All Comments on 'The Architect'

This could have been a good story but you never addressed the fallout from the confrontation with the wife and partner. They just walked away with no drama? The instant love with Debbie is beyond unbelievable—it’s absurd. Her insulting behavior on the beach with the porn guys and then with Jamal would have been a near deal-breaker for me. She never seemed to get it even though she claimed to love her husband. It’s all to saccharine-sweet.

Not a bad story. But, there was enough crying, wailing, and snot balls to fill an Olympic sized swimming pool. Authors just stop with the gratuitous use of the word "girl" (or "dude" for that matter).

Lost me on the first page. MMC crying. Debbie telling him to join his cheating wife in therapy. Nah.

Little tedious.

Someone said people don't say mister this or miss that in us.

Hmmm yes they do.

Depends on education level and level of manners in that area of the country.

A well-written and charming tale, quite enjoyable, thanks!

Bla bla bla. Debbie aime bien provoquer John. Que se soit Jeff ou Jamal, le lendemain il serait au chômage. Après tout ce qu'il a fait pour Debbie, elle devrait avoir plus de respect pour lui.

Pas mal comme histoire mais je n'ai pas compris que John n'ait pas pris ses affaires et soit rentré chez lui après les réflexions de Debbie sur la taille du sexe du NOIR... Même en plaisantant, elle n'avait pas à dégrader John de cette façon. En plaisantant, il aurait dû lui envoyer de faux papiers de divorce pour lui faire comprendre qu'il ne faut pas jouer à ce jeu surtout qu'elle sait qu'il avait été blessé par sa première femme.

The author says he lives in Central Florida. Adding a Mr or Miss in front of a first name is a custom that is alive and well in North Central Florida

I enjoyed the read but think an editor could tighten it up and make it a more exciting and easy read.

1 star - English is obviously not your first language - nobody says Mister John or Miss Betty in North America.

It's fascinating how some enjoy melodramatic saccharine bullshit while others like myself want to vomit on page 1. How can anyone like this? It's like loving wives version or a very very bad B movie that doesn't quite make it to "so bad its good"

About 12 years ago the writer a great piece of fiction. It was as if the author was describing his dream woman, a real unicorn. The were a few irritating errors but over all it was very captivating. I think it was the 5th last of 134 stories in 7 years with ratings up into the 4.7+ range. I look at this like his swan song and he has not been heard from again. He said he was an old man.

Thought 1 - The author is unlikely to still be active, so what is the meaning of most of the comments? zilch!!!

Thought 2 - Literotica says we are to encourage authors. Fair criticism is valuable, but most of the recent comments are not.

How can people criticise a fantasy for not being real enough. Do those critics every watch fanciful movies?

He cries on every page.

Nita bad story outline but I've ever read a more badly written piece of work

[05.10.22]

EVERYTHING after the confrontation with Jeff is unnecessary (John Jr. is okay though) and the whole gun(s) business was idiotic and out of left field, plus the whole porn/BBC part was pure cringe. The story went from a 5/5 to 0/5.

The story started STRONG but started to falter at the big cheater reveal. All was puppies and kittens....

Postscript - Debbie gets contacted by the porno guy about building his studio and she ends up running off with the stereotype big black cock (I can't believe this story really had to go there). Little Dolly's hair is now in cornrows and Debbie now calls John junior Jamal.

Both would-be superhero gunslingers resign their positions at the Hall of Justice, but not before Debbie pulls a train with the entire Justice League (except for John, of course).

Now she's knocked up again.

Maury Povich has them all booked on his show for a for a Paternity episode... Except for John, of course.

The story seemed to go on too long after the interesting part about the infidelity had ended.

It’s a wonder the author didn’t disclosed that his protagonist were both super heroes in disguise: too long, too convoluted, too many sub-plots and just plain not credible. Would have been nice to know what happened to first wife and friends. Two stars and generous at that.

Was an interesting story about infidelity and finding a new romance for about 4 pages then it became too long and absurd. Once he marries Deb there's no reason for the rest of what happens in the story.

