All Comments on 'The 3 P's'

Well written but predictable the entire read.

But technically, well done

But there are these things called quotation marks that look like this: "". They are used to cite quotations, as their name suggests, but their arguably even more important secondary use is in separating spoken dialogue from narration.

Using quotation marks in such a way makes one's work much more readable and infinitly less annoying. This is one bandwagon you should really consider jumping on.

It is written so oddly, and with so many unique spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors, that it’s beyond distracting. It’s also distracting to see British spelling in a story narrated by an American. Why not just change the setting to England?

A few tips for the author:

— Take a look at ANY professionally-written piece in a book, newspaper, online, etc. Pay careful attention to the way quotes are used. Then copy the way it’s done.

— The phrase is “of course.” Not “off course.” The first time you did it, I assumed it was a typo. After the third time, I understood that wasn’t the case.

— Lighten up with the exclamation points! Use them very sparingly! In fact, only use them in dialogue! See how distracting this is!

Another tip: if you want the readers to care about your protagonist’s marriage, you have to show us at some point that this marriage meant something to him. Too many BTB writers are so hyper-focused on portraying the wife as an evil, selfish, soul-less villain, that readers have no choice but to wonder what hubby ever saw in her in the first place. The death of a once-loving marriage is tragic. The death of a marriage to a brainless, selfish, hag is a cause for celebration.

I didn’t really understand hubby’s “revenge” in this story. He had $500K in the bank, and wanted to screw over his wife...so he intentionally blew $400K of it? So...instead of getting $250K in the divorce settlement, he ended up with $50K. Man, he sure showed her! (?????)

you need an editor to help you smooth your work out a bit.

Also, solicitors are found in Britain, Ireland, New Zealand, Australia, India, (sometimes) in Canada and several other Commonwealth nations. But not in Las Vegas.

Maybe use some way to distinguish between a character talking and other things .. like "quotation" marks.

Stay it’s it and you will improve!

You were out of the gates, you were off and running but then you blew it at the finishing line. I could tell that you just wanted to finish it neatly but the payoff came too cheaply. You were indicating they would get back together but there would still have been and ocean of mistrust remaining between them. As an ending it wasn't earned. It was cheap and cheerful but it wasn't an endig so much as a beginning. And part of the problem was that at no point in the story (unless I missed it), did you indicate she was anything but a willing participant and that's a major difficulty for anyone but a fool or a cuck to overcome. It was after all an ONGOING affair. I would have liked some small hint she was tricked, or trapped, manoeuvered or coerced. Plus there was a minor typo "I was marriage", but I'm more interested in a writer's intent than his spell checking.

3*

I'd rate it higher but the end for me was more Romance than LW. I'd want to know how he gets past her betrayal and if her contrition was real.

For the most part I enjoyed it. I'd be happy to read more from you and I hope you stick at it. Best of luck.

I find myself in the strange position of agreeing with swingerjoe. I'm a chronic abuser of exclamation marks (just ask my editor!) and I still don't use them half as mush as you do. Yes, and quotation marks. He didn't REALLY lose $400,000.

Speaking of British vs. American English, we spell "centre" "center." There were many other spelling differences. Was $500'000 a typo? It should have been $500,000. Nope, not a typo, you did it every time.

Did no one explain to his family that this $500,000 was their house fund, not a slush fund?

Asking to go over the business plan was a good idea. He should also make sure that any money he DOES give is written up as a loan.

Clothes are kept in "drawers,: not "draws."

Since when do "emergencies" come with advance notice?

Just because he has a bank statement showing a $100,000 balance, doesn't mean that he doesn't have any other accounts.

"Guys," plural doesn't have an apostrophe.

"Rosie" is a name. When things are looking good, they are "rosy."

A sucker is a "pigeon," not a "pidgeon." It normally isn't capitalized, either, I'll concede that you're using it as a name here.

