That Thing Called Fate Ch. 04

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How long has it been? Those were the first thoughts that crossed my mind as the dark tunnel I had been falling down finally became horizontal. I could see the proverbial light at the end of this tunnel of mine. A sense of awareness came back to me slowly, but at that moment I heard the dreaded beeps and boops of hospital machines, doing their work to keep me alive. One eye slowly crept open, the room wasn't too bright so I forced the other open as well. It seemed to be early morning or just after sunset, as the sunlight wasn't bleeding through the curtains at the moment, but I could see the faint light of dusk or predawn outside. I was in a room similar to the one I had woken up in after my initial surgery. Once the thought of that hit, my mind went spiraling with questions.

Where was Emma? Where was Roxxy? Why weren't they here waiting for me to awake? What had happened to me to cause that pain? Those questions brought on others like, exactly how long was I out? Or was I okay? Then it really hit me when I finally noticed a breathing tube in my mouth. I started to panic, which caused my heart rate to climb. One of the machines connected to my body changed its gentle beeps and boops to a flashing red light with some sort of an alarm sounding. This in turn, caused several nurses to rush into the room with concern on their faces.

"Mr. Miller? Please calm down, everything is going to be okay. You are in a hospital, and you have been in a coma for over 2 months." This news shocked me, and I started to panic even more. A doctor and an orderly were soon in the room as well. The doctor immediately noticed the state of my panic and issued an order to one of the nurses present. She immediately grabbed a syringe which she inserted into the junction on my IV, injecting the drugs into the line. I started to calm down as the drugs took hold of me. But I was also running out of energy due to the fatigue of being out cold for over 60 days.

As my heart rate started to decline back to a normal rhythm, the doctors and nurses began the process of getting the tube out of my throat. The nurses were very nice and calming as they explained a few things. One of them repeated the news that I had been out for over two months and it was almost Christmas now. They also told me that my girlfriend had been to see me everyday. This confused me quite a bit, but I couldn't ask any questions yet.

One of the nurses who kept walking in and out of the room, heard the word "girlfriend" and commented, "Speak of the devil." I looked up to see Emma walking in, greeting all the nurses, but also somewhat confused on what was going on in my room. It wasn't until she saw me laying there, eyes wide open, that she reacted.

"Sean!" She tried to rush to my side but the orderly and a few of the nurses stopped her, so they could finish removing the tube. We locked eyes, and I could see all the pain that were behind them. I felt horrible, being the one who had caused her this pain. Emma was crying, and a nurse was comforting her, as the doctor signed off on letting the technician finally remove the respirator tube. Once it was out, my throat cried out in pain. I was told my throat would be sore and dry for a little bit, but that the pain would fade away in a few hours. They let Emma come and sit near me, as they did some last tests, to make sure I was okay to breathe on my own. Then the doctor sat down with me and Emma.

"Well Mr. Miller, looks like the worst of it all is finally behind you." He readjusted his glasses and went back to his notes. As he did, I turned my wrist over for Emma to grab my hand, which she did as quickly as she could. We smiled at each other, and knew we would talk after the doctor was done. "It appears that there were some minor complications with your kidney surgery a few months back. Apparently the surgeon did not get you closed up properly inside. The tubes that connected your kidney to the rest of your body were leaking some fluids, and you became septic. This caused you to not feel well and ultimately led to what caused your extended stay with us. When you passed out, you hit your head pretty badly, causing an edema and swelling to the brain. We induced your coma to let the swelling go down, and after it did, we just waited for you to awaken. You are one lucky man Mr. Miller." I looked over at Emma knowing that he was right, but not as much as he knew. Emma was fighting back more tears, probably reliving the events of that day. The doctor said I would need to stay for a week or so depending on how well my muscles were doing in getting me back on my feet, literally. He scheduled some more tests to make sure my brain was properly healed in addition to a regimen of physical therapy to begin soon after that. He shook my weak hand and was gone. Emma gingerly climbed into the bed next to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Sean," she said softly as she leaned over me to hug me as hard as she could without causing my frail body any pain. I tried to talk but my throat wouldn't allow it. I held her as tight as I could in my weakened state. Emma eventually let me go and climbed up closer and gave me the nicest, softest kiss that I had ever received. We both smiled and she returned to her seat. "So, I bet you have so many questions, but let me text mom and dad first." I nodded, but also pointed to my throat, indicating my lack of ability to speak. Emma hopped up and went back out into the hall. In a flash she was back with a large plastic hospital mug, with ice water in it. She told me to take small sips, which I did but those small sips felt like jagged pieces of ice stabbing my throat. Emma also pulled out a dry erase board she had gotten...somewhere. I didn't ask. "Okay, now we can 'talk'." I tried to think of what should be my first question, until I finally wrote it upon the board.

