The Ban

THE BAN

On March 14th 2024, also known as Pi Day, Pornhub and its affiliated websites officially excluded the entire state of Texas from IP addresses it would allow service to. This was in response to a court case brought by the Texas state attorney general. The following is just one of the stories that happened immediately in the wake of that decision... just one small tale of the unforeseen consequences of that fateful day.

Names and other details have been altered to protect the privacy of those involved.

***

I hopped out of my truck, slung my backpack over my shoulder, and marched towards the front door of the house. The truck had seen better days, an old red Dodge Ram bought way back when Dad was fresh out of college himself, lovingly cared for until my very own sixteenth birthday, at which point it fell victim to my lackluster maintenance. I'd also added a couple dings, some scratches, and more than a few window decals and bumper stickers.

The house was in good shape, though. The yard was green and freshly trimmed, even though it was still the very first blush of spring around here. Dad had recruited me to help him paint the trim last summer, after he'd put a new roof on it, installed some skylights, that sort of thing. House prices were skyrocketing in this neighborhood, and my dad thought that it was, in part, due to his impeccable handyman skills.

I figured it was all the imports, personally. The brand new neighbors, all from other states, and the fact that this was a walled off little area in our town. Must remind them of the gated communities they couldn't afford back in California... but I suppose, maybe, Dad mowing the yard twice a week did contribute to the neighborhood's value. Just, not nearly as much as he prided himself for.

I walked in, blinking as the bright sunlight was cut off, and the relative gloom of the house descended. Skylights or no, indoors was a vast drop off in luminous intensity from the unforgiving Texas sun, even in March. I cut through the entry hallway, and paused in the living room. Dad was set up in his easy chair, something muted on the TV. The closed captioning was on, but I don't think Dad was paying attention to it. He had a vacant look that snapped to reality as I walked in.

"Hey," he said, dropping the footrest. "Just who I was hoping to see."

Odd. Not that he was happy to see me, but that he was home at all. It was just past three in the afternoon, usually he was at work until close to six. "Oh?" I stopped my feet, I'd been kinda assuming no one was home and I'd been headed, with haste, to my room. I leaned up against the hallway door frame, and gave him a pretty standard chin buck. "What's up?"

He took a minute, almost starting a sentence three different times before settling on this one: "Did you hear the news?"

"Oh, God. What now?" Nowadays the news kept coming, never a stop to it... and it was hardly ever good. I scrutinized his face, as he seemed to hesitate again before telling me whatever it was. Bright blue eyes, a baby smooth face that had emerged from the beard he'd worn my whole life, until he'd had to fit a mask over it. Mom had said that him shaving it had made him look twenty years younger... she'd been right. The gray in the beard had made him look like he was nearing fifty, without it, he looked like he was barely breaching thirty. I'm sure his rigorous fitness routine had helped with that... hard to look young when you're carrying a beer gut like most of our neighbors had.

I watched his face twist. Whatever it was he'd been in such a hurry to tell me, it seemed to be giving him indigestion. "Dad. C'mon, spit it out."

He stood up and took a couple of steps towards the kitchen, then stopped, and sheepishly looked back at me. He managed to look embarrassed. "Porn hub. They banned it, here in Texas."

Ah. That news. I rolled my eyes. "Actually, Dad, yeah, I did hear. It was all the boys were talking about at lunch."

Despite the majority of my fellow classmates being south of here for spring break, a few of us remnants still met up in the cafeteria every day. The diehards, the working joes putting themselves through college, the people like me who didn't think that hanging out with oversexed, over-served college students for two weeks sounded like fun. Besides, Dad had paid for my meal plan at the beginning of the semester, I was just getting his money's worth.

It was as good an excuse as any. My real reason for my attendance was due to a certain librarian I was crushing on. She was sending me all the right signals, and the stacks of books were empty, just semi-private enough for me to wet my lips with hers. I hadn't made a move yet, though. Maybe I was more than a little scared I'd chase her away... she was incredibly funny, easy to just hang with, and I didn't make friends too easily. For sure, though, my end of term papers were going to be fully cited, my footnote game was on point. Shame my getting laid game was off.