@Anonymous Re: "Not bad, Erringfoil but..." - Yes, if they had used the "twin pretending to be his brother" trick, or something.

"various different ventures"? - Various and different are merely synonymous.

Sorry, not buying the apparent new romance. She pretty much betrayed him with his own brother the first chance she got. There's just no coming back from that.

Love is love, and sometimes someone is entitled to a second chance, particularly if you love them.

I have read most of the other comments to your story and I must say that I agree with them, in short, the story line was good ,but you blew it buddy!!!

so your wife sleeps with your twin, you disown your blood but you`d take the slut back.

. . . is a different ending for a BTB story. I guess it was more of a BTF, with the f standing for family. He burned his parents and his brother.

Points for being different, but there was no real emotion in this story; it was told too matter of factly.

It was a bit rough, but I actually wish it had been a bit longer. There is suggested growth on her part . . . not a lot on his. I sort of wish his parents had gotten their acts together. If you're going to reconcile, a little more acknowledgment of her failings, AND THERAPY for the wife, somehow showing her getting stronger, would make her character more sympathetic. It takes some really in depth writing to get a character with such transgressions reconciliation-worthy.

All that being said, the basics were there, and I enjoyed it!

Not in a million years...

You really can't call it a RAAC, since he divorced her and got more than his share of the assets. Remember, RAAC means "Reconciliation At Any/All Costs," not simply reconciliation. It's also a debatable point if getting back together after a divorce is strictly speaking a reconciliation.

And what's the worst that could happen? She's still fucking his brother as they reconcile and remarry? Hey, if he's that clueless and dense and undiscerning, then he deserves to be fucked over, again. And who knows, maybe she's rehabilitated herself. Or maybe Davy sent her to the party to reconnect with his dumb shit brother and see if maybe they can tap him a second time. Lots of great sequel material here. Maybe someday a writer will write it?

Thanks for what you did write. It was not great, but it was better than many. Good luck with future work.

You really need to show your dialog with quotes, so we can better imagine the scene. Trying to guess where the speech is, and what text is just description, gets tedious. Other than editing, this was a decent story.

Beth not only cheats but with his brother and he takes her back. Phil must of been a window licking paint chip eater.

...is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome. Thank you for sharing with us.

Was almost a great consequences tale. Turned out to be unimaginably horrible.

Too bad.

no rating

LAME ENDING!

For a first effort, you really need to use quotation marks, maybe get a good editor here.

Don't pay any attention to the neanderthals, they want the cheater to suffer no matter what, it is their only consideration.

The reconciliation should have much more time put in and the cheater should show real remorse.

Keep writing please and mix it up a bit.......oh and please no cuck stories......thanks.

Piss Poor Prose. Forget the raac, your lack of even the most minute attempt at editing was what killed this tale.

I think this is a good story...Of course it has some issues: the writing is one of them...Losing his money wasn't one of them...He got casino chips and only played some of them, keeping the other chips for himself: "Each week I would draw a significant amount of my credit, lose a little and then walk away with the remaining chips"...The final issue was: What he said about his ex-brother ("a leopard doesn't change its spots") would it apply to his ex-wife? Could he trust her again? The story ended before answering this question...3*

Just two more issues: Did or didn't he informed the Major ex-wife where she could find his ex-brother in order for her to ask him alimony for the child? And his ex-parents were a "work of art"! Showed no interest in meeting their grandchild...

This was a decent story. A good plot. That was so poorly executed, the technical problems with english destroyed it. Constantly having to stop and try to decipher your meaning ruins the story.

Gave it 2*s. Nevertheless, learning to write isn't difficult✍.As others will tell you about it.

Practice writing, and then come back with your plots, stories.

Good luck Erringfoil.

AMerryman

A reasonable plot & development but spoilt by really poor writing skills. Missing words & poor punctuation just ruined the enjoyment of this story & unfortunately for the readers, this contained plenty of both. If you intend to continue publishing, please, make use of one of the skilled editors on this site. 2 **

The past studied, reveals the future. Stand by for a re-run, dummy.

