The Call Girl and the Businessman Ch. 09

"You can tell me everything, Lila." He said, in a soft voice.

He held my waist with both his palms and instantly I felt supported by this gesture.

"Your secrets are safe with me." He said.

His voice was low and very tender.

"I was doing just fine or so I thought. But then one day, something snapped in me. I felt like I did not deserve this life. My work was affected because I took to drinking and partying till the wee hours of the morning. Then I did drugs." I said.

I was getting emotional but I wanted to carry on talking about my life.

Mr. Boardmann's grip tightened around my waist.

"It's alright, Lila. I am here for you." He said, in a reassuring voice.

His arms went around me. He started stroking my hair as tears flowed down my cheeks. I was relieved that I did not have to face him. I looked blindly at the shelves in front of me.

"My boss told me to leave; otherwise he would fire me. So I left; but I made up a cover story that I was going to start on my doctorate. Only Gerald knew what really happened, and now I think Sara also knows since she is going to marry him." I said.

I cried but I did not so much as sob. Mr. Boardmann however had sensed it. He was not like Gerald; he could not predict what I was going to say, but he could feel those turbulent feelings of mine. He gently raised my chin so that he could look at me.

When he saw my tear drenched face, he kissed my tears ever so gently and affectionately.

"I guess art mimics life. I did eventually try to start on a research topic. I figured that the only way to heal was to make sense of my past. So I thought of normalizing rules to see if I was not as neurotic as I thought I was. Self-healing perhaps? I had an inkling that if I carried on with my rules, I would go crazy one day, and I was so afraid of losing my mind..." I said.

I started to sob now.

"Hush now, my angel. You are safe with me." Mr. Boardmann said, in a very low voice.

His angel. I did not want to hear the words but now I was too tired to protest.

"Am I losing my mind?" I whispered, looking up at him.

"Of course not. Your mind, Lila, is very imaginative. You were hurt in the past and you knew that you had to heal. Your childhood and teenage years were traumatic. The scars on your back gave you nightmares. Your memories of your mother; they were all painful." He said.

His voice was full of deep emotion and I felt our spirits trying to understand each other in a complicated dance. We were dancing as two equals; but treading on each other's feet.

"But don't you know? My mother never existed. I made her up. I had many guardians in the past. I was chucked from one to another. Finally I ended up on the streets." I said, sobbing still.

He hugged me tighter. His grasp was almost painful but I wanted to feel the physical pain and not the emotional pain which was eating me out. His arms swept over my hair, stroking my head with constant pressure. He kissed my tears again, and when they were too much, he took out his white linen handkerchief to wipe them away. Not quite into oblivion, for I sobbed more.

"It was so much easier to create someone as a constant in my life. I imagined this image to be real. It was a coping mechanism and I always knew it was unreal. But over the years and after all the alcohol and drug abuse, I was not sure anymore..." I said, in a small voice.

My breathing was unsteady. I was hyperventilating.

"...until I met you. Somehow your presence stirs up deep and hidden memories in me. Gradually I knew what was real and what was not." I said, continuing.

Mr. Boardmann now shifted the pile of books to the other side of the table. He sat on the table and placed me on his lap. I burrowed my face into the nape of his neck.

"This moonstone necklace is just a cheap trinket I got from the market when I was a child. It's a fake stone." I said.

Now he stroked my back with the same hard pressure. It calmed me down somewhat but I still sobbed.

"Lila, you have been very strong emotionally. You have gone through life alone. I marvel at your strength, at your quirkiness. It is immaterial what was real or otherwise. The only moment which matters is now." He said tenderly.

His voice was deep and it was distressing to hear. He was in pain because I was. I made a nodding movement at the nape of his back.

"You wrote my business proposal, did you not, my angel?" He asked.

His voice was very emotional now and I felt his body tremble at these words.

"Yes." I said.

"Why did you keep it a secret?" He asked.

"I was afraid that you would be mad at me for interfering in your work. I was supposed to be a call girl and I had no wish to disclose myself as a failed lawyer." I said.

I was still sobbing but I was trying to control myself now. I gulped for some air and I tried to breathe naturally.

Mr. Boardmann cupped one side of my cheek and caressed me there repeatedly.

