All Comments on 'The April Fool'

Too much effort went into being aw shucks corn-pone country boy, and not enough effort into telling a decent story.

There were some errors, like Jimmy Bab and Sara instead of Donna.

Please keep better track of your character names - who mixed up Larry and Jimmy Bob several times and that hurts the story.

Good story, but you forgot an epilogue. She will be known as a cheater (public records). She may be a mistress, but highly doubtful she'll ever be a wife again or will be with another good man. Maybe she'll become a mistress/whore for someone in a drug cartel/mafia - she probably has few if any morals left. And I'm sure her family will be proud of her. What is Jimmy Bob going to do? He pissed off one of the richest men in the state ( who has lots of friends and the people love him). If he is smart, he will move a long distance away - like another country that does little or no business with Larry, and will live a poor and shitty life.

Who was the shooter?

Decent story, 4 stars.

The story started off nicely and moved well. The characters played their parts well. Missy and Jimmy Bob tried to cover their infidelity but it didn't work. Larry extracted his revenge against both of them, wasn't severe enough. My question is, was it Larry shooting at the lovers or a hired gun? I love it when the cheaters get caught and have to pay the price for their tryst.... The storyline is weak but the whole story was interesting but way too short. Keep up the good work.

...what another commenter said. Who was the shooter?

Thanx...

Lokie

I hate cuck and cheating spouses stories although I do appreciate any excellent writing style regardless of the genre (though I don't read much of cuck stories) so I give this writing a 3-star, there are some aspects that need to improve like giving a little more details of the shooter. But since it is BTB ( I like it whether it was the husband or wife the cheater) I give it 5 star!

Pretty good story and a different take on the BTB genre. Liked it.

Cheers

SAGE

The old "expose them at a party" trick is quite old. Almost nothing happened here. The guy caught and divorced his wife, so it will manage a decent score, but it lacked emotion, or excitement.

. . . any man would show the part of the tape in which his sexual prowess is being run down. Not just this story, but a lot of them.

The husband has the evidence, that’s all he needs. Video of him getting cuckolded is only going to hurt him at that point.

Why would the lawyer of a 23 year old burnt out model/slut with no money insist on having a pre-nup with the millionaire she was marrying? It would be in HER best interest NOT to have a pre-nup. Just ridiculous.

Could use and editor. Every male character gets labeled as 'Larry's.

Plot hole. Sheriffs office and husband said to be viewing video.

Yet sheriff seems unaware and doesn't believe the earrings story. Course not. He already knows they were cheating.

Nice first effort here. I assume since he was watching it live, and had time to call Sheriff's office, that he had time to call a friend, pool boy, whomever, that could reach his property and shoot up a truck. Noticed a few instances of using Larry's name where you meant Jim Bob.

This was a fun read and the two cheaters payed the price... Some will say not enough but that is a matter of opinion...

Keep writing as you have a lot of potential and don't let the negative words some say bother you! Hell 90% of them have never written a story so what do they really know?

Looking forward to more of you stories...

5*****s

SOS

Continuity: "several hundred guests, including about fifty of Larry's employees and sub-contractors." "several hundred movers and shakers from the area plus an equal number of his loyal employees, contractors, and old friends" It goes from several hundred guests, INCLUDING 50 employees and sub-contractors, to several hundred movers and shakers PLUS several hundred employees, contractors and friends.

/

Yes, who was the shooter?

/

@Anonymous Re: Pre-nup - Her attorney may have written it, but if his attorney let him sign it, it was two-sided, and she was unlikely to come up "smelling like a rose" since she cheated.

She wasn't the one with money.

You didn't know that Donna was a former Marine sniper with over one hundred kills...

