All Comments on 'The Apartment'

Hey. I'm sorry but I didn't get the story much. Sorry I don't mean to sound negative. I may not be able to but maybe others got it.

Yawn...

Sorry, my friend, but this one is just strange. No background

I loved this! I'll be honest, a part of me was pissed because i read this hoping to get off, and when you got to sensual scenes, there was nothing. But in hindsight, this setup is really good for future chapters. Essentially, it's a girl whose being controlled (reminds me of Jessica Jones) and the vast amount of spliced scenes were giving us a view from her perspective. We are meant to feel groggy, in and out of it like she is. Time moving slow and fast.

My questions: Is she avoiding her family for a reason, or is that control? Were there multiple people at one point? Was this all just a dream or is this how he controls here? Are there eleme ts of her life that dream up "control scenarios" when the actual guy is actually innocent? ... i could go on, but the point is that I'm impressed.

My advice: spend a little more time detailing the sensual bits. Because saying "he took her" and that being it leaves readers dissapointed. You can still be groggy and trance/dream-like while being detailed. You have the skill for it, dont let it go to waste.

Thanks for the constructive feedback. I'm here to learn how to write this sort of thing. I did leave out some of the juicy details. I guess in this case if I were Ridgeway I would have achieved one of my goals. But that wasn't really my intention as a writer. Truthfully the details make me a little nervous because as a reader those sometimes pull me out of the fantasy. But I think you're correct that I left too much to the imagination. I wrote a longer intro which addresses some of your questions but haven't posted it because I was afraid it might limit my options for the direction I decide to take the story. I will add it though if I decide to continue.

I have never been more confused as I was reading this. It needs some sort of construction. It's all over the place. There is a lack of details in one space, and abundant of details in another. A lot of stuff doesn't jive with others. If this is your first story, my advice is to try to construct it in a way that makes sense. Good try though.

So, I liked this as something apart from the usual Literotica story, but I see it as potentially a start of something much longer. On its own, it doesn't go anywhere or do much but tantalize. If it was an intro to a fuller piece of writing, it would really feel like a strong pull into a mysterious world. Why not try this as a longer piece in many parts?

I was quite confused during the story. Is she running from someone, is she waiting on someone and who is Ridgeway? Was she dreaming? Because she went from having no keys to the apartment, but money to spend, to a man being in her apartment. Really confusing.