This reached absurd fast

Story started with an interesting bit about infidelity of his wife and business partner. He caught them, got back at the and…. They were gone. The next 75% of the story (6 pages) was about his romance with a young employee. Huh? Went from 5 star to 1. Although well written, made me read a bunch of crap. Downgraded

Not what I expected, but I liked it.

rather stupid story. page 1 is about his cheating wife and business partner, then nothing more. WTF? rest i sped read through and it was trivial nonsense.

I read it again, I can't believe he falls for the gay rubbish. 1*

Stopped reading halfway through the second page. The story is poorly constructed. The MC runs out on his wife as they are about to have sex. The next day he speaks to his wife and nothing is said about him running out.

What a load of rubbish

If this is how u spoke romantically to ur wife..no doubt she ditched ya bald eagle and found another for herself !!

I kept thinking this is going to get real interesting, but it never did. I don’t know why I read the whole boring Ning.

After 14 years and she was shagging the best friend for 5 of them but would "die without hubby", huh ? And then, poof, gone. On to his next love. Your MC sure does cry a lot.??

So the ex just quietly went away, huh ?

First 2 pages held my interest remainder went totally off track. It was like to different stories

Why didn't you just write two stories? Waaaaay too long.

... which morons talk like your characters in real life...?

Wtf is this shit, the guy is pretty much a wimp from the get-go

Story failed for me after the first paragraph. He saw his wife and business partner/friend on television outside a motel room. When both of them should have been somewhere else. Why didn't he just confront them and see what excuse they came up with. I doubt they could have come up with any reasonable explanation. He could have had his lawyer then follow up and investigate to discover that they have been booking a room at the motel on a regular basis.

Didn't read anymore of the story after the first page.

Started off great, got worse and worse as it progressed.

So much was hard to believe a story would function this way. I only got through the first 3 pages and spot checked a few others for any improvement.

Dude, you need to work on your dialogue. Go back and read them. They’re so stilted the seem ridiculous. Try to imagine how a really person would talk when having the conversation. It was quite off-putting for me.

The error is minor. Many people who own guns use the terms interchangeably. Good story. There may have been other minor errors. But if you are reading for pleasure instead of to find fault, it is a very enjoyable story. 5*

Two issues:

Semi-automatic weapons use magazines to hold ammunition, not clips. Using the term, "clip" is a sign of ignorance.

Also, all men do not cry at the drop of a hat. Big boys do cry, but not on a daily basis.

Otherwise, a good original story.

you had a five until you ran over the cliff with the Jamal crap....

A business owner would never give a temporary employee a company credit card and authority to essentially run his business as he did. He had no reason to believe that the story of her past life wasn’t a fabrication. He had just been burned by one woman; he would have been much more wary than he was. Overall, a stupid unrealistic story. Three stars.

There was a story where his ex and his friend's affair came about. He went from being a loving, betrayed husband to immediately in love again. I think a confrontation and explanation, for his wife's betrayal was needed. Also how can the ex wife and lover just stop after 5 years?

But left it being confused and felt the writing I'll defined the action. And what was it with all the insecurity with their re?ationship? Wish things were clearer , and th as t neither of the two main characters were such super men.

Hard to stay with this one. However, I would have liked to have seen the perpetrators get their due!

This story starts off by John finding out his wife is having an affair...the video shows she thinks her husband is getting wind of whats she doing and wants to end it because she loves him...you see the affair has been going on for 5 year now...and I love the fact the husband won't stand for it and gets rid of her...The only thing that I don't like about this love story is...you don't get to see the ex-wifes pain for losing the man she loves...Yes...I wanted to see that...I wanted to know what she felt like losing her husband for what she did... But I did find this story intertaining...I loved all of the twists an turns it took.......

I enjoyed your story and thought it was well written. It was a bit long and I think the story would have been even better received if you had ended the story before the Caymans vacation. Just one persons observation.

I have News ... Jamal is not gay ...

John and Debbie are at Donna's graduation from University with her degree in business with a minor in Architecture. John thinks back over the last 20 years. Their other 5 kids are doing well. The company has grown to be a billion dollar building design firm with buildings, they have designed, in many countries. They have offices in 12 countries world wide.

