That 70's Show-Kitty's Birthday.

(fictional story about fictional characters)

Red Foreman had learned his lesson and was not going to allow a repeat of last years fiasco when his entire family had forgotten his wife Kitty's birthday. Oh no...never again. Not only did he feel incredibly bad about the sleight; because although he was not the demonstrative type when it came to true feelings, he loved his wife boundlessly; but he, his son Eric, and Eric's girlfriend Donna had paid dearly. Kitty had forced them to join her in a night out square-dancing as penance. They had tried to get out of it by buying her ridiculous, thoughtless gifts at the nearest gas station, but knew they had to succumb to her wishes if they ever wanted to hear the end of it. The truth was, Red would do anything to make Kitty happy; she was the love of his life (although he wouldn't be caught dead making that declaration).

Eric had carefully written the date on his calendar and warned him of the upcoming event a couple weeks ago. Red had immediately gone into planning-mode for the celebration. He had even given Eric's older sister Laurie $20 to buy Kitty a card and gift. She had gotten the least expensive card she could find, and a 99 cent egg-shaped container of pantyhose called L'eggs for her mother. Red didn't even bother to ask for change...that was Laurie; as much as he treated her like a princess, he knew she was actually a totally selfish person...and a slut to boot. Eric asked, "hey, how about some money for your only son?"

To which Red had replied, "yeah, right...and if frogs had wings they wouldn't bump their asses when they hopped."

Red knew that Kitty loved parties so, enlisting the help of all of Eric's friends, he decided to throw caution to the wind and host a big birthday celebration. He put Eric's girlfriend Donna and her friend Jackie in charge of decorations, and they had gone all out: streamers and balloons everywhere. His annoying neighbors, Bob and Midge Pinciotti (who just happened to be Donna's wacky parents) had agreed to assist with the food. Red, being the assistant manager, had gotten a sizable discount when he ordered the cheese plates for appetizers and the sub sandwiches for food from the Price Mart deli. Red himself was in charge of refreshments, and had stocked his portable living room bar with everything he would need. Trying to be a little classy for Kitty, he had even splurged for bottled beer instead of his usual keg.

His big surprise for her was not a gift you could wrap up in a box...it was something that everyone would participate in and he had been planning it in his head for weeks: he was going to give his precious wife a night of pleasure. It would come as a shock to nearly everyone in Point Place, Wisconsin that Red and Kitty used to participate in what can only be called orgies. When Red was in the Army and Kitty was in the USO, they would get together with multiple partners; both in the States and in Korea. Kitty actually had an insatiable appetite for sex, and thoroughly enjoyed "entertaining" the troops. When they decided to settle down and raise a family, they agreed to suppress their "adventurous" lifestyle.

Red's plan was to provide enough alcohol to Eric's friends that their memory of the evening would be suppressed enough to at least be cloudy, or maybe even erase it completely. Normally he limited the "kids" to one or two beers at his parties, but this was a special occasion and he would not allow anyone to drive. Even if the participants were not inebriated enough, he knew no one was going to refuse to do this for Kitty: whereas Red not be their favorite person; everyone adored Kitty. She was like a second mother to Donna, Jackie, Fez, Michael Kelso, and Stephen Hyde. Hyde even lived in their basement, which was like a gathering place for stray cats...only the cats were kids.

On the morning of her birthday, Kitty awoke when the sunlight finally crawled across their bedroom and found it's way to their bed. Realizing the sun didn't reach their bed until late in the morning, she went from a lazy stretch, to a suddenly panicked jolt. Then it sank in...it was her birthday and they were letting her sleep late. She reached her arm to the opposite side of the mattress and was disappointed to find that Red was not there. Kitty remembered how she had woken Red on his birthday, and her loins suddenly felt very empty. Laying back against the pillows, she basked in the warmth of the rays for a few minutes longer until her door creaked open and Eric's head peaked in. "She's awake," he yelled behind him and he, Donna and Red marched into the room carrying trays of breakfast treats.

They had coffee, orange juice, assorted fruits and Donna proudly presented her with a plate of French Toast: "we learned how to make it in Home Ec this year," she declared.

All three were beaming as brightly as the sun, and Kitty sat up and laughed (her trademark cackle), "heh, heh, heh, this sure is a surprise."

