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Click here"Make it unanimous," said Scotty. "But I might need a little more time to pack."
"What?" Matt whipped around. "Not you!"
"Yes me," Scotty said. "Matt, I didn't like your idea from square one, but that you did it for those three losers on top of that? Why would you want to impress them anyway?"
"I told you, it wasn't for them, it was for Adam!" Matt punched the wall. "If you knew what he did to Adam --"
"I do know," Scotty interrupted.
"I told him," Ellie said.
"And if this Adam kid was anything like your other friends, why should Jeremy have believed him?" Scotty added.
"What about Adam?" Jeremy piped up. "Was he supposed to be here too?"
"You mean you don't even remember, you asshole?" Matt looked like he wanted to strangle Jeremy, but he stood rooted to the hallway floor all the same.
"Remember when he fell out of the tree, Jeremy?" Ellie asked.
"Oh, right, he hurt his shoulder," Jeremy said. "But what did I have to do with that?"
"You don't even remember?!" Matt said again.
"No, Matt, he doesn't remember because for him, it was just another case of you and Adam bullying him," Ellie said. "Why should he?"
"And why should I settle for a boyfriend who can't let go of a seventh grade grudge?" added Scotty. "Dear, why don't you go out for the day and let us all pack?"
"I'm not leavin' you three alone in my house!" Matt stomped off to the living room and plopped down to watch television. "You all do what you need to do!"
"Are you really leaving him?" Ellie asked. Jeremy stepped out of his room and also waited for his answer.
"This has been building up for a while," Scotty said. "I knew he was a little boy, but I didn't know it was this bad. Until now." Turning to Jeremy, he said, "Listen, I'm sorry I ever..."
"Forget it." Jeremy hugged Scotty, to Ellie's utter delight, and Scotty returned the embrace.
That was difficult to get into and difficult to follow. Choppy writing style hurt the overall storyline. The awful characters hurt it worse. In the end you failed to capture my attention and failed to entertain.
1 star
I really enjoyed the mix of heterosexual and homosexual relationships in this story. Definitely one of your better stories and I would definitely pick it to win the contest.
Toomany people in the first few lines. Too confusing, gave up right there.
A wonderful story! You did a surper job telling it aslo. I will now have to find more of your work.