"I was troubled and disturbed myself. I made things difficult for you. I was downright rude and arrogant towards you." He said.

His voice was hard, causing me to gaze up at him.

"You were also nice to me later on. You made me acknowledge the past as it was and I slowly I felt that I could move on." I said.

"That was what you did for me too. I can move on because of you, Lila." He said, in a very husky voice.

I could only look at him, mesmerized.

"I became a call girl because I wanted to understand myself better. It was as though I wanted to prove to myself that my past was not as bad as it was. It was my choice now." I said, in a sad voice.

I was aware that I did not overcome the ghosts of my past by being a call girl. Instead they had trapped me in a dream-like state where I was rather numb in everything I did. My life had been superficially pleasant and placid.

"As two broken souls, we heal together, Lila." He said.

There was such a raw honesty in his voice that I was jolted up into a sudden awareness of how good he had been towards me. I was tremendously fortunate to have known him in my life.

"Know that you are a very beautiful creature, Lila. Your heart is pure and your spirit is very much alive and searching for closure to the past. You are so inquisitive about everything around you. At the same time, you are afraid that you would be hurt by the world. You seek to protect yourself by conjuring all those standard rules." He said.

He knew me so well, better than I knew myself.

"Yes." I said softly.

I gazed at him. I felt enveloped by the musky saturation. I felt that I had come home.

I did not know for how long I had sat on his lap with my arms around his; my head on his chest as I listened to his fiery beating heart. But I know that he had held me long enough until I had stopped sobbing. My tears had been gently caressed away by his warm fingers as the handkerchief was thoroughly soaked.

There was a knock on the door, and as we both detangled ourselves from our rather unconventional position, the door opened to reveal Cherie.

"It's closing time. Most people have left." She said, smiling at the both of us.

She made no mention about what we were doing inside. We both hurried to the door and outside the library, Cherie hugged me one last time for the night.

"Thank you, Lila. The event was a success. The library is here to stay." She said.

"I am so glad, Cherie. I would have missed hanging out with you if it were otherwise." I replied.

Cherie smiled.

"Likewise. You have been a very good friend to me." She said.

"I expect more bergamot tea now." I said in reply.

Mr. Boardmann looked at the both of us, and then said in a voice full of humour.

"Isn't anyone going to compliment me on my singing effort?" He said.

We both smiled.

I planted him a quick peck on both his cheeks as he said that kisses must be symmetrical. Cherie looked on with a knowing gaze in her eyes.

"That's your answer, Mr. Boardmann." She said.

Her voice altered between a slight hint of amusement and seriousness. She rose to get into the mayor's car which was waiting for her at the side of the boulevard.

"I got a lift tonight from the mayor." She said, with an impish wink, and then whispering into my ear, "I think he has got a crush on me."

We watched as she left in the chauffeur driven grand sedan. Cherie was seated beside the mayor in the passenger seat smiling away.

"Shall I drive you home or would you rather spend the night with me at the penthouse suite?" Mr. Boardmann asked me in a very husky voice.

He looked at me, full of anticipation in his eyes.

But suddenly I remembered Clara and their intimate moment where he gave her the matching moonstone ring.

"What about Clara?" I asked, foolishly.

"She left with Thomas." Mr. Boardmann said.

"I don't understand." I said, looking into his eyes.

"She confided in me that she had been unhappy with Thomas. She wanted to break up with him. I suggested that they do so privately so as not to make a scene." He said.

"I see." I said.

I was not sure what I understood. Tomorrow she would be back with Mr. Boardmann I assumed, and tonight he wanted my company for old time's sake, since we were not going to have sex anyway. Was that how it was supposed to go?

I dared not ask more, because I just wanted a pleasant night to remember. It was alright for me, as good as a deal done. One last night. A night to remember.

Mr. Boardmann was observing me with interest.

"I guess that I would have to borrow your striped linen pyjamas." I said, a bit boldly.

He was mine for tonight, just the way I wanted it with no strings attached.

"That's settled then." He said.

With that, he swooped me up in his arms as if I were as light as a feather.

"What are you doing, Mr. Boardmann?" I said, feeling dizzy with joy.

I would be sad tomorrow but today I would not succumb to thoughts of tomorrow. For today I am really living the moment; taking it as it is.

