Ten Long Years

The moment I asked, the conversation stopped. They exchanged nervous glances and it was pretty obvious they were nervous. Mike got up close and personal. "Mate, if you want that answer, talk to your mother, or Skye. We're not saying."

"But you do know?" I asked.

They both nodded, the secrecy worried me and it had to be something I wasn't going to like. Glancing at Dylan sitting close to Mum, I guessed his age to be close to ten. As I pondered the question, a cold shiver ran down my spine. "Was it fucking Derrick?" Shit that had to be it. No wonder nobody would say.

That thought annoyed the shit out of me. As we talked personal shit, I asked. "So who has she been hanging with, she must have had hook ups?"

"Mate, she's pretty much a homebody. She spends most days here with your mum. I tell you man, she wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for your family."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it before. I'm an arsehole."

They both laughed, Hank shook his head. "Mate if I had been in your shoes I probably would have done the same thing. I gave Lila a serve, told her she had to lay off you."

"Thanks mate, I never understood my family. They cast me as the bad guy."

"Yeah, it sucked. Sloane told me what happened and I told her I thought they were wrong. I didn't understand her logic, but I think most of it was all about Skye and her mother. I mean her mother is a real piece of work. A real slut. From everything I have heard, Skye's mother was a real bitch. She really is."

"She had a really hard time as a kid, you know," Mike added.

"Oh, I know, I was married to her. I know everything about her early life. Look, this whole thing killed me. It wasn't the cheating, that I could have got past."

"You mean you would have forgiven her?" Hank spluttered.

"Oh, hell no. Not what I meant. What I was trying to say is, I wouldn't have been so gutted. We could have eventually been able to be in a room together. No, what pissed me off was my entire family trying to push us back together. That just made me angrier."

"Mate, they just felt sorry for her. From what Sloane said, you guys were pretty much the perfect couple: friends, lovers, went everywhere and did everything together. Sloane painted you guys as this wonderful couple who were meant to be together."

I nodded, "Yeah, I agree. If she hadn't cheated on me, I mean, fuck. How do you forgive that?"

"I don't know mate. I don't think I could," Hank replied.

"Me neither," Mike added.

"Then what the fuck man. You guys can see it?"

"Sorry man, I can't shine any light on it. All I know is she's still pretty hung up on you?"

"What, no way. Not after all this time."

"Sorry, but she's been over at our house bawling her eyes out on Sloane's shoulder every night since you got back."

"Rory, I can tell you, she is not over you. Whenever we have gatherings, and she has a few drinks. It's always Rory, Rory, Rory. She is obsessed."

"Fuck." I sighed.

As the night unfolded, the drinks really flowed and we were all feeling it. I managed to stay out of Skye's way, but as the drinks took effect, that became increasingly difficult. Every time I glanced at her, she was staring at me, and every time I caught her she looked guilty and embarrassed.

I decided it was time to get out. I didn't want to spoil my dad's send off with a fight between Skye and me. I got Mum alone, and said, "I'm heading back to the motel. I'll come and see you in the morning before I go."

She scowled heavily. "You can't drive, look at you. I think you should stay."

"No, I'm going to get a taxi."

She hugged me tightly. "Why not stay, Rory? The bed's empty."

"Mum, I don't want to spoil today. I need to get out of here before Skye and I end up in a row."

"What? Don't be ridiculous. Why would you fight?"

"Because I don't want to be around her."

"Stop making a big thing out of it. She is staying out of your way. Surely you can be in the same room without fighting."

She wouldn't let me leave, she laid a big guilt trip on me and I had no option but to agree. Slowly, the girls and their families did leave, and by that time it was way to late to organise a taxi.

It sort of happened without me even realising it. Mum, Skye and I were the only ones left. I felt awkward, Mum and Skye were talking closely and I was standing by myself. "Mum, I'm going to bed," I called out.

"Oh no, come and talk to us, please sweetheart."

The pleading look on her face made it impossible to say no. As I got close, she wrapped me in her arms and the tears came. "What am I going to do, Rory? How am I going to get by without his guiding hand?"

"You'll be right, Mum. The girls are close by."

"I miss him already; you don't understand what it's like to lose somebody."

"Don't I, Mum?" I hissed sarcastically.

"He was my life, son, he meant everything to me."

I held her tightly. "I know, Mum, but I promise, the pain will ease. With every passing day it gets a little easier."

