Ten Long Years

Working in the kitchen with Mum was like stepping back in time. She taught me to cook when I was young, and it was something I carried with me. I loved to cook.

Skye and Dylan walked in just as we served. Dylan rushed into his Nan's arms for their ubiquitous hug. This time he finished quickly and we shared a hug as well. I felt his arms squeezing me tightly. Skye hugged mum and she turned to me. "Hi, Rory."

Swallowing hard, I opened my arms and invited her in for a hug. Her face dropped in shock, she turned to Mum, seeking reassurance. Hesitantly she stepped into a hug.

I cannot explain the feeling. It was like a weight, a huge burden lifted off me. Having her in my arms felt amazing. All the hate I had harboured and nurtured seemed to ooze out; it was like a toxin seeping out of a septic wound.

I felt her tears on my shoulder as she pressed into me, her fingers digging deeply into my flesh.

I felt her body tremble as she sobbed. Dylan, who was still beside, me joined in, he obviously felt something happening and wanted to be part of it.

It was Mum who drew us out of our trance like oblivion. "Dinner will get cold."

We separated slowly and sat down to eat. Skye's eyes were locked on mine, a faint smile overwhelmed her.

"Skye," Mum whispered, "we would like to tell Dylan about our discussion today."

She nodded hesitantly in agreement. "Let me, please."

She reached across the table and grabbed Dylan's hand. "Honey, I want to talk to you about your father."

He looked confused, anxious.

"Honey, you know when I told you that your father left?"

He glanced at Mum, at me, then back to Skye. No words were spoken, but I saw him gasp.

"Honey, Rory is your father. I did a bad thing. I never told him about you. He didn't know you existed until now."

He recoiled like she slapped him, I saw her hand clasping his tightly, crushing him. "Dylan, Rory wants to be part of your life."

He looked at me, uncertain and unconvinced. "You're my dad?"

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Yes, It wasn't your mother's fault Dylan. We had an argument and I left. She didn't know where to find me."

He was struggling to comprehend this revelation. It was like an explosion, he slammed his fork down on his plate, sending food flying. He snatched his hand viciously out of Skye's hand and he ran. I heard the bedroom door slam and Skye burst into tears. "We shouldn't have told him. Oh my god, what have we done?"

Mum stood and walked around to give her a hug. "He'll be all right, sweetheart. He needs time. Lets give him a few moments, and then we will go and explain."

Later, they both walked up to Dylan's room and talked to him. I could hear the hushed tones as I cleaned up. It was about an hour later when Mum walked out, gave me a hug and said, "Go up and talk to them. Be gentle please, no yelling."

Skye and Dylan were cuddled together on his bed. I sat beside him and laid my arm over his shoulder. "I'm sorry I haven't been here, Dylan. If I had known about you I would have been here."

I felt him lean against me, and his arm circled around behind me. Skye leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, sweeping her fingers through his hair. "Dylan, baby, I love you." She glanced up at me, before adding. "We both love you so much. Rory wants to be part of our lives, and I think we need to let him."

To reassure him, I leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Your mother's right, Dylan, I do love you, and I do want to be part of your life."

"But you don't live here."

"No I don't, but you can come and stay with me, and I can come and visit as often as possible. We can talk every day."

Skye grimaced a little as I said some of the things we hadn't talked about. A deep frown began to grow.

We sat like that for a while. It was Mum poking her head in the door asking. "Is everybody ready for desert? We're having ice cream and jelly," that broke the spell.

Dylan jumped down, and ran into his Nan's arms and they walked out to the dining room.

Skye stared across at me. "Rory, we need to talk about these things. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with Dylan going to stay with you."

"We can work it out, Skye, we really can. I won't force it, and it won't happen until you're ready. I just want to be part of his life."

She leaned against me, her arm circling my waist, her head leaning on my shoulder.

I let my arm go around her shoulder and I drew her in close. She wriggled until her body was next to me. The heat radiating between us. "I'm sorry Rory, sorry for everything."

"No more apologies, Skye. It happened. It's in the past. We both made mistakes, god we all made mistakes. What's important is Dylan, I need to be part of his life. I feel guilty as hell for being an absent father. I need to put that right."

"You forgive me?" she whimpered disbelievingly.

"Yes, Skye, I forgive you. Can we move forward, will you let me be part of Dylan's life?"

