All Comments on 'The Bunker Ch. 01'

Loved it. Please continue

Kind of bland but i am not a book critic. The Bunker just doesn’t grab me

I look forward to seeing how this develops.

man you write a mean scify. you should look for a good editor then get this thing published. i would pay 14.99 for a hard back copy. you have great humor and character building . i cant wait for the next chapter

A great start with lots of potential. I look forward to reading more.

So far, your character development has been mostly believable. In my lifetime I have done most of what you have Kevin claiming, although without the academic awards. I'm what used to be known as a "shade tree mechanic" and somewhat of a "jack of all trades" person. The premise of having to qualify for a slot in a "bunker" is not new, yet you fleshed that part out to where it is believable to me. The attitudes of the "I'm better than they are" entitled Karens were spot on, and Kevins refusal of them was decidedly appropriate. 5 stars so far, hopefully this won't be another of the interesting yet unfinished stories here on Lit.

An interesting start! Looking forward to how this shakes out

Thanking the big rock in the sky right???

Thank you all for your kind words. I am dedicated to finishing this out. I'm working on chapter three now.

Just as a note, for gravitational sensors to detect an asteroid from its gravitational waves, it would have to be will over a trillion-trillion times more sensitive than what we have now. We would need to develop the technology equivalent of a Op-Amp for gravitational waves. No one has an inkling today how to do this.

Also, how would the government run a lottery? They would take all of the wealthy and well connected, and assign them to THE most opulent bunker. Next, they would then take the most capable and assign them to a 2nd, no-frills bunker, and for everyone else, it would give them tickets for transport to general bunkers, to be picked up from tens of thousands of locations across the country. Only when the meteor hit, would the wealthy discover as they all dies that their bunker was worthless, and everyone else would discover that the transports were a ruse to prevent panic. Only the most capable would actually be saved, along with the politicians.

Yeah, the mass issue with gravity waves required a big suspension of disbelief - an integral component to a lot of fiction. I tried to assist that suspension with the addition of a fictional fourth gravity wave detector in Australia, allowing for a gravity wave interferometer with a dish radius equal to Earth's radius.

Asto the lottery, please review the section before that in which I delineated the 'essentials'\caste that choose themselves and their high-level peons. The lottery is only for the rest of us. Also, I did specify four bunkers in the US alone. And ***spoiler alert*** the essentials will concentrate in the New England and West Coast bunkers.

The Dune reference was funny!

Really like the plot and development. Only criticism is imo you could have done a bit more or perhaps differently with secondary requirements for the bunker and definitely more on the character development. But I really like this story so far. Solid 4 stars and add a half star here!

Nicely written story with an innovative plot. Lots of detail about the asteroid and the construction of the bunkers. A great deal of information about the selection process with the men having the most choices. Women are definitely lower in terms of status. Interesting discussion about his selection process. It seems he stayed local and didn't wander too far afield. His final selections seemed worthy of his attention, and the sex scenes were well-done.

Pretty good start looking forward to more 5 stars!

@1Sam2023 (and any other Dune fans) in my work to make chapter for a higher quality, I went back over and enhanced the character descriptions I made for myself. In doing so, I realized, my model for Sarah Moran is Alicia Witt - the actress that played Alia Atreides in David Lynch's Dune! Completely unintentional Easter Egg. Hope that gives yall a chuckle or smile. I'm back working on chapter four now. I should have it out in a week or so. Between work and quality control, I may only put out a chapter or two per month.

Sorry, for I really like your writing, but a draw a line at any religiously driven character, because religion is the bane of mankind.

Obviously your comments point out “to each their own”.

I’m intrigued by the scenario, and I firmly agree that fiction is allowed to suspend belief to a point. This is obviously more about interaction than science.

I almost replied to the atheist that I side with you. There is likely a God, but mankind has fabricated most of religion to our own desires for power and community. Giving everything the filter of love and respect is key.

So far this is a solid 5*.

Tc

I'm liking it so far, I just happened to see this story when I was checking out your quaranteam story to see if you've written any more. I plan to keep coming back to see updates for this one too.