Skye stood off to the side and she looked uncomfortable. Mum noticed her backing away and opened her arms. "Come here, sweetheart."

Skye smiled nervously, her mouth twitching. She was about to join our embrace when I stepped back. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

Mum sighed. "Rory, this could be the perfect chance to both of you to talk. There are things you need to know."

"No, there isn't mum. I'm happy. Tomorrow I'm heading back to Auckland."

She looked disappointed. "So, you're just going to leave me here alone?"

"No, I was going to suggest you come up and stay with me for a while. I have spare beds and Shayne wouldn't mind."

Mum looked confused. "Who's Shayne?"

"My partner."

"You have a partner? Why didn't she come with you?"

"I didn't know how this was going to go. We haven't spoken in so long, I didn't want her first meeting with my family to be a bad memory."

"Good heavens, why didn't you say something?"

"The time never seemed right. I wanted Dad to be everybody's focus."

Skye sort of stepped back, I glanced at her and she had her hand up covering her mouth. She looked more shocked than Mum.

Skye looked so unsettled that Mum held her arm, and they walked outside. That was my chance to escape to the sanctuary of my bedroom. Even with the door shut, I could hear Skye wailing, Mum trying to console her. It sounded terrible, but I was pretty trashed and went off to sleep.

The morning brought a hangover of enormous proportions. My head thumped, my eyes hurt and I felt like I was going to throw up.

I showered and changed, went out to the kitchen and made a cuppa. I walked outside to find Dylan already up, fed and looking ready to take on the day.

As we sat there, he asked, "Are you going to miss your dad?"

"Yes, mate, I miss him already."

"He was a kind man, my pop."

"Yeah, he sure was. Sounds like you're going to miss him, as well."

He nodded, "He helped me with my homework and he played with me. He was going to buy me a bike."

"Really, a bike, huh? I'm sure Nana will get it for you."

"No, Mum said I'm not allowed to ask her, because she doesn't have lots of money."

As we sat together and I finished my cuppa, I said, "What say we go and get the bike?"

His face lit up and he gasped in shock. "Really?"

"Yeah, sneak in and get your shoes and we'll go right now."

We jumped in the car and headed into town. The moment I stopped he ran right into the shop, sending the door flying as he went straight to the red bike in the window. When I got to him, he started talking about all the features.

His joy lifted my spirits; I could see why dad was keen to buy him the bike. When I flipped up the price tag I got another shock: fifteen hundred bucks. Yikes.

My fault for promising. I could hardly say no now. Should have asked the price.

The generous salesman threw in a new helmet, and we headed for home. It meant re-assembling once we got home. We were around the back when Mum and Skye rose from the dead. Mum looked awful, but she got no chance to rest. Dylan ran inside screaming, "Mum, Nana, come and see my new bike. Uncle Rory brought it for me."

"What?" I heard Skye cry out.

They all came out together. Mum looked shocked, Skye on the other hand looked pissed. She made a big show of being interested, but the moment he went for a ride she flew off the handle. "What the fuck are you doing? You inconsiderate bastard. What right do you have to meddle in me and my son's affairs?"

"He told me how Dad was planning to buy him the bike. I decided I would help out. I thought you might be happy."

"Happy, oh yeah it's easy for you. Flash your money around and then disappear out of his life for another ten years." She started bawling hysterically again, and Mum had to console her with a motherly hug.

"What the hell are you talking about, for another ten years? It's not my fault you couldn't keep your legs shut."

"What the hell?" Skye muttered angrily.

"I don't know who the kids father is, but obviously he didn't want anything to do with you, either."

"Rory, stop it. You are Dylan's father," Mum hissed.

I felt like I had been slapped. "What do you mean I'm the kid's father?"

Skye sighed hoarsely. "I was pregnant when we split up."

"And how do you know he's mine?"

Mum jumped in, "Oh for heavens sake, look at him, Son, he's the splitting image of you."

"Like hell he is. Looks more like Derrick to me."

Skye rushed at me, arms flailing wildly. "You fucking prick. You walked out on us, abandoned us. Left me to raise him on my own. Where were you when we needed you."

"He's not mine, Skye."

Mum flopped down on the steps breathless. "He is yours, Rory. Your father and I got DNA tests done."

Skye turned to Mum and screamed. "What, why did you do that. You always said you believed me."