Debbie IS the CEO of the company as she is the driving force behind their success and John is happy as the Chief Architect.

Sally has lived well, due to the her share and how successful the company been, but has never remarried as she realised how much she lost when she cheated on her wonderful husband. She satisfied her maternal instincts by becoming the best "aunt" to John and Debbie's kids. She does not regret that part of her life as her life has no meaning without John.

Mary has also done well due to her share of the profits from the company. She is happy her friend John is happy with Debbie. She is also happy with her second husband who she met 3 years after her divorce from Dave. He runs a multi-national construction company and actually builds some of John's designs they work well together. She has 3 kids who are doing well in school.

Dave, however, is different story. He found employment with a medium sized firm but was terminated for padding his expense reports. After that he was unable to find work in his field so he was forced to take whatever work he could. After being fired from his last job at a burger joint' as a fast food cook, he really hit the skids. He is currently homeless in a big city in Florida but dreams of being successful again. Every now and then John sees him panhandling and slips a hundred into his begging bowl. When this occurs Dave tells John to "fuck off" but still accepts the money. He then proceeds to drink good scotch till he passes out remembering the good times. Oh if he could only get rid of this dose of anti-biotic resistant syphilis he caught from that skank on 53rd street, or was it 51st he might be able to come back and show Lord High Almighty John "fucking" Nelson' the architect of his downfall.

Jamal is VP of Engineering and is very much in love with his husband and John was his best man at the wedding.

Betty well she is still married to the same wonderful man and has had 2 more children. She still works for John and Debbie even after the little blow up when she refused the role of Debbie's Personal Assistant (she did not want to be away from her kids too long). They have all been good friends but she is looking forward to retirement in a few years.

I.just never got interested in this.one. Too long, and too disjointed for me.

What happened to original cheaters

What was she doing with porn guy even though it was a good discussion

Once cheated on going to have trust issues fairly well covered

Overall enjoyed although for a while I thought you were leading to him suffering another cheater

4 stars

Boring from start to end snoozzzzzzzer

I think you brought this story to a high point very early on when he called in his wife and partner and was ready to drop the hammer on them. It was very anti-climactic that they were simply written out of the story on page 2 of 8. I was surprised that there was not some future drama and John did not get a chance to demonstrate what she (first wife) lost.

What's the point!

It was an uninteresting read. It was about as interesting as listening to someone droning on and on about how their life sucks, or trying too hard to impress someone with their mediocrity. It really was tedious

What was The Story supposed to be about? From there it doesn't make sense. You had the newsfeed of them kissing inside the door of the motel and room number. How much more proof did you need? Then you take Dave and his wife along with Sally to a weekend conference, While at the conference: This little girl you hired got a pi. to follow them and record them coming back to the same motel room on two diffrerent days. I guess from there they went back to the conference without you nor Dave's wife noticing that they had gotten lost on you two, because when you came back from the conference she had all the videos of them and what they had done and spoken to each other about. Motels are not wired. It is highly illegal to record someone in the rooms. So forget trying to say you got the motel tapes. Ok? Five years!! And you nor Dave's wife suspected anything? Oh! she knew but hadn't wanted to say anything? Really? A wife will not let it slide. As soon as she suspects something she's going to confront you about it. Anyway, One thing I always ask myself is. If this guy is such a nice considerate and loving man? Oh and lets not forget, the most amazing lover! Why the hell then is the wife looking? from there you went into another story totally different. I guess Sally and Dave's ex never got paid divedends from their shares as it was never mentioned. Anyway! Your new wife said that she didn't know what it felt like since her first time she was raped and couldn't remember anything. But then! towards the end of the story she says that you are the best lover she has ever been with? I also didn't agree with you making it into a racial thing. But since you brought it up, why was she after those black men? How long before you find out that you weren't man enough for her either? Lousy story sorry I spent my time reading it.

People don't talk like this.

Why the hell would you write several stories and make them as one? I don’t mind reading about his older relationship and how he got out of it and kicked both the best friend and his wife, then he fell in love. That is exactly where you should have ended. And don’t get me started with the honeymoon, it doesn’t make any sense.

