All Comments on 'Telekinesis Ch. 01'

Wonderful start/ Lots of future potential.

This was great. I'm guessing you really were a grad student because your description of the way "science" works, an endless directed yet undirected toil comes across as real, matching my journey. Unfortunately my work was not connected to any sexy times or mind control. That woman is a true find, you should put a ring on it or at least make her your happy thrall.

Also, you need to use a "grad school" tag. You can find like minded people.

Enjoying this very much, please continue

Nicely done, with enough scientific thought to make it feasible (if TK can be considered feasible!). Love the way you change the helix discovery from the conventional - not really sure that’s justified, though it’s clear she did most of the heavy lifting in getting there. Fun tale, well executed.

Re Rosalind Franklin, I know it was a snarky remark, but she did get shortchanged in recognition for her part in one the 20th century’s greatest scientific discoveries. She did the lab work.

Speaking of labs, I skipped the grad student phase in my erratic STEM career, but I run my own (very small) labs now and I know how it’s done. Or supposed to be done.

Re the women in this and following chapters, some aspects are from my own experience but each one is a mash up and, unfortunately, only imaginary.

Okay so I have some praise for this story, and a little bit of a complaint.

First, the good stuff. The set up for this story seems very clever. I love the idea that he (basically) has mind control through telekinetic stimulation of physical body parts. That's clever.

Now my complaint... The story seems too impersonal. I think it was the choice to write in 1st person/past tense, but it came out sounding like someone disinterestedly describing their day. Idk. It wasn't horrible, it just lacked passion, I guess?

I would give it 4stars, but that would actually bring down your overall score, and I don't wanna actually do that. It was a good story, with great potential. Keep up the effort, because I did enjoy it.

Hi Anonymous, and thanks for your feedback. Re your complaint, I’d say stay tuned. Keep in mind that most of the chapter is a flashback from the first scene in the club. So what my protagonist is relating is personal history from way back (as you’ll see in the following chapters). He’s kinda over it. And he’s a scientist, even if not a very good one. He’s data driven. But don’t worry, there’s more to come in how his powers develop. And he gets in trouble.

And thanks for your patience re stars. I think the Literotica system is flawed. One reader who hates a story and gives it one star counteracts multiple people who give it 5 or even just 4 stars. That doesn’t seem fair or accurate.

I have a practice re stars that’s maybe similar to what you did: I either give a story 5 stars because I think it’s cool and interesting and hot, or I don’t give it anything. I want to encourage good writing; but I don’t want to discourage anyone from continuing to write, even if they haven’t yet figured it all out.

Great idea to give him the ability to make the small tweaks. Plausible science stuff, and I liked him only being an okay researcher. And I very much liked the wry, ironic point of view. Kudos!

"truthfully, making her come was at least as satisfying as my own orgasm afterwards."

This has been my experience as I've aged. There's an aspect of control, and it's intoxicating.