The April Fool

The top-of-the-line security system had been sending video to the sheriff's office and to the owner's iPhone for almost a half-hour. The video and audio clearly and crisply related the actions and identity of the intruders at the owner's ranch house, and the woman working dispatch in the sheriff's office sat frozen, aghast at what and whom she saw. After a few minutes, she sent the nearest officer on patrol to investigate; that was the sheriff. Immediately after that, she called the ranch owner using her personal phone.

The lovers came out of the rustic ranch house arm in arm only forty minutes after they entered. They walked to the passenger door of the big Chevy 2500 4x4 pickup parked just outside the fence, stopped by the door, and kissed deeply. He opened the door, picked up the lithe, long legged bottle blonde, stood her on the step, and kissed her bare belly, just above her hip hugger shorts. She giggled and twisted, but held his head against her.

"Wanta go down a little lower, lover? If you make me happy that way, I'll let you fuck me bent over the tailgate again," she coaxed.

"There are two problems there, Missy. First, I don't eat a fresh-fucked, full-of-cum pussy; that's reserved for wienies like your wimpy hubby. You just save that like I told ya, and give him my cum for his birthday present when he gets home! Second, I'm out of time. I should have already been on the dozer over on the Martin section, and I'm pretty sure your hubby isn't paying me to fuck his nasty little wife, is he? Even The April Fool isn't that big of a clueless cuck! Heh, heh, heh. Him being born today sure is appropriate, ain't it?"

Placing both hands on his head and pushing down on it, she cajoled, "Oh, come on, lover; let's not talk about him; he won't be back until tonight and I need attention now! You know 45 minutes isn't enough for me! Just lick my hot little pussy a bit, please! Come on, Jimmy Bob; at least it's your own cum. Larry boy gets to eat yours instead of his! And after you fuck me again on the tailgate, he'll have two of your cream pies for his birthday feast!"

Reaching up, he pinched her nipple hard. She shrieked and pushed him away: "You bastard -- that hurt!"

"Don't be trying to turn me into your damn wimp sub; you already got a husband for that! Next time I'll throw you over the tailgate and go in dry on that pristine asshole of yours!"

"And when you finish, I'll take a skinning knife and cut off your cock and balls, asshole!"

She climbed into the cab still rubbing her painful titty, and sat down in a huff. He marched around to the other side, climbed in, and looked angrily across the console at her. "Look bitch, you're a nice piece of ass, but that's all you are to me. I'm not your damn pool boy or one of the other flunkies your rich-ass hubby lets you keep around for extra cock. You fuck with me and I'll cut off both your tits and then cut you open like a gutted deer, cunt!"

She snarled at him; he snarled back, and then reached for the keys in the drink holder.

The rear view mirror in the middle of the windshield suddenly exploded. It, and any number of shards of glass, fell onto his hand in pieces. He sat there shocked, trying to figure out what just happened, and then looked across at Missy, who looked as confused as he felt.

The mirror just outside his door exploded, and this time he heard the shot that caused the explosion. He remained still, mouth agape, staring at the remains of the mirror, and totally confused by what was happening.

Missy's blood curdling scream brought him back; he saw she was staring out her window at the mirror dangling in pieces only a foot from her arm. A look of terror on her face, she was screaming at the top of her lungs and holding herself tightly.

"FUCK! SOMEONE IS SHOOTING AT US!" Larry yelled. He picked up the keys, inserted them in the ignition, and heard the headlight on his side shatter. "Hang on! We're getting the fuck out of here!" He stomped the gas pedal, slid the big truck around in the loose gravel, and started for the road a half-mile away.

About four hundred yards out another bullet hit the tailgate, and then another before he had gone another fifty yards. "Stay down! He's still shooting!"

Missy was on the floorboard, hands over her head, chanting, "Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me!"

Jimmy Bob was only fifty yard from the galvanized steel gate at the highway when the next shot hit the tailgate with a loud thump. "Fuck! If he can shoot this far, he can probably hit me when I get out to open the gate!" he yelled to no one in particular.

He floored the gas pedal, and burst through the gate, the grill guard pushing it off the hinges and carrying it into the state highway with the truck.