There were even balloons attached to the trays, and Red responded, "you haven't seen nothin' yet." It was an uncommonly lazy day for Kitty, her family would not let her do anything around the house...they wouldn't even let her into the kitchen. Since it was a Saturday, Red actually accompanied her to a matinee of "The Goodbye Girl" at the Point Place Rialto. He hated the sappy snooze-fest, but Kitty hugged his arm throughout and seemed to be completely content. The plan was for all those invited to the party to gather at the Foreman home while Kitty was out of the house, and surprise her after the movie. Red knew the "kids" wouldn't be able to resist the beer when he wasn't there to supervise, and it was all part of the plan.

As soon as Red and Kitty left the house, the "kids" gathered in the Foreman basement, as usual, pulled chairs around the makeshift table made from a discarded wooden power-line spool and began to roll a couple marijuana cigarettes. As they began to pass the "doobie" around the table, the subject of the party was in the forefront. "It's going to be a pretty lame party, Foreman," Hyde interjected.

"Yeah, I know," Eric agreed, "but there's beer...and Red didn't say anything about counting bottles."

"You mean - yet," Hyde answered, "we'd better have a few before they get home. Still pretty lame."

"Hey, hey," Donna shouted, already feeling the effects of the "joint," "it's a party for Kitty so you better act like you're having a good time."

"You're right...Kitty is pretty cool," Hyde admitted, remembering how she had secretly taught him how to dance so he wouldn't be embarrassed at the school dance, and it was Kitty who had convinced Red to let Hyde live in the basement when his mother had split town and abandoned him.

"Yeah, you better have fun or Red will put his foot up your ass," Kelso added, and everybody laughed.

They had just lit up a second "herbal" cigarette when the outside basement door opened and Hyde's boss at the Photo Hut, Leo came bursting in; "hey, man...am I late?"

Hyde remarked to the group, "I swear he's like a bloodhound...he can smell this stuff from a mile away. Late for what, Leo?"

"I heard you say there was going to be cake...I love cake...who doesn't love cake," Leo responded, pulling up a chair at their table and reaching for the joint.

"Oooo, he's right about cake," Fez agreed.

"It's a birthday party for Mrs. Foreman," Hyde told him.

"OK, I like Kitty...and cake," Leo stated as he took a long drag and held it in, "and I brought a present," and he plopped a baggie of weed on the table.

"All right Leo," Kelso yelled.

"Yeah, I think we should keep that for ourselves Leo," Donna said, "Red wouldn't approve, and you wouldn't want to piss Red off would you."

"Heck no...he'd put his foot up my ass," Leon answered, and everyone giggled.

They sat around smoking and drinking, making a pyramid of the empty bottles, until they heard the doorbell ring. "Holy crap," Eric exclaimed, "we were supposed to be getting everything ready for the party." Hyde hid the stash and everyone else raced up the cellar stairs. Donna and Jackie busied themselves with putting out trays of appetizers (really just chips, nuts and dip) and cups and plates while Eric answered the door. Opening it, a big smile spread across his face when he saw Donna's mother, Mrs Pinciotti. She was an absolutely gorgeous brunette that every male in the neighborhood was in love with. "Come in Mrs. Pinciotti," Eric invited, with a wave of his hand.

"Thank you Eric...you know you can call me Midge...after all you're practically family," she greeted him. She was wearing a tight-fitting red dress that dipped in the front showing some daring cleavage.

Looking outside, Eric inquired, "where's Bob...I mean Mr Pinciotti."

"Just as we were going out the door, he got a call from the alarm company. Something triggered the alarm at the store so he had to go down...he shouldn't be long." Bob owned an appliance store, and had actually employed Red one Christmas season right after the plant closed.

"Well, I guess my parents aren't back from the movies yet, so why don't you just make yourself at home," Eric offered, gesturing toward the sofa and trying not to let her see him staring at her breasts. "Would you like some punch or a beer?" Red had made the punch himself and Kelso was just bringing the bowl into the living room. Red had spiked it with vodka...Kelso had spiked it with vodka, and Hyde had dumped the rest of the bottle in.

"Why aren't you the perfect host," Midge complimented him and Eric actually blushed, "I would love some punch." Eric nearly tripped over the ottoman fetching his girlfriend's mother a cup of punch. Red had purposefully invited just the "kids" and Donna's parents to the party because of what he had in mind. Everything seemed to be ready for the party so they just sat around the Foreman living room drinking punch and beer. Coupled with the joints in the basement and the alcohol, the "kids" and Leo were already plastered, and Midge was drinking the triple-spiked punch on an empty stomach.

