The Boyfriend Pt. 54

The Boyfriend Part LIV: A New Year

Marie

Marie bit her lip as she looked at the picture of Lexi on her buzzing phone. For the briefest moment, she thought about just letting it go to voicemail. She'd promised Lexi , so if she answered, she would need to go through with that and tell her what had happened.

Avoiding her call is also breaking your promise, though.

"That Lexi?" Em asked, looking up from her French Toast and scrambled eggs.

Marie nodded, still biting her lip.

Em nodded toward the stairs, "You should take that. I think it would be good for you to talk to her about yesterday."

Marie knew she couldn't avoid it, and that even if Lexi could only text her about not picking up, Em would badger her about it all day.

With a sigh, Marie answered the call as she started toward the stairs, going up to Em's room. She tried to force a smile as she answered.

"Hey. Happy New Year."

"Hey. It doesn't sound like it's all that happy. Are you okay to talk about whatever it was?"

Marie was silent as she stepped into Em's room and close the door behind her, leaning against it.

"Marie?"

Marie sighed again, pinching the bridge of her nose, "Honestly, not really. But I think talking about it will probably help."

"I'm listening."

Marie smiled just a little bit at that.

"I...ran into my ex yesterday."

"Liam? I thought you said he was from California. What's he doing--?"

"My ex from before Liam," Marie said, cutting her off, "Sorry. That was rude. I just--"

"Don't apologize. See? I can be rude, too."

Marie felt a little bit warmer at that. A little bit more confident that she could tell Lexi what happened.

"I ran into Dan."

"I don't think you've mentioned him before. Have you?"

Marie shook her head, "No. Things didn't really end well between us, so they don't like talking about him. Seeing him yesterday..."

She trailed off, pausing for a moment then took a deep breath before continuing.

"He was my high school boyfriend. When we first started dating, he was really sweet and romantic for a while, but then he started to seem like he was pulling away."

Marie paused to bite her lip, shame making her throat grow tight.

"So I started putting out. We hadn't slept together yet, only fooled around a little bit, and I'd never had a boyfriend before and I didn't want it to stop. He seemed so amazing. Once we started sleeping together, we were better again...but at some point, I think it was just sex. We had a lot of sex, and I kept trying to make sure that he was interested in me, and wouldn't want to break up."

A lump formed in Mary's throat, and she had to swallow it before continuing, "I tried blowing him once, but he said I was bad at it, so I tried anal on my own to see if it was something that I might like doing with him, but I didn't like it, so then I kept stressing out about what to do to keep him interested, and just kept having more and more sex with him."

Marie paused again, sinking down to the carpet with her back against the door, and wrapped one arm around her knees. Speaking the words made her feel shitty all over again, but she knew she needed to do it. She couldn't let Dan keep making her feel this awful.

"College was hard first semester," she said, voice wavering, "It was hard enough on its own, being away from Em, and having a boyfriend that was uncommunicative. If Blake and I hadn't gotten along so well--"

Marie cut off at that, throat tightening.

Fuck. I miss Blake. What the fuck happened to us?

Marie knew exactly what had happened, but it was hard to admit that she was a lot of the reason that things had gotten so bad.

"I think Dan knew by that point that he could essentially do whatever he wanted. He rarely texted back or called, but when he did he must have seen exactly how excited I was to be talking to him. I was so excited when I got back from winter break, and we had a lot of sex again, but then pretty much right after we went back to school, he broke up with me."

The last word came out as half-sob and Marie sniffled a bit before continuing.

"I found out pretty quickly after that he'd been cheating on me. He just used me for sex and to have someone to look pretty and be with him, and looking back, I don't see how I was so stupid to not see that. Thinking about how he used me that way makes me feel so fucking shitty and stupid. I just hate it. I hate that he's able to make me feel that way."

She found herself with a bitter grin as she shook her head, "And he had the gall to fucking hit on me when I saw him yesterday. He didn't even have the decency to stop being hot, either."

Once the words left her mouth, Marie felt exhausted. She sat there in silence for about a minute, then frowned, holding the phone just a bit closer.

"Lexi?"

"Sorry," her girlfriend said, "I was just waiting because I didn't want to interrupt you if you weren't finished yet. And then I started thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"It's nothing."

Marie frowned, "Like this was just nothing?"

Lexi sighed on the other end of the line, "Okay. Just... Don't hate me?"

Marie's frown deepened, "Okay...?"

She heard Lexi take a deep breath, "Okay. So, your ex hitting on you like that after being such a shift bag is absolutely fucked. And he sounds like an asshole. But, I think him being your first boyfriend maybe had a bit of an effect on you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I think Liam was probably a rebound from him, right? Even if you didn't necessarily intend it that way."

