The Call Girl and the Businessman Ch. 09

"You must have more faith in Lila. From one who gives others second chances, do you not agree, Matthias dear?" She asked.

I felt a sting in my chest when I heard her call him Matthias dear again. I wished that she could just drop the "dear" when she called him. I also did not like the melodious lilt of her voice when she uttered the two words together.

Mr. Boardmann looked like the grey wolf in him was injured. It was in pain because it had been savagely decapitated by facts which were painful to bear. His expression was crestfallen.

Was he ashamed of who I really was? I was either all the masks I wore or none of them at all. All who I was; was the total sum of what I represented.

"Duanphen, I see that you have taken a stage name now. Lila is actually quite catchy."

Another male voice had joined in the conversation. It was Gerald.

"What do you think of my stage name?" I asked.

I smiled at Gerald while he kissed me lightly my cheek.

"Why does it not surprise me? I remember once that you took the colour too far. Remember what the boss said about lilac being a distraction to our clients?" Gerald said.

He beamed as he planted a second kiss on my other cheek.

"Well, I did not quite agree with him, and ultimately I did convince him that so long that I was able to do what was required of me, he should not be biased about the colour." I said.

I smiled a sheepish smile at Gerald.

"Well, you knew that I was on your side. I was ever the flamboyant one. I love fashion in a woman, especially when it kick starts one of the world's oldest professions." Gerald said.

He winked at me. He had this charming, roguish look about him. I could have fallen easily under his charm then but I was so caught up with work that I did not allocate the time for myself to do so. It was no wonder that he already had three ex-wives and was about to remarry again in a few days.

"What?" Mr. Boardmann said.

Although his hands were now in his coat pocket, I could see that the fabric had been stretched out. I knew that he had curled up his fingers into a ball and he was trying really hard to control himself from a volatile emotion.

For a while, I omitted to look at his eyes for I feared that they would attack me in such a way which would make me lose my cool in front of Clara and Gerald. I did not want to be emotional in front of people I did not know. Only in very intimate moments with people whom I am comfortable with, dared I shed my tears and show my true emotions. The only person in the universe who had this unique privilege of sharing my innermost thoughts and fears was Mr. Boardmann.

I thought it proper to introduce Gerald to Clara. Mr. Boardmann watched with a brooding expression without saying a word. Gerald was attracted by Clara's beauty. I could see that he was taken by her. He started chatting ninety to the dozen with her, leaving both Mr. Boardmann and me alone.

Mr. Boardmann looked pale, and I wanted to pull him aside to talk to him. I gently pulled at his hand which was not in his coat pocket, but he remained rigid and unmoved. I looked at him astonished. Usually he would have been more than keen for me to hold his hands.

"Shall we get some refreshments?" I asked him, softly.

He looked at me with a tortured but tender expression. I wondered what exactly he was feeling. I knew that whatever he was feeling was not good for him. I was about to lead the way to get something for the both of us to drink when he pulled at the butterfly sleeves of my empire gown.

"Wait for a bit." He said.

Gerald had managed to get Clara in a fit of laughter. She was playfully hitting his shoulder while he was eyeing her with a cheekiness in his body language. I wondered where he had left Sara. I remembered her as a timid but kind-hearted soul who always fed the stray dogs after work.

Finally there came a point when there was a brief pause between Gerald and Clara's frivolous conversation. Mr. Boardmann took this opportunity to speak.

"I don't care who Lila is. I accept her for who she is and what she does. It pains me to hear that she has other clients but I accept her with all my heart and I am not afraid of letting the whole world know." He said.

His voice was filled with passion intermingled with pain. His darkened, intense eyes darted from me to Gerald and then to Clara.

His outburst was loud enough for not only Gerald and Clara to hear; but anyone within a few metres range. Some people who were chatting lively in their group looked at him in curiosity, wondering if he had too much to drink. Others pretended not to notice while some ignored him completely. Gerald and Clara looked genuinely astonished; perhaps they wondered if it was something they said which provoked him so.