Everyone jumped up when the front door opened, thinking it was the birthday-girl, but it was only Eric's sister Laurie. "Did I miss the party," she asked worriedly, knowing Red would punish her if she had. It was obvious she had dressed quickly because the buttons were in the wrong holes, and her shirt was un-tucked. Her tiny breasts were obviously jiggling freely because she had forgotten her bra somewhere. Seeing Kelso, she immediately went into "tease mode," and ran her hand over his shoulder and purring, "so Kelso...looking good...have you been working out." Laurie loved to see him squirm in front of his former girlfriend, and she was pretty sure Jackie still had feelings for him, even though she was dating Hyde.

Kelso, stuttering, replied, "hi...hi Laurie...actually I have been working out. You're looking good too."

"Yeah...working out," Hyde chimed in, "he combed his hair an extra five minutes."

"So when are the folks getting here," Laurie asked, "I'm supposed to be somewhere else."

"They should have been here a half hour ago," Eric told her, "and don't worry...the football team will wait."

"Oh that's good," Fez laughed, "because Laurie is a slut and she's dating the football team."

"Shut up little brother," Laurie hissed at Eric, "and besides, I think I'll just stay here with Kelso," and she sat on Kelso's lap.

A few minutes, and a few drinks later, Red and Kitty came through the front door and everyone yelled, "Happy Birthday Kitty!"

Red had plied her with several of her favorite daiquiris at dinner, so Kitty's words were slightly slurred when she acknowledged them with her trademark cackle, "heh, heh, heh, oh my...you surprised the heck out of me. Red, you devil, did you plan this?"

"Guilty as charged," he admitted, "and all the kids helped." He wasn't sure, but it looked like a tear had formed in Kitty's eye.

Just then the phone rang and when Red answered it, he handed it to Midge: "it's Bob."

Keeping the call short, Midge informed everyone: "that was Bob at the store. Some kids smashed the front door and grabbed a couple 8-track tape players. He has to wait for a handy man to come and board up the window and fix the mangled lock...he might not make it to the party. He said to say Happy Birthday, Kitty. Poor Bob, all alone at the store...you know how much he loves cake. Oh well, he's there watching Happy Days...that Fonzie is such a rascal."

"That's such a shame," Kitty told Midge, "we'll have to save him some cake."

"Yeah, what a shame he'll miss out on the party," Red winked sarcastically at Kitty.

By the time everyone had eaten and it was time for the cake, everyone in the house was slurring their words, except Red who kept sober so he could orchestrate the "real" party for Kitty. Donna had made sure there was only one large candle on the cake, which seemed to please Kitty as she blew it out. Red purposely made a toast to his wife so that everyone would have another drink, and then put his plan into action. Midge asked to use "the powder room," so Red told Eric to take her upstairs and show her where it was.

Asking all the kids to help him gather up all the paper plates and napkins, they followed him into the kitchen where he confronted them: "now, I know all of you are drunk on my booze, or whatever it is you do in the basement, so here's how it's going to be...we're going to go back in that living room and you're all going to give Kitty the most pleasure-filled night she has ever had...you got it. Any objections and you'll get a double-feature of feet up your asses. Kitty has always been there for each of you, and this is your chance to pay her back." He didn't want Eric there to watch his mother, so Red had already come up with a plan to keep him occupied.

They all just stood there in the kitchen letting Red's words sink in, and Hyde finally asked, "by pleasure, do you mean...?"

"That's exactly what I mean, Stephen," Red confirmed, before Hyde could finish, "by any and all means available."

Donna spoke up, "us too, Red," indicating her, Jackie and Laurie.

"That's right, Kitty is not the buttoned-up, conservative housewife that you think she is," Red assured them.

"Ewww," Jackie scrunched up her face, "another female."

"There will be enough combinations to keep you satisfied," Red told her sternly, "so let's get to it."

As they all marched back into the Foreman living room with a stunned look on their faces, Eric and Midge were coming down the stairs. Red had noticed that all during the party, Midge kept touching Eric; whether it was his hand, arm or leg. He figured he could throw them together and let nature take it's course. "Eric, why don't you take Midge down to the basement and show her around. I bet she would like to see where you all hang out all the time."

"But, Dad...the party," Eric began to protest.

"Eric," Red scolded and gave him "the look." Pulling Eric aside, Red confided in him, "I know you guys spy on Midge when she's sunbathing, and I've got to tell you...I think she wants you."

Eric's eyes grew large and he looked from Donna to Midge, his inebriated mind working overtime, "you think?"

