Teed Off Ch. 02

Edith was beaming at us, so I knew she was pleased with both of us at the moment.

We headed to Maggie's to get a bite to eat but stopped at a William Hill betting branch to place our bets. We each bet 2,000 pounds, which was just over $2500 at the time. If I won, which at the moment seemed about as remote as winning the lottery, we would each win the equivalent of $3 million. Holy cow. The chain-smoking, geriatric lady, wearing a pink sweater and gobs of makeup with blue hair that placed the bet on our behalf, didn't think anything of it. She couldn't care less what we bet on. She handed us our receipts, and we were on our way.

Once we arrived at Maggie's she came running to me and gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. Woah! "You made my day Tim Humphry. I'm so happy for you."

She then proceeded to sit next to me and eat a bite with us. I was enjoying her company. While she was with us, she was complaining about soreness in her neck and shoulders, so not really thinking I told her to turn and face away from me. Then I proceeded to start massaging her neck and shoulders. After countless days splitting wood and gripping a club, I wasn't lacking for strength in my hands, so I could give a decent massage. At least Janet used to tell me that decades ago, I thought darkly. Maggie was jabbering away at the beginning and making cute comments, but after a couple of minutes she got really quiet and started leaning back into the massage. She seemed to be enjoying it, then she realized where she was.

"Damn, Neil. You are going to have to bring him back. Tim, do you do feet too?"

I was enjoying being with her, so I was rather bold when I said, "I'll massage anything you want me to."

This brought howls from Neil and Edith. Maggie smiled and got up to return to work saying, "we'll see about that."

On the drive back, Neil teased, "Hey fella'. Keep your mind on the game. There will be plenty of time and money after it's over for you to fool around with her." He paused, and then added, "though, why should would fool around with the likes of you, I have no idea."

This time, I had a comeback, "because I'm about to be wealthy and famous," I joked. We all laughed at that, because we knew the chances of that happening were next to zero, or more accurately 1200 to 1.

______________

Tuesday was a practice day. The forecast was for stormy weather during the tournament, which overjoyed the locals. Nothing pleases them more than seeing the old course, aided by the weather and the pressure of a championship, bringing the pros to their knees.

Obviously, I had already played the course twice, and probably a hundred times on the Xbox, so I knew the lay of the land fairly well at that point. Liam and I were very relaxed, during the round. Every shot I hit, I focused only on the swing, not the outcome. I made sure my process, my routine, was the same for every shot. They say that focus, or mental discipline, is what really separates the pros from the amateurs. I wasn't sure I had that same level of concentration they had honed over decades of play. Thinking back to those first few days learning how to swing the maul and split the log, helped me here. It radically improved my game, and highlighted my ability to focus on that one spot right before I hit the ball. Those learnings would come in handy this week.

While on the course, we spent more time talking about the upcoming weather and how different the course and the shots would be when the storm came. Like Neil he had me watch the weeds, bushes and water from far away to gauge approaching changes in wind speed. When the rain arrives, the balls would hold the greens better, instead of bouncing off them like concrete at the moment. So I hit numerous shots as if the rain had already started, and I was all over the place...by design. I'm sure anyone watching me would have thought I was stinking up the place, but we were preparing for the change in the weather.

Since this was Tuesday, Neil actually talked someone into letting him accompany us. I was glad he was there. He even wore his company hat, and gave Liam and me one to wear also. I was happy to wear it for him, and told Liam if he was carrying my bag, he was wearing it too. Since we were thinking more than really playing today, we weren't as serious, and we allowed ourselves to have some good Cuban stogies while out on the course. It was my treat. Our playing partner and the small following we had while we walked around the course were not pleased, but we didn't care. We enjoyed it while we could, because they would not be permitted during the round.

With the forecast of rain, I need proper rain clothing. A storm in Scotland, even in July, could be quite cold. Since I didn't know what to expect I purchased a couple of different rain suits for different temperatures. Neil, of course, was already prepared. Edith met us at the store and purchased some too, which I guessed were for her and Maggie. I'd love to see Maggie there, and asked her if she was coming.

"Of course, she's coming. Open events at St. Andrews don't happen every year. This is like New Year's at Times Square for us, but with more respect because of the game." This made me smile, because I would like to see her on the course. Although, I probably shouldn't encourage the distraction.