"What does it look like I'm doing, my angel?" He asked.

"Surely your car is not parked that far away." I said.

"I want an excuse to hold you like this, especially when I thought I would never see you again." He said.

I let him carry me while I flung my arms round his neck. As I faced him, he smiled in triumph. His gait and breathing were steady when he held me in his arms all the way to his car; which was a luxurious midnight blue; gleaming in the moonlight.

Gently he placed me down and opened the door next to the driver for me. I felt really special and wanted. I gazed at him sideways as he drove the short distance to the penthouse suite in minutes. At the entrance to the lobby, Henry had opened the door for me in his very formal expression. Upon glancing at my face, he looked shocked to see me but he quickly turned it into a smile.

Mr. Boardmann handed him the keys to the car, and Henry immediately wished the both of us a pleasant evening. Walking along the corridors to his suite, I felt overwhelmed. I had missed being here. As he turned the golden key, the heavy rosewood door drifted aside and I saw the grand piano being reflected by moonlight through the glass panels. I heaved in a deep breath, thinking of the evenings I had played on this piano, only to hide this fact when I heard him turning the door knob; the telling sign that he was home.

He got both of us something to drink and I could not help but smile when I saw that it was water. Hardly a fancy way to end the night I thought, but it was what I liked best, never being adventurous with drink. He also got himself a glass of water and I wondered if he did it out of respect for me or if he really had an insatiable craving for water, because this was a man who had an extensive liquor collection. He could have opened a liquor store.

He unlatched the sliding glass panels to the balcony and transported the settee there. Soon after, we were both serenaded by moonlight. He had his arms around me all time; now and then he lightly reprimanded me on my flimsy clothing. I gathered that it was because my shoulders had tingled in the howling wind and my senses were heightened because of his presence by my side.

"I do have a shawl that goes with this dress. I'll go get it." I said.

I rose from the settee but he had my arms pulled towards him.

"No need for that. I see that my clothes suit you very well." He said, in a languid voice.

Once again, he stuffed me into his coat, and I sighed.

"You can be quite overbearing." I said.

"If I were not, you would not be here with me tonight." He replied.

We watched the turbulent skies. Finally when moonlight no longer shone on us, we went inside. It was exactly the same moment when the storm began to rage the whole night through.

In his bed, I lay on his chest as our arms mutually enveloped each other. Gazing at him, three little words slipped my lips. Three words which in my entire life, I had never uttered to a single soul. They escaped my lips without fear or favour.

"What does it mean in English?" He asked, gazing tenderly at me.

One last secret had I kept from him; now not because I claimed to know better, but because I knew that Clara was coming back for him tomorrow. She was the chosen one; the one with the moonstone ring.

"Tell me, Lila." He whispered.

Now his hands raked through my wavy hair. My head was still on his chest; my hands on his heart.

"You were in Bangkok for some time. Did you not pick up any Thai?" I asked, with a slight smile.

"I was too busy working my vocal cords at night to be bothered about language." He replied simply.

"How happy I am tonight." I said instead.

I gave him a grateful smile; and grateful was I to know him today; and to have had known him tomorrow. Past, present and future all before me tonight. I watched the storm rage on from bed. Through the windows, lighting struck like bolts of awareness; thunder roared like acknowledgements that it was all over; and it had ended well.

I could move on, and he could move on.

What remained was the scent which lingered on. The musky saturation permeated the room; the atmosphere and the both of us.

He was asleep long before I was. I could not sleep but I did not move. I observed his sleeping face. His eyebrows no longer twitched in his sleep; his forehead no longer furrowed into worry lines. His lips held a hint of a smile.

I sighed contently; how I love you; you overbearing, arrogant, kind man. There were so many adjectives I could use to describe him.

I felt the saturation of love in my heart as my spirit lunged out; I love you, Matthias Boardmann.

I always have; always had and always will.

Tomorrow was a new day, but for now, it was just us. With that I closed my eyes finally and let myself turn to the other side as night took me in her entirety. I dreamt of love; love scrawled everywhere on pavements; on sidewalks; in the penthouse suite; in me. I love and I could love; so deeply. I love you so much, Matthias.