"If I were you, I'd go for it...you may never get another opportunity," Red encouraged him with a slap on the back.

Eric grinned and held his arm out to Midge, like as escort, "Mrs. Pin...I mean Midge, would you like a tour of the basement?"

Taking his arm firmly, she replied, "I would love to go to the basement with you, Eric," and they proceeded to the cellar. Midge had on heels, so she clung to Eric all the way down the steep stairs. When they got there, she looked around and said, "I know what else you do down here besides hang out." Eric nearly choked thinking of all the times he and Donna had sex on the old sofa, but before he could reply, Midge continued, "so do you have any...I would love to smoke some with you."

"Oh God...sure," Eric nearly shouted in relief as he retrieved his stash from the Candyland box and quickly rolled a fat joint. They sat across from each other at the table, Eric not even bothering to disguise his staring at her cleavage and Midge staring at Eric's crotch. As they got increasingly stoned, Midge slid her heels off and lifted her leg up onto Eric's chair, working her foot up to his groin. Gently she began to massage his prick through his pants, impressed at the growing bulge.

"Is that sofa as comfortable as it looks," she asked, pushing against his zipper.

"Oh hell yes," Eric bounded to his feet and led her by the hand.

"You know," she coyly told him, "I'm not wearing anything under this dress."

"N...nothing," Eric questioned.

"Completely naked," Midge confirmed, "I go out like that all the time. No one knows but me, but it makes me feel so sexy. Bob gets soooo mad."

"Really," Eric wondered, "if I was your husband I would encourage it."

"You know, I've always thought that Donna was so lucky to have you for a boyfriend...you're always a gentleman and you treat her like a princess. You're very handsome too. Would you like to see whats under my dress, Eric?"

Red knew that it was up to him to get things started, so he put one of Eric's records on the stereo...a Barry White album...and began to dance with Kitty, his hands roaming all over her. Over the next several minutes, Hyde, Kelso, Fez and even Leo all cut in and danced with Kitty; each taking liberties with their hands, and no objections from her. Kitty was plastered, but knew exactly what their hands were doing and was fully aware of the bulges in their pants. When Red cut in again, he grasped her ample cheeks and squeezed, whispering in her ear, "remember the old days...this night is your birthday gift...have fun."

"Heh, heh, heh," she cackled, "you old horn dog...it sounds better than last year's gift." He responded by reaching around, unzipping the back of her dress, sliding it off her shoulders and down her arms so that it was bunched around her waist.

She was wearing a plain white bra, the kind that mothers wore and Red backed away from her and asked, "would someone like to take over." Kitty looked directly at Hyde, who knew that was his cue. Using some of the moves she had taught him, they began to slow dance. When she put her hands around his neck, interlocking her fingers, Hyde deftly reached around her and unclasped her bra.

"I didn't teach you those moves, Stephen, heh, heh, heh," Kitty laughed.

His face reddening, Hyde replied, "nope, I learned those on the street." Kitty lowered her arms, allowing her bra to slide down and onto the floor (where Donna retrieved it and threw it over the back of Red's chair), exposing her breasts to everyone.

"Foxxxyyy," Fez uttered. Her breasts were 36 D and sagged on her chest (hey, after two kids), but were still very firm and inviting. Her large brown areola surrounded aroused nipples, just begging for attention. A little pudgy, but still very attractive, Kitty smugly watched as the "trouser tents" in the room grew.

Hyde bent over and licked each of them, causing Kitty to close her eyes and moan, "mmmm." Hyde took that as an invitation, hooked his thumbs under the fabric of her dress and slid it down to her feet. She stepped out of it and kicked her shoes off to the side as everyone in the room gasped...Kitty wasn't wearing panties. Her full bush was a mixture of dirty blonde and gray hair, a veritable jungle between her legs. Hearing them all gasp, Kitty looked down, and as if just remembering, "oh right...they must be in the back seat of the Toyota, heh, heh, heh."

Everyone turned toward Red and he blushed slightly, "what...we stopped at Old Quarry Road on the way home...you kids know all about that." Old Quarry Road was well known by local teenagers as the make-out spot. Red then ordered, "hey, do you want Kitty to feel self-conscious...let's get some clothes off...now." Totally unembarrassed Red began to shed his clothes and the kids swiftly followed, nearly tumbling to the floor as they tried to check-out everyone else at the same time. It was easy to see why Red would be proud of his body; Donna and Jackie just stared at each other after seeing Red's weapon...it was at least eleven inches long and as fat as a salami...a real monster.