"Yes, he needs a father."

Over the next few days, Skye took me to Dylan's school, introduced me to his teachers and I got an idea of where his problem areas were. We played a lot of football, Skye even joined in. I helped him with homework, Skye and Dylan slept every night at Mum's place and we got to know each other.

At the end of the week, I was sad to leave. There were hugs all around and many tears were shed.

The three-day drive home gave me time to think, to evaluate my life.

Shayne was pleased to see me, and we made love passionately late into the night. It was as we lay together afterwards that I let it all flow out. She was shocked at my revelation, and even more shocked at my proposals for Dylan to come and stay.

I also put it out there. "Shayne, I want us to become a couple. A proper couple. I want you to move in. I want Dylan to be part of a proper family. He needs that.

"Rory, babe, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I mean, holy shit, babe. You can't just walk in and dump this on me like that. I do love you, but wow, that is a big commitment."

"Shayne, I have felt like this for a while. I'm sick of not knowing where you are or who you're with. I want a proper relationship."

We cuddled, my words obviously not sitting with her that well.

It became apparent that Shayne was being honest. She wasn't ready for the level of commitment I requested. Her visits slowed down and a chasm opened between us. Funnily enough, I didn't miss it. I guess I wasn't as into the casual sex thing as I thought. It had always been a sore point between us. She blew me off a couple of times when I asked her out to dinner. Her response poured ice water over me. "Sorry babe, I have a date tonight. I can't get out of it."

The first time hurt like hell. I mean, it's not like I didn't know it was coming. She was completely honest and up front with me, right from our first meeting.

It sounds great when you think of it.. Casual sex, no strings attached. I talked myself into believing it's what I wanted, if you can't beat em, join them... After that first blow off, I was ready to chuck it in, but she calmed my anxiety with hot sex and slowly, I got used to the fact she was dating other guys.

As our relationship gathered momentum, her dating other guys reduced and it was only occasionally. I thought we were heading towards exclusivity. Unfortunately, my desire to make our relationship monogamous blew all of that.

It seemed every time I rang her, she was going somewhere else.

My life, though, was enrichened. Almost every night I Skyped with Dylan, I helped him with homework. It also meant talking to Skye, and that became a nightly ritual as well. She kept me updated on what Dylan, and she were up to. We talked finances, and I sent as much money as I could.

Having Mum and my sisters back in my life was amazing as well. We talked and messaged regularly. When Sloane announced her pregnancy, we just about broke the internet.

It was the approaching school holidays that absorbed most of our conversations. Mum was really happy that she and Dylan were coming to stay, although there was a growing hesitancy within Skye. I saw it in her face when we Skyped. She wasn't that keen. Dylan was excited and as the date drew near, it was all we talked about. Where we would be going, things he had seen on the internet.

Skye struggled during those conversations. Her interest was forced.

It was Mum who alerted me to the fact that Skye was thinking of pulling out of it. "Like hell," I sputtered angrily. "I have rights, I'll go to court if I have to."

"Rory, my love, go slow. She is feeling anxious; just talk to her, be gentle. Use some of that charm you used on Gillian Waters. I saw her the other day and she raved about what a lovely son I had."

We talked a little more and that's when she dropped her bomb. "Rory, I do have another suggestion, and I think it would solve all the problems. You mustn't get mad at me though."

Nervously, I said, "Go on."

"What if Skye came with us? I mean, you did say you had spare beds."

Shocked, I stumbled for words. "I don't think that's a good idea, Mum."

"Rory, honey, you two have been getting on great recently. You talk and there's no issues. If she came along on our first trip, she would see that you're not trying to steal Dylan. She would see that you're not trying to take over from her, push her out of the picture."

"This is a small house, Mum, only two bedrooms."

"If you asked her, I'm sure she would offer to sleep on the couch. I only suggest it because I know how nervous she is. She thinks you are trying to push her out, and I know she's envious about us taking the trip. She wanted to go with Dylan on his first real adventure."

"Yeah, okay, Mum, I'll think about it, but if this is something you've plotted between you. I am going to be very angry."

"Rory, my dear, as much as I would love to see you both together, I am not meddling in your affairs. I know you are already in a relationship, and I don't want this to get in the way of that. All I want is for you to be happy."