Jimmy Bob backed up to get shed of the gate, and turned toward town. He gunned it, and then saw he was heading right into the path of the sheriffs' Explorer, which was stopped in the highway with its light bar flashing.

He slammed on the brakes just in time to avoid smashing into the SUV, jumped out, crouched down behind the truck, and yelled, "Gary, someone was shooting at us all the way to the road! He has a high-powered rifle, so be careful! He may be able to hit you too!"

The big-bellied sheriff -- his father-in-law -- emerged from the SUV and approached Jimmy Bob with a look of consternation. "What the fuck you ravin' about, boy? We got a call there was intruders up at Larry's ranch house; wasn't you, was it? Maybe that's why someone was shooting at you!"

"No, no! I'm with Missy, Larry's wife. We aren't intruders: I brought her out here to get some earrings she left last trip and wanted to wear tonight at Larry's birthday party! We were back in the pickup and heading to town when the bullets started flying!"

Jimmy Bob was quite proud of his quick thinking; he knew he wasn't the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but figured that should throw Sara's dad off the lovers' tracks. Now to get him refocused on the shooter trying to kill them!

"The shooter was in front of us, probably on that big hill somewhere. You need to get some boys or a helicopter or something and go round him up! He tried to kill us!"

"Was either of you hit?" the sheriff asked. "No, but it was close! First, the rear view mirror in the cab was shot off, then the mirror beside each door, and then a headlight! I lit a shuck out of there, and he kept peppering the tailgate all the way to the road! That's why I had to drive through the gate!"

"So, this mysterious shooter hit the rear view mirror, both outside mirrors, and the headlight, but didn't hit either one of you? I don't think he was TRYING to hit you, dumbass: if he could shoot your mirrors off, he damn sure could have dotted your eye, couldn't he? I'd say you and your woman got mighty lucky!"

"She's not my woman! I was just helping her out!"

The sheriff opened the passenger door, where Missy lay curled on the floorboard with her hands over her head, whimpering. "Get out, Missy. You're safe now." He wrapped his big hand around her slender arm, and pulled her up. She yanked loose in a panic, scrambled over the console, fell out the door, got up, and crouched beside Larry. "Don't let him kill me!" she pleaded.

"Don't let who kill you, Missy? Who is trying to kill you?" the sheriff asked. "My husband! My husband is trying to kill us! He knows! I don't know how, but he knows!"

"Knows what?" the sheriff asked suspiciously.

Jimmy Bob quickly interjected, "Missy, we don't know that it was Larry shooting at us! He wouldn't have any reason to do that; we were just out at the ranch house trying to find your earrings!"

Although her eyes still looked vacant and she was trembling with fright, Larry's words still sunk in; she tried to cover her mistake. "I know he doesn't have a reason, but he's a jealous man and he might have shot at us without finding out why we were out there!"

"Missy, your husband wins all the turkey shoots and marksman contests in the area. If he wanted to kill you, you'd be dead! Besides, he's in Monterey on a business trip and won't fly in until this afternoon. Do you want me to call him and verify his whereabouts? Would that make you feel better?"

Gaining control, Missy knew that would make him suspicious, so she declined. "I'm sorry, sheriff. I've never been shot at before and I was terrified when parts of the truck started blowing up. I'm all right now, and I know you are right. Larry would talk to me if he thought Jimmy Bob and I were up to something, not shoot up his own company pickup. It was a perfectly innocent trip to get my lost earrings and I asked Larry to take be because I was a little afraid to be way out here by myself."

The deputies who had arrived a few minutes earlier had been busy taking pictures. Traffic, normally light, was beginning to back up in both directions, so the sheriff directed them to move the truck and gate into the bar ditch so traffic could move again. The deputies picked up the crumpled gate and moved it back onto the ranch.

When he first saw the damage, Sheriff Adams had told dispatch to call the Martinez boys to do the fence repairs. They called to let him know they were only a few minutes away, so he offered Missy and Jimmy Bab the back seat in his Ford Explorer. Jimmy Bob didn't like being behind the mesh wire much, as it reminded him of more than a few times when he had been there with cuffs on, but he sat and quietly talked to Missy, reassuring her and reminding her to stick to the story.