I prepared to dismiss Dad's news, much as the boys clustered around the single table in the cafeteria had. They'd made quite a few jokes first... rednecks with blue balls, how they were going to set their VPN addresses to Cancun to honor our senator, Mr. Cruz... low hanging fruit, not very funny, any of it. "If I'm understanding it right, Dad, it's just the one site. So... it's like they banned Arby's, but all the other fast food places are still open."

He grunted, and made a face. "I guess. Sure." And then, his embarrassment over talking about this with me, of all people, got overridden by something else. I'll let you hazard a guess as to what emotion that was. "Just. Sometimes a guy really wants a roast beef sandwich. Y'know?"

I tried to bury the unbidden thought that arose in this context... that roast beef was schoolyard slang for dangly lady bits. Large labia. Beef curtains. There was definitely a similarity in the two images. The thought persisted, so I rolled with it. "Yeah. I hear you, Dad. Sometimes I get that craving to snack on some roast beef myself." Preferably flavored like a certain bespectacled brunette who smelled like old books.

"Right." He hadn't caught on that we weren't talking about the same thing. "I mean. Look, it's not a really big deal. Maybe... no. I just, like, had an account there, and all my favorites and playlists are gone... I can always start over, somewhere else." He was digging the toe of his sneaker into the hardwood like a ten year old kid asking for his allowance. Would have been cute if it hadn't been for his tone.

"Hold the fuck on," I said, before he got even more forlorn. "You have an account? Who the fuck does that?"

He blinked. "Uh. Well. Guys who like to... look, I can save videos I like. And the algorithm recommends things to me, based on what I watch... It has pretty good taste, honestly. And..."

"Stop." I held up a hand. "I'm hearing an ask in there. What do you want me to do?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You're the tech expert." I wasn't, really. I mean, I was better at it than him, but I wouldn't call myself an expert, just a child of my generation who knew how to google things properly.

I gave him a look, an incredulous one. "You're asking ME. To... hook you up with your fap site of choice. Me." Definitely laying it out for him, here, so there were no misunderstandings. You want your own child, fruit of your loins, to help you masturbate. You sure about that, Dad?

"Well... okay. I wasn't going to tell you this. But there are some videos. Only on that site... your Mom and I made them." I'd only thought he looked ashamed earlier. Now he was blushing, staring at his shoes, and looked like he wanted to shrivel up like a raisin. "And I can't access them anymore. I know, I should have made backups. Or something. But these aren't the kind of videos you want to follow you around in the cloud. You know?"

I kinda wanted to hide, too. "You guys uploaded sex tapes? Great." I shook my head. "Absolutely wonderful to know. Now my life is complete." Sorry, sarcasm is my native language.

He winced. "They're... I mean. Nobody has seen them. The largest number of views we have is, like eighty or so... pretty sure that's just me."

And... crap. A slightly sickening request turned an iota sweeter. The fact that he was still using my mom as spank bait after all these years restored a chunk of my faith in humanity. It might be better, but it still made my stomach wobble. Besides, he was still browsing the site, he'd even praised the algorithm. Ugh.

"Dad... look. I'm... not sure what you're asking here. You want access for yourself? That's easy. Kinda. Or are you wanting to download them and save them somewhere?" The words coming out of my mouth seemed to say I was agreeing to help him. My gut, though, was yelling at me to run far away and never bring this subject up again. "The first one involves me teaching you about some new software and letting you go... whatever you do after that. The other one, the downloading, that-"

He brightened up, still looking pitiful, though. "You could do that? Download them? That would be ideal, honestly. I guess I can keep a locked folder on my phone..."

"Dad, you should let me finish, I'm-" Pornhub was rather notorious for making it difficult to download from their site, and the video capture software I knew how to run required someone to actually sit there and watch it. Every frame. That's what I was trying to explain to him. But, no, he cut me off.

"Tell you what. If you can do this for me, I'll give you some cash. Like... I don't know..."

I still had words on my lips, but they weren't coming out. Cash? How much cash? Dad had been pretty stingy since he started paying for my college. Can't say as I blame him, twenty grand a semester wasn't chump change. But, I'd been so strapped for money the last three years or so, the mention of a payday made me sit up and look around like a prairie dog sniffing a coyote on the breeze. I might have even gotten a little twitchy.

"How about... ten."

"Bucks?" Oh, he could stuff it. That wouldn't buy me a single beer, not with inflation doing its thing like it was. Hell, I was pretty sure it wouldn't buy me a roast beef sandwich at Arby's. Maybe one, but no fries.

