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Off in the distance came the croaking voice of his employer, so, with a resigned sigh and a fleeting, wistful thought of how close he'd come to real money, he put away his handkerchief and picked up his mop, and resumed swabbing the urine-stained floor.
- COMMENTS
tiercenptabout 4 years agomy first read;
it was a really fun story. your witty wordplay was refreshing. laughed hard at some points in the story. I liked the general idea of the story.
yet I felt like...there could've been more? a more extensive story?
Also some points I completely didn't understand at all.
Izzy's hatred for her "Mum" Carol? I mean yea, you described her as tough on her, etc. ...but then out of Izzy's pov describing carol felt like she...uh really badly mistreated her on some major level (like starved her, beaten her, sold her out or smth). It felt like extremely unnatural hate.
Later they didn't clear things up either. Said sorry or talked things out.
The kidnapping scene also went by very quickly...built up all the tension how they are being observed and all and the ending to it, the kidnapping went by so quickly...
You could've just ended it with "yea Izzy wants a baby too"-end
At that point, I really didn't care about James anymore.
No point in mention him again because he's bringing absolutely nothing to the story any more after his exit at the garage.
who cares, what he's doing, who he works for, where he is, if he's still together with that woman? what does it affect in any way the 3 main characters?
Other than those points. I like the general idea of the story and the characters even though at some points with irrational thoughts. 3,5 Stars
Anonymousabout 4 years agoThe names 'Evan' and 'Sylvie', the two girls who look like twins, all three with red hair, it's a clever call-out to 'Sisterfest'
Anonymousabout 4 years agoNot sure if I am right but only story I can think of is down at the twist and shout.
Either way another excellent story as always
Ed
Vstar67about 4 years agoI liked how you worked that little Easter egg into the story. Excellent work.Thanks!
Bedroomeyes81about 4 years agosad to see it finished but love how it ended. thank you for sharing your talent with us and cant wait to see what you have in store for us next.
