The Air Hostess

He came forward and managed to bring the chair leg heavily on Surya's attacker's sword arm. The ground he had to cover was only a couple of metres but unfortunately he was too late for Surya but he did make the attacker drop the sword. This enabled me to grab it as it scudded across the floor. With that the attacker fled but his mate lunged at me with what appeared to be a machete and missed. I guess it was the sight of Surya which had affected me but somehow I gathered my strength and with one furious swing I took off the hand gripping the machete.

I turned my attention to Surya but she was mutilated and already dead having lost an enormous amount of blood. Her head was hanging as the attacked had near decapitated her. The army arrived at this stage with a great deal of wild automatic gunfire. In fact some of it ricocheted off the wall a metre or so from my head spraying me with shards of plaster.

All the attackers were rounded up or killed.

As the staff were very upset the company decided to evacuate us out by chopper for a short time while the Army mopped up anyone suspected of associating with a group in the district. This had the effect of subduing the population but did not add to our popularity. I suspect the mopping up was a little heavy handed.

The army did the honours evacuating us out the following morning in an army chopper down to Jayapura. Once back at the company offices the adrenalin of the preceding nights action had well and truly wore off. I became profoundly upset with the loss of Surya and the brutality of what I witnessed. Although we consoled one another we were largely left to our own devices. We were in Juyapura about 2 weeks before we were allowed back on the job.

Surya's body was transported back to Lombok so I never was able to attend a funeral or anything. There was no counselling or other support, eventually I just had to suck it up and get back to work. The main effect was that at nights I had nightmares for a time. I was very jumpy for a while but the separatist action was never repeated and eventually it all settled down.

It also caused me to reflect on my love for Surya and the love I had with Lauren. I reflected on the evil in the world. I reflected on how life should be and I began to regret my hasty rejection of Lauren. I had been developing a love for Surya but knew almost nothing about her. She told me about her family, her sister and her brothers but nothing about what motivated her. What did she really know about me?

With Lauren I seemed to know so much about her but I was shocked at this other side that I knew almost nothing about. But I had never given her a chance to explain.

This other side was foreign to me. There had to be an explanation. Curiously I began to feel guilty because I felt I had somehow cheated on Lauren. I could not rationalize that thought. I also felt a survivor's guilt on account of Surya. She gave her life shielding me and was slain in front of my eyes in the most brutal fashion. I had never given her a chance to express her love for me. Somehow I compared the two. I saw myself as not having the courage to take the initiative in both cases. I was determined not to let that idea consume me. Given the opportunity I would not make the same mistake.

Some while later I was nearing the end of two years on the project when I was on the site of one of our intended villages. I did not as a rule work at the coal face, so to speak, but given the opportunity I liked to keep my hand in on engineering field skills.

In this case it was to our advantage that I did. Using an electronic GPS base device and rover I was engaged in a topographical survey and setting out of the village in a clearing we had made in the jungle. These villages were a sensitive topic and nobody wanted a resurgence of separatist activity. Having Bosso on site added to the communication with the village chiefs and gave mana to them while giving me the opportunity to extol the features of the scheme; which of course was going to benefit them. They in turn told their youth to back off and provide useful intelligence about any threatening activity.

Our village development group had been living and working in temporary quarters on site composed of containers we had choppered in. Living in a container in the tropics is not greatly comfortable as they were not insulated and the old heat pumps were really noisy. The containers were pretty Spartan with some beds in a couple and one for our office activities. A privy and showers were erected far enough away to avoid the smell. I was not doing a lot of washing and I was striding around in a grubby shirt and khaki shorts. I had an appalling battered slouch hat on to protect me from the sun when it arrived and boots de rigueur for the tropical mud.

All in all, a sight that would frighten the horses if ever there was.

Working with the team I was standing by my instrument set up on its bright yellow stand. I had a chain man with the rover and another assistant I called Jake for some reason, who stood beside me holding a large umbrella we used as a parasol to protect the instrument as well as ourselves. Jakes job was largely to hold the umbrella but he was also charged with the looking after the delicate instrumentation we had from moisture and mould.

