The Ballad of Decker Crane Ch. 06

He needed to get his head straight. He shouldn't have courted her. He'd lost perspective and they were both paying for the adjustment. This was part of the price of keeping her. There wouldn't be peace between them. She'd fight him with all she had. He could touch her all he wanted and pleasure her as much as he liked, but she wasn't ever going to like him like she had before. She wasn't going to smile at him, wasn't going to laugh like she had up in the loft. Not now and not ever. With time, and if he were real brutal, he could force her not to show her hate to him, but it didn't mean she wouldn't be feeling it.

He didn't care. He didn't know why it bothered him so much. He stepped back, impassive. His body was relaxed, but he was jumpy. "Get up. Get back in the room in my bed where you belong."

When she went in, the house was quiet. She opened his door and went through, going to the bed and curling up like he wasn't there. Coming in and going to his desk, he sat at his console, ignoring her, a rock in his gut. She ignored him back, still curled up away from him. The room was quiet. She wouldn't be able to keep up the fighting forever.

"You'll get used to it," he said to her, although he might as well have been speaking to an empty room for all she acknowledged he'd spoken.

Sure she would. Because she wasn't stubborn at all.

#

In the morning, he turned his head when he woke, remembering all of it. That had been what it was. He'd made himself clear, and she understood now, and that was done. Now he could move on.

She'd turned over in his bed, facing him, her eyes swollen because she'd been crying again while he slept. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips parted, that vulnerable curve. He didn't move, looking at her, feeling things. Fuck, she was beautiful. Decker reached out and touched her cheek, the softness of her so dangerous.

She opened her eyes and stared back, coming into them and then enduring his touch, so many things in her eyes. He went still, staring into that and figuring what it meant, tossing it into the future. Making it real for himself. He walked that road in his mind to see where it led and looked around when he arrived to see if he liked it there or not.

He was surprised to find that he didn't like it at all. He didn't understand why, but it wasn't right for him.

Well, shit.

Rising, he pulled on his jeans, getting dressed. He didn't look at her, leaving the room. The house was quiet, seemingly empty, difficult to believe they were all in there. Bai and Kay weren't going to be happy with him. They were going to think he'd lost his mind. He might have to shoot one or both of them. He wasn't sure himself that he hadn't gone crazy.

Decker got synth tea, a hot tasteless stimulant, and walked out onto the front porch. Kay and Bai were already up, looking like they were waiting for him. He slowed, watching them, his neck prickling. They had been conspiring about something. They were both dangerous men, and he didn't ever take their goodwill for granted. Any of them could turn on the other for profit or other reasons and in any combination. They all sat together on the chairs there. He could feel tension crawling across his back. They didn't look any more relaxed.

"Morning," Decker said. "What's going on with you two fuckers?" He knew where his gun was and he could get to it. They knew how fast he was.

Kay leaned forward, Decker's eyes shifting, but he didn't stop watching Bai.

"I want to throw in for the girl, Adya," Kay said. "She won't go back to the Cromwells."

Decker's brows shot up. That's what this was about? It wasn't just him, then. At least he had the consolation of a common insanity between them. He never thought Kay would go soft. Still, it had to be said. "Don't be stupid. Those little girls, the Cromwells aren't going to let go of them. Two consorts we've already screwed are one thing, but the young ones, they'll come for them once they know the others are here."

Kay looked away. "I know. I'll take her from here, disguise her as a boy. I don't want to go crossways with you. You chose Persya. Bai chose Dawine. I get Adya."

"A woman for screwing is what we meant," Decker argued. "Not a child to adopt and raise up as your own, for fuck's sake."

"I don't like screwing women, Decker," Kay said, looking at him, his nose flaring. "The child's my choice."

"She'll be too pretty to take among men even as a boy, not in the frontier. You know that," Decker said. It was obvious, if you thought about it.

"I get a say," Kay replied.

Decker went still, staring at him, a cold place beginning in his belly.

Kay looked away. "I'm asking you not to head in that direction if you can help it, Decker Crane. As I said, I don't want to go crossways with you. I can't let it go. I tried. I don't want her to go back to those Prime assholes to abuse. She needs better."

Decker could hear himself breathing, and then his shoulders slowly relaxed. Hell, it was what he wanted. It made things easier. He needed Kay's help defending all of them anyway. He nodded, throwing up his hand. "I can't keep one without the other, so Bryn will stay, too, here on the ranch. You can keep Adya here if you want."

Kay's head reared back, glancing at Bai, who looked wary.

"That means the Cromwells can't know about any of them, you know," Decker said, all of them already having figured that and still having to talk it through--into the mouth, through the gullet, and out their collective assholes.

Bai looked like he wasn't sure he believed Decker. "I do admit that I've been thinking about the fact that I can't take Dawine away from here easily. Not anywhere I can trust people, she's so fucking pretty."

"We all stay," Decker said.

"No profit. All or nothing," Kay agreed.

"Yes," Bai said.

They nodded. That was done. But Decker wasn't saying he was sorry.

"It's going to be hell defending them," Kay muttered. "We might as well do it here where the brikens can help."

Decker grunted. They all rose, going in.

#

(Persya)

Persya sat up, feeling numb and under it so much. She looked down at her hands. Her eyes swam. Sniffing, she wiped at her cheeks roughly. Stupid. She was just stupid. He certainly thought she was.