What about me? I, on the other hand, understood him perfectly well. My heart leapt out towards him. I wanted to tell him that he had misunderstood but strangely no words would form on my lips.

I experienced this very moment in slow motion. I saw Gerald and Clara's mouths open wide in surprise. I saw Mr. Boardmann looking at me again in those haunting eyes. I felt for him, and I would explain to him. I did owe him that much.

Ironically, I also felt myself glowing like the moon; in all her grace and secrets. It was as if the moon had embraced me in her subtle light. But all the long it had been Mr. Boardmann who had embraced me in his spirit. He accepted me for who I was, what I am and who I was to become.

Gerald observed me as he would a witness during cross-examination , trying to catch a cue from me about Mr. Boardmann. Perhaps he was pulling off a joke that did not quite get there. I could only look at Gerald foolishly.

However it was Clara who finally broke the silence. She looked on at all of us in an amused fashion.

"If I were you, I would care who Lila really is and what she does, if it's bringing in all the money." Clara said, with a coquettish smile.

Gerald however was silent. Of the three of us, he kept his gaze on me. Gerald had suspected that something was amiss since he had bumped into us one month ago.

"I think both of you should communicate better with each other." She continued, in a mother knows all voice.

She carried an air of righteousness with her. However much I disliked her, she was right. I liked to think myself objective enough to differentiate fact from fiction; and truth from lies. But what about concealment of facts which played no role in my relationship with him? Until this very moment, the past had been sealed.

"My area of expertise was in company law matters. I specialized in mergers and acquisitions. I also handled business disputes and negotiations." I said, turning to Mr. Boardmann.

Mr. Boardmann looked incredulous. It took a moment for this new information to sink in. His mouth was agape, and his eyes were wide in shock. I regretted that I had this caused this unbearable reaction in him. I felt sorry for him. I felt horrible because I had subjected him to all this misunderstanding tonight.

"Lila was formerly my colleague at Everett & Myers. She was one of the most sought-after lawyers in issues relating to company law. She hardly ever lost a case." Gerald said.

Discarding the playful voice he used when he spoke to Clara, he now sounded as serious as could be.

I looked at Gerald and he nodded at me.

The thing about Gerald and I; both being colleagues who worked together for five years, was that he knew exactly what to say at the right time. I had joked that he could even complete sentences for me, and I could for him. Perhaps because we could anticipate each other so well, we did not find each other interesting enough to begin a relationship, although I had found the manner in which he spoke charming. I knew that he had put a lot of practice into perfecting his charm with the opposite sex. He had told me as much.

We had both worked on the same cases together; brainstorming till the wee hours of the morning. Those were challenging times but they were also times which I could hardly relate to anymore. After I left, we rarely kept in touch although we kept each other's cell phone numbers. Those times seemed light years away because I had already thrown myself into a different direction in life. So many things had happened in the past three years that my five years of legal practice seemed to have faded away from my memory. I was not confident that I could be that high-flying career woman again.

Mr. Boardmann's eyes were unwavering on me. He kept his gaze fixed on me.

"I was right when I said that you were a strange and mysterious creature in a fairy tale." He said.

He turned towards me and the pierce which I had now familiarized myself with was intense on me. He did not make any effort to speak more. He had recovered from the initial shock. He ran his fingers through his brown curls, trying to make sense of my past by filling in the empty blanks in the life which I had omitted. He did not look mad or upset anymore. He was just overwhelmed with the new information about me.

Gerald gave me a warm pat on my back. Clara looked incredulously at what was happening.

"I had to take some time off from legal practice. I guess you can call it a sabbatical, or at least that is what I termed it. I told myself that I would complete my philosophy doctorate with all the time I had. However life had other plans for me. I had side-tracked. After three years, I had only compiled data and nothing else." I said.

Mr. Boardmann's eyes never left me. Those deep-set eyes pierced into mine with a slow brewing intensity that I felt myself gradually burning up in the heat of his gaze.

"Standard rules in your standard notebooks; that kind of data?" He asked.

I nodded.

"My doctorate was to be on Kelsen's theory on the hierarchy of norms- the Stufenbaulehre. I was interested in his concept of the chain of validity and whether it could be applied to every day interaction with people." I said.