"What happened that day that the doctor didn't say?"

"Well," Emma took a deep breath before answering. Seemingly getting herself ready to live it over again fully. "Roxxy screamed for me to call 911. I rushed out to the deck and saw you collapsed on the ground. I dialed 911 and the ambulance came. We let them in and they got you carted up. I rode with you, with Roxxy following behind. I was a wreck the whole ride, with the ambulance EMT trying to calm me down, saying you still had a strong pulse and stuff like that.

"When we arrived they took you again and Roxxy sat with me. We called mom and dad and they rushed home early from their thing. Roxxy and I talked a lot while we waited. It was like 5 hours before anyone had any word on your condition. They said you had hit your head and you had an extremely high fever due to your kidney surgery. They told us that you were actually touch and go and the worst was not over. I broke down so hard when they told me that."

The tears were falling from her face, and I tried to get her to stop for a moment, but she soldiered on. "I had just finally gotten the man of my dreams, and I was pretty sure that I had lost you forever. I felt so guilty for many hours thinking that the little fun we had had was the primary source of your predicament. Then Mom and Dad finally arrived, and he was like a man obsessed." I gulped at that statement, and Emma caught it. "No, not at 'us' but at the lack of answers and results with your condition."

I was left thinking that my dad didn't know about Emma and I to have that kind of response. But then Emma continued, "Want to know the weirdest thing that I learned later?" I nodded. "Dad knew about us before they arrived!" My eyes bugged out. "Yeah I know, but moving on. Well a surgeon finally came out and told us about the mishap with your original surgery and that it had been corrected. But then he told us about your swelling. They didn't know how long it would take to reduce it or if it would end up being fatal. I was left dealing with the possibility that you may remain in the coma permanently. I remember breaking down at that moment, almost hitting the floor. Mom and Roxxy caught me though.

"Dad asked Roxxy to take me home, which I tried to fight, but he made me leave. I grabbed my things and we were off. When we got home Roxxy helped me get into the house. We sat at the table for a bit, and I could tell Roxxy had something on her mind as we sat there in silence. She finally asked me, 'Is it you?' I looked at her confused. 'The one Sean said he just started to see.' I looked at her ready to tell her some lie, or fake anger for her asking such a thing. But with everything going on I couldn't hold it back anymore and blurted out a 'YES!.' I started to sob in front of her, but instead of being angry or disgusted she brought me into a hug. She explained that the way I had acted throughout the day after you passed out was very telling. She said that only someone truly in love would act the way I did that day. She said she would never tell a soul about what she knew and she was happy for us."

I looked down, unable to comprehend what she had just told me. I erased my last question and wrote down a new one. "Are you still in contact with her?"

"Yeah of course. We text or talk everyday now! Even though you are mine she still cares about you, I still give her constant updates." Emma replied.

"Will you update her now?" I wrote.

"Already ahead of you dear," She smiled. "She already replied, saying she has to finish her midterms then she will be driving up for winter break," I smiled. I couldn't believe any of this, but it had been over 2 months so god knows what had been going on in the meantime.

"BTW why did the nurse refer to you as my GF? Does everyone know now?" I asked next. Emma giggled.

