by Ares9002
Sorry I am Not American , I am proud to be British !!
Long Live the land of Hope & Glory ππ¬π§πππππ¬π§π !!
ATROCIOUS spellings & no sense of Context .
If the Author is so uneducated please stop writing
If you want there are EXCELLANT story Editors who would do an excellent Job for free.
it was almost unreadable due to illogical sentences, misspellings and use of words...
ex...."wanting me wanting to mount my dick her mouth her right there"
"butts sticking on your face to you"
PLEASE, PLEASE read your own stories and ask yourself "does this make sense?
If you are not educated enough to do this....stop writing.
My question is this: Are you: A) A pre adolescent, B) A foreigner, or C) A retard?
It's cute, original, and very sexy. It's nice when a brother gets to taste his sister's sweet little slit. It's a lot better when he sticks his big fat cock up her cute little cunt and blows his brotherly balls right up inside her. A brother's creamy semen belongs up his sis's cunt.
Teri deserved getting fucked she teased and lied to her brother the whole time
...but there were lots and lots of reasons not to!
Very predictable but I did so enjoy getting to the expectedconclusion.
Reminds me of some of my sordid games as a teenager with a few of the local bikes!
In those days though it was more about getting to the conclusion - nowadays it's all about experiencing the journey, sensing the right signals and creating maximum enjoyment for both.
Keep it going.....
Geoff
Predictable, but good plot. Your spelling leaves much to be desire; many homonyms.
figured it was his sister lol next time maybe give a quick proof read though.
Every story the guy spurts 5 or 6 long jets of thick cum?
God can't people just be average anymore like oh the rest of the world every guy in these stories is Peter North lol.
Besides that the taste test went on WAY WAY to long.
I have been reading stories here for many years yet i rarely read the comments. I am appalled at the comments of some, some who wisely chose to remain anonymous. Perhaps you should present your Pulitzer winning diatribe for the peons to eviscerate.
Lee
Wow, this story was sweet! Not all of us have the grammatical tools, but they will come in time. What matters is that you put together an extremely creative and captivating story. Next chapter please!
pretty much what everyone else has mentioned.......spelling, grammar, etc.........the story may be excellent but no one will like it if the have to wade thru massive amounts of errors.
Hamm? Is that part of the Tate Test? This is awful that it makes me yearn of SamuelX. Tragically bad in almost every way. I'm stunned that literotica put this up because it's so riddled with flaws (MAJOR ones - not nit picking quibbling) that it became headache inducing. I no longer had the "patients" to read any more. Girls 1, 2 and 3 must have been very nice women but I found their names a bit bland. They did corporate by letting more of your manhood in them. I wouldn't make these sarcastic comments if I thought you were serious, but this is so dreadful that it has to be a joke. For having a good sense of humor you got a 3.
you write like a ten year old wrong words,missing words you obviously are only writing for yourself wich is ok as long as you don't post it if you post it for us to read make sure it is written properly and that you use an editor this needs to be rewritten now and never post another story with out using an editor this was like looking at the sun very painful i couldn't even finish half the first page
Very good story BUT it needed lots of editing. Constantly using wrong words: belt instead of bed and so on. Take more time reviewing your stories or/and get an editor. There are plenty out there.
The story was "possible" but ruined by having to translate from the foreign language you were writing .
This story needs another chapter. Please continue this story, I enjoyed reading it.
Please Use an editor to eliminate the errors.
I did like the story. But was annoyed with the mis-spelled words and bad grammer.
Thanks for Writing!
sexmate
A good story can lose its punch when an author uses the wrong word. Homonyms seem to be a real problem for some because a spell checker will not flag it. A very common one is waist-waste. You seemed to put everyone under a doctor's care. There are Homonym websites. The following is an abstract from one. Keep writing.
patience - patients
patience - noun -> quality of being willing to wait
Success requires a lot of patience.
patients - noun plural -> person treated in a hospital or by a doctor
There are too many patients waiting in the emergency room.
The idea of your story is very good but your bad grammar and spelling makes it very hard to follow. I stopped reading midway through the first pageβ¦
you made some really strange spelling and grammatical errors (case in point: you spelled the title wrong). i'm guessing you used a thesaurus on the phrase "wild need" and ended up going for "undomesticated need" which just doesn't work. this may seem like nitpicking, but this was a pretty good story, and that sort of thing detracts from it. i'd have given you a higher rating if it weren't for all the errors. aside from the grammatical stuff, the ending was kind of abrupt. it doesn't feel like a complete story, or even a complete chapter. it was just "realized it was my sister... end." seemed like it needed just a little bit more.