Sorry, I don't mean to get into a pissing contest, but RAAC ISN'T a generalization, it is quite specific.

Reconciliation is a generalization. It can cover anything from RAAC to a "walk of shame"! All RAACs are reconciliations, not all reconciliations are RAAC.

I think that even luedon would agree with me on this!

2* I liked the ploy to eliminate the cheaters and supporters from his life

good one keep going you can do more good

A couple of wrong words but it was still well told. 5*

...and I was fine with the ending. But I agree that spelling (that's ROOT of the problem, not ROUTE) and lack of quotation marks made it difficult to read. At the least we need to know when someone is talking and when they're narrating.

That comment is wrong. Real life practice proves that people can learn from their mistakes, and improve. I have hope for you, and your characters.

Don't ruin it!!! 5

She will get him to reconcile with his parents then the loser brother will happen to show up, then they end up with his money after all. He should have found a better woman while he had the chance.

RAAC story 1*

Good story until the end. Fuck that bitch!

You have revenge as one of your tags, however there is no real revenge in the story. No revenge against the brother, he couldn't care less that his DD was disclosed. No revenge against the parents, they never loved him anyway. No revenge against the wife, they got back together.

3/5

Erringfoil, I gave you a three not because the story was bad but because of the bad punctuation. Every computer has spell check and simple thinking would have told you where to show your dialog.

Now as far as the story goes, yes the BTB crowd wants blood after a betrayal. Phil got his pound of flesh form all. His exposed his parents and embarrassed them for what they had become. He got almost a pound of flesh from his twin (knocked him down and made him cower) by showing his parents the discharge papers from the Army and the fact he had done something similar and now had a son he had abandoned. He got his pound of flesh from Beth by showing her stupidity for her choices and walked away with the greatest portion of money plus the divorce.

Now as far as the reconciliation, the way the story ends just has them leaving the wine tasting wondering what the future might hold. Over the last two years I had never seen myself as a lady's man and yet I was hardly ever alone. No we don't know if Beth was alone or dated but it was written from Phil's point of view.

I feel that all of the die hard readers out there that feel you can never get back what you once lost are the loneliest people out there, if you ever got a divorce you would never trust another spouse (in case you're a woman) again. If you truly meet someone you love and hit that bump in the road that causes you to end up apart the old saying 'Time heals all wounds' would allow you to get together again. Now I'm done with my preaching.

Erringfoil try writing a second story from Beth's POV to show her remorse but most of all continue to write.

She was manipulated and foolishly gave in but it had been 2 years and if he eventually determined she was truly remorseful then that's ok. No problem with him not taking her back either as her betrayal was obnoxious. His choice as he is the one who suffered and will be the one taking the risk of it happening again.

5* as first story but you need to check your grammar.

Fun story and you had a lot of room to develop the plot but it seemed rushed, especially the ending.

We know she's gong to cheat on him, we know he's going to be hurt and we know there is a divorce in the future; but what we don't know is the details. Have fun with the story, draw it out and draw us in. And yes, throw some sex our way.

"We know she's gong to cheat on him, we know he's going to be hurt and we know there is a divorce in the future" - Do you mean if he takes her back? Because those things have already happened!

I liked the story but your ending was weak. I can see taking all the cash and diverting it in a casino. Or sending it overseas where it is impossible to trace. After all she screwed your brother from hell. Who your parents praised. A real loser being dishorably discharged for screwing a officers wife. Now wanting to take your hard earned money thru your stupid wife. So you disown them . I do not get the reconcilliation thrown in at the end. You may have loved her and missed her but she betrayed her vows and how would you ever trust her again. A prenup for her with no financial reward if caught cheating. Keep writing your better than most.