I was talking with the village headman when Jake touched my shoulder and pointed to an unmistakable feminine form approaching us on the track through the jungle from the direction of our base camp. She has wearing tan slacks and a floral blouse stained with sweat and vegetation, on her head there was a wide brimmed Panama hat and she wore sunglasses. She had a parasol which partially obscured her face from our direction. The woman seemed to disappear as the track wound around a group of trees. "What the hell is a western woman doing way up here dressed as though she is going on a picnic?"

"News to me bosso," Jake replied in English

She appeared from the trees in front of me and dropping her parasol I was in for a shock.

We faced each other speechless. We were both trying to say something but nothing was coming out.

She weakly tried a joke.

"Dr Livingstone I presume?" Said with a half-smile.

"Lauren... Bacall, perhaps?" A silly reply which still makes me cringe, but the scene was so movie like.

"I think this is where you are supposed to run toward me in slow motion with arms outstretched."

Lauren lifted her dark glasses. She wore no makeup and her hair was tied in a ponytail. Looking at her without her makeup I realised just how beautiful she was. She did not need the stuff.

She was thinner than I had last seen her. Those piercing blue eyes, high cheekbones and full lips oozed sex appeal. It was no wonder all these men were attracted to her like blow flies. How could I hope to compete? I felt myself stir; even at this brief encounter her erotic aura still had that effect on me.

I had long since stopped hating her. Settling down after Surya's death I tried to blank out the past, immersing myself in work. The experience with Surya had curtailed any burgeoning interest in the opposite sex so Lauren's appearance unsettled me in more ways than one.

I could not think of anything to say except a whispered "what are you doing here, Lauren." At that point I couldn't even think of why I had left her in the first place. It seems she couldn't think of anything to say, so I yelled at the other workmen in Malay that I was going back to the base camp and issued a few instructions for them to carry on. That seemed to impress Lauren who stood there smiling. I couldn't help thinking how beautiful she looked. Damn, I hadn't seen a western woman for months.

I pointed to the maroon diesel UTV that we had for transporting our gear around in and suggested that Lauren could wait in the shelter of the cab e while I finished the survey. Excusing myself from the village headman I completed what I was doing in about half an hour. Jake packed the gear into the back of the UTV then he, the chain man and I joined Lauren in the cab and we ground our way back to the base camp.

The route back to the base camp was about an hour and was not easy. Initially we didn't speak. I worried that Lauren had taken a risk in walking to find us as it would have been easy for her to go off track and she was fortunate that she got there unscathed.

"How did you get up to the base camp?"

"A nice soldier offered me a lift in a chopper. Major someone, he spoke English. He was very gracious especially after I told him I was your wife."

"I guess you were lucky then."

"He told me about the attack....And Surya; I'm so sorry."

I shuddered; I swallowed hard, not knowing what to say and finally we arrived at the camp and made our way to the lounge. I asked where her luggage was. Lauren replied that she had told some guy she was my wife and he took the luggage to my room.

"Are you still my wife?"

"Yes."

"I thought I divorced you."

"You tried, I don't even think the two years is up anyhow."

"Really?"

All this seemed so bizarre; I could not get my head around it.

"Want a coke? This is an alcohol free camp and it is all I can offer you. At least it is cold."

On the affirmative I reached into the fridge and threw her what passed as coke in the area.

We sat down in a couple of rundown arm chairs facing one another.

She opened the coke and the reason you shouldn't throw it became apparent when it spurted all over the place. "Thanks for nothing," she smirked.

Staring at her face my first thought was fuck it, I still love this woman. My heart seemed to do a proverbial melt.

"Lauren, what do you want?"

"I want you back."

"Well you can't just demand that and get it. How are you precisely going to get me back?"

"I have thought of a few things; such as your daughter."

"Get off the grass! I worked out the conception date I it couldn't have possibly been me."

"Well you calculated wrong mister clever engineer. I wouldn't want you to design me a retaining wall if you couldn't work that out."

"Verify it."