"That's amazing enough. Who takes a sabbatical and then does field research?" Gerald said.

He had meant it kindly. He saw that his goal was now to support everything I had to say. He was my defence lawyer. By the way, he was a good one too. He had an uncanny knack of prediction. He could read witnesses very well, and I had learnt the tricks of the trade from him. He had been one of my early mentors.

"I'm afraid you had lost me there on your doctorate, Lila." Mr. Boardmann said.

"Potential doctorate. I'm not even sure if I want to do it now." I said, correcting him.

I looked at him, hoping that he would understand me now. I did not want to hide anything from him anymore.

"Still you could finish it. My guess is that you have compiled enough data over the years to write an outstanding thesis." He said.

He gave me a kind smile and his eyes were now warm against mine. I felt cocooned by him once again; reminiscent of the night when we woke up together in my bed.

I wanted to say that I had collected too much data because they had been mounting since I was a teenager. I was a consistent neurotic and I kept at it until now. I had this hierarchy of norms but interpreting the data was going to be a behemoth task. I could not be objective enough when I was so deeply involved in the subject matter. A researcher had to be passionate about the subject matter but detached at the same time. I was too deeply intertwined with my research.

I shook my head.

"Too much useless data. When I took my sabbatical, I decided on a whim that I should re-evaluate my life. I had too many rules which I followed. So I thought what better way than to start by examining all the rules from a jurisprudential and philosophical viewpoint? But things did not work out the way I planned to." I said.

I looked at Mr. Boardmann and then at Gerald and finally Clara who had been very quiet this whole time.

"I think I understand you better now." Mr. Boardmann said.

He had his arms around me again. His hands on my sleeveless gown; full of warmth, made my skin tingle like twinkling stars. I gazed up at him; my eyelashes fluttering indiscriminately because I felt shy.

"I don't get the flow of the conversation, but I am guessing something meaningful has been discussed, and it's not your doctorate thesis." Clara said.

She looked at me, and then at her dear Matthias.

I wondered if I should explain to her. It was a rather complicated affair and I did not know where to start.

"Let them be, Clara. Every relationship has its moments; haven't they not?" Gerald said.

In a sudden change of expression, Clara turned from him to Mr. Boardmann. She looked agitated.

"But what about our moments? I cannot forget you. Please forgive me." She said in an abrupt manner.

Her voice had a dramatic flair in it. Her eyes were wide and she suddenly looked quite different. She held him by his shoulders even while his arms were wrapped around mine. She was almost as tall as he was. She gazed at his face and mumbled something to him which I did not catch. Mr. Boardmann looked aghast at her actions, and he had kept still before turning swiftly to me and releasing his arms over my shoulders.

"Lila, please excuse us for a few minutes." He said.

He had completely forgotten about Gerald.

"Okay." I said, because I did not think he needed my permission at all.

He then gestured her to a corner of the hall. Gerald and I watched them making their way through the crowd in silence.

"What on earth just happened?" Gerald asked.

He looked at me very considerately, taking into account any potential feelings I may have.

"To be honest, I really do not know. She still loves him, I guess." I said.

I had spoken calmly and as I looked at Gerald, I saw that he looked at me with concern.

"I don't think he loves her." He said.

His words were purposely loud and clear.

"Gerald, you always know how to say the nicest things to me." I said.

"But I think it's true. His heart is with another woman, and you know it better than anyone else, Duanphen." He said.

Now I looked at Gerald in astonishment. He just nodded at me.

"Look, I do not know what happened between the both of you or what he thought you were. But I think you should act before it's too late." He said.

I shook my head.

"It had always been too late." I said.

I had to smile despite my unease. I was quite sure that Mr. Boardmann and I did not have a romantic relationship in the first place. We had a steamy arrangement without sex; maybe that was the most accurate way to describe our arrangement. Steamy but it went no further. I had wanted it to end amicably, and it could not have ended in a better way. He got the woman of his dreams now. I was second best again, but it should not have come as a surprise, because history always repeated itself. Our last night together was no longer on schedule.