With my relationship with Shayne pretty much at an end, I wasn't worried about that aspect. What worried me was being around Skye. My feelings for her had definitely softened since the funeral, and lots of old memories kept flooding my dreams. Having her stay here with me was going to make it hard to ignore.

A couple of days later, my mind was made up for me. Dylan and I had been working on his homework together over Skype, and we finished as Skye said it was his bed time. We finished with some I love yous, and he vanished. As I was about to sign off, Skye said quietly. "Can we talk please?"

She disappeared to tuck Dylan in, and then the screen filled with her face and she didn't look happy. "Rory, I know we have been planning this for a while, but, I'm nervous. I don't want to lose Dylan; he's so excited. I'm scared he won't want to come home."

"Then come with him." The words were out before I could get them back.

"What?" She managed to get it out. "Are you serious?"

"Can you get time off work?"

She sat back in the chair and I got a good look at her. She looked pensive. "Yes, I probably could. But I can't afford that."

"I'll pay for it. Skye, I'm not trying to take over. I'm not trying to steal him away. I missed out on ten years, and I need to make that up somehow. If you want to come, then let me know and I'll book and extra flight."

"Rory, I would love to, but there are other issues aside from work."

"Like what?"

"What we have now, this friendship. It's important to me. I don't want to lose that."

"Why does that have to change?" Her words confused me, irritated me.

"I don't know, Rory, I can't explain it. I don't know if I could stand seeing you with somebody else. Mum said you guys have been together two years. I don't want to screw that up."

"Skye, Shayne and I are pretty much over. That ship has sailed. We aren't fighting, but I think we both realised we wanted something different from our relationship."

She looked and sounded sad. "I'm sorry Rory, I hope it wasn't me and Dylan."

"No, it was more than that. I asked her for a full on committed relationship, and she didn't want it. She likes her freedom too much to be tied down."

"Wow, she sounds heartless."

"No, far from it. We were honest with each other from the start. It has just run it's course. So don't let that get in the way. I would like you to come with Dylan. Beds are going to be an issue, I only have a two bedroom place. One of us is sleeping on the couch."

She laughed lightly, and the sound of her jingling cackle warmed me through. I remembered when that laugh was all around me. It was one of her endearing features. I loved that laugh. This was the first time I had heard it in a very long time. "I'll sleep on the couch."

"We could take turns."

"You mean, I would get to sleep in your bed again?" It was meant as a joke, I saw that, but her smile quickly dissipated and she cringed. "Sorry."

She called me back the next day and confirmed her time off. I booked the extra seat.

Mum called me the same night. "That was a wonderful gesture, Rory. Thank you."

I picked them up from the airport. Dylan saw me first as I waited by the gates. He ran headlong into my arms. We shared a crushing hug, and then Mum was in my arms. As she slipped out, I saw Skye looking disconsolate and uncomfortable. I opened my arms and gestured for her to come in for a hug, as well.

Dylan was blown away by the sheer size of the place. This was his first trip out of little Oamaru. Mum was stunned by the changes, as well. It had been many years since she visited Auckland. The drive over the harbour bridge was filled with gasps and cries of excitement. Pulling into the driveway of my home in Takapuna, there was a big sigh from Mum. The flight and the day had been busy.

Inside, I put on the jug to make a cup of tea. The others all had a wander around the house. Skye looked overwhelmed; I guess I felt a little like that, as well. Seeing her in my home was somehow different. It didn't help that she looked very pretty. She dressed casually, but with care. Her skirt showed enough leg to draw my attention, her sheer white blouse hinted at the tiny bra hiding beneath. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail; it showed of her petite facial features, her eyes standing out, large and sparkly.

We sat down to have our cup of tea and Dylan rushed outside to look around. "Sell, what do you think?" I asked.

"You surprised me." Mum laughed. "I half expected to find a bachelor pad, dishes piled so high it would take us all week to catch up."

"Sorry, Mum, I'm domesticated these days."

"You always were." Skye threw in.

"I managed to squeeze in a set of bunks in the spare room. Assuming Dylan takes the top, you two can fight over the bed."

"I'll take the bunk." Skye replied quickly.

Dylan wanted to go down to the beach. Mum wanted to have a bit of a nap, so it was Dylan, Skye and me. We wandered along the golden sand beach, heading north. Dylan scampered off and waded out into the water as Skye and I walked along. "Thanks for inviting me. I wasn't trying to be a bitch. I was just feeling vulnerable, and I guess envious."