"No, but when I kept showing up to see you, the nurses asked if I was your girlfriend, and I thought that it made more sense to tell them 'yes' if I was going to be here so often. I have come to see you everyday since the ambulance came that day. I have missed you so much Sean, and I am so happy you are awake now." I smiled at her knowing that I had a lot of time to catch up with her.

"What is today even?" I wrote.

"It is December 19th, you have been out for so long. You missed the World Series, a new president, and World War 3!" Emma joked. "Well at least the first 2. And we can't wait for...oh wait you don't know yet!" I looked at Emma for a moment, giving her time to explain, but she never did. "You will have to wait on that one until mom and dad get here. They made me promise that they would get to spread the news. No wonder she was okay with telling dad about us, she had other news to break to him at the same time." It was killing me so much not knowing that I almost spoke up. But before I did, the door opened and my parents walked in. They were both so happy to see me awake and alert. Dad had grown out his beard for the winter like he always does, but mom looked different somehow. She was glowing. It wasn't until she took off her baggy coat that I noticed the swell of her stomach. She was pregnant!

-

After the initial shock wore off, Mom and Dad answered a few questions of mine, and asked a few about how I was feeling. We were all sitting around talking, well except for me as they told me the comings and goings of the last few months. It wasn't a great many things, but it was enough to feel so weird about having that amount of time just disappear. Around 10 o'clock a male nurse came into the room saying it was time for one of my scans. He then asked if I wanted to take a wheelchair or we could wheel the whole bed down.

"Wheelchair please." I wrote on the mini whiteboard. The nurse said no problem, and went to grab one.

"Why don't you two ladies go down to the cafeteria, and grab some coffee. I think I'll stay with Sean and we can have a little chat." My father said. Emma and I exchanged looks. I know that my face showed an expression was of worry, but her's was one of "it's going to be okay." They left so my father and I were now alone.

"Sean," he started. "It's okay." That was all he said and paused for a full minute. "I know you are probably worried sick that I would want to hurt you or kick you out of the house. But the thing is I knew this was coming long ago." I looked at him questioningly. "I don't know if it was father's instinct or what, but I picked up on cues, before you probably even knew you were giving them off. The little glances across the table, the mannerisms, how you would look when she went off on little dates. A father just knows.

"But just because I knew didn't mean I liked it. I was really upset when I truly put it all together, so i just watched you, to see if you would pounce or do anything stupid. Then you never really did, which told me you were wrestling with these feelings yourself. That kind of turned things around for me. But then nothing ever came of it so I truly thought that I could just avoid it as you never seemed like you were going to act on it, which was a sigh of relief." Then he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"Then all this happened and God Sean, that day was not easy on me. First we got the call that they rushed you back to the hospital, so we packed up and left our conference and as we are rushing home your mom thinks that is the best time to tell me your sister has the same feelings for you, and that you two 'had found each other.' At first I was surprised you actually moved forward, and shocked that your sister was in the same boat. Then thinking that your Mom would try and diffuse the situation while not knowing I had already had inklings in my mind about the subject, she drops the fact she is pregnant again!"

My dad laughed out loud, with me unsure how to react yet. "That's a lot to put on your old man all at once. But we finally made it to the hospital and your sister says they haven't told her much about your condition. That set me off and I nearly strangled a clerk!" I finally laughed a little, even though it hurt a bit. Then my dad got a bit serious. "Look bud, I know you love Emma, and I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt her, but please remember I am your dad, and this is really strange territory for me. Hell, for all of us, I guess. So if I ever get upset seeing you two together just please work with me. I am trying to make this work but at times I may not be strong enough to keep it in."

I was in shock. My father was asking me to be patient with him and he was being so understanding. I never thought my own father would be okay with how I saw Emma. But here right now, he was almost giving us his full blessing. I knew right then that I could never ever betray the trust he was giving me or Emma.

"Dad, I will follow every rule and never step outside your guidelines." I wrote in response.

