The BBC

"What about all of those black guys and the Mexican guy from back in college?" she laughed.

"Dude, they're as American as we are. They may as well be white guys from different parts of the country ... and anyway more importantly ... the only dick I really want is my own. And I already get it as often as I want to. All I have to do is look at Eric cross eyed and he's in me.

And you know what else? Eric has been taking care of my daughter since before she was born. He would die before he let anything happen to her. I don't need anyone else."

"But what about all of the mystery from yoga guy?" she snickered.

"As soon as Eric came into that room I knew that I had screwed up," I told her. "And when Eric punched him out, I knew there really was no mystery. He was just a sleazy old man who had conned his way into my panties and ..." I hesitated.

"And what?" she laughed.

"It's not funny Peggy," I said. "Eric loves me. I mean I'm like his entire world. I hurt him badly. I was wrong. So, I should probably make a confession."

"Don't do that dummy," she hissed. "If you think this is bad ... the guy would never speak to you again if he knew how many times you've cheated on him."

"I meant I wanted to make a confession to YOU, Peggy," I said.

"Me," she laughed. "I already know all of your secrets."

"No, you don't," I said. "The truth is ... I love Eric too. Over the past ten years things have changed. My needs have changed. I guess I've grown up. It just took me a while to realize it. Eric is everything I want in a man. And Before this shit happened, I hadn't cheated on him in more than five years."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she laughed. "I mean he's cute, but he's so damned normal. He's like a ... a dad!"

"He's my daughter's dad and we both love him, Peggy," I said.

"I can get guys like him any time I want," she said.

"No, Peg," I laughed. "You borrow them. They get a piece of your ass and give you nothing in return. Has even one of those guys ever wrapped his arms around you and held you when he was done fucking you?

Nope they just scurry back to their real lives and tell all of their friends about the slut they just fucked. If your car breaks down or you get sick does anyone really give a fuck? When you just feel shitty, Peggy, you can probably get a lot of guys to fuck you, but who do you have that will just give you a hug?

Who remembers your birthday? Who goes out to get you shit in the middle of the night? Who Loves YOU, Peggy?"

For a while neither of us said anything.

"Peggy neither one of us can fit into our old cheerleading outfits," I said. "Our asses have flattened and spread. Our tits are bigger, but they sag. Somehow Eric can't see that. He still thinks I'm hot. He gets jealous when other guys even look at me. That man will love me forever and I just broke his heart for a fling. I am so dumb!"

"Okay change of plans," she said. "We need to come up with a way to get him back for you."

A few moments later the door slammed and my mom yelled upstairs to tell me she was home.

"I see Eric came over," she said.

"Huh?" I said.

"He told me he was gonna bring you some clothes," she said. "He Left them on the sofa downstairs. Or did you two not get around to talking about the clothes?"

"Mom I would never disrespect your house like that," I said.

"Dana if you want to give me another grandchild, I'd be fine with it," She said. "Erica is already ten years old. I think it's time. You don't want to wait until all of your eggs dry up."

Peggy laughed, but suddenly I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was a really warm glow and I knew what I wanted more than anything else on earth. I wanted to give Eric the child he deserved. But first I needed to get him back.

Peggy and I spun scheme after scheme, but none of them worked. I got messages from him that he hoped my leg was healing ... or that he had to go out of town. Of course, the messages came through my mom or from Erica.

Speaking of Erica, I'm not sure how much Eric had told her about what was going on but things were very frosty between us. I later found out that my daughter thought that I had abandoned her because I hadn't come home.

I had no way of telling her that I couldn't go home ... or that I was using her to keep her father from abandoning us.

Peggy and I had figured out that if I went home, Eric would leave and everyone would know that something was going on.

"I know how to get him back," said Peggy excitedly about two weeks after Eric's trip out of town."

I sat up so quickly that it hurt my leg. "How?" I yelled.

"File for a divorce!" she said. I almost slapped her.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" I asked her.

"It's brilliant," she said. "It probably won't go very far. The guy loves you. He's just pissed at you. If he thinks there's a chance of losing you for good ... AND losing your rug rat ... he'll beg you to drop the divorce. And on the other hand, if it does go farther than we think ... you'll have to go to meetings with your lawyer and his and that's when you ask for a private face to face meeting.