The real truth is this is nothing like the real thing. I have done family law for almost 30 years for in 5 states. We like to think that the courts care, they don't, I swear that most of the laws are written by the legislators first wives. Prenups are set aside if the woman is going to get screwed, never are if the guy is, just the truth. Postnups mean nothing if the wife cheats, will nail you if they guy does. The truth is we can bitch and moan all we like but the law assumes that the man is responsible for the health and welfare of his family, her cheating means that he was not doing his job. His cheating means he is a slut scum bag. Just the way it is.

really enjoyed it. The story seemed "fresh" and moved along at a quick, yet effective, pace. I was originally going to ask for "the rest of the story", but upon further reflection it's good as is. 5*

Fun short read but like others, who is the shooter? Can't get it out of my head but will re-read to make sure its not subtly there.

The first 2-3 paragraphs were enough. Cutting off body parts, really that's how you entice readers. No thanks

That's how a real man deals with things. Cuck wimp losers need to piss off.

Thanks for the feedback. I got too noir in The Summer of ... series in Romance and was aiming for a lighter, more subtle story. I can’t believe I screwed up names - one of my pet peeves. I’ll work on it.

I liked the premise but you missed your characters several times going from Larry to Jim Bob.

Never an identified of a shooter. You dropped that detail. I picked up where you introduced the computer guy saying he can work from from anywhere etc.Hinting but you did not clearly say or really provide the link that Larry himself shot his pickup.

He had divorce papers ready a few hours after the event? Unlikely. He should have said he caught on she was cheating a while back. And the prenup? Unless she was rich from being a model HER lawyer would not have insisted.

For the premise and basic story idea a 4. The rest deserves maybe a 3

The shooter was the guy with his own plane who won every shooting contest in the area. Calling him ‘in Monterey’, the sheriff heard a series of clicks before he answered, supposed to indicate transferring an international call.

The same with the pre-nup- should have clarified the split.

I’ll keep the advice in mind. New to this, so constructive criticism is welcomed and used.

My biggest complaint with your story is... you need to learn to keep your names straight. Why would she be pulled out of the truck and hunker down next to Larry when he wasn't there (that's just one example).

Delightfully over the top. That's why I enjoy fiction - it all works out so perfectly. Fun story. Thanks for sharing.

"We might talk funny down here 'n Texas, but it danged sho' don't mean we're stupid!" - Hank Hill

GREAT Story!!!!

Never explained who the shooter was!

That plot hole alone drops this from a 4**** to a 3***

Once promiscuous, always promiscuous. Love is blind. Sadly men forget these adages quite often. Good story. Tired of reading about wimpy cucks here. Nice BTB story for a change.

Another case of the itchy britches results in sticky britches. Too bad the Cuke was so civilized. What he needed to have was a Comanche Party with the dude who disrespected him. Kinda like in Lonesome Dove.

Good BTB. Need more of them. Well-written and funny. Thanks.

A great April Fools. Just the right amount of BTB.

I'm not sure if its the site or the category, but these LW stories are getting so trite that it really isn't worth reading anymore. From the first paragraph the story plotline (if you can call it that) was clearly foretold and the actual telling wasn't making it any better. I must say that originality here is very difficult to come by, but the same old plots rehashed over and again are really getting boring. And the laudatory comments are also a bit over the top. You know, there are over 33,000 stories in this category and there are probably about a dozen or so individual plots. You do the math. I could only count up to 2*.

If the writer can't follow the names, Jimmy Bob or Larry, how is the reader supposed to follow?

The shooting was a major part of the story. You have to at least take a stab at explaining it.

The story was ok. But in two pages Sara became Donna (assuming Sara and Donna were the same person), and Larry and Jimmy Bob were confused.

Also, Larry in the end says Missy's attorney insisted on the prenup, but the story tells us that a big part of the attraction for Missy was Larry's money; so, one would assume he was worth a great deal more than her. So, why would HER attorney insist on a prenup, besides the fact that the author is wanting Larry to have the prenup, without Larry looking like wasn't as open when he went into the marriage.

Also, the one that requests the prenup typically dictates the rules; so, the prenup would have been more favorable to Missy. I will give you an example. Myself, and several of my friends have prenups and we used the same law firm that is very well known for that sort of thing. The prenup is so one sided that it even has a provision that if I buy and win the lotto it's my money, but if my wife wins the lotto it's community property.