"It's all in my suitcase. I went on that DNA testing site you registered with and got Rose's DNA done. And guess who popped up on the site as a direct relation. She actually looks a lot like your Mother."

"You called her Rose after my Mum?"

I was lost for words in fact I had a huge lump developing in my throat.

"That's nice but there is the delicate subject of your polyamorist tendencies."

"I want to talk about that. First of all when I discovered what had happened I immediately lost it and resigned from the airline. I went to London and you had already left. I packed up everything and returned to New Zealand. I now live in Geraldine with my Mum and I am working at the local medical centre. I see a lot of your Mum too. We all have been waiting for you to come home. I got sick of waiting and finally found out where you were and I want to bring you home. "

"You have a nerve. What makes you think that I am still on my own?"

"Have you shacked up with someone?"

"I got a little keen on one woman but she was hacked to death in front of me by the separatists."

I looked down. I found saying that surprisingly painful. Lauren paused, "I sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Were you in love with Surya?" All sign of passive aggression was gone.

"I never kissed her or even touched her, to my shame I couldn't stand by her. I think she was in love with me. She paid the price, trying to protect me. Well, all said and done, it probably didn't matter. My heart had already died when I discovered your gross deception. I am now simply an engineer; I build things, which gives me solace. That's all I do."

"You saved me, you know."

"How did I do that?"

"It's complicated. I was trapped and in danger. You gave me a way out but then abandoned me."

"I don't understand."

"I will explain but there remains a girl who needs a father."

"Didn't Ben, Hussein and Ali fill the position description? What did Ben think about you dumping him? "

"Ben! He was gay. I just provided him with hostess services."

"Yeah well I notice you neglected to tell me. How the hell did you pull that off? That must have been some elaborate deception seeing we were in the same city. What about Hussein? I now know why I was never allowed in Dubai. I suppose that one was a hostess with benefits."

"No, no benefits. Hussein was a really jealous and powerful guy; he was the only guy who had a measure of control over me. He had leverage with my employer. He wanted me exclusively."

"But no benefits?"

"At the end he found out about Ben and cornered me"

"And Ali?"

"I'm afraid with benefits."

"And others?"

Lauren began to cry. This went on a while. In the heat her nose was running as well. I scurried around trying to find something to clean up her face and all I could find was some toilet paper. At least it made her smile.

"Can we do this interrogation with a counsellor or something?"

"I don't think there are too many counsellors in the jungle here. We can talk to a bird of paradise or something."

"Can you come back with me, please? I love you and deeply regret what has happened. I am really, really sorry for what I have done to you. I know my behaviour was bizarre. I have been getting psychiatric help. I have spent 2 years in absolute purgatory and I want you to want me again,"

"And Ben, Hussein and Ali?"

"Gone."

"No temptations?"

"Absolutely none, I have had two years of treatment for depression."

"Does that mean I come back, I make you happy and you are free to 'polyamorize' yourself?"

"Stop being so facetious, this is serious, I have been suicidal. I need you, Rose needs you, and we all need you. I can't live knowing what I did to you, please come home. We can have three kids we talked about. I have finished with my former life, I want to horse ride with my family, with you at my side, I want to ski with you, I want to watch you play cricket at New Year."

Curiously I could not tell her to go. I wanted these things as well but there was a great deal of pride to swallow. I remained passive.

"I am going to stay here until you agree to go", Lauren stated firmly.

"If you must, you may get bored."

"I will take the risk."

Lauren stayed.

It was not easy we had only a single bed to sleep on. Lying next to her; cuddling came naturally. At least we had our little oasis of air conditioning in my bedroom and it made cuddling strangely comforting and therapeutic.

One night I awoke from a bad dream sobbing. Lauren held me, my head in her magnificent boobs. It was mothering rather than erotic. I realised what I had held back for so long. Lauren was patient and let me freely vent all the anguish. I did not attack Lauren; most of it was against me. I had realized the Lauren had forgiven me the hurt that I had inflicted on her but I was a long way from reciprocating.

There were too many questions but I was fast coming round to a position of willing to try.

