All Comments on 'The Artist'

Great read. Thanks.

Looking forward to Abigail next ART adventure

A nice first effort, story wise. Language wise, try to think through exactly what you want to say before you write it down, then when you read your story through make a note of anything that you don’t understand and change it.

The following sequence demonstrates the need for this work:

“She stepped up and Jonathan and the woman in red held her hands as she turned around.

She looked down, her dress obscured the view [of what?] so she inched it up a little.

Jonathan was on point [what does this mean?] and his palms lubricated [how? by what?], ran them down the shaft [problem with the subject of this clause].”

A nice first effort, story wise. Language wise, try to think through exactly what you want to say before you write it down, then when you read your story through make a note of anything that you don’t understand and change it.

The following sequence demonstrates the need for this work:

“She stepped up and Jonathan and the woman in red held her hands as she turned around.

She looked down, her dress obscured the view [of what?] so she inched it up a little.

Jonathan was on point [what does this mean?] and his palms lubricated [how? by what?], ran them down the shaft [problem with the subject of this clause].”

A good effort. Some well thought out storylines and keeps you reading