The sheriff had taken their statements and they had been released by 12:30. Missy hurried to her beauty shop appointment, and Jimmy Bob headed to the Martin pasture to push some dirt out of the dry tank bed with the Cat. He figured he better get a few hours in, expecting Larry to appreciate his commitment, after having been shot at and all.

The deputies had investigated the site of the shooting but they found no brass, no sniper's nest, no tracks; nothing that would explain the shooting or identify the shooter. On a whim, the sheriff called the hotel in Monterrey and asked for Larry. He heard a few clicks, and then Larry picked up and asked what he could do for the High Sheriff.

The sheriff described the shooting and aftermath, assured Larry that Missy and Jimmy Bob were uninjured, and told him new corner posts had been sunk, the fence was back up, and a new gate had been hung. He warned him the pickup was being held as evidence, but it was going to need a lot of repair when it was released. "That's okay; I'll just withhold it from your son-in-law's wages. Teach him not to be doing favors for my wife!"

The sheriff wondered if he heard a little rancor in Larry's voice. He figured that, like him, the deputies, and pretty much anyone else who heard the tale, Larry might be a mite suspicious about the earring story. For sure, his daughter, Donna, who was Jimmy Bob's wife, was more than a tad suspicious. Larry was in for a grilling, and then some chilly nights.

His company's twin-engine plane set down at 2:56, so Larry had plenty of time to go to the office and take care of some things before going home to get ready for his Birthday/April Fool's Day party at the Civic Center. He left work with a USB drive loaded with pictures and video for the party tonight.

He hated events like this, but Missy wanted to remind everyone, again, how he had become the richest man in the area through hard work, good instincts, and the willingness put his money where his instincts told him. His was a great story; he accepted that, but knew that the San Antonio newspaper and TV stations, as well as Texas Monthly, had already told it, so not much more was left to be said.

He looked good in his custom tux and handmade boots, but Missy, as always, stole the show in her slinky scarlet gown with the slits that ran up her long slender legs until they almost reached her panties. Standing together, they greeted and circulated among the several hundred guests, including about fifty of Larry's employees and sub-contractors. There were a lot of good looking men with their pretty women all dressed up and showing off, but none of the women were shinier than Missy. Five foot nine inches tall, wearing a size 2 dress with her long blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, she was the epitome of the modern model.

That made sense, since she had been a model as a teenager and remained one until she met the 26 year-old millionaire landman turned entrepreneur turned oil and gas explorer turned oilfield services and supplies owner. She was 23 by then, and the bloom of her innocence was fading, so she set her hat for and captured him as easily as she had so many others since her 18^th birthday. This captive, however, she decided to marry; she liked him well enough, and loved his money!

The problem quickly surfaced. Missy spent her teen years and early twenties living an exciting life traveling among three continents in the company of other beautiful women and men. It was harried, it was hectic, but, after her eighteenth birthday, she learned much from the celebrities and rich men, and women, who clustered around them. She was burned out at 23, and over the hill for a model too, so Larry Thompson's fascination with her gave her another option.

Larry was three years older, rich but not stupid rich, and he was both well-built and handsome, in an outdoorsman/cowboy kind of way. Missy had little exposure to men like him, and his charm, forcefulness, and sweet naiveté was very attractive. So was his money. She went for it, and within six months was wearing his wedding band.

That was three years ago, and living in the hinterlands among unenlightened villagers had long since ceased to be fun. Larry's charm and sexual prowess continued to keep her satisfied in her marriage for the first two and a half years, but the last six months she had escaped three times to LA to see her parents, the bright lights, big city, and the pretty boys who still flocked to her in clubs.

She felt guilty and worried the first time, but when Larry suspected nothing, she decided what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, and tried Jimmy Bob on for size. He was dumb as a rock, but he had a big, muscular body and a big thick cock, so she used him whenever Larry was off on one of his many business trips. However, sex with him was getting boring, and the events of the morning had convinced her to cut him loose.

Jimmy Bob thought she was fucking the hunky pool boy and landscaper she had hired. She hadn't, but maybe she would after she cut Jimmy Bob off. Larry was a great lover, but he was just gone too much; she needed quantity as much as quality.