"I did, sweetheart, but we wanted to be sure. We hoped we could get in touch with Rory, and prove it."

"I don't believe you, Mum. Sorry, but that's a little to convenient. DNA my arse. Show me the proof."

She stood slowly, giving me a very dirty look. "Very well."

She walked inside leaving Skye and me staring uncomfortably at each other.

Mum walked back out carrying a large manilla envelope and handed it to me. "Read it yourself."

There was no denying it, the proof stared angrily from the page. Skye wanted to read it, as well.

We all sat back heavily on the steps. "Why didn't you tell me, Mum?"

"We tried, but you were impossible to find. We heard you went to Australia, and then nothing. We tried everything, but we couldn't track you down."

"Why the hell did you sleep with dick head Derrick, knowing you were pregnant?

"I didn't know, I only found out when I went to hospital."

She looked guilty, ashamed, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Rory, I tried to say that a million times, but you wouldn't talk to me. I was so ashamed. I don't know why I did it. I am truly sorry."

"Yeah, sorry you got caught, more like it."

"That was the only time Rory, I swear to you, the one and only time."

"Why, just tell me why? You didn't even like the guy?"

She burst into another fit of tears. "I don't know, I asked myself that question a million times, and I just don't know. You're right, I hate him."

"Yeah, you sure got a strange way of showing it."

"I fucked up, I know that. I made the worst mistake of my life. I don't know why. I just did. He was always hanging around, always flirting and complimenting me. He did it a hundred times, and one time I just gave in. I know it was weak and I have no excuse, it was just stupid."

Mum and Skye rocked slowly as they hugged. Mum stared up at me, her eyes filled with pleading, tears rolling down her cheeks. I couldn't say anything. No thoughts made sense. I could see Mum wanted me to say something, offer something, but I couldn't.

Dylan came racing into the yard and skidded to a halt. The smile on his face was incredible. He ran over and threw his arms around my neck and gasped, "Thanks, Uncle Rory. I can't believe how amazing it is."

I gave him a hug, and knowing that he was mine changed everything. "It's okay, pal. I'm glad you like it. I reckon Pops is looking down smiling."

Mum added. "He sure would."

Now he was in my arms, I didn't want to let him go. He needed to move though, he wanted cuddles with Nana and his mum. Nothing was going to stop him from jumping back on his bike though, and he was gone again.

I stood up and paced around. "Okay, what happens now then?"

Skye snorted. "Nothing, you go back to your wife in Auckland, and Dylan and I go on about our lives. We did all right without you. We don't need you."

I saw Mum grimace, at Skye's bitter remark. "Honey, things have to change now."

"Why?" Skye snapped. "He didn't care before, and we got on all right without him."

"No sweetheart, that's not fair. Dylan is Rory's son, he has rights."

As I paced around I got lost in thought. I couldn't just walk away. "I'll send money every week, Skye. If I had known I would have done that already. I would never shirk my responsibilities."

"Liar!" She screeched. "You walked out on me, you had responsibilities. You didn't even give me a chance to say sorry. You just walked out."

"I didn't walk out. You chased me away."

"You never gave me a chance to make it right. I know I stuffed up. You stopped loving me, but I never stopped loving you."

"Yeah, did you love me while Derrick the dick was between your legs fucking you?" I snarled, as I glanced from her to Mum. "Well, did you?"

She grimaced, her hands unable to wipe away the tears. "I made a mistake. I did a stupid thing, and I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say or do."

"I don't know either, Skye. All I know is I loved you, I trusted you with my heart and you crushed it. Ripped it out and crushed it. I loved you, I gave you everything I had, and it wasn't enough. You didn't even give me a chance. If you'd told me I wasn't enough, I could have tried harder."

She jumped up and rushed into my arms. "It wasn't about that. I love you."

"Then why, tell me why? If I was good enough, and you were happy. Why do it?"

Her arms tightened around me, and she squeezed tight. "I don't know, don't you understand? I don't know."

"How could I ever trust you again? If you can't tell me why, how do I know you wouldn't do it again?"

"God, Rory, believe me, when I say it shouldn't have happened the first time. I kick myself every day. I hate that I hurt you so bad, I hate it."

I couldn't listen to more, it sucked me down and I felt depressed. "I'm going to hang around for a few days, Mum. This has been a lot to take in. I need some time to think, to clear my head."