Mr. Boardmann and Clara were speaking seriously to each other in a corner of the hall. He took out something from his pocket, and I recognized it as the jewellery box with the matching moonstone ring. Both of them huddled over it enthusiastically. He then took out the ring to show it to Clara. Her face had sparkled in delight. I could not see Mr. Boardmann's reaction though for his back was turned against me.

I could not bear to watch more and I turned away to observe the multitude of people in the grand hall. Gerald accompanied me as I walked the furthest distance I could away from them.

"Gerald, you have known me long enough. You knew the real reason why I left the firm. I had a nervous breakdown. I did alcohol and drugs. After I recovered, I spent my time as a call girl with an escort agency. That was how I met him." I said.

Gerald gazed forlornly into my eyes as he heard what I said. He said not a word but gave me a big hug. Then we proceeded to look for Sara. The three of us made pleasant but inconsequential small talk that night. It was nice to be able to be with the both of them, just like old times. It was strange that I had not missed them, but now I found their company very comforting. I wondered how I could have survived without them. No wonder it had been lonely. I had been isolated.

Lucas, Penelope and Cherie also joined us in conversation. All the people I had known; past and present; were all here together in this grand hall. It seemed so surreal. I knew I wore different masks and I could accept it. But who did I want to be? I was not sure. I knew that I was at a transition stage now. I could not hold on to the past anymore. I wanted to move on.

After an hour of endless but pleasant chatter, I felt tired. I excused myself to a private room in the library. This was where Cherie and I sometimes sorted out the returned books. I started rearranging the books according to genre. It was always good to work my restlessness out. I was rummaging around with the books on the table when I heard the door open. Thinking it could only be Cherie, I smiled. At least someone would join me here.

As I turned my head, I saw that it was him.

"I had been looking all over for you, Lila. Cherie told me that you might be here." He said.

His voice was soft and his expression was very civil and polite.

"I am sorting out some books." I said.

I gestured to the heap of books on the table.

"Surely you deserve to rest the night after the brilliant recital you gave." He said.

He looked at me with an unfathomable expression in his face.

I shrugged.

"Not much of a people person whether I'm a lawyer, call girl or pianist." I said.

Because his presence had made me tense up, I started picking up a few books from the table and arranged them by size this time.

"Shall I help you?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"Clara must be anxious for your return." I said.

A new crisp book edge had pricked my finger, causing a red scratch. I hated paper cuts. I was not alien to them at the law firm. Loads of affidavits and statutory declarations to last a lifetime.

"That is what I want to talk to you about, Lila." He said.

From the door, he took two huge strides till he reached the table. Only the width of table and a mountain of books separated us.

"It was plain and obvious for all to see." I said.

"Was it, Lila?" He asked.

I did not answer but I nodded slowly.

"Anyhow Mr. Boardmann, since you are here, I want to say that I did not mean to conceal from you that I had been a lawyer for a very distinguished law firm. Thomas had approached my firm a few years ago over a trademark dispute with another company. It was a difficult case to prove in court but eventually judgment was in our favour." I said.

Mr. Boardmann held a book in his hand but his whole attention was on me because the book was held upside down.

"I understand, Lila. It was in the past, and it did not relate to the present." He said.

"I used to wear lilac coloured blouses to the office. My boss thought that it was unprofessional in dealing with clients because they would not take me seriously." I said.

I smiled a little at my own idiotic behaviour. I had been quite headstrong then and I had refused to bulge from my freedom of choice when it came to attire.

Mr. Boardmann also smiled with me. He had a sweet look about him and I felt comfortable talking about myself. I went on.

"Lucas was the social worker assigned to me when I had nowhere to go. Twelve years ago, when I was dumped by my husband, I ended up in a homeless shelter. Lucas made sure I pulled myself together and succeeded in life. He told me to start afresh. He said that I had a gift for languages. I wanted to make him proud. I went to university; studied law." I said.

As he listened to me, he put down the book. He narrowed the little distance between us. He walked around the rectangular table and faced me. He did not however touch me.