There was nothing about his personality or hers that would incline to them chosing a nude beach, to me it doesn’t make any sense for any vacation let alone their honeymoon. The first reason is that she was raped, didn’t even know what a cock looks like until she saw her husband’s, the other reason is that her husband is older than her by many years that would prevent him from going to places like these especially when you know that he isn’t the type to show her off, she’s not his trophy wife. Lastly his first marriage and the long affair of 5 years that his ex wife had with his best friend.

Being a good writer doesn’t only mean that you are able to write with proper grammar, you should also put some thought into your characters. You can’t make them do things that go against their personality or nature. I’m so pissed that I’ve wasted some time in reading what was a great story that turned into a shitty one.

I agree with others about the story rambling without any surprise twists.

The bank shoot-out was a distraction that had nothing to do with the progress of the story and served no purpose.

I also feel there was no need for honeymoon porn element.

It is commendable to highlight the protagonist's natural over sensitivity to trust issues following his former marriage failure but there was no need for this to nave a racial element.

Whilst Debby was smart she was not yet over worldly wise - therefore coming across as insensitive. As someone already commented - we tend to expect other people to think and react the same way as ourselves - and that's a big mistake.

In spite of this I gave it 5*

I suspect because of their own lack of closure which they wont find here - there are a surprising number of commenter's wanting to know the reason for their cheating.

Really?

Who could tell you that?

Would you believe the word of a cheater even if they knew?

In the case of this story there was first an attraction which grew until an opportunity either presented itself or was created and they slide into it - maybe caught by the moment - with neither having the moral strength to say no or think of the consequences. Having got away with it once it is easy to continue - although by this time they partially realised what is at risk but still choose to continue. Even so I doubt if they seriously think of the full implications of divorce nor the full number of people it affects and to what extent - both financial and emotional.

As to what happened to the cheaters - who cares, There only involvement with the story was a cheating couple that got caught and kicked to the curb.

Their punishment. Dave got taken to the cleaners and Sally got to see Debby happily replace her and have the family she had been planning.

Very one dimensional.

Good story, just needed more meat on the bones of it, A LOT!

At least during that whole 5 years Sally never slapped him in the face with her preference for other men, but Debbie and her obsession with black guys was in his face from the honeymoon on. Don't like either but would have preferred it not to be in my face. That I blame on the writer. It didn't need to be that way.

pretentious, convoluted, and full of holes.

and what is a pick-nick?

You have to ask yourself what wife consoles someone who loves her husband as a friend in a business setting? Given John's history with Sally you would think that she would be more sensitive on how John could misinterpret some young stud always being around her and her welcoming that attention. Also, why would Jamal want to be around someone who stands in the way of his great love interest? It just seems like an unnecessary problem to have in the office as well as their marriage.

Debbie's story is just as off, getting drugged and raped and then fired for being pregnant?

First off, did she not get a rape kit and a blood test? The perpetrator(s) were at the party, but no explanation about an investigation despite there being plenty to work with.

Her getting fired is just as stupid, has wrongful termination lawsuit written all over it.

The author really didn't think this through.

The characterisation seems off.

It's very weird when he on the first page is grinning about it being his fault, if it was supposed to be sarcastic that didn't come through at all.

It seems to me that some of the commenters live in a dark little world where they believe that most, if not all women,and men for that matter, are cheaters always looking for opportunities to do their cheating. Was she immature? In some things yes she was,but then most people are at 20.Was she unaware of what others did and thought ? Yes she was,but that goes along with her being as young as she was, and it could have and nearly did cost her greatly.She still had a lot to lean about life yet.Also many people are blissfully unaware of a lot that goes on around them no matter what their age or level of maturity is.Was she acting like she was cheating,or was going to cheat?I don't believe so. John needed to get some counciling to deal with what happened to him with Sally and his insecurities. As far as comments about it being too long,sometimes it takes awhile to develope out a story in order to make it good. Was everything needed in this one? Maybe ,maybe not,but he was giving us a look into these peoples lives with all that may be a part of them.I personally prefer the longer stories as they do include more depth into the personalities of the characters in the story.

Between every joke there is a grain of TRUTH. Every thing went well for them until the following year. She gave john a little black baby boy.

