All Comments on 'Taking the Bus'

That was a great story. Very hot....

Come on! There is nothing wrong with fantasy but at least try to make them at least vaguelly believable.

Is there anyone posting her who knows the diffrence between lay and laid?

i was waiting for her to wake up in class moaning the girl sitting next to hers name

That's why it's called fiction but damn, it was kinda hot

A nice angle into a kinky little fantasy. Get a decent editor, one who can help you flesh out the characters a bit because this idea has potential. Keep writing, study Elements Of Style and use a Thesaurus next time.

Erin

I know this is fantasy. But there has to be some connection to reality - or at the very least some indication of motivation. A girl sits down next to you on the bus and you hope she gets bored and stops? Why possible reason could there be for someone to do that? Couldn't read past that.

The opening part about a girl riding the bus and then having an older, taller girl who is a total stranger to her start rubbing her thigh --- that part was HOT! But then the strange girl runs her hand further up her leg and begins rubbing her "clit" --- that was overly PORNY, and it happened way too fast to be erotic.

I agree with the other comment about lacking any connection to reality. I could imagine something similar happening in real life (and the basic premise and much of the action was HOT), but it just barreled along with things moving about 10 times faster than they ever could in real life. That spoiled the eroticism for me.

Slow things down, build more suspense, add a little character development and motivation... all those things would add to the story.

Its is really Hot story just dont go too fast & open in public... make it secret yet in public nude... Waiting for next part

I felt as it was happening to me as it once did with my best friend at a sleep over... Great times I enjoyed riding her up and down 💦💧👅

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