If he refuses the face to face meeting then you get your lawyer to demand counseling!"

"How do you know so much about divorces?" I asked.

"I've been through four of them," she smirked.

"You liar. You've never been married," I laughed.

"Didn't say I had," she said. "But I've fucked a lot of married guys and I've caused four or five divorces. This is how they work. Most of the time the guys lose in a divorce."

So that was what I did. I got a guy Peggy knew who was fresh out of law school to file the papers and serve as my attorney. We assured him that things wouldn't go very far. There was no way it would ever go to court."

But of course, things didn't go my way. I have no idea how things went so wrong. I have no idea why the hell I listened to a woman who has never been married or even loved anyone other than herself but I did.

Everything went like an exploding barrel of shit rolling downhill.

Eric was served at work. From the start, I had a bad feeling. We'd hired a gum chewing blond process server who was supposed to be a shark. My lawyer was there to video tape it so I could see it happen.

She walked up to Erica and asked him who he was. He smiled at her and told her his name. She told him he was served. I saw a tear roll down his cheek. I think that affected her. I know it affected me. He wiped the tear and took the envelope she held out.

He thanked her and shook his head. She was intrigued.

"She cheated on me, but she's asking for a divorce," he said. She hugged him then and I got pissed. The bitch was supposed to be a shark. She even gave him her business card and told him to call her when he'd gotten over it. I was gonna strangle that bitch.

My lawyer asked for a meeting. Eric's lawyer refused. He wanted to go straight through to a judge or arbitration. My lawyer demanded counseling. Eric refused to attend.

My lawyer thought that Eric had made a huge mistake. The court agreed and demanded that Eric attend the counseling sessions. Eric flat out refused and the judge held an immediate hearing for cause.

Peggy and I were almost giddy with anticipation. My lawyer told me that the judge would force Eric into counseling and we'd be able to work out our differences. I was ready to go home. I smelled victory. I was sure that in about a week I'd be back in my own bed.

I knew it would take a bit of time but eventually Eric and I would be working on that baby.

I almost did go somewhere but it wasn't home. I almost went to jail.

I had dressed to show Eric what he was missing. I got my hair done and my makeup done. I wore a dress that Eric loved that showed off my figure.

Eric came in and he looked like hell. I was pretty sure that he'd slept in his clothes and had been crying over me for weeks. I was smelling victory.

But I had been played from the very beginning. My lawyer stood up and began his statements. He seemed nervous but he gained confidence as he spoke. The judge was nodding as if he'd heard everything my lawyer was saying at least fifty times that week.

He laid out his list of things I wanted with counseling and a face to face meeting at the top. He talked about how Eric had refused to communicate with me and how I had steadfastly refused the divorce.

But if the divorce did happen there were a few very simple needs including reasonable alimony, child support and the house.

That was when the game really started. Eric's lawyer raised his hand as if he was a child in school. The judge halted my lawyer and Eric's lawyer asked to approach the bench.

The judge allowed it and I got that same sinking feeling in the pit if my stomach. The judge looked at me and then at my lawyer and he didn't look happy.

He called us all back to his chambers. We were seated around a huge table there, waiting for the judge.

"Hi Honey," I said to Eric. He pretended that he didn't hear me.

Before I could say anything else, the judge came in and he was pissed. He had the biggest cop I had ever seen with him and he had him stand by the door.

"What the fuck are trying to pull Mr. McCaffrey?" he asked my lawyer. "Why are you in my courtroom pretending to be a lawyer?" I almost died from shock.

"Your honor I am actually a lawyer," he croaked. "I graduated in the middle of the bottom of my class and got my degree last w ..."

"But you haven't passed or even attempted the bar exam yet," screamed the judge. "You should not be even using the word court let alone attempting to practice law in one. You've committed fraud. The bailiff will take you to jail, now. You should get yourself a real lawyer."

"And you miss ..." he said. "For attempting to defraud this court ..."