What happened to Sally? Did she die? She said that without John her life was over. You can't just leave characters dangling! What's with all of the gun play? That was a complete distraction from the story. Just plain weird right wing shit.

Johns size was not a problem the first wife was just a greedy cheater who wanted everything she could get. If size was a issue the cheating husband would've had it made. Lets face it at first Debbie thought John was too big. She was smart enough to know John was just a better MAN! Yes, Debbie did some stuff to hurt Johns feelings all she needed was to be educated. Once she understood what was going on with her personal with John life all was good. Only a dumb insecure guy would think or worrying about penis size shame on anyone in that frame of mind. If you have watched any porn movies I feel sorry for Mandingo and the other guys with giant penis which don't get very hard any more. Maybe if they used an animated penis they wouldn't have to fake being hard.

The writer supplied all the needed information so you didn't have to guess why the story was so long. Don't skip!

She knew what the first wife did and the first wife was experienced. She was for the most part young and dumb in the ways of the world, naive. She was given damn near everything by her benefactor. She was learning what was best for everyone and the girl/ woman was naive to many things happening around her. Her boss / then husband was jaded and watched everyone near them. He failed to express his fears, Debbie was very smart but she wasn't a mind reader. I didn't get the feeling she was going to cheat. Again she wasn't experienced in having or being in a relationship. She went from rape victim who had the child of the rapist, no relationship, horrible family relationships, poor barely employed to having damn near everything she could possibly want. If only things like this happened in real life.

This is a very good story yes, it was long. Could it have been shortened maybe but, without losing anything I'm not sure. I liked the story as written yes anything can be improved. Why mess with a very good story!

She is so naive and immature.

If this happend in real life this marriage would be end in one year.

The dialogue was so stilted and unnatural I was constantly being yanked out of the story.

In the office Deb appeared at first to be uber organized, a great business woman. But when dealing with men in the work place, she was blind, stubborn, and arrogant. And she was not in the the least bit aware of the hurt she was causing John. Why are women so stupid about their husbands or boyfriends? Deb made fun of John's penile endowment moments after seeing the black porn star's footlong erection. That was about as funny as John making a joke about drowning Dolly in a bathtub. Stupid, stupid woman. Story is well written. But if I was John, I would be divorcing Deb ASAP. It is only a matter of time before she has an affair with a bigger endowed man, just like his first wife Sally.

The only single, solitary problem I had with the entire story was Debbie's inability to avoid hurting John concerning touchy sexual matters involving John. Several times she pushed the wrong buttons and was slow to see how her actions hurt her husband. Every woman I have ever been close to has jokingly made fun of my endowment, which led to three divorces and two imploded relationships

Awesome feel good story. The nay sayers need to go away if they do not like this story.

hate moronic stories where husband divorces and the next paragraph he has an harem or is madly in love with another woman. fucking bullshit.

ass and pay attention to what people around her are telling her. She is too touchy/feely with the first guy, Jeff. Nearly got her hurt and unasked to marry him, then on the honeymoon she raved over the big black dick and then slammed her husbands package size and when the porn guy tried to explain what a dumb bitch move she had made, she blew him off and just kept on being her wonderful self and even after her husband made a point that night, when she got back she just had to have another big black guy hanging around all of the time, even showing him her bare titties. Ok, she claims he was gay, but no one else in the company knew that, husband made a comment about him to her and she just shrugged it off. She needs her ass kicked to the curb. He can do better and he certainly doesn't need to put up with a bunch of shit from a conceited dipshit like her. Everyone in the company thought she was messing around with the black kid but even if they hadn't her husband was uncomfortable with their actions so she should have stopped immediately.

You wrote him as a pussy and that was uncalled for in this story. Too bad, didn't like the story much at all and didn't like the new wife any at all.

and live with it and not worry about Karma. TK U MLJ LV NV

He needs to dump the new wife she is playing on the edge and will stray before long. The way you wrote her she is not trust worthy.

