All Comments on 'The Apprentice Ch. 03'

Nicely done, as it was before, but somehow it feels like the impact of the battle has been lessened in this version. Perhaps I'm just misremembering the previous version, but it seemed like it had more of an emotional impact, either through Magnus' reaction to what he had done, or from those around him. This is still good, but the idea of opening up a massive crater in the earth and dropping at least a hundred soldiers to their death should be a bigger deal, especially as this entire section is evidence that Magnus' powers are beginning to outstrip Fiona's in terms of brute power. I like the way this is reflected in their interpersonal dynamic, but there could be many ways of reflecting on this huge magical commotion, anything from having the Regent have a reaction or the local army or how the town would go about refortifying that area, if indeed they even needed to do so. But again, I love this story overall, and it's great to have it back!

@SlithyTove You make some excellent points, I must say. The story is the same as it was, even though in this editing process, more than once I felt like making things a bit more grim.

I must say that this fantasy series was initially planned as much less serious. At first, I thought it would be silly to start something ambitious because I believed that readers on Lit wanted simpler stories and plenty of sex. It made sense to me due to the nature of the website. Over time, to my absolute delight, I realized there is a healthy readership here on Lit for more serious and ambitious stories and you probably noticed how The Young Mage series had far less sexual content than the first one. Either way, I thought it would be lame to make major changes to the story that I already published once. More than that, it is far more challenging and time-consuming to write serious content, to nuance relationships, to tie up plot points, to build the world, so sometimes I just cut myself some slack as well :)

Once again, thank you for the comment. This is exactly the kind of feedback I want to get from my readers.

I'm so glad you're reposting these stories. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading them all and the rest of the Literotica readership needs to be afforded the opportunity to do so. Certainly, your stories may not appeal to those solely in search of jerk-off material but that's their loss. And yes, I noted that the sexual content gives way to more character and plot development in subsequent chapters but that's okay since you do such a great job of drawing the reader in. Plus it’s not like there’s no hot sex, you just moderate it a bit.

I am in awe of writers such as yourself who have the imagination to create such a complex fantasy world and very grateful for the obvious time and effort you put in to make it so believable and to tie-up all those pesky plot points. Please not only repost the rest of the chapters but continue the story. You can't leave your readership hanging, Magnus must eventually rescue his sister and live happily ever after with Fiona.

@fmp0927 Thank you for the feedback and for the compliment! In addition to all the editing, I also continued with the story, so there will be some new content soon, although it isn't too big. The cliffhanger is resolved, at least :) I just started working on the last chapter of The Young Mage, although I can't make any promises about when it will be finished. My time and motivation are all over the place. I have actually planned three more series with Magnus, focusing on world-building and taking the story and plot to a much larger scale of threat and war.

I've read the first two, plus this one. Man, the dialogue is really juvenile and does nothing for you. The deeper you get into this, it feels like the story has no stakes. Maybe the last part will tie it all together, so I'll wait for that to go live.

Think of all the ways that authors start a new story or a fresh chapter. All those great opening lines that grab the reader and demand that they read more. But this guy decided to start with "CLIP-CLOP! CLIP-CLOP!" It would be charming if it wasn't so terrible.

It's obvious English is your second language but your fluency is excellent you tell a good story but I skipped most of the sex parts what went where and who likked what gets repetitive and slows down the story. But there's more good story once you skip past it so 5stars

One of the best fantasy series on the site, The Apprentice is better than ever, thanks to the improvements made by the author. This is a terrific story, with plenty of excellent characters and a hero that the reader sympathize with even as the plot advances. However, this third chapter leaves a lot of questions unanswered, and another chapter is badly needed to continue what truly is a thrilling story. Five stars all the way.

Still going strong with this one. I have read some comments posted from the other stories about the sex scenes, but I would like to just say that I feel the story to sex ratio are spot on. I myself think to many or drawn out sex scenes take away from the impact of a story like this one.

Thank you all for the great feedback. Don't pay attention to some of the extreme comments and the rating going down, it is all because of the troll that I picked up on the forum, it has nothing to do with stories. I don't delete comments as a matter of principle, but I guess an explanation is in order.

@awkwardlyset I think you're overreacting at least in part. I can see some critical comments below, but none of them are extreme. I've been reading this since you posted part one earlier in the week and I've enjoyed a big chunk of it. But those comments you think are extreme touch on some issues even I agree with. The dialogue is the biggest issue as it's quite stiff at times with no fluidity. The sex scenes are definitely less arousing than those of the top 50% of writers here. I'll give this a high rating because it hits enough of my kinks, but it's really obvious why some people wouldn't like this as it's got a lot of flaws. You're acting as if anyone who doesn't give you a 5 is trolling, which is not the way to handle your business. That's what's going to attract trolls imo. When is the last part going up?

You said at the end of the story that comments and votes mean a lot to you, but I think you've went too far with how desperate you are for high scores and written feedback. You're calling anyone that gives you a 3 or 4 a troll. I'd say that each chapter I've read is around that ballpark, if there was an option for a 3.5, I'd give you that score. You're coming across as being really arrogant when you dismiss all forms of criticism, which is weird because you said at the start that you welcome all feedback. For instance, what evidence do you have that the only vote anyone's allowed to give you is a 5? Maybe one day you'll be one of the best writers on Literotica, but you're nowhere near that level with material like this. It's painfully obvious from your own comments that you think you're the best. Even if I thought this was a 5, the thin-skinned replies you're posting would put me off. You're acting like a spoiled child.

My opinion being MY opinion I enjoyed the stories very much. It is much better writing than my own. I am learning though. I was unaccustomed to sexual stories not being mostly sexual but find your mix very pleasant. I look forward to the next/last chapter in this series.

@JamesBBK Thank you for the compliment. The last chapter of the series is coming soon, although the story goes on further. Good luck with your own stories, and if they are fantasy stories, I will be happy to read them :)

I am loving my this series a lot! I know you said it’s going to be a 4 part series but please consider continuing this storyline. It’s extremely enjoyable. I find the sexual content, its timing and mix getting better and better. Excellent work!

@Spa_jack Thank you for the compliment! The story continues past chapter 4, only in a new series.

I'm extremely happy to hear this story will continue. I am not usually a fan of the s&m type of story but it flows inside your stories without being too much and the rest of the story simply has everything a reader could want!

GR8 series .