Of course Decker didn't care about her at all. He hadn't ever cared, faking feelings and manipulating her. Laughing at her at each turn. One moment he was pawing at her and the next caressing. She'd thought he was more than he was. She hadn't seen him right. He'd made it clear she was just here for his sexual pleasure, nothing more. Pounding it into her because he thought she was an idiot for not already knowing. Her chest was aching, feeling humiliated. He was a brutal, cold man.

And he wasn't the first one. Beren Cromwell, pretending to find her in the garden. Every time she remembered the things he'd said to her, she wanted to scream. Persya had worked some things out, in retrospect, remembering Beren Cromwell's playful manner. He would have gotten her to walk to his estate and then told her she was his consort and that he owned her, locking her up and raping her when he wanted. She hated men. All of them. She hadn't met one she liked, not even a little.

Decker had said it. She wasn't anything. She didn't own herself like other people. None of them did. But the worst was what she was, as much as she wanted to deny it. She'd wanted to be cold to him and Decker had pleasured her and then laughed at her for it, taunting her. She hated him.

It had felt awful being an orphan. Now it was worse, to think she'd never had parents at all. That they'd never existed like they once had in her mind. That she was some kind of manufactured person for sex. And Bryn was the same. They'd never see each other again, with Bryn growing up to go to some household in the rich part of Prime while Persya stayed here with a man she would always hate.

Persya's eyes narrowed around her blurred vision.Get used to it. No, she wasn't going toget used to it. She'd neverget used to it. He thought she was stubborn now? He hadn't seen anything yet. She'd get away from him if she died of it. Her hands were shaking, she was so angry.

In that moment, Persya decided. She'd kill him. That was what she would do. She would wait for her chance and she'd make sure she could do it and she'd sing Decker to his doom and take him from this world. That would be a way to free herself and then she'd feel better. He was bigger and faster and mean, but she was smart and he didn't know what she could do when she sang. He thought he could control her, but he was wrong, the stupid coward.

She'd find her time and a way. She felt cold now, a sensation in her belly she hadn't ever felt before, rising to choke her, but her mind was working fast.

He was loud in the next room, his rough way, banging on one of the doors out there. "Everybody out."

Jumping when he threw the door open to their room, his eyes found her. She stared back at him, her face cold. And to think she'd once thought he was handsome. That she'd laughed with him and shown him parts of herself she never would have shown to someone like him if she'd known, and not just her body. But he didn't want those other parts. She might as well just be flesh with no person inside. It was what everyone thought she was anyway. Fine. She'd never show those parts to anyone again, not ever.

"Get your pretty little ass out here, stubborn," he said, disappearing.

Her fists clenched. When Persya came out, her whole house was there, quiet.

Bryn ran to her, clinging, Persya feeling her throat close. She put her arm around her and her chin on Bryn's head, smelling her, and took deep breaths. She wouldn't have Bryn to protect because she would have already failed to do so. But it would make other things easier.

Adya was pale, her hand in Chione's. Dawine was the worst, crying all the time and staring at things. She'd fallen hard for Bai, who'd turned out to be just as ruthless and unfeeling as Decker. Chione was right. All three of them were nothing but animals.

"Sur is a dangerous place," Decker said.

Persya's eyes shifted to him. She wasn't ever going to speak to him again. He could beat her dead and she'd never say a word.

"You'll have to listen and not go off and do things without telling us anymore," he said. "You don't leave my land. We can't leave either, if it helps, because we have to stick around to protect you. We'll convert part of the barn for more space. These are the frontier planets. Nothing's fancy. This is a working ranch, and the three of us can't go off and do what could make us easy money faster. Everyone will work."

Persya shook her head, not understanding.

"What?" Yenna said.

Decker continued. "You'd all have to agree to stay. Nobody goes home or this can't happen."

"You're not going to sell us to back to the Cromwells?" Yenna said.

"We were never selling you," Decker said, sounding irritable. "We'd have made two or three times the profit we originally thought we were going to get if we'd have sold you, but we didn't, but we're not doing the other now, either."

"Why not?" Chione demanded.

Decker glanced at Persya, whose heart began to pound. She didn't know if she'd misunderstood, and then she knew she hadn't, not by the looks on the faces of the other women. Not selling them. They could stay. All of them could stay. Bryn. Yenna pulled Lily close, kissing the top of her head.

Something terrible loosened in Persya's chest, her arm around Bryn tightening. Bryn looked up at her and now it was Persya who was crying, that lump of ice in her chest easing, leaving an empty place she didn't know what to do with.

"We're just not," Decker answered, frowning. "We'll shelter you here, the best we can. We can't make guarantees. You'll have to be careful, and you'll have to do what we say in matters of your safety, you understand? This isn't an easy place, if you haven't noticed."

Yenna looked at Decker over Lily's head, nodding. "You won't regret it, I swear."

Adya walked over to stand in front of Kay, looking up. Persya couldn't for the life of her understand why the girl had attached herself to such a frightening man.

"I'm staying, Kay?" Adya said. "You really want me?"

Kay studied her, and then that big man with the cold eyes reached down with both strong arms and picked her up, holding her in front of himself. "Of course I do. Besides, you said you were going to help me with the brikens."

"All right," she said, her eyes wide.

He pulled her close, his arm a shelf she perched on. "You'll have to listen."

"I promise," she said quickly, leaning on him, her hand going to his chest. "I will, I swear it."

"I'll take your word. I've kidnapped you and I'm keeping you, then. Maybe after I teach you how to use a gun, you can shoot me and escape my clutches."