But God, the writing was atrocious. "Gamblers anomalous?" An organization for unusual gamblers? That was hilarious!! It would make a very good pun. I must remember that. I won't score it, but if well edited, it could have been pretty high. You have imagination and tell a good story, but no, the writing... Just no. I encourage you to keep writing, but find a couple of people to read for you. Thanks for the story, Randi.

Good yarn and keep writing, take no notice of the nasty's.

Get an editor for your next story. There are plenty of volunteers onsite, and they're FREE.

Subject to that, I look forward to your next submission. Oh, I nearly forgot. 3 Stars. Could easily have been a 4 or even a 5.

There was only half a story here. What was going on in the minds of parents and spouse? Did the brother repent and become a human being (unlikely) or continue to be a dick until someone bigger/faster/stronger/smarter took him to task. This story maybe better with a rewrite and a few more pages/chapters. But thank you for a first time story.

Your story has a good overall plan and development but some parts drag a bit and others, especially the epilogue, seem hurried. What did become of his parents? You also need to be wary of spell checkers and word fills. "Anomalous" for "anonymous" had me laughing out loud; "Marriage" for "married" had me cringing.

along the size of a bank account, TK U MLJ LV NV

more poorly than this one was written. You had dialogue with nary a single quotation mark. You used incorrect words. You almost made it a comedy, but it was written too poorly to be funny. I do wonder, of what school system you are a product? You are obviously not familiar with American English and only have a passing knowledge of English of any sort. The very least you MUST do is find an editor. You cannot go on this way. Have some pride and make the people of your home planet proud by having an English speaking editor go over anything you might consider posting. This kind of shit may fly on Ork, but not on Earth. I bid you welcome to our planet, stranger!

But what the fuck... 5*s for having the alien balls to post this

a(Less than)Merryman

Was his wife Bethany or Elizabeth ?

Maths; $500,000 less the $100,000 that he said he had left over leaves $400,000 to split between four casinos, so $100k each not $125k.

I think this is simply another example of sloppy plotting. He DID put $125,000 into each of four casinos.

Remember, he was also making withdrawals, so he obviously(?) deposited some into the account he showed them.

He would never be able to trust her again. Also, his brother and parents will not give up despite his promise to himself. Best check to see if his brother didn't send Beth back to him just to get some cash.

Thanks for sharing.

but it was really difficult to find with all the misspellings, bad grammar, and occasionally incomprehensible sentences.

Use a spell checker and get someone to proofread your work. There is a kernel of a decent story in there. Keep working at it.

how long befiore she's choking on more strange?

won't be that long I'll bet

I suggest you set any future stories in a location, and culture, with which you have some familiarity.

Frankly I do not care where the presenter is located. A excellent tale. a solid 5.

You're correct on one point: Many comments have taken to saying RAAC when they are talking about a simple reconciliation. That doesn't make it correct.

Since a large number of LW readers, if not a majority, HATE RAAC, it's off-putting to see a simple reconciliation described as a RAAC. If RAAC is used for any reconciliation, then what term do we use for a REAL RAAC?

It's like BTB at the other extreme. At one time ANY story where the cheater got punished was called BTB (They still are by some of the RAAC fans!), now, most of us call them "Consequence" stories, where the consequence MAY be BTB, or it may be something less.

This isn't of earth-shattering importance, so I will stop her, but I WOULD be interested to hear the opinions of others, particularly the authors and experienced commenters.

Hopefully that Anon who thinks that we're the same person will give it up, unless he really thinks that I/we would argue with myself!

After all, I argue with myself all the time! And I always win those arguments.

You had a good thing going in this story until you just had to fuck it up with the I’ve MISS YOU BULLSHIT !!!

FUCK... you finally gave the husband a backbone and at the very end you ripped it out of him !!! .....and for that you get a FUCK YOU VERY MUCH YOU SUCK !!!

...but the conclusion? Heh...

Wait, what? How'd that happen? That made deux ex machina seem like child's play.

Otherwise, decent story.