"I didn't think you were being bitchy. I think it's a good thing. This way you can be part of his adventure, and hopefully get comfortable with him being in my care."

"You have a lovely home, Rory, it really is nice, and right by the beach, too."

"Yeah, I was lucky, got in before the market went berserk. I couldn't afford it now."

"It is nice, and it seems pretty safe."

"Yeah, we don't have a lot of crime in the neighbourhood."

It was only a short walk up the beach and we hit the boat ramp. On the other side of the road there was a restaurant. "Ice cream?" I asked.

She called Dylan and we went for ice cream and a drink.

We talked general stuff: Sloane's pregnancy, Skye's work. She worked at the pharmacy as a shop assistant. Her main role was working the photo development equipment.

Back at the house Dylan, went in to wake Mum. She walked out looking concerned. "What's up, Mum?"

"It's Sloane, she had to go in for some tests. Apparently, the Doctor is a bit worried. She sounded frightened."

Skye didn't wait, she was on the phone immediately and went out the back to sit on the outdoor table as she talked to Sloane.

Mum looked worried, and to try and ease her nerves we shared another hug. "She will be okay, Mum. Mike will look after her."

"Normally, I wouldn't be concerned, but Mike is not home. He's in Christchurch on a training course."

"Lila, will look after her."

With a deep sigh she nodded. "Yes dear, she will. It won't stop me worrying though."

We had a light dinner and Dylan wanted to go down to the beach. Mum and Skye were on the phone with Sloane again, so he and I went for a walk."

There was a mass of kids kicking a ball around on the beach. Dylan looked awestruck. We sat on the sand and watched. "Why don't you go and play with them?" I suggested.

He shook his head. I could see the interest, he was just to scared to ask. I grabbed his hand and jumped up. "Hey, can we join in?" I called, and they waved us to join. It didn't actually take long and he was amongst them. I gradually eased my way out and sat and watched. He was having a blast, so I yelled out. "Dylan, I'm going home, come back when you're done, mate."

He gave me a wave and quickly forgot I as even there. Walking in at home Skye gave me a disconcerted glance. "Where's Dylan?"

"Down on the beach playing with the neighbour's kids."

"What?" she screeched, and made a run down to the beach to check on him.

Mum shook her head. "She will never learn. She won't let him grow up."

Twenty minutes later, she walked back in with a big smile. "Unbelievable," she said sceptically. "Ten minutes here and he has more friends than ten years at home. Mum, he's having a ball."

He came back later on as it was getting dark. We heard him out by the gate saying goodbye to his new mates.

Getting him to sleep was the hard part. He was so excited. Mum also had an early night, which left Skye and me alone. It was what I feared the most: being alone with her, especially with all the emotions in play.

We talked about lots of things, her job, my escape to Australia and the two years I spent working at different spots as I worked my way up and down the East Coast. Out of the blue she blurted out. "I suppose you've had lots of girlfriends?"

"A few." I murmured. "I didn't go crazy, but I guess I had my fair share."

"What about Shayne, is that her photo by the bed in your room?"

"Yeah, that was her."

"Wow, she's very pretty."

"Yes, and a very nice person, we're just in different places."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, she wanted to continue the way we are, I wanted a deeper commitment."

"Were you in love with her?" she asked hesitantly, as if she as scared of the answer.

"I'm not sure. I liked her, and we were sort of together for two years. Now I'm not so sure it was love."

"You said she dated other guys, did you date other women?"

"A few, not many. I didn't have a need to do it. I think I did just to show her I could if I wanted."

"Sounds twisted."

"Yeah, I suppose. What about you?"

She shook her head. "No, I didn't have time."

"Bullshit, you had time, and I know how many guys lusted after you."

"Hah." She sniggered. "Nobody wants to date a crazy woman."

"What about Derrick?"

"What? Fuck, I didn't even like him. I never liked him."

"Yet you went to bed with him?"

"Yeah, fucked up, huh?"

"Why, Skye? It is the question that has haunted me since it happened."

"I don't know, I can't explain it. I was home from work and he appeared with some bullshit story about looking for you. I said you were at work. Instead of leaving, he hung around. He got a couple of beers and we sat down to talk and the next thing I know we're doing it. I don't remember anything about it. To this day, I don't remember how it happened."