All Comments on 'The Architect'

you had a five until you ran over the cliff with the Jamal crap....

Two issues:

Semi-automatic weapons use magazines to hold ammunition, not clips. Using the term, "clip" is a sign of ignorance.

Also, all men do not cry at the drop of a hat. Big boys do cry, but not on a daily basis.

Otherwise, a good original story.

The error is minor. Many people who own guns use the terms interchangeably. Good story. There may have been other minor errors. But if you are reading for pleasure instead of to find fault, it is a very enjoyable story. 5*

Dude, you need to work on your dialogue. Go back and read them. They’re so stilted the seem ridiculous. Try to imagine how a really person would talk when having the conversation. It was quite off-putting for me.

So much was hard to believe a story would function this way. I only got through the first 3 pages and spot checked a few others for any improvement.

Started off great, got worse and worse as it progressed.

Story failed for me after the first paragraph. He saw his wife and business partner/friend on television outside a motel room. When both of them should have been somewhere else. Why didn't he just confront them and see what excuse they came up with. I doubt they could have come up with any reasonable explanation. He could have had his lawyer then follow up and investigate to discover that they have been booking a room at the motel on a regular basis.

Didn't read anymore of the story after the first page.

Wtf is this shit, the guy is pretty much a wimp from the get-go

... which morons talk like your characters in real life...?

Why didn't you just write two stories? Waaaaay too long.

First 2 pages held my interest remainder went totally off track. It was like to different stories

So the ex just quietly went away, huh ?

After 14 years and she was shagging the best friend for 5 of them but would "die without hubby", huh ? And then, poof, gone. On to his next love. Your MC sure does cry a lot.??

I kept thinking this is going to get real interesting, but it never did. I don’t know why I read the whole boring Ning.

If this is how u spoke romantically to ur wife..no doubt she ditched ya bald eagle and found another for herself !!

What a load of rubbish

Stopped reading halfway through the second page. The story is poorly constructed. The MC runs out on his wife as they are about to have sex. The next day he speaks to his wife and nothing is said about him running out.

I read it again, I can't believe he falls for the gay rubbish. 1*

rather stupid story. page 1 is about his cheating wife and business partner, then nothing more. WTF? rest i sped read through and it was trivial nonsense.

Not what I expected, but I liked it.

Story started with an interesting bit about infidelity of his wife and business partner. He caught them, got back at the and…. They were gone. The next 75% of the story (6 pages) was about his romance with a young employee. Huh? Went from 5 star to 1. Although well written, made me read a bunch of crap. Downgraded

This reached absurd fast

Was an interesting story about infidelity and finding a new romance for about 4 pages then it became too long and absurd. Once he marries Deb there's no reason for the rest of what happens in the story.

It’s a wonder the author didn’t disclosed that his protagonist were both super heroes in disguise: too long, too convoluted, too many sub-plots and just plain not credible. Would have been nice to know what happened to first wife and friends. Two stars and generous at that.

The story seemed to go on too long after the interesting part about the infidelity had ended.

Postscript - Debbie gets contacted by the porno guy about building his studio and she ends up running off with the stereotype big black cock (I can't believe this story really had to go there). Little Dolly's hair is now in cornrows and Debbie now calls John junior Jamal.

Both would-be superhero gunslingers resign their positions at the Hall of Justice, but not before Debbie pulls a train with the entire Justice League (except for John, of course).

Now she's knocked up again.

Maury Povich has them all booked on his show for a for a Paternity episode... Except for John, of course.

The story started STRONG but started to falter at the big cheater reveal. All was puppies and kittens....

[05.10.22]

EVERYTHING after the confrontation with Jeff is unnecessary (John Jr. is okay though) and the whole gun(s) business was idiotic and out of left field, plus the whole porn/BBC part was pure cringe. The story went from a 5/5 to 0/5.

Nita bad story outline but I've ever read a more badly written piece of work

He cries on every page.

About 12 years ago the writer a great piece of fiction. It was as if the author was describing his dream woman, a real unicorn. The were a few irritating errors but over all it was very captivating. I think it was the 5th last of 134 stories in 7 years with ratings up into the 4.7+ range. I look at this like his swan song and he has not been heard from again. He said he was an old man.

Thought 1 - The author is unlikely to still be active, so what is the meaning of most of the comments? zilch!!!

Thought 2 - Literotica says we are to encourage authors. Fair criticism is valuable, but most of the recent comments are not.

How can people criticise a fantasy for not being real enough. Do those critics every watch fanciful movies?

It's fascinating how some enjoy melodramatic saccharine bullshit while others like myself want to vomit on page 1. How can anyone like this? It's like loving wives version or a very very bad B movie that doesn't quite make it to "so bad its good"

1 star - English is obviously not your first language - nobody says Mister John or Miss Betty in North America.

The author says he lives in Central Florida. Adding a Mr or Miss in front of a first name is a custom that is alive and well in North Central Florida

I enjoyed the read but think an editor could tighten it up and make it a more exciting and easy read.

Pas mal comme histoire mais je n'ai pas compris que John n'ait pas pris ses affaires et soit rentré chez lui après les réflexions de Debbie sur la taille du sexe du NOIR... Même en plaisantant, elle n'avait pas à dégrader John de cette façon. En plaisantant, il aurait dû lui envoyer de faux papiers de divorce pour lui faire comprendre qu'il ne faut pas jouer à ce jeu surtout qu'elle sait qu'il avait été blessé par sa première femme.

Bla bla bla. Debbie aime bien provoquer John. Que se soit Jeff ou Jamal, le lendemain il serait au chômage. Après tout ce qu'il a fait pour Debbie, elle devrait avoir plus de respect pour lui.

A well-written and charming tale, quite enjoyable, thanks!

Someone said people don't say mister this or miss that in us.

Hmmm yes they do.

Depends on education level and level of manners in that area of the country.

Little tedious.

Lost me on the first page. MMC crying. Debbie telling him to join his cheating wife in therapy. Nah.

Not a bad story. But, there was enough crying, wailing, and snot balls to fill an Olympic sized swimming pool. Authors just stop with the gratuitous use of the word "girl" (or "dude" for that matter).

This could have been a good story but you never addressed the fallout from the confrontation with the wife and partner. They just walked away with no drama? The instant love with Debbie is beyond unbelievable—it’s absurd. Her insulting behavior on the beach with the porn guys and then with Jamal would have been a near deal-breaker for me. She never seemed to get it even though she claimed to love her husband. It’s all to saccharine-sweet.