All Comments on 'Tease to Please Ch. 10'

I’m delighted with the way the present chapter reads significantly more focused or “tidied” than the last one did. It’s also a novelty to the series to start off the chapter with full-on bodily character contact, although the ‘in medias res’ feel to it was slightly diminished by the flashback to what has happened since the afternoon the day before up to the “first real kiss” of Arthur and Elise at the beginning of the present chapter (I’m not too sure it was necessary at that point to comprehensively inform the reader how this all came about, since it might have added to the thrill of their rampant tryst to just give some broad hints in between and let the reader figure out the details while Arthur and Elise go at it feverishly).

However, after 9 antecedent chapters and some frickin’ near delirious episodes (e.g. Elise’s wild masturbation in chapter 3, her fitting and first wearing of the “Model O” in chapter 5, her wet spanking received by Arthur in chapter 6, etc.) the subsequent “coitus primitus” of the present chapter had a quite peculiarly anticlimactic effect, at least on this one reader: Auden James, critical old me. Problem is I cannot really pinpoint what the (read: my) problem with the present sex scene is, all I can say is that I lusted for “more” – whatever this “more” might mean. A more drawn-out approach to the denuding and priming of our heroine for the supposedly big moment of her ‘first real union’ with Arthur? Possibly. (After all, that supposedly big moment lasts little longer than a single LIT page [while the whole built-up so far amounts to a whopping 28 LIT pages], or does it?) A more substantial recognition of the size question? Maybe. (Otherwise that one seems to have been badly overstated in chapter 7 where Elise eyeing his one-eyed monster asked Arthur: “‘But seriously, how are you not in a zoo?’”) A more in-depth look at the after-effects and after-actions of Elise and Arthur, on the personal as well as interpersonal level, post-coital? Not necessarily, though the narrative might have not so insignificantly benefitted in a ‘literary’ kind of way from something or other along these lines. Anyway, I hope these more or less rhetorical questions help to elucidate a little the peculiarity of the anticlimax I experienced reading the primal sex scene of “Tease to Please Ch. 10.”

As for the rest of the ‘action’ of the present chapter I think there are three remarks to be made:

a) The upcoming visit of Sylvia adds a nice element of suspense to the narrative, inviting the reader to conjecture her agenda (what can be so important about it to necessitate a call to her daughter at 1:21 AM?) as well as allowing for (prospectively) intriguing character dynamics in between Elise, Arthur and Sylvia, the first signs thereof the reader is already witnessing with Arthur (reluctantly?) keeping his distance towards Elise after their initial carnal tryst.

b) The cancellation of the PVA tissue demonstration with Elise as live test object is, at least to my mind, for multiple reasons (that I mentioned already and can be looked up in my comments on past chapters, especially chapter 9), fundamentally the right authorial decision. However, the way the author called it off in the present chapter doesn’t strike me as genuine or “true,” but rather artificial or “deus ex machina”: out of the blue a character never before mentioned even once (Mrs. Yamamoto) calls her by now well-established pervert husband (Dr. Yamamoto) and convinces him that “American companies, with their American shareholders, will flatter their own ego... their childish desire to heal the world. For this, they will pay more. We were foolish to not see that.” I cannot rid myself of the intuition that I as a readers buying into this line of “reasoning” were rather foolish myself. (And how did Dr. Yamamoto suddenly wise up about Sylvia’s and Arthur’s long gone love relationship?) Q: Does the end justify the means?

c) Alex’s aggressive approach on Elise seemed to me, at least at the outset, titillating and in character with his previous libidinous outbursts (cf. his acting in the limo in chapter 9 or getting his hands on Elise’s cellular number in chapter 8 – apropos: why did all of the “three missed calls and two unread texts” turn out to be from her mother and not a single one from Alex? He couldn’t be so infatuated with Elise to totally forget about calling or texting her, could he?), but, alas, this situation, charged with interpersonal tension and moral obstacles to overcome, is far too easily and quickly escalated and resolved in an effeminate brawl of uncalled-for violence and near-fatal heel strikes that strike me as neither amusing nor “realistic” nor “believable” (words used by the author herself repeatedly to describe her ‘literary’ objective in several forewords to antecedent “Tease to Please” chapters), on the contrary, but caricatural and strangely vacuous, lacking the rightful narrative import an attempted rape should be provided with in the “prick tease” context of the final encounter between Elise and Alex.

Well, the digital clock on top of my writing desk displays 11:00 PM.

And I think I virtually covered all the aspects that came to my mind while reading chapter 10 in the first place and I hope that you could bear with me commenting and criticizing and nit-picking once again at excessive length. And once again, to end on a thoroughly positive note, I’m pleased about all the different possible plot lines and romantic entanglements presenting themselves at the present point of the narrative and about possibly finding out which ones the author will eventually pin down on paper in the chapters to come!

Keep on writing and sharing a great time and pleasure with your readers,

Auden James

Hi all: I took a few days' break after posting this chapter, and when I returned to read it online I found it a bit lacking. The second two thirds in particular seem slim on fun and long on angst. So, you'll be happy to know that a new extended and, umm... stimulating final scene has been written and will be posted shortly. Look for it to appear right here in 3 days' time. I have also taken the opportunity to weed out a typo and adjust a few other words along the way, all to the betterment of your reading.

Thanks for joining me on this adventure!

PS: And thanks AJ for the comment... It's the most positive I've ever heard you. :) And, while we are picking nits, Mrs. Y was alluded to in Ch 1. You see, she knows something all along that nobody else does, other than the perpetrator (hint, hint). All shall be revealed in time.

It’s true that Mrs. Yamamoto was alluded to in chapter 1 (Arthur said about Dr. Yamamoto: “‘He's happily married and goes straight home every night. I've met his wife and they seem totally devoted to each other.’”), thus in the strong sense I was wrong about her being “never before mentioned even once”; but still I think her up until now having played no role of import whatsoever and t h e n effectuating the cancellation of Elise’s pivotal role in the PVA tissue demonstration seems slightly ‘out of place’, to say the least, thus in the weak sense I maintain the “deus ex machina” claim about Mrs. Yamamoto.

Anyway, I’m intrigued what is going to change about the present chapter in three days’ time!

And write on and take your muse for a walk around chapter 11!

Thank you,

Auden James

I fully understand and support Elise's violence against Alex after that near-rape scene and the appaling combination of being ignorant to her mood, condescendlingly smug about work fulfillment and sexually demanding with no regard whatesoever to the feelings of his "victim". It sounded to me like she almost killed him (breaking someone's skull isn't healthy) okay, he still shouts so he's not dead, but just leaving him behind like that and keeping quiet about the incident feels not only irresponsible but also stupid on many levels. That kept bothering me as the days quickly rolled forward.