Mentally, I felt well prepared and wished I could start the tournament tomorrow. Unfortunately, that was all blown away when we got back to Neil's. We were unloading our things, when my daughters, plural, came running out of their house. It was a pleasant but unexpected surprise. I was really very happy to see them, but it did jar me a little mentally because I had simply prepared for something else. "We want to be there when you win," they told me, which made me swell with pride.

They twirled around, showing me their garish neon light green T-shirts with Neil's tourism business logo embroidered very large on the upper shoulder, and then "Team Hump" screen printed across the front. Neil's website was printed across the back. It would have been impossible not to laugh at seeing this. I've not seen an Open crowd in person before, but I imagined it wouldn't be too difficult to look into the crown and determine that these were Yanks, my yanks.

I had almost recovered from their surprise of being there, when I was simply blown away by what happened next. The door to their house opened again, and Janet came walking out of the house wearing another "Team Hump" shirt. I literally didn't move. She came and joined our daughters by standing in the middle of them and putting her arms around their shoulders. She was putting on a good face, because I assumed, she was as terrified as I was. My daughters were mouthing the word, "Please" to me, and Neil and Edith were watching me for my reaction. Talk about a turd in the punch-bowl.

What the hell do you say in a situation like that? What I wanted to say was, "I'd fucking kill you all right now if there were not so many witnesses." But no. I don't say things like that.

"Hello Janet. You do realize that if there were such thing as an irony-meter, you would have just broken it right now."

She seemed a little puzzled by that statement, so I continued. "The very reason I'm standing here is because I got away from the pain and anger that I lived with every fucking day in Chicago. The screaming followed sometimes by months of silence, the belittling, the hypocrisy, the indifference; you probably thought I was running away. I wasn't. I was a tortured prisoner who was escaping. I endured it all, so that the courts wouldn't take my daughters away from me in the divorce. Finally, when they were old enough, I left." I was getting angry now, my swearing was kicking in.

"Then in Tennessee with my new-found freedom, I do great at my job. I love where I live. I have more friends now than I was allowed for all of my 20+ years in Chicago. I'm in great shape and I'm about to participate in the biggest event of my life, which is to play in a major golf championship. I accomplished all of this because I escaped from YOU! Now on the eve of this event, the very thing from which I purposefully escaped, shows up wearing a big grin. What the fuck am I supposed to think? Damn it.

"Go back in the house; ALL of you." I felt like I was clubbing a kitten. The ladies were all crying now, which made me, the tortured and escaped prisoner feel like shit. Irony indeed.

"You!" I was pointing at Neil. "We're going for a walk."

For once in his life, Neil was very quiet. When we were a couple of blocks away, I unloaded both barrels on Neil. "Neil, I have my wallet with me. You don't know how tempting it is to get on a plane, right fucking now, not even going back to your house, and fly back home and never speak to any of you ever again. As a matter of fact, I'm actually inclined to do exactly that.

"I know you are still bigger than I am, but I'm really thinking about beating the shit out of you this second. Choose your next words very carefully."

"Hold your horses, now Timmy. You are viewing this all wrong."

"Wrong? I'M WRONG!! Did you miss the whole diatribe a minute ago about the tortured prisoner escaping? Hell, you lived through part of that with me. I'm finally in a good place mentally, or at least I was up until five fucking minutes ago. Please, my best friend who is about to be renamed Judas, tell me how I'm wrong!"

Neil said, "Tim, the girls approached me right after they started planning the vacation you are to take after the tournament. They really wanted to come and be with you and support you. I was all for it. Then they called me back a few days later saying Janet wanted to come. Now I know all about you and Janet. We've talked about her for years. I supported your leaving 100%. I hated it for you and the girls, but I supported it. When they told me Janet wanted to come, I said 'no way'. I had seen the pain you went through. I wouldn't allow it."

I broke in, "Well, since she's here what the hell happened that you allowed it?"

"She came to visit us."

Whoa! "What? Janet the ice queen, came here to visit YOU?"