"I know you will, buddy. This might sound really strange to say, but in a way I feel at ease with Emma being with you since it's not some dick-weed off the street. In a sick sort of way it puts me at ease as a dad." We both laughed a bit at that.

A knock came on the door and the nurse was back with the wheelchair. I tried to move my legs but they were almost dead weight. Almost like trying to lift a pole with something very large sitting on the other end of it. The nurse and my dad helped me slide into the chair, and it felt really weird. Almost like every atom in my body was starting to wake up one by one. My dad asked if he could roll me out, and the nurse said it was fine by him. We rolled out of the room and down the hall. All the nurses were looking at me and whispering to one another. I started to get self conscious, until my dad leaned over and told me a lot of the patients in this ward don't get to leave their room, let alone leave the room awake. It kind of hit me how lucky I was to actually still be alive. I said a prayer as we made it to the elevator.

Once we arrived at our destination floor, we were led to a hallway which had 3 others waiting on beds or wheelchairs as well. "Looks like we have a little line, won't take long." The nurse told us. "I'll go see if I can help move this along quicker." And with that he left us to talk, as he maneuvered around the waiting line of patients.

We sat there and dad started to relay what news he could of what had happened over the last couple of months and little happenings from around the neighborhood. I was only half listening as I started to get stuck in my own head. I was alive, I had survived this whole ordeal, and I got to keep the love of my life. I knew I needed to thank the big guy upstairs but for some reason I was still in shock. Last week...I mean a couple months ago, I was set adrift into the sea with no hopes of finding what I truly desired. Now I had it all right in my hands. It felt like it really was a dream and all of this wasn't truly happening.

Maybe this was the coma world in my head and I was never going to wake up. With that thought, I decided that it was okay because I could live this imaginary life inside my own head. Maybe I never survived the first surgery and none of this was ever real. Maybe God saw how well behaved I had been with Emma and this was my heaven or purgatory. I quickly took two fingers and pinched myself and it indeed did hurt. My father looked at me and shook his head.

"Had to make sure." I wrote onto the board. He laughed under his breath.

"Yeah I understand." He leaned forward to my ear and whispered. "My two kids are in love with each other and both my parents are allowing it. I would pinch myself too." I looked over at my father and gave him a "thank you" but it came out very hoarse and strained. He leaned back over and said, "thank you for not keeping it a secret and letting me walk in on you or something. Both of you would be on the street if that had happened."

He took a breath which sounded more like a sigh. "As I see it, three other people know about this. Your mother, Roxxy, and myself. And that seems like too many people already, so promise me that you two will not spill it to anyone else and be super secretive about it." I nodded my head as a promise. "If you guys can do that, your mother and I can try and help in some form or fashion."

I scratched my head at that statement but didn't have long to think as it was finally my turn for scans. Once I was in the machine they told me not to move for the duration of the scan which could take up to 30 minutes. As I laid there a new thought crept into my brain. Was I being too selfish? If the news ever got out about Emma and I, it could destroy our whole family. My parents had to skirt the line between responsible parents, and somewhat caving to their children's choice of lovers. Mom said it best, if we didn't get their blessing we could have gone around or through them to be together.

Then there was the thought of Emma herself. She could clearly get any guy she wanted but she was with me, even if it meant not living a normal life. The thought hit me like a brick. We couldn't have kids could we? We could never get married, at least not legally. We could never share our love or celebrate it with family and friends. I was taking this away from Emma, even if she was just as crazy in love with me as I was with her. A single tear slid down the side of my face past my ear and into my hair. If I truly loved her, maybe letting her have a real life was the real way of showing it.

Then I thought of trying to leave Emma. I knew deep down I didn't have the heart to do it. I saw how much she loved me, she came and saw my limp corpse-like body everyday while I was comatose. She had been there everyday. Every damn day! Not out with her friends, not at home, she was here right by my side. Fuck all of it, I'll be selfish. I love my sister Emma and she loves me just the same. As long as I had her around we could take on the world. Together. I think...