With Skye in her arms, she uncoiled one arm and gestured me in for a kiss.

As I leaned in to give her a kiss, she reached around me and pulled me into their hug. "Rory, love, you have a child together. For Dylan's sake, you have to learn to get along, you have to at least be friends."

I walked out to my car, and as I was about to open the door Dylan skidded to a halt beside me. "Where are you going, Uncle Rory?"

"I don't know, mate. I need some fresh air and a walk."

His face looked sad. "Are you coming back?"

I reached out and ruffled his hair. "Yeah, mate, I'm coming back."

He zoomed off around the back of the house and I vanished up the road. My mind was awash with thoughts and emotions. Nothing made sense. God, I had a son, when I thought I missed ten years of his life it hurt. Ten years, bloody hell.

The kid had issues as well, he obviously struggled around people, he was so shy and timid. Skye had done a wonderful job, he seemed clever, he was no idiot, he just lacked communication skills, other kids to play with.

I drove around, ending up at the cemetery. I walked over to Dad's fresh grave and sat there. Clouds scudded across the sky as I poured my heart out to him. I'm not a religious person, but I hoped he could hear me. I begged for his forgiveness, I asked for his advice.

The sun sank slowly, the clouds darkening as dusk approached. By the time I got back to my car and drove back to Mum's, everybody else was gone, she was alone.

She welcomed me in with a big hug. "How was your walk?"

"Long, I can't explain it, Mum. I don't know what to do."

"Sweetheart, Dylan needs you. Mike and Hank are good, they spend time with him, but they are busy. What Dylan needs is a father."

"You think I should move back here?"

"No, that's not what I meant. He needs to know you are his father. He needs to be able to talk to you, see you."

"Yes, he is going to hate me, though. He will want to know why I ignored him for ten years."

"He won't hate you. That boy doesn't know how to hate."

"I would have been there for him, Mum. I would have?"

"I know that, Rory. I never doubted that. What about this woman you are seeing, Shayne?"

"Our relationship is casual. We don't live together."

"How long have you been seeing her?"

"We have been together about two years, I suppose."

"But you don't live together?"

"No, she stays some nights, but she likes her freedom. Didn't want to be tied down."

"Good lord, what does that mean?"

"It means she isn't ready to commit to a relationship."

I could see the disbelief in Mum's eyes, she didn't understand. "Look, Mum, we are just in a casual relationship. She sees other people, and so do I. It works perfectly for us at the moment."

"Heavens above, young people today. That just seems wrong."

"You thought it was okay when Skye fooled around on me, though."

She was aghast. "That is so untrue. I never once condoned Skye's behaviour. She did a terrible thing, and I told her so. She begged for my forgiveness, and I could see she meant it. She was so remorseful. She pleaded with your father and me to help her save your marriage. Your father and I talked about it, and decided we would. She was so distressed, and full of regret."

She gave me a wistful smile. "Sweetheart, you two were meant for each other, you really were. You were besotted with her from the moment you met her. You followed her around, made any excuse you could to be near her. Your father and I were so happy when you started dating, because she was such a wonderful girl and we knew she loved you, still does. We made as big a mistake as Skye. We tried to force you back together. That was wrong."

"Yes, it was." I whispered.

"Sweetheart, your father and I regretted our part in what happened. He missed you so much. He loved you, we paid the price. You're back now, and I want us to be close again. Like we used to be."

"I want that as well, Mum. I was serious when I said you could come up and stay with me. I do have room."

"What about your Shayne? I doubt whether she would appreciate having me there."

"Mum, Shayne is a nice person. She has weird ideas, but she is nice. You might actually like her."

"Then what about Dylan? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I will start sending Skye money, as much as I can. I do want him to know I am his father. I hope he takes it well."

"Could you come down for school holidays? Spend time with him?"

"Not that easy Mum. I work full time, I only get three weeks leave per year. He could come and stay with me, though. I reckon Shayne would help out while I'm at work."

Mum grimaced. "I don't think that would be fair Love. Skye wouldn't let him go if she knew another woman was going to look after him."

"Okay then, what if you came with him? You could spent time during the week with him, and I would be there every night and weekends."

"Yes, I'm sure she would agree to that. We need to get her to come around so we can talk about this stuff."

She jumped up and was on the phone before I could say anything.

She walked back in with a smile. "She's coming around. Help me get dinner, will you, sweetheart."