"Aye. She did. She said that she had changed. She's been getting help. Your leaving really impacted her. She always thought you loved her, so when you left, she thought you would be back. Yet, when you actually filed for divorce, that's when it hit her. So she went to see someone for help. She said that maybe the two of you will never get back together, but what she wanted to do... what she wanted to SHOW you, was that the whole family supported you, including her. 'Team Hump' was actually her idea. To show you that we are all with you. That you are with us. You are the one on the course, but we are all in this tournament together, this one last time."

"And you bought this? I've seen you smell a rat a mile away. I've seen you dig through contracts with our suppliers that were 100 pages deep to find the one buried line that would have cost us a bundle. You looked her in the eye and believed her?"

"Aye, Tim. I believe her."

Sigh. Silence. If I was surprised at his being quiet before, I was stunned at this standing silence...and that he believed her.

"OK, Buddy. I believe you. I may not believe her, but I believe you. But honestly... what the fuck do I do now? It feels like I've been in a car wreck and am still jammed up inside all the twisted metal. I have no idea how to get out."

"I don't know, mate. I'm guessing you went from feeling free to trapped again. You shouldn't really feel that way though. You are still a free man, that hasn't changed. I guess your challenge in the next day, is to find some way to get back to the place where you were, mentally, out on the course today. Imagine yourself looking over towards us behind the ropes, with them wearing those outlandish shirts because they all love you so much, and want you to know it every time you look their way."

I knew he was right. That didn't mean that I wanted to believe it, but I knew it to be true. I thought I could wrap my mind around this. I shouldn't have to, but I thought that I could. Trying to lighten the situation a little I replied, "You do realize that those shirts can be seen from space, right? Safe to say that should the camera ever have reason to pan towards me, they, and your logo, will definitely be standing out."

"That was the whole idea, my man. That's the idea."

"Oh, and for the record. I've always loved her. I just can't stand her."

"I know buddy. I know."

_______________

When we returned to his house, in a much calmer voice than earlier, I asked Janet to step into his office with me. I closed the door, and I gently pulled her with me to be seated into the two winged-back chairs that were in there. I was going to try and diffuse the situation. My being angry for the next several days wasn't going to help me play any better. I had beaten probably tens of thousands of balls into submission over our years of marriage, I didn't need to start that again while playing for real.

I started, "Janet, I'm sorry about earlier. If you recall, our last real conversation wasn't a good one. I was angry and hurt for a long, long time. I don't believe I ever let it all out before today. I'm sorry today was that day. I know you came here with the best intentions."

She replied, "I understand Tim. I do. When you filed for divorce, I was so shocked. I just assumed you were coming back. I mean you weren't acting any different than you always did. Sure, you weren't living with me at the time, but I thought that was temporary until you found something back in Chicago. It caught me so off guard, that at first, I wouldn't accept it. Eventually, I had to face it. It was the girls that suggested I needed to talk to someone. Did you really tell the girls I was treating them like hostages?

"Sorry about that." Even though I still thought it was true.

"Anyway, I did get some help. Not just because you left, but that was the catalyst. I was miserable at work, too. I needed to understand why people that I thought were close to me were turning their backs on me. I guess I treated a lot of people, including you, poorly."

Hmmmmph. Poorly? Poorly!? Poorly is when you forget to give your mail carrier a card or anything for Christmas. Or when you are having a crappy day while it's raining, and you grab the last dry cart in the grocery store even as you see an elderly lady walking in. What she did wasn't poor, it was to systemically abuse me and my love for her, wittingly or not, over and over again. I stood and started pacing.

"Poorly? Janet, have you heard of the Chinese torture called death by a thousand cuts? Well, it is really torture and execution combined. While no single cut is enough to kill the prisoner, cutting him a thousand times eventually finishes him off, but not before delivering lengthy, excruciating pain. Do you know how many days we were married that you wouldn't speak to me? You told me on numerous occasions that because I didn't agree with you or because I didn't comply with your wishes then there was no reason for you to talk to me, otherwise you would just be wasting the spit in your mouth on me.

"So for every day that I went to sleep and you had decided not to talk to me, on that day I wasn't worth the spit in your mouth. It pissed me off so much that I kept a reasonably accurate count. Do you know how many days we were married, that I wasn't worth your spit, Janet?