Eric's lawyer stepped in then. He told the judge that due to the unusual situation AND the fact that we weren't actually in court where recordings were inadmissible he wanted to play a recording for him.

"Go ahead," said the judge.

Eric's lawyer played a tape that I had never known existed, but even as I listened to it everything fell into place. I had cooked my own goose. It hadn't been my mother who'd slammed the door that day. Eric HAD brought me clothes. And he'd heard it all. He knew everything. As the tape ended I looked across the table at him. I looked into his eyes and saw ... nothing. All of the love and playfulness that should have been there was gone.

"Eric ... I ..." I said haltingly. "You don't know the whole ..."

"What else is there to know?" he asked. "You didn't marry me because you loved me. You married me so I could raise another man's child. And you've been cheating on me the whole time. If I hadn't caught you, you were going to dump me anyway as soon as Erica was old enough to take care of herself ..."

"Eric, you didn't ... Sure okay It was originally true but over time ... I ..." I knew how bad it all seemed.

"Well you got me Dana," he said. "I fell for it. I loved you like there was no tomorrow. I loved our life. I had no idea it was all fake."

Whether he knew it or not he was ripping my heart out. But I knew that there was nothing I could do or say to convince him that I ... that my feelings had changed.

"This is one of the worst things I have ever heard," said the judge. "Young man I can't give you back the years you've wasted, but I can give you your freedom. Your divorce is granted. No alimony. And for once I'm gonna offer the guilty party a choice."

"Young lady what sounds better to you, going to jail for fraud or giving up your claim on the family home?" he asked.

"He can have the house," I said.

He nodded.

"Eric, I know you probably don't care but it's going to be hard enough telling Erica that we're divorcing. I'm gonna need some time to break the news about you to her."

"Don't," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Do you know who her father is?" he asked. "Is he a real asshole and that's why you picked me?"

"Eric, I was a kid away from home for the first time," I said. "I went hog fucking wild. I couldn't remember half of the guys I was with. I picked you because you were really nice and you were uhm ... the only one who didn't run when I told them."

"How do you know she isn't mine?" he asked.

"DNA test two years ago when she was in the fourth grade," I said. "I cried for hours. Then decided not to ever tell either one of you. She doesn't know Eric. She loves you. You're the only daddy she's ever had. I need time to break it to her."

"Don't," he said again. "One of us being heartbroken and having their life ripped away from them is enough. I'll pay child support and we'll split custody. We'll alternate weeks."

"But why would you ...?" I began.

"I love her too," he said. "She's all I've got left. I want her to have the best childhood she can. We'll tell her the truth when she grows up."

"Well what about the divorce?" I asked. "Couldn't we ...?" he just shook his head.

"She has lots of friends whose parents are divorced," he said. "She can get over that easier than ..."

The judge looked at me as if I'd just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. "If I EVER see you in my court again ... for any reason ... even if you're the plaintiff ... you're going to jail ... for a loooooooong time," he grumbled. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or just to himself.

But even as I walked out of the courtroom, the only thing on my mind was starting to make plans to get my husband back.

Even as badly as I'd hurt him, Eric's love and compassion had shone through.

His decision to not only continue to be in my daughter's life but to pay child support for a child that wasn't his spoke volumes. I knew the man better than anyone else. I knew that right then I was the last person he wanted to talk to so I resolved to give him both the time and the space to get over this before I went after him again.

"It was a set-up," hissed Peggy as I exited the court.

"What are you braying about now?" I asked.

"I got a few moments to talk to Mitch in his cell," she said. "He thinks it was a set-up. Eric and his lawyer planned all of this shit. Think about it. Why didn't he file for the divorce? He already had all of the evidence he used to nail your ass to the wall. So why wait?"

"Because deep down inside he still loves me and he wasn't sure he wanted the divorce," I said.

"No Honey," she said. "He still loves your kid. She's named after him. He cut her fuckin' umbilical cord. That kid could piss in his cornflakes and he'd probably still eat 'em.

He waited for YOU to file so YOU'D have to pay the court costs. Plus, that tape of his ... you heard the lawyer ... in open court or a regular divorce proceeding they could never have used it. So, he refused every motion and meeting until the court got pissed off and called him in for a hearing where a judge could agree to listen to the fucking tape.