Obviously, the prenup wasn't to protect against lotto winnings, but the money and businesses we had already built. The example is to give you an idea how lopsided prenups can be if one partner brings a lot more assets into the relationship than the other.

If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed.

<P>

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

I live in Texas, and the two lovers would have been dropped by the first two shots.

Want bad, but ended just when it was getting fun. Would have like to see some of the aftermath.

who was shooting and why?

And what did aprils fools mean at the end?

He wasnt going to divorce her?

Think this needs a rewrite.

damn still CUCK !

There is a free software program called yWriter7. It's designed for writers and can help you organize your thoughts and keep track of your characters. I would highly recommend it.

Guess there wasn't much to say about the cheating whore, since she was a whore when he married her and only became a cheating whore because he was stupid enough to marry her. Guess he is better at evaluating business opportunities than marriage partners.

Whatever. Wasn't that dramatic or suspenseful, since it was all telegraphed the moment we learned it was being videoed and taped.

Thanks for the effort.

Overcritical: "You do the math. I could only count up to 2*."

School must have been hell for him.

a pretty good story.

Interesting and enjoyable read. Thank you Texican1830.

It wasn't ever said who the shooter was, but not hard to figure out if you read the story. Larry had his own airplane, won Turkey Shoots, and had a high end security. Hmmm, could it be Larry?

@overcritical

you wrote " I must say that originality here is very difficult to come by, but the same old plots rehashed over and again are really getting boring."

Maybe you could write an original story between your whining and reading stories. Probably not if you could only count to 2.

A few rough spots and name changes, but they didn’t detract much from a good story. I would have thought his father in law, the sheriff, would have had a word with him after catching him with Missy. I would like to know the shooter. Was Larry spoofing his Monterrey trip with help from his computer experts? Guess we’ll never know.

@LenardSpencer, I had assumed that she maybe had some money from her modeling days.

/

@Texican1830, yes, I had forgotten about the clicks. At the time I was thinking about the call being forwarded, wasn't aware international call business.

Skank, slut, bitch, whore, mildew ingrown butt hair of a so call wife, cunt, adulterer (maybe to good of a term to describe her), mentally challenge, and whatever you can think of. lol lol🤣😆

It’s still Chekhov’s gun, even shooting out mirrors.

Yep, l liked it well worth 4/5.

At last...another guy with his balls intact!. But who the fuck was doing the shooting?

I hope that the ex wife enjoys not having any Money .. Just Shows that She Screwed herself out of a good life

c

A good read just spoiled by not continuing further with aftermath and maybe him getting a new better wife.

I really enjoy April Fool's stories!

Too short!

Good read though.

Don’t pay Overcritical any attention. He arbitrarily assigns 2 and 3 stars, rarely gives 4 stars. A 5 star effort is vanishingly rare.

However, I do agree with some of his points but ended up giving 3 stars.

Better luck next time.

Love the Revenge he gets on both of the Assholes. she can try to get back with her crowd from before but at 26 she is a bit old

Worthless. One of the worst stories ever written.

For the many who asked, the (too) subtle clues were the sheriff assuring them the shooter was so good they would both be dead if he wanted, hubby being a award-winning marksman, and the sounds of the call being transferred when the sheriff called him in Mexico (to the plane).

Never said she was washed up; she had lived high on the hog, but still had a career and money.

I’ll clarify in the future, but I was trying to leave an element of mystery.

The messed up names are on me. I’ll do better in the future.

LOVE your ideas on justice and heaters!!! BTB!!!

Really liked it. Too bad he couldn't take all her money, leaving her destitute. A homeless but beautiful whore.

firing a dumbass and getting rid of a cheating ex...........priceless

Not much of plot here. Your characters are so off-handed that it looks like they all came out of trailer park. You might want to work on that as not all of the readers you are trying to reach are that way.

