All Comments on 'The Bastard; Loyal to One Ch. 03'

Thanks for completing, I've enjoyed this original little series. There are a few near homophone spelling errors - card instead of cart for example, and peek instead of peak. However, that's just nitpicking, the plot and characters were very good.

Finchley... thank you very much for your kind comment, I'm happy that you enjoyed the story. I'm sorry the homophones, however those little mistakes are difficult to spot, especially after reading the text for the seventh or eight time.

Couple of things:

1. The story is great. Logical, ruthless, intriguing, funny at times. I liked the character, for getting the job done regardless of anything and anyone.

2. Usually sci-fi set in medieval is a fantasy. It has a hero on a noble quest.

Technically this story qualifies as a sci-fi, but it contains scenes of woman beating, gang-rape, cruel murder of allies, the quest of the protagonist is not noble at all. It maybe should be in erotic horror category.

This is just a food for thought. Actually, I'm glad the story is in sci-fi, otherwise I would have missed it.

3. I'll repeat myself, I liked the ruthlessness of the story and the main character very much. But, if I can be honest, I'd like it even more, if it was about a hero on a noble quest. Well, maybe not "a hero", but a guy who tries to genuinely be good and maybe not a "noble quest", but something he things will bring good to the world (he may be wrong).

So basically the dishonesty and evil motives of the protagonist are what put me off. After finding out what he's up to and why, I don't want to spent the time with this guy anymore (read the sequel).

4. At the end I didn't get why Marvin made it look like someone killed somebody, since they'll all be dead after cavalry gets there. If not all the rebels, than the ones in charge - definitely. It may even make more sense to make a public execution to scare others from rebelling.

That's all from me. Thanks for your inspiration.

While I agree with the previous comments; what spoiled the story for me were all the typo's, spelling and grammar mistakes. Get them fixed correctly and your story would be up with the best.

Although there were a lot more typos in this chapter compared to the others, I didn't mind here because I already knew enough to understand what was going on. However, I think you should get a few more eyes to edit your future works should you choose to do more next time.

I actually liked how much of a bastard the protagonist truly was in the end, both figuratively and literally. There are far too many fantasy/medieval stories on this site with some goody-two-shoes main character, which ultimately leads most of those types of stories into turning cliché and forgettable in the long run. This was different and I would definitely like to see more of this.

If you ever do decide to write more chapters I would love to see the protagonist explore other regions of the kingdom and maybe even get entangled in the intrigues of the royal court as well, which I assume he already must be a part of. He certainly has a mind for cunning ruthlessness, which would serve him well and makes him more of a player than just a mere pawn. What he needs though is a worthy antagonist now for the next one, especially since you've already revealed to your readers what kind of person your main character really is.

But no matter what you do, I just want to thank you for writing this entertaining story.