She whispered, "no."

"Combined, over four fucking years, roughly 1500 days, or 1500 cuts. Since the kids were born that was about 20% of our time together that I wasn't worth your spit. This doesn't even include all the other insults, like 'you're pathetic', or 'you're pitiful', or 'you're weak' or my favorite. After I worked my ass off making and cleaning breakfast, cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming the house, drying the dishes from the dishwasher, and then mowing the lawn, you called me 'lazy' because I didn't feel like trimming the edges. Really? Lazy? "

"I'm so sorry I hurt you." she was crying gently now.

I was on a roll, and letting my anger take over again. "Never mind that I had a busy job too. For a while, I was earning as much as you. Then when we had kids, which of us became chauffeur? Me. Which one of us read to them and helped with homework? Me. When there was a recital you didn't want to attend and you found a work excuse to avoid it, which one of us was always there, camera in hand? That was me too. No, I put our daughters in front of my career. Can you say the same?"

That one wounded her, and now she was sobbing. She got up to leave.

I roared at her, "Where the fuck do you think you're going?!" I'm pretty sure the neighbors heard that.

"I'm leaving. I'm sorry I came."

"No! You don't get to do that. You don't get to walk away from this and leave me and everyone else to figure out how to pick up the pieces. You wanted to be here so sit the fuck down!"

I was breathing so hard I was heaving. I had become enraged and tried to get my emotions back under control. "Look. I'm obviously having a difficult time wrapping my brain around this. You've had a lot of time to think this through, and I've had maybe 15 or 20 minutes. I'm not sure exactly what to believe right now, but I know this. My two daughters for whom I would do anything, truly believe you've changed, although, they might be a little biased. Edith, not exactly a friend of yours believed you were sincere when you came here, and I do trust her. Finally, my best friend on the planet, which was supposed to have been you (pointing at her), who has every reason not to trust a word you say, and is more sensitive to dishonesty than the princess was sensitive to the pea, believes you. If the people I trust the most believe you, how can I not at least give you the benefit of the doubt?

I'm not sure if she was surprised or relieved.

"Janet, I really don't know how to work this. I don't want to be angry all the time around you. Just try not to say anything that I might have a hard time believing or that might piss me off. So, no 'I love you', nor 'you'll do great', nor anything like that. Just be to me like you would a stranger, and I'll try to imagine that you really want the whole family to support me. We can deal with the visceral hatred at a later date."

With that, I walked out of the room. I said to Neil and Edith, "Let's go get something to eat. Let's go to the pub."

Edith broke in, "Tim, are you sure you want to go to the pub?"

I gave Edith my sternest glare and said, "Fuck yes, Edith, that's exactly where I want to go."

My daughters wanted to talk to me, but I was having none of that. They changed out of their 'Team Hump' shirts into more normal attire, and we went to Maggie's. She was pleased to see me when we walked in and gave me another hug and kiss on the cheek. My ex-wife and daughters were none too pleased with that. She had a gleam in her eye as she took us to a circular booth away from the entrance. Neil and I were sitting at the ends of the booth with the ladies in the middle; Meredith next to me. I introduced them to Maggie.

"Maggie, please meet the women in my life - my daughters, Meredith and Rachel, and this is my ex-wife Janet. Everyone, this is Maggie. She's the owner of this pub" I don't think Janet was really pleased with my introducing her to a female that was interested in me as the 'ex'. Tough shit.

I swear, if men lived to be 1000 years old, we'd never really understand women. They were sizing each other up. Janet looked at her defiantly, and Maggie gave her best, 'awe, aren't you cute' look, knowing she had the upper hand. I just sat back imagining both of them in wet Team Hump T-shirts with nothing else on trying to tear the shirt off the other one. It was with that thought, I was starting to smile to myself, a little. However, Edith was sensing the oncoming explosion and stepped into the middle. "Maggie, can you bring our guests a drink and a dinner menu. They probably aren't familiar with everything you offer here." That turned on Maggie's hostess sensibilities and she disappeared for a minute while tossing her head back and smiling. Janet was fuming. I don't think Maggie's being about 10 years younger than Janet was helping matters, nor did Maggie's swaying her ass at me again.