Two points:

You robbed the reader of the "why" when you said that the husband ripped up the not without reading it.

Then you pull out the "I just love her so much" canard as the ending?!

How could anyone, without an explanation of "how the fuck you could fuck my slimy no-good twin brother?" I mean, really, she's that stupid or boundary-less?? He's going to take that stupid slut back? Not to be crude, hehe, but we have no idea where that pussy's been!!

I don't know, a very formulaic story that seemed to skirt the most important issues:

how/why would Beth fuck anyone else, never mind the twin brother? and after going through all that disowning, why on earth would he take her back?

Avoiding answering those questions leaves an unsatisfying tale. Well written though. I gave it a Gentleman's 4.

You flew almost to outer space, but you ran out of gas.

Nice story, well written.

I'm not complaining about punctuation; it would have to be subjected to a rewrite. And it's not about being all narrative either; you just went halfway between narrative and dialogue.

Honestly, how could you do this? Do you write to your mother like that?

Can't complain about the poor punctuation used in this story.

Because there wasn't any punctuation used in this story.

Well none that is in common use in the English language.

You need to add a 4th P to your story title, Punctuation, actually you need to add 4th and 5th P's to the title (and the story) Proper Punctuation.

And to Anonymous Punctuation! It read okay to me! Who stuck a butt plug up your arse?

But the punctuation is horrible and the plot is not convincing.

Gamblers “Anomalous”?

watch werd the huskies go, don‘t eat the yellow snow .

Yes, needs a little work editing.

But the plot was good and entertaining read.

Thanks Erringfoil!

4 out of 5 from me.

All and all, a quite predictable LW story. We could see every single beat coming from the get-go, but we went ahead and read on... in my case, simply because it was a short enough story. I appreciate Phil's very righteous reaction upon learning about his whole, entire's family betrayal, and his eventually disownment of them all - frankly, parents who act toward their children the way his did do not deserve to have their neglected offspring to be a presence in their life. This is why, even if you may have a favorite child, you got to treat all of them equally, even the more dependent

one, otherwise... shit like this happens, and one of your kids doesn't take your calls anymore. As for the whole reconnection with Beth... first off, you can't even call it a reconciliation, since they just saw and spoke to each other for the first time in two years. As far as I can tell, there has been talk about them getting together RIGHT NOW, but no serious talk about reconciling in any way, which makes the whole argument about this being RAAC completely silly (Phil divorced her, scammed her out of her money while doing so, and, while bedding an assortment of women, haven't spoke to her in 24 months... is it just me or the 'At All Cost' from RAAC is completely missing here?) In any case, it seems dumb as hell to think that Beth's reappearance in Phil's life is a masterplan concocted by his shitty twin - sure, she was unfaithful and seriously amorous with Davy, but Beth never was showed to be conniving enough to show up back into her ex-husband's life solely to get money for his little brother. She never needed herself to play those games, being a successful career woman herself; plus learning of how her paramount left the army, and her remorse for her own actions surely must have killed any lust she may have had for golden boy. Now don't get me wrong: I personally do not feel those two should be together anymore. But, if they decide to hook up again... whatever man, it's just sex. Phil would be idiotic as fuck to remarry her, though - he could make her his fuck buddy, his live-in girlfriend, even the mother of his bastards, if he want, but, for her to become his wife again, Elizabeth must somehow prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she will not pull this kind of crap ever again. No idea how she may pull this off, but this will solely be her undertaking, not Phil's, since he has no responsible in the destruction of their marriage. Only after she managed such a task (not impossible, by the way - read "Ari part 2 & 3" for a particularly good example of how to do it) should he even entertained the idea of remarrying her. Doesn't matter how happy he felt at the end of the story - he would be the stupidest man on Earth if he didn't sincerely acknowledge that she hurt him before, and, if not put in check from the start, she'll hurt him again, twice as hard. Doesn't seem to be asking for much here... but really wondering if she could pull it off. Ah well - that's another story.