1 star - no comment necessary

Nixroc thanks - that’s helpful!

Quick little BTB... nice. Anytime I read one of these short tales that's this enjoyable I'll admit I wish there was more to it. But still, well done sir. What I'm really wanting Texican1830, is the next installment of "Betrayal".

Sent Betrayal 4 in this morning, Hiram. The whole saga was written before I understood the site requirements and restrictions, so I’m doing serious editing to avoid getting stuff rejected. Even so, part six is going to be iffy, and that’s the finale.

I don't think the author knows what April Fools means

Would have appreciated an explanation about the shooter. Like maybe who it was and why they were there. Still, I liked the story without it. Thanks for sharing.

Yep. Read And Enjoyed

jtwheels

Read again. Good story but why did her attorney insist on a prenup? Was he not the wealthy one?

"Schwanze1about 11 hours ago

Read again. Good story but why did her attorney insist on a prenup? Was he not the wealthy one?"

I would imagine that the thought was that if HE ever cheated SHE would reap the rewards. It's just good that the reciprocal was enforced and she ended up with nada.

So, first off, there is the inappropriate comment “April fool’s” which would make his previous declaration into a joke not to be taken seriously. ?? If he was in Monterey who was the dead eye shooter? As others questioned and remained another head scratcher is the prenup. If anyone would have insisted on one it should have been his lawyer, he’s the one with the assets to protect. Too much of this seemed like unlabelled canned stuff thrown together with no recipe!

Good BTB story

Too bad that the truck got shot up but it'll get fixed. By the way, story said plane landed did not say he was on the plane... leads me to think that he was the shooter. LP

I don't care WHO the shooter was! I love the way this ended! Great story, and real revenge on a cheating slut skank!

Thank you author, for another great story!

I'm flagging your Lit profile, so I know when the ending chapters of "It Ain't Paranoia If..." finally get posted here! Can't wait to read how that story ends!

Amazing author...love your stories! Thank you!

TORCH THE BITCH FOREVER! FIVE STARS!

Oh dang it, tis a big 5! I suppose we can say "take that yankee" to the loving couple Missy and JimmyBob. Just lucky the shooter was a good shot ......

Dang. I actually gave this a 5 as I read it with my best Texas drawl voice. It was goooood.

Another load of crap, may have been a bit better if it even got finished

Sorry, the story is unfinished. Jimmy Bob can still walk.

So who was the shooter?

The guy who was supposedly in Mexico was the shooter.

...about the commenters. Tex has repeatedly clarified in comments the obvious fact that Hubby was the shooter and that he answered a transferred call from the Sheriff. I wonder at the lack of imagination shown by my fellow readers, and their apparent need for every nuance to be spelled out in capital letters. This is fiction, friends. It's supposed to be fun, not as tight as a legal contract.

Thanks, Tex, for a light, fluffy April Fools story.

Keep 'em comin'.

Weak.

It was just about ok, no better 3*

I liked it a lot . Good story line. I'm told that many critics have either been caught and read these stories trying to figure out what they did wrong or are in the throws of cheating, and though they have not got caught yet, really believe they will not be caught. 'Oh yee, of little faith, your time will come, when you least expect it. Great job, Texican1830. Keep writing.

XYZ

Yeah I rated it average ‘ cause it was all so predictable. But a High Average.

Woah! Don’t mess with Texas!

Great Story!! I loved it!!

Good story. Badly mauled by putting Larry's name where it should have been Jimmy Bob's. Screwed up that part of the tale. Wonder why something so obvious escaped the author/editor.

Oh god the stories on here get worse and worse

Good story. I'd like to have heard how the cheaters ultimately faired.

Good story but needs an editor who is paying attention to what he/she is reading!

Very confusing and poorly written.

Ok a few mistakes but still a good story. I would like to have heard a final conversation between them. Did she try to apologise and get back? Did she have any money of her own? Did she end up waitressing and doing tricks? Just a more complete ending would have been appreciated.

Nice revenge 5*****