Mitch may have just graduated but Eric's lawyer took him to school. I've never heard of a divorce case like this. The guy got everything he wanted. He got the house, he doesn't have to pay you a God damned dime and he gets the kid half of the time and she's not even his.

Shit ... I thought you didn't like gangbangs."

"I don't," I hissed.

"I can't tell," she smirked. "It looks like you just got fucked by a bunch of guys. Mitch fucked you because as a lawyer, he sucks. Eric's lawyer fucked you good. The judge fucked you and when it comes right down to it, even Eric fucked you. Can you name one thing ... one shitty little thing that you got out if this?"

"Eric is paying me child support," I said. She shook her head.

"No, he's not," she said. "You have split custody when you have the kid he pays you. The next week he has her and YOU have to pay HIM. It's a wash. They all just fucked you."

"You fucked me too Peggy," I said. "This was YOUR fucking idea!"

Over the next few weeks things got even worse. I had to tell my parents that Eric and I were divorcing. Eric insisted on two things. The first was that I tell them the truth about why we split up. And the second was that I couldn't tell them that Erica wasn't his. He was sure that sooner or later one of them would let it slip out and she'd be hurt.

My dad gave me that look that said he was disappointed in me. But he hugged me and told me to learn from the experience and get it right the next time.

My mom slapped me and burst out in tears. "What fucking next time?" she said. "Dana you're thirty-five years old. Men your age want younger women. Men who are older than you are just want a piece on the side. If they're worth anything they're already married. And if they're not married they're either divorced and damaged by it, or they're not the kind if man that any woman wants to marry. Most of them are too old to have kids or want them ... You ...!" She just stood there staring at me with her mouth open as if she was having her own heart attack.

"What mom!" I asked.

"Eric," she said.

"What about him?" I asked. "Is he okay?"

"Dana ... he knew that you had done that to him ... he had to have been heartbroken ... the whole time you guys were together all he ever told anyone was how beautiful you were and how lucky he was to have you ..." she said. "Everybody got tired of hearing it ..."

"I never did," I said.

"Dana get your head out of your ass for once," she hissed at me. "He had to have been shattered by what you did ... but he came to the hospital to visit your father every day. He sat there talking to us ... pretending that everything was fine ... he brought Erica to see her grandfather ... he drove your dad home ... and all the while he never ..." my mom started crying then and even my dad looked angrily at me.

"Dana, he went through all of that pain alone," she gushed. "It must have been awful. He was so great to us ... And Erica was as happy as ever. I don't think even she had a clue of how badly he was hurting. He never said one bad word about you. He kept making excuses for why YOU weren't there. The whole time you were sitting at home pretending your leg hurt because you were afraid that we'd find out."

"My leg was hurt," I said. "It was a serious injury." I don't think either of them believed me. I realized then that besides damaging my marriage I had seriously damaged my relationship with my parents as well.

I was staying with them until I found an apartment and things weren't going to get any better.

As a matter of fact, they got worse the very next day. I had just gotten home from work when my mother handed me the phone. She handed it to me as if she was holding a turd that was still wet.

"Dana ... I really need your help," he said. My heart stopped beating as soon as I heard the voice. I'd recognized it instantly.

"What the fuck do you want?" I spat. "Haven't you cost me enough as it is?"

"I need you to call off your husband," he said. "He's destroying my life."

"Welcome to the club," I said. "I'm already divorced and my parents can barely stand the sight of me. My daughter thinks I've abandoned her and my husband won't even talk to me. More than anything I would love the chance to just tell him how sorry I am, but I didn't even get that.

Look ... what happened between us was only the straw that broke the camel's back, but I can't help you. Out of curiosity ... what's he doing?"

"My Yoga studio is out of business," he whined. "The day your husband came in and caught us all of the students who were there quit. And they told others. Somehow it got onto Facebook and soon everyone knew. Even my instructors began to think of me as a fraud.

You have to be licensed to teach Yoga. I lost my accreditation from all of the complaints and to make matters worse your husband is suing me for ruining your marriage."