All Comments on 'The Beach'

Earnest Hemingway said that the most difficult part of a story is the first paragraph if this is correct then you have cracked it wide open. Great start to a great read.

I know it can really get hot in California I am guessing in more ways than one, good start, hope you keep writing

Enjoyed your adventure will there be a part 2

Thank you for commenting and also favoriting (if you did, that's great!). I wrote this for my friend and she really liked it so I decided to post it. As of now I'm not sure about a sequel. She wants me to do one so I might post one before the month ends!

Thanks again! Have a great day! :)

I hope there's more of these two girls to come.

Great story but you need to pick a tense and stick to it! The jumping from past to present tense verbs can make reading it a little jarring. But practice makes perfect! Hope to see more :)

The present-tense narration is amateurish, too much passive voice, and there are internal inconsistencies -- you describe your main character's breasts as medium sized, then say she's a D cup.

Pro-tip -- before you submit a work for public consumption, get a beta-reader (or several), someone you trust to look over your work and catch mistakes you miss. Then go through another round of edits, another beta-reading, and only publish after you're satisfied that everything's been fixed.

Great idea for a story but the flow needs work. Try reading it aloud and see if it sounds as good as it does in your head. Keep up the work and look forward to future tales.

This is one of the best stories I've read! This made me so wet and I had to slow down so I didn't orgasm before the end

awesome. hot as hell. ignore the grammar police and keep up the excellent work.