Marie opened her mouth to protest, a little upset at that notion, but then thought for a minute and sighed. He hadn't been the first person she'd hooked up with or even slept with after Dan had broken up with her, but she hadn't dated or connected with anyone after Dan until Liam.

"Okay," Marie said, "I guess that's valid. But what does that have to do with Dan? That's pretty standard for post breakup behavior."

"It is. But, at the end of things with Liam...and don't hate me for saying this, but didn't you say it was basically just sex at that point? That you guys didn't really do anything else, and you weren't interested in that the few times he tried?"

Marie blanks, opening and closing her mouth a few times, blood suddenly racing, "I--"

But she had nothing to say. Nothing that was valid anyway.

Instead of yelling at Lexi, demanding to know how she could say such a thing, Marie thought about it for a moment, and her jaw dropped.

"Fuck," she said, raising a hand to her mouth, "Oh, fuck. I did that to Liam, didn't I? I mean, I kind of did the reverse at first, because I wanted to make sure that he didn't lose interest after summer break and that it wasn't just an ' absence makes the heart grow fonder' sort of thing, but the last month that we were together..."

She squeezed her eyes shut, pausing for a moment.

"Fuck. Shit. Lexi, I--"

"Marie? Calm down."

Normally, anyone telling Marie to calm down would have gotten an ear full, but this was Lexi, and she said it in that tone that made Marie realized she needed to shut up and listen immediately.

"I just wanted to point that out to you so that you could reflect, learn from it, and then move on. I'm not trying to tell you that you're a bad person or anything, so don't spiral or start thinking along those lines."

Marie bit her lip, then took a deep breath, trying to follow Lexi's advice.

"How can I not though, Lexi? What if..."

She cut off, covering her mouth again. Lexie spoke before she could.

"What if that happens with you and me?"

Marie nodded, throat suddenly too tight to form any words, "Mhm."

"It won't."

Marie frowned, "What do you mean it won't? I mean I don't want it to, but--"

"Marie, the sex with us has been really good, right? Even from the beginning?"

"Yeah?"

"And you were sleeping with someone else when we met, and then chose me over them, even though from what you told me the sex with her was still really fucking good?"

Marie swallowed, cheeks burning her voice was smaller when she spoke this time.

"Yeah."

"That did make me a little paranoid at first," Lexi admitted, "and that's why I made sure to spend time with you outside of the bedroom, and just go around and do fun things where we weren't fucking. Even though I really like the fucking. You enjoyed that, right?"

Marie nodded, "Yeah. Even if we're not in bed or playing around with toys or anything, just being with you is--"

"I know," Lexi said, "I feel the same way. So you don't need to worry about that. You don't think this is all just great sex, do you?"

Marie shook her head vehemently, "No, of course not."

"Then it won't be."

Maria chewed on her lip for a moment, flexing and clenching her free hand.

"But what if I can't trust myself? We do have a lot of sex. And I like the other parts of you and me too, but I--"

"Marie? We are in college. We're supposed to be having sex more often than we ever will at any other point in our lives. And if you can't trust yourself, just trust me. Okay? you can do that, right?"

Marie swallowed, "I trust you, Lexi. More than pretty much anyone other than my dad and Em."

Marie could hear the smile in Lexi's voice when she spoke, and it made her feel warm inside.

"And I trust you, Marie. Even if you don't."

She paused for a minute before speaking again, "Does that make you feel any better? Or are you still spiraling?"

Marie thought for a moment, then smiled, realizing she felt a lot better period even more than she'd expected.

"No, no spiraling. You're the best, Lexi. I'm really glad I met you. And even if we can't be together right now, I'm really glad that I'm starting out this year with you in this way at least. I'm sorry I freaked out, and I promise I'll do better with you than I did with Liam."

"I'm glad we're starting out this year together, too. But just be better for yourself. That's all I want. OK?"

Marie smiled, "I'll try my best."

Then she bit her lip, "I do have one question though. Something I think I'll need help with."

"Yeah?"

"How the fuck am I going to last two more weeks without going insane for not being able to touch you?"

Lexi laughed, which made Marie smile, "You're shit out of luck there, slut. I'm having the same problem."

Marie shivered, even gasping at Lexi's words, as her poor, neglected vagina clenched.

"That's so fucking unfair!" she pouted.

Lexi just laughed, and after a moment, Marie started laughing with her.

A/N: What do you think about Lexi's observation? What about her conviction? Can she trust Marie?