"Thousand. Plus what I was going to give you as a graduation present. The stock market's been pretty good to me lately." He fixed me with those wide blue eyes, embarrassment gone. "It's so worth it to me."

Shit. That changed things. A lot of things. Including my flipping stomach. I could tolerate anything, almost, for ten grand. There were tattoos I wanted, the Ram could use a stereo that accepted Bluetooth, so I could finally ditch the staticky aux cord. Or, I could be all grownup about it, and use it to pay rent in whatever state I went to once I was out of college. Any state but this one, Texas was starting to really grate on my nerves, lately. "Okay. Okay... um. Fuck, Dad. I think I might have a way of... rescuing the videos. I'll." I had to stop and take a deep breath. "I'll need your account name, and password."

He didn't even hesitate, and he knew it by heart. He did say one thing that bugged me as he was jotting it down, though. "Don't tell your mother, or the deal's off." Ugh, again. But no, I didn't really want to bring this up to her. Or anyone. Ever. I went back to my room with the relevant details on a grocery list notepad sheet, previously stuck to the fridge. Once in my room, I put my back to the door and let my backpack drop from trembling fingers.

"What the fuck..." I breathed out. Here I was, twenty two years old, two months out from a degree in pharmaceutical science, and... I was gonna go look at my Dad's porn stash. Not fair. Not that life generally was, at least not in my experience. It can be tough to be a lesbian anywhere, but here in my home state it was a special kind of torture. But, y'know. Ten k, baby. That went a long way to making things look fair again.

I gathered my willpower, and took my laptop out of the bag. Sooner I got started, the sooner I could go have some drinks to try to erase my memory of it. I sat down and got to work.

So... I mean, access was easy. A VPN subscription, set my IP address to somewhere in Sri Lanka, and boom, there ya go. Biggest issue was that the VPN cost brought my bank account down past thirty bucks. I still had some money... just not enough to fill up the tank in the Ram.

Dad's pornhub page made some recommendations to me, before I managed to click over to his profile. Solo blonde rides Sybian. Uncontrolled orgasm for my girlfriend. Girls do it better- how to eat out a girl like a champ. I hesitated. Why? Because it looked a lot like my feed would, I guess. I scrolled down, and saw lots of just girls, just cumming. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, every color of the rainbow, and all of them snacks. Occasionally more than one girl, and not one penis in sight. I could definitely be into that one, with the piercings. That redhead looked really hot... ooh, five girls on the floor of a locker room. Been there, at least in fantasies.

I saw the 'watched' banner pop up over one that had caught my eye. A pale brunette, with thick rimmed glasses and thick thighs, stuffing herself full of plastic. Lying back on a bed surrounded by books. I let the preview play, and watched a Great Value version of my crush go to town on herself. In a little loop, about three seconds long. Big blue eyes staring at me...

Okay. Too close to home. I shivered, I hoped with revulsion, and clicked over to his profile. I was unfamiliar with the layout, so I studied it for a second. History. Favorites. Liked videos. And... there, uploads.

I hovered over the first few choices... and decided I was better off not knowing what tickled Dad's pickle. I had a job to do, with a paycheck and everything, so I decided to keep it down to strictly business. Over to the uploads section, and...

Welp. There were a few thumbnails below it, but the one at the top did the autoplay thing, and my brain kinda blanked out everything but what was in motion. Y'know, the gif, featuring a few frames from various points in the movie, a preview. Mom, in front of a sunset streaming through a window. Mom dancing in the sun, Mom gobbling a cock. I presumed it was Dad's. A p pushing into a v.

And I slapped my laptop closed.

I wasn't ready for this.

I'd probably never be ready for this.

Hell, I needed a drink to scrub those few frames I'd seen out of my brain.

I returned to the living room, intent on the liquor cabinet. I yelled out, "Dad... I'm altering the deal. As we discussed, plus one bottle of whiskey."

I don't know if he heard me, but I didn't care. I snagged the black labeled Jack off of the bottom shelf, leaving the more expensive stuff where it was, and headed to the kitchen for a tumbler and some ice. The first tumbler-full went down rough, I hadn't let it sit long enough for the ice to make a difference.

