All Comments on 'The Big Game'

American football is played in the fall not the spring, so in that sense the story needs to be changed.

Or that the men in your stories will react violently. When Julie releases his hands a right jab to her chin knocks her out cold. Getting dressed he drug her out to a car, threw her in the trunk and drove off. With her purse he got her wallet. He walked into any hardware store, bought a set of bolt cutters with long handles and cut the cage off without get his hands near it. Then he drove out into the hills, killed Julie and buried her body. He went home, got his gun and went back for the rest of the woman. He killed them slowly and painfully, burned their bodies up in the house he set on fire and drove away laughing. Don't like that ending? How about he simply knocks Julie out, drives to the police station where they removed the cage (you do know police carry bolt cutters in their cars right?) went to the house and arrested all the women. They were sentenced to 25 years to life for things like kidnapping, assault, battery, sexual assault, etc. Not a good ending either way for the women. Ugly, poorly thought out drivel.

More of the story please

Hollins or Holden? Too much nonsense at the start - you could improve the story by killing almost all of the first page into 2 lines. The idea is fine, but the execution needs refining.

A bit excessive.