5 🌟 s above and a 👍 here. I like the premise and the story arc is developing nicely....

Story, writing, and premise are very good. However, you desperately need an editor. They could help you with clarity, scene transitions, and overall tightness of the work.

The one issue I saw from the profile is that the character didn't have any Biblical requirements for potential mates, only for himself. (though it is minor given fiction)

One glaring issue is the guy is so nerdy he didn't interact with the women in a normal manner ie ASK them if they wanted to be a part of his group. 4.5/5

I don't understand what the point of the caste system is in regards to women. There's no logic given for it. The tiers for the men mostly make sense as they're more or less loosely based on usefulness to society, but why do some women get to be wives/concubines while some are handmaidens and some are slaves? There's no reason for that to be a thing.

You're right, there's no *good* reason for a caste system.

Opening expose is Tolkien level dry BUT it gives all the needed information to understand the context of everything else that occurs.

Looking forward to what comes next. (Oh look I've got a bunch of chapters to read. 🤪)

@Ronan Yeah after catching up with the story I understand better what's going on now, it's just strange to me that these rules didn't immediately raise a bunch of red flags with the characters in the story, like when it starts out everyone seems to have just kind of accepted it. It's not a huge problem because the story develops pretty well after this but on my first read this chapter made less sense because I was thinking millions of people should be protesting in the streets and everyone just seems remarkably chilled out about the whole thing.

Extra lottery chances based solely on having a degree, and not on the subject is absurd. Ranking a MA in Social Work, or Gender Studies, the same as a MS in any Engineering field is just silly!

ZK

Typo? "one man one woman, as established my God'." My-> by?

"Sarah knew the way to my place because had been there a few times" pronoun missing after because.

Typo "kissed her passionately as a placed my hands in the crease" a -> I.

"had reduced my exactment somewhat." Was this supplier's to be "excitement" or another word? Exactment is... Unusual.

"held each's other's gaze and began kissed softly". 'Began kissing', or 'kissed', looks like an error in rewrite?

"Sarah watched me from her pace on her bed," typo: pace -> place

what a good start to a series!

Loved it. Easy to read, engaging style and humor mingled with great story development. Nice work! Thank you.

Fun story, well written, really needs a better editor! Not really problem for me because I cannot edit my own stuff either. When I leave what I wrote and come back a couple of weeks later I am always amazed by what I have overlooked. Editors are dime a dozen, but good story tellers are damn hard to find according to a publisher I once talked to.

Honestly had 2 big problems 1st was spelling a few errors here and there breaks immersion and makes harder to read 2nd beginning was little disjointed felt more like reading a comic than a book did not flow as smooth as could of

Wolfbeckett from 4 months ago, both comments...and a caste system and women, was the reference to handmaiden's in the bunker to the Book and series "The Handmaid's tale"?!! Well you have a caste with the Commander's and their wives at the top, with the men who keep the infrastructure going including the Eyes( secret police) then lower men like Nick who is a chauffeur (and a secret Eye) in women it's the Aunt's next who instruct the Handmaid's and then the Martha's who are the housekeepers and cook's and a toss up for last, the women clearing up nuclear waste or the women in the brothels (Sex slaves) The Canadian Author Margaret Atwood wrote the novel in 1984 and was influenced by George Orwell's book. Dystopian and near future of Giliad a country that replaces some of America with a so called living by the bible outlook, which the Author felt was more likely to happen there, and what happens to the girl's and women in the book/series, has happened and is happening to girls and women in '84....and is still happening. The first series covers the book and the Author consults and Co producer of all the series. Now wouldn't it be novel to have a Matriarchal society in the Bunkers, and the men as husband's and concubines, handmales and sex slaves for genetic diversity?!! And of course All the women become bisexual in this story, the female version the men Can Choose to be Bi !! Also women who just want to have and raise babies will be included with different men each time, in my Matriarchal society Bunker!! And if you read Dave in Dallas, Kevin and David are almost the same characters!! *Anony-mouse*

Good story overall. One thing, I would have reduced his age to 35-40.

Don't like the slavery and think it would ultimately be a destabilizing factor in society.