The second one was much smoother. I stood there, feeling the burn, gripping the countertop, and reliving two seconds of video. Mom, back to the camera, the orange sunset streaming in through a window, turning whatever she was wearing gauzy and transparent. Then, Mom, in less of that outfit, rolling her hips and looking at the camera like I wished a certain librarian would look at me. Then just lips and cock, sliding wetly over each other. Then... well... essentially, a replay of how I got here.

That last image... that's the one I fixated on. The head of a thick penis, parting juicy lips, slipping slowly in.

I have to say here... I'm not a lesbian because I hate men. Common misconception. I just greatly prefer women. Men play games. Women do, too, don't get me wrong, but there's either less bullshit or I can at least see their motivations easier... women play games because they're insecure, or because they need something from you, and they themselves might not know what it is. Guys play games just because they're assholes, near as I can figure.

Let's not go into the purely objective fact that girls are far prettier than boys. Soft curves, delicate features, actual effort to look better through makeup and flattering clothes... I can go on. Like... especially in my age group, most girls take at least occasional showers. Guys just think being tall and hitting the gym every day or two is enough.

Look, all I'm saying is that I do occasionally like to see a dick, here and there. Even saw one up close and personal once. And... well... they can be pretty, in a blunt instrument sort of way.

And, God I hated to admit it then, but... Dad had a really pretty one. Thick, not overly veiny, a big flared dome for the tip of it. And Mom, for what it's worth, had a neat and tidy vag, no roast beef sandwich there, just pink inside pale and tight lips, a juicy big clit, and-

Oh, God, third glass, up to the top and down the hatch. The first two hadn't hit yet... so maybe I was over doing things.

And as I closed my eyes against the pain of the whiskey going down my throat, my head rewound the tape. Mom, in the sun, her slim form a silhouette, the slight turn before the video jumped, showing her chest and a flash of a smile. Then Mom, again, bottom lip between her teeth as she bounced and jiggled in all the right ways, peeling off sunlit gauze as she focused on the camera. Then Mom, grabbing my shoulder.

"Honey, are you okay?"

Fuck, I almost screamed, as I snapped back to reality. I blinked, and there she was. Still there after a few more blinks. She looked concerned, blue eyes looking up at me, forehead crinkled as her eyebrows met and rose in the middle. Curly blonde hair, and full on Business Outfit going on: scalloped black top showing Business Cleavage, tan blazer over it, matching Business Slacks that hugged her hips, and a black and gold belt that tied in with her earrings and necklace. Oh, and Business Heels, the sane kind with only two inch spikes on the back, also in black.

Mom was five three and slender, Dad was six three and blocky. I was somewhere in the middle, five ten and curvy. Thicc, if you'll forgive my generation's slang. A phat-ass white girl, PAWG for short... Pornhub even had a whole category for girls like me. And girls like Mom, as well. Petite and blonde, with big boobs for good measure. Oh, and MILF, she'd fit in that one, too.

Let's not unpack THAT abbreviation, just yet.

"I... hi, Mom. Yeah, I'm okay, but it's been a rough day." Very rough, especially for a particular two seconds or so. "But, I'm making it better." I hoisted the open bottle of Mr. Daniel's best, and splashed some more in the tumbler. Not as much as my other three glasses, but I figured I wouldn't be able to handle much more without puking for the rest of the afternoon. Speaking of... "What are you doing home so early, anyway? It's not even four yet."

The hand not on my shoulder shifted a grocery tote bag to the counter. "Well... it's a special day."

I ran through some dates in my head... Mom's birthday was in June, Dad's was February, and their anniversary was in May. I drew a blank... nothing in March I could think of. "I... when... What kind of special day?" I think the first tumbler had hit my bloodstream, I was stumbling over my words a bit.

She let my shoulder go, still looking concerned. She looked away from me, down into the grocery bag on the counter. She reached in, started pulling stuff out as she spoke. "It's... well, honey, it's a month after Valentine's Day."

I saw the package of meat she'd just pulled out of the grocery bag. Two big t-bones... oh. "Steak and BJ day... I wish I hadn't told you guys about that."

She didn't look at me, she was too busy unpacking. "Also, Pi Day."

As in Creampie Day. As in... "Fuck. I wish I hadn't started drinking... I'd go somewhere. Um. Away. From all that." Speaking of away, I took my glass and headed for somewhere to sit.