All Comments on 'The Billionaire's Bride'

A good start, I think. The characters need to be developed of course and I would like some more dialogue. But this is the first installment so you are laying the groundwork. I am looking forward to reading more. Thanks for your time and effort imagination.

Please indicate in the title or story summary that this is only chapter 1 of an ongoing series of chapters, and indicate "final" or something similar when the story is concluded.

this seems all good, carry on, looking forward to the next....

FWW

good story hope they make it

Drop the "POV"!! It's irritating.

You wrote...” After Ellen recovered from her orgasm, I positioned her on top of me and let and let her control the pace as she entered me...”

Couldn’t help but smile...gonna be an interesting romance going forward.

You need a proofreader.

You wrote: ‘I positioned her on top of me and let and let her control the pace as she entered me.’

How, exactly did SHE enter HIM? It’s clear what you meant, but a proofreader (even yourself reading it) would have caught and fixed it.

There were also other instances where sentence structure was choppy, as though a cut and paste went wrong.

Have enjoyed the set-up but it's a Hallmark story--very predictable. You might think of some obstacles they have to overcome or a family crisis which will make them at least question whether the future (that's at the moment so predictable) is really what the two inexperienced protagonists really want.

Good beginning...

Fun little story. She was a bit of a bitch to him when he bumped into her but alls well that ends well I suppose.