Smirk is also a verb that means to smile in such a way." It has a negative connotation, and on this site it's misused far more often than it's used correctly.

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The slut talk was unexpected and, for me, unwelcome and unnecessary. I double-checked the tags and didn't notice the submission tag the first time, because it was misspelled free I glanced quickly. I finished the story anyway since it was so short.

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These are two sweet characters and a nice story. A great first submission. Very few punctuation and grammar gaffes which means few distractions. I was glad to see condoms included. Kinda bummed she didn't get to cum from PIV since he did, but, as a lady, it's all too relatable. Well done overall.