All Comments on 'The Bully'

JJ, as you wrote this, you were twisting the night away! Better twists than at a 1960 school dance! Two siblings too easy to dislike in the story, but you twisted yourself into 5 stars.

Not only was this dumb, but please explain exactly how she will be a teen mom at the age of 21. The world wants to know.

Mike Hunt

You started out with a good story structure, though it seems like the ending was sloppy and rushed. The writing was poor and the execution of the admittedly good idea was simply atrocious as the story progressed. I'd delete the ending up until around the time he filled her with cum and write a longer and more thought-out ending if I were you.

Bull...unbelievable at worst.

I've written better. Literotica editors rarely include the requests that accompany most of my stories, but this was a request for a recreation of an old story I wrote about four years ago. You're right. Total fail on the teen mom front. You can tell when I'm in a rush. It's been a busy week. Peace and love, everyone!

I can tell it was hastily written but it got me going and served it’s purpose! If you take some time to edit the story and extend it a little, you could really have something here.

Stop writing you got no talent you don't know how to build up

Is there going to be another chapter? I hope so

Just stop writing

Omg that was hot please more

Hasty, there ending was a complete turn off, and nobody tells like that.

I just read through the comments here on this beautiful story. I guess if all these people think this is so bad and my writing is terrible it must be true, right? I guess I'll stop writing and go cry somewhere instead of continuing my journey as an author. Ahahaha.

I read through this story again to see how "awful" it is and thought it was pretty fucking awesome. I really love the story. For people that don't know me or my writing and are just walking in on this particular story, I can see where you might not enjoy it. You see, all my stories are written upon request and so this is a storyline that I didn't choose, but I did well in the execution. Literotica editors often delete the part of my stories where the requester "asks" for the story and explains what they want. On all my other blogs and social media, this piece is on every story and that helps people make sense of what they are about to read and gives context to the reason the story was written.

I personally think incest is disgusting and I honestly don't enjoy writing it for any other reason than the challenge. Another thing you might not get is that this is my practice writing and I allow myself 1-2 hours to write each story, so yes there isn't as much build-up as there is in say one of my published novels. I think the subject matter is the reason this story is so disgusting and gross, but the writing isn't bad at all. It's not my best work, but then, incest usually isn't my best work because I think it's disgusting.

Yes, this storyline is disgusting, but some people find this to be a turn on and I wrote it for those people. I personally love the ending where Jon finds out that Heather has set him up. If you've ever seen South Park, I based these two off of Stan and Shelley. I will never stop writing erotica and if you hated this story, oh well. I have a ton of other stories on other topics here, including incest that are completely different. Check out my catalog and you'll see I'm not a "one-trick pony." I write in a variety of erotica tropes, but all of my practice stories are short, rushed, and to the point. If you'd like something more long and drawn out, check out my published works on my website listed in my bio.