Was it just the guys big cock? 5 years of bigger better cock, but she still loves and respects her husband? Bullshit, that's not how people work. A 5 year affair gets sloppy, careless, then obvious. He wasn't taking care of business at home, and wasn't scrutinizing his marriage the way he would examine some architectural drawings. Too bad he didn't bring his eye for details and subtle issues to his own marriage. Hope the second marriage works out better, but the author gave us some reasons to be uncertain there as well. Interesting.

I didn't care for the new wife. You didn't write her as a likable character. You chose to play with the story a bit by throwing her fidelity into question. Even the architect questions her on three separate occasions. First, there were her interactions with Jeff. Next, there were her joking comments with him about his male endowment while on their honeymoon. Finally, there were her interactions with Jamal. Clearly, she was not doing anything inappropriate, but you lead the readers to question her and make us think she is going to be unfaithful. In my opinion, you did not do a good job of restoring her image after each of these events. I still have questions about her. What will she do years down the road? After all, I have suspicions about a younger woman who is a single mother, who comes to work and immediately puts the moves on the recently divorced owner of the company. There is so much in here not to like about this woman, and so little to support your closing image of her as the steady wife who will never stray.

I didn't like this as much as the first time I read it a while back. That surprised me. Clearly, this read like two stories, that somewhat became unrelated. The first part was only significant in the second half when the architect muses about how he can't seem to keep a wife faithful. Other than that, the first part could've been eliminated without impacting the second in any way. We have no clue as to why the wife cheated or how she could have still loved him. It is simply put aside and quickly forgotten.

When you see that a story is what you consider to be long why don't you just move on to another one that fits you short attention span.As for what happens with Sally once the divorce happen she is a non story in what happens latter.I can't see why a story needs to end instantly after a couple get together,that's just the start.I prefer to see what else can come of their story in a longer one.

About how someone shoulda known something cause!

He, she, it knows he has issues with - so why would they ...

We have all seen the logical statement that cheaters think everybody cheats -

Let's put those 2 ideas together - everybody tends to think all other people think like they do (good or bad) and few people make assumptions they do not need to.

The wife knew he was gay, she also knew she was true blue - completely, she knew our hero was not gay and was true blue too - conclusion - there was nothing to worry about as there was nothing wrong going on. Incomplete thinking but understandable - she was young and immature in spite of her sophistication, poise and wisdom - cut her some slack - and the writer too lol

Great job but at times was a little boring but overall, I enjoyed the story.9

Dude (Hubby) goes from Good to Superman/Gandhi in 15 rambling steps. I think GE286 forgot to include Hubby winning season 2 of American Idol. Shoulda been over after Mary and Sweetie1 opted for 'silent partner' status!

3*

I agree with phil2213......what the hell happened to Sally? The bitch deserved her time in the story.

The story should have stopped after Jeff's arrest and them getting concealed weapons for protection and maybe the birth of their son. The story then blew out of proportion and a whole bunch of random ideas were put together for the last 5 pages. The whole expert marksmanship and the bank robbery was unnecessary. Besides that this was an excellent story.

but then I felt it lost focus. The last 5 pages seemd to be pointless.

I don't like that wide number 1 gets to live off the ex's labored when the cunt cheated on him for five fucking years.

and put them into effectiveness. TK U MLJ LV NV

SALLY SALLY SALLY....What happened?

...She should have know that Jamal was making him uneasy and she should nave nipped it in the bud. That "need for counseling" is often a ploy leading to seduction. She already knew her husband was a bit uneasy about the porn stud on the nude beach. We husbands are sensitive and are not to be trifled with! That is my only criticism of the story but I would like to have seen revenge on Sally mentioned, the slut bitch.

Sugary sweet - a bit much - a bit disjointed with loose threads abounding but damn if it's not a good read!

Thx!

Thanks for sharing.

nothing is for sure forerver. TK U MLJ LV NV

one minor thing. Which man knows what's reallly in a woman's heart? They sure as HELL aren't going to let us know in any terms that a man might possibly understand.

Can you say, "born and raised to hide and deceive"? We each have our strengths, and that is theirs. We can only live with it...or die. GE286, it is overly long.

Apart of many typos,grammatical and spelling errors the whole thing was just inane. One of the less appealing effort from this writer.

I hope he signed a prenup...it's gonna get ugly