Now, as for the writing - I read this during a particularly hot morning, before daylight showed up (as I'm writing this, the sun has now made his presence felt), so I seemed to have miss most of the grammatical errors a whole lot of commenters have complained about. I did, however, raise an eyebrow at some of the weird descriptions the author left here (a solicitor in the USA was the biggest one, for me...) I also didn't care one bit about how the dialogue was written between characters - Phil narrating the whole discussion between him and his family was quite aggravating. Ultimately, none of this prevented me from enjoying the story for what it was - I can never knock down any tale about a character taking back their self-respect about being done wrong. If anything, though, this prove, once again, that having someone else take a look on your work before posting it is never a bad idea.

Overall, a good start, author. Keep going.

no. Hell no.

Shit Brother-Shit Parents-Shit Wife-Shit Life! ?....But the Story is not Shit it's Ok

Anyway that's my Comment 5 Stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

This story and your other trilogy had good foundations and ideas but my best suggestion is to take a creative writing course. You have potential but need serious work to lean how to write a story.

T.T.

Excellent story - enjoyed it

She fucks him over and he takes her back? Fuck that shit. Use some of your money to have your brother 'hurt'.

The ending needed a bit more "feathering" with details. I had to re-read it about 3 times to figure out that they got back together

Should've been in Non-erotic.

Where the heck is the ending. 1 star for failure to complete.

Like it

I always like the feedback. Some very negative. How can you NOT get the ending first time. Hope the author writes more. A story well told in my opinion.

Made a mistake and his brothers cock accidently kept slipping inside of her. Why can't you understand that?

Good story, even with the reconciliation. David should have suffered a little more.

Reconciliation? There's nothing to indicate any repentance by the slut, so it's just his hormones? He's lonely? A Martian RAAC ray? A plausible reconciliation could be written, but this is perhaps the oddest RAAC I've seen. The story was, overall, pretty good up to the final few paragraphs. The end is the literary equivalent of a pratfall.

Too rushed and didnt like that reconciled. Would have liked to hear from her more.

Time doesn't always heal, but it can educate and people can change. Good story and I wish them well. He had no real choice when he turned his back on the family, but people can change and wives are people... I wish them luck. Good story.

cheating fuck slut whores dont get better

... until the reconciliation.

Having to re-read many sentences because it was damn near impossible to read without the recognised, formal use of puncuation was a real pain. Was he talking... or thinking? Was it being descriptive background explanation or what exactly? The story was fine: Its consumption was difficult.

don't understand how anyone can go back to someone that hurt them so unless they are a total masochist that wants to be hurt again when she meets the next pretty face. Might as well kiss your brother and makeup, then lean down and lick his boots.

The ending was unexpected but too simplistic. I don't disagree that it is possible, nor do I disagree with their reconciling.

If your intention was to slap us silly with words, it worked for me. Although 'painful' to accept the sudden redirection plot twist, I do. But hell's bells, man, don't flip the car.

5 stars, especially for the length of the story.

And you have a kind of annoying habit of not finishing them. They are all well written and provoke emotion in the reader but.... Put your thinking cap on and someday, when you are bored, please finish all of them, ok?

You are showing a lot of talent, you just need to work on setting things up. You run a lot of stream of consciousness writing, and that definitely works but it can also be hard for people to keep up depending.

Keep going and keep writing, you are showing leap and bound improvements and your plots are great.

Didn't care for the ending though .

I fail to see how a husband could want to reconcile with a woman who treated him in this way .

If he can forgive her , then it kind of leaves the door open for forgiveness all round , and that , surely , could not happen ?

4 * ..... could have been 5 .

...where I said the dialogue was terrible. In this, an earlier story, the dialogue wasn’t nearly as bad; not great, not even good, but not terrible. I suppose a first attempt may get more scrutiny in the editing. It is possible for EF to write better.

for the stupid ending !