Over the next week we found it easier to chat and I was less driven to be sarcastic. Lauren found things to do and little things for me. I began to enjoy asking her to do this and that but enjoyed even more when she wanted me for something. All this just happened as I had not been thinking about it.

But I could regress into sarcasm or anger. After just over a week I decided that this whole thing can't go on and I was going to make a decision however it was not going to be a good one for Lauren.

All those questions just nagged away at me. I could easily be civil, but trust seemed a step too far. She had become a mother or sister to me in a small way. I had never really seen the maternal side to her before. It was a new persona to me and despite her old innate sexiness I was not now particularly attracted to her in that way. Although heaven knows I needed it.

It was a Monday and I noticed her looking a little flushed. Later that night she was thrashing about in the bed. I had to go and sleep on the floor. Early morning she took a full blown seizure.

At the base camp was a doctor who ran clinics for the villagers as well. I went and woke him up. He came running across the compound in his boxers and dressing gown. He was not long in checking Lauren, She had at least calmed. He thought she may have Dengue haemorrhagic fever and decided we had to call up a chopper immediately and get her to the private hospital at Jayapura. The chopper arrived by 8:00 a.m. and Lauren was strapped across the back seat while the doctor travelled next to the pilot. I grabbed a few things prepared for a few days stay and took the Hilux from work and followed them down. It took me almost an entire day on winding metal roads down to the coast.

Down at the hospital she was fortunate to be admitted to a private room. The prognosis was confirmed and she was placed in intensive care. Along the way she was given a blood transfusion. I was told that there was a 50:50 chance she could die. I had brought a back packers mat with me and for a few Rupiah they would let me sleep on the floor. I lay in her room on the floor for a whole week. At times she could be lucid then she would relapse. Finally she began to recover.

Seeing her lying there invoked an urge to protect her. She looked so vulnerable this woman who had ruined my life. It was on the third night that I had another nightmare. I replayed the murder of Surya but in place of Surya it was Lauren. I woke up shaken and stared at Lauren who to my relief was alive and asleep.

I felt a surge of inadequacy. I could not safeguard Surya. Again, neither could I for Lauren

Somehow, by the end of the week our past had been forgotten and replaced with the joy of her recovery. I had relearned to love Lauren for better or for worst. I now knew I didn't want to lose her, I wanted to be there and perhaps prove myself to her and care for her better than I had done before. I now felt that she had suffered like me. May be I could learn to trust her. Maybe she was right about counselling; maybe there was a path. She said she had been trapped. Could there be an explanation I could live with.

Also, somehow her vulnerability had stirred within me a feeling that we could be intimate again.

Once she was well the doctor told her that she probably would not get that strain of Dengue again but it would be perhaps better for her to return to a more temperate climate.

Lauren came with me back up to the base camp. Unfortunately the air conditioning was down and I lay with her in the bed cursing that it was too hot and sweaty to spoon and hug her. I decided there and then that we should go back to New Zealand. I would take some leave. Then come back to finish some essential work; my usefulness to the project was pretty much over anyway.

When I announced this to Lauren she was overjoyed and I received one sweaty hug. The feel of those big beautiful boobs against me stirred a reaction that I had sadly missed. Lauren felt my stiffening and looked into my eyes as she clutched the appendage in one hand. Putting her lips to my ear she whispered "I can't wait", somehow it was too sweaty to start there and then.

It was only a week later when were both relishing a cool night in an expansive bed. There was still a reticence to commit myself. We had both decided to have counselling when I returned for good. It is at these sessions that the pieces of Laurens jigsaw came together.

It was our second visit that Lauren made a statement that I would always remember. "You Know", she said, "to me being an air hostess opened me up to a world where I could be Cinderella, I could go to the ball, but I need not come home with a husband."

She continued, "I was everyone's trophy wife but I did not need to be married. I could attend openings, theatre, meet royalty, visit casinos in exotic locations, all that and I did not need to be a wife. One day I met the man for which I needed to be a wife." Lauren was looking directly at me. "I didn't know how. I knew I desperately wanted the love of a man who could give me children, I could go riding and skiing with, and have a family.