All Comments on 'Teddy Bear Story'

childrens toys that can remember everything, but never move, communicate, or recognize their owners growing older?

Also if her had the money to support her why was she turning tricks?

And why all the time shifts?

I'm trying to figure out how I would score this without the cartoonish and racist depiction of Jamal. Hard to tell.

Sobering!

If they’re a man, that is.

That was a little strange, but I think I got it. I didn't like it, but it was a seriously well written story.

Beautifully written.

is on first, whats on second.....

a lot of names being thrown around there. idk i kind of have a love/hate here.

A good story using an original idea to tell it...Of course it has some issues, pointed by other comments...Forgetting those issues, and remembering the original idea: 4*

Gave you 3*s. A part of the story is fantastic but pointless.

The other part mundane and boring.

So you probably worked very much and for a long time to write this 💩👀.

Gave you the extra * for the effort, lol.

Thanks chas44.

AMerryman

fail to achieve the right taste.

A good try anyway

5*

I somewhat enjoyed the different point of view provided by the "bears" - and wish you had explored that further, by having them witness some of the turmoil of the tale.

However, it was presented well (with a few errors)

5/5 for the originality of the view point

I understand the story, but not the timelines. She was a happily married mother of twins then in a matter of months she was doing BJ's in the stockroom at Kwikee-Mart. That led to overnights with John's and nobody was the wiser?

If her Mom was (I won't say well off) that she could help. I would assume (bad word) that she would have helped her get into a better place than a Kwikee-Mart in a bad neighborhood where it to the boys in the hood a week to come up with $20.00 for a BJ.

I will agree that after divorce some women fall (especially if they weren't at fault) but Mary crashed and burned while Frank came out smelling like a rose. His tears aren't enough to warrant a higher score than a three.

I'm was tickled by your Teddy Bear Story's title. As a young lad in the 40's and 50' I heard that song as I left the house for school.

"If you go down in the woods today you better go in disguise.

If you go down in the woods today you're in for a big surprise,

For every bear that ever there was are gathered there for certain

because to day's the day the Teddy Bears have their picnic."

I agree with The Krrakk. The beginning of the story was very creative. I wished that you had carried that on further. That is not to say that I didn’t like the rest of the story. I did. I found it very sad though.

It depends on the Mother. When I was in college I knew a couple girls who were turning tricks because their parents would not even fill out the paper work for student loans. The girls wanted a better life than their mother, instead one was beaten to death by a john, the other got strung out on drugs. I will never forget the "father" saying what a waste it was to educate girls anyway. That was at the funeral. Some people are just unlucky in parents and some people are just monsters who should never have kids.

Highlights irresponsibility of the young man who having two children with his wife goes screwing around and gets another married woman pregnant.

This story being told by the stuffed animals took some of the rough edge off the screwed up situation caused by Franklin.

Not sure that this one didn't ease right by me. Good writing, not so good story.

This is an amazing story, honestly a tad scary if you've lived in any part of that kind of life. Feel like you truly did a great story and again see the comments others have made so I see everyone is reading this and feels it differently. I feel like your an amazing artist and have painted a great picture it's up to us as the buyers/readers to figure it out for ourselves what we feel our/the interpretation is. Also Love the point of view from the girls, really hits home. Keep up the amazing work and writing and can't wait to read more.

Just to add to the info from anon:- 'The Teddy Bears Picnic', was recorded by Henry Hall and his Orchestra. On the other side was 'Hush, Hush, Hush, Here comes the Bogey Man.' Similar idea to the 'Jody Man', and 'Yama Yama Man'.

Henry Hall was a popular British bandleader of the 30s to 50s so the song may be better known in the UK. In fact it's VERY well known over here.

This story is told in a crisp, matter-of-fact way that belies the incredibly serious situation that it describes. The shifting of the POV from dolls to young children to law enforcement makes it even more real, but different from the viewpoint of different people. The suffering of the husband makes it even more tragic. 5*

This story jumped around a bit, but I was able to follow it. You want to tell yourself: "It's just a story. It doesn't happen in real life." Unfortunately, it does - and a lot more often than we would like to admit. For all the vitriol about faithful husbands being legally/financially/emotionally destroyed by unscrupulous cheating wives, the other side of the coin can be equally true - and even more heinous. Except in stories you find here, I have never heard of a wronged ex-husband having to resort to prostitution to keep a roof over his children's heads. As this story implies, the reverse does happen - with disastrous results. Thanks, Chas, for trying to be fair.

The husband was a complete asshole. Can't wait till he finds out wife number two is as big a cheater as she was with him. The jilted wife had everything going for her but intelligence. Her mother was helping her, letting her live with her, so why didn't she use that opportunity to get some education and skills to support herself without become a prostitute? Or we supposed to be sympathetic to her choices?

As usual the kids pay the price for their parents' selfishness and ignorance.

You portrayed this dark ugly story very well, and in a clever and original manner. Congratulations.

I still don't like it, but I can appreciate it. Thanks for your time and talent.

But extremely tragic and sad. Four stars ⭐️ for this one!

But so real.

5-stars

Excellent and very original! 5***** It was a sad story, but a very moving one.

I wished they would have taken out the bastard and his bitch. No matter what I would take care of my kids. If you love your kids you protect the mom

5*. I just read Spring of 45 right before this. I think I will go jump out of a window now.

5* This is most interesting approach to the people involved. I really like the way you shifted the narrator (though it was tricky to follow in some places). I also liked the way that you changed the register of the voices as different characters were speaking. The story is good and well-written and the underlying plot is believable (though I'm not sure what the Kwikee-Mart manager was doing if s/he didn't notice what was happening . . . ). Your characters felt real, always tricky to manage in such a short story.

It seems so unfair that Mary was so comprehensively destroyed by Frank.

Thank you for posting this.

Wow. Such an adorable start which turned very, very dark. Compelling story. Full marks

Very sad but I like the technique you used.

A style seldom seen here. Thanks!