All Comments on 'The Birthday Girl Pt. 02'

Such a good story...fantasies realized (we should all have such awesome b-days), good sex (excellent, realistic depiction of first time group. Not as easy as it sounds to do). Strong, slightly sad, ending. Well done.

I really enjoyed this 2 Pt story.

Really HOT!

I'm off to go read your Joy on Stage series.

So, the quality of writing is still there, but personally I'm disappointed about the switch from an Exhibitionist story to a Group Sex story. The former floats my boat so much better.

I had hoped that she would be persuaded into some kind of repeat performance by her disbelieving female friends. That didn't happen, leaving me wondering what was the purpose of the first few pages of chapter one?

I find great exhibitionist stories I really enjoy have some common characteristics:

1) Our heroine must be written as a three dimensional, believable character.

2) There must be a logically consistent reason for the exhibitionism.

3) There must be the sense that she finds her exhibitionism daring , an activity close to her personal boundaries.

4) She must not suddenly start behaving in a ridiculously reckless manner. There must always be a balance between the thrill of showing-off and an awareness of the real-world consequences if things work out badly. The skill of the author in depicting this mental battle is important.

5) Any escalation of the daringness of the action must be gradual and believable.

So for me, this chapter has blown all my key points:

Believable? Going from no sexual relationship at all to group sex in the space of an evening, with three long Standing platonic male friends? Despite being fully aware that sex with various of these men now means her female friends cannot even tolerate being in the same room as them to celebrate a mutual friend's birthday? For me this blows "believable" and "not ridiculously reckless" right out of the water.

"Gradual escalation"? Nope.

In terms of any future chapters, it's going to be very hard to return to an exhibitionist theme with any sense of daring. A woman willing to engage in Group Sex and risk destroying three of the most important friendships in her life in such a casual manner is not going to be credible having a mental debate about flashing a little leg, cleavage or bum.

So - can't deny it's good quality writing, but in my opinion poor plotting that escalated the action far too quickly, and I can't quite see where the story goes - in an erotic sense - from here.

I can see plenty of psycho-drama as her friendships begin to fall apart. After all as well as screwing all her closest male friends, she's also screwed the exes of her closest female friends, and in my experience that's something women don't forgive lightly. Could be an interesting story but it'd be all "lit" and no "erotica". That'd be a tough beat to pull off on this site.

4 stars for the quality writing.