Missy strutted around, held court, charmed the ladies and tempted their men, and loved being the center of attention, even if it was the center of this vile village.

The barbeque with all the trimmings was served after an hour of socializing, and ninety minutes later the MC took the stage to lead the crowd in Happy Birthday Larry, and then introduced the star attraction. Larry gave a short speech thanking everyone who had put this shindig together, especially his loving wife, Missy, whom he had stand and take a bow. She held the spotlight as long as she could, and then gracefully returned to her seat.

Still in the jovial mood, Larry informed the crowd, which was composed of several hundred movers and shakers from the area plus an equal number of his loyal employees, contractors, and old friends, that he had a treat tonight. He knew they had all seen the report chronicling his life that the San Antonio television station had put together a year ago, so he wasn't going to submit them, or himself, to seeing THAT again.

They laughed and clapped.

Instead, he began talking as pictures of his employees at work, of his office staff, and of his contractors and clients ran across the huge screen behind him and across smaller screens along the sides of the civic center. He extolled the hard working men and women, calling them by name as their pictures came up, and credited them for the success of his various enterprises. He showed pictures of his family, and talked about how they contributed to his work ethic and the values he tried to uphold. All the while, patriotic music played in the background

The pictures ended, the accompanying music changed to country, and a video began. His workers were shown hard at work, driving to and from jobs, and laughing and talking with their boss on the job, back at the headquarters, or on the yard where the equipment was kept.

Next Larry talked about the contractors, how reliable they are, and what they contributed to the company and to the local economy.

"The last contractor I want to mention is an old friend who has built a small operation housed in his home workshop into the electronic security business that more and more oilfield, trucking, salt water disposal, pipeline, and other businesses are using to lower theft and malicious damage. If you aren't using Eddie to protect your home and business, give him a call; he'll do you right!

Just to prove how amazing his work is, I want to give you a sample of a job he just did for me. Gary, over there -- you might try him too; he's a good one - had us in a little workshop out at the ranch to introduce our office staff to a new computer program we will all be using. I know, I know, but getting away from the familiar seems to increase the interest and focus of folks, so if we ended up fishing during breaks and all, well, that is just to get some fresh air. It didn't mean we weren't working!

Anyhow, during the workshop I noticed some things were out of place and got a little concerned. Nothing was broken or missing, that I could see, but no one had visited the house in a while, to the best of my knowledge, so I called Eddie.

He came out the next day and installed a state-of-the-art video and audio security system that is so dang newfangled it sends me a message if there is an intruder! Isn't that something? Of course, the first intruder was a dang wild hog who dug under the fence, but still!"

When the laughter died, Larry continued. "Heck, this morning I was in Monterrey, Mexico getting a new contract signed -- yes, boys, it's a good one! We aren't going to starve for a few more months, at least!

Anyhow, I'm waiting for the notary to do his thing, when the security app on my phone buzzed. I figured it was another pig, so I just texted the Sheriff's office and asked if they had received the alert. Donna replied that they had and the sheriff was investigating. She said this time it was live human beings, and she was watching their shenanigans live and taping it, so I could relax and take care of business.

We chatted for a few minutes, being old friends and all, and then I hung up to take a call from the sheriff. Good man, Sheriff Adams; he investigated the break in AND a mysterious shooter near the ranch house.

I haven't had time to watch the video and audio yet, but I know many of you have homes or cabins in the country too, so let's all watch what Eddie's system surveilled out at my ranch house today, shall we?"

Jimmy Bob was seated on the side near the stage; he got up and tried to sneak out the side door, but two huge men stopped him and returned him to his seat, where the lovely Donna waited with a benign look, but actually breathing fire. Missy was at the center table, right in front of Larry and about 20 feet away; her face and bare shoulders were as scarlet as her dress.

The video began when the miscreants climbed out of the LT Enterprises truck, hugged and kissed, and entered 'our love nest,' as they called it. The video ran while they got naked, dove on the bed, and engaged in a rowdy 69. Larry hit fast forward so the audience saw them doing doggie, missionary, and reverse cowgirl, but at high speed.