All Comments on 'The Captured Siren Ch. 02'

Where are you taking this? Have you thought out your next chapters? Have you written them and laid them side by side and read through them? Have you created you story arc and their sub arc story line? Because the premise you set in the first chapter while far fetched is now lost in this chapter completely.

Your writing is good. The main characters were thin but that was expected as one character didn’t even exist until transformed, but you are doing a good job to flesh them out. Your setting and the scene of the dinner with the crew was well writtten, honest and emotional, even in the non-con setting.

However any semblance of plot seems lost right now.

Chapter 1. Alpha pirate captain seeks revenge for the widow and child of his best friend who was killed by the natural proclivities of a sea creature. Instead of killing it he captures it and turns it human so he can teach it a lesson in humanity and humility.

Chapter 2. Alpha pirate, showing his prowess, dominance, and authority, teaches this newly born fish woman it’s now his slave (um...quick question, how did it know what a slave was? Do sirens have slaves in their society?). First thing a slave needs to learn is humility and how to eat - as noted, great scene, gave me hope. But the very next moment he is apologizing over and over for making a sea monster cry while he finger raped it?!?! This captain lost his friend! This captain forged a magic necklace to extract revenge! This captain spent time to chase down the exact sea creature who killed his friend in an ocean! And all he does is apologize while gently and lovingly giving the vile beast its first orgasm!?!? Are you sure the captain wasn’t the one crying?

Just some thoughts and I hope you take this as constructive. You truly have the ability to write a great scene when you think it out fully, like the dinner scene. But so far the captain and the new-born have no personas yet. She will never get a back story I understand. She was a sea monster. She kills and eats one sailor a year, sadly last year she ate the wrong one. Ok fish woman’s backstory done. But the captain NEEDS a back story, what is his purpose beyond this silly revenge, why does he apologize over and over and over and over for fingering a sea monster? Its not like it’s a sheep, or a dog, or even a woman he is raping... it’s a sea monster and even his shipmates remind him of that. A sea monster that he is supposed to be punishing to right the wrongs it did to his friends family when it ate that poor guy. At least that is what your readers are left to infer when you don’t fully set the story.

When you don’t take time to establish the lead characters. When the concept you are asking your readers to suspend disbelief over is so “on the fringe”...these elements must be in place to drive the story forward through that disbelief. Think about the movie Batman vs Superman. Batman should have been dead in the first minute, but the writers and the director spent 50 minutes of a two hour movie creating a plausible back story for how Batman might actually be able to go one on one with the man of steel. And while it wasn’t perfect it worked.

You haven’t established any of that. All we have is dead friend, sea monster, revenge, magic necklace, fish becomes woman, everyone eats dinner, apologies, crying, apologies, fingering, apologies, spooning, Tortuga. Next, (and I know I have no room to speak here) but a bit of editing can go a long way. Example, why does the captain think it’s “write” to spoon with a sea monster? Finally maybe move this to non-human category?

I think this story makes me sadder than captain. I love that he apologized. But make them grow together. She has to eat a human a year to survive does it have to be completely. Does her family looking her. Can they see her at all with the necklace

i definitely want to see more of their relationship in happier way! i do like the embarrassment as well, but i’m more so rooting toward them being happy together

I love where this story has gone and i can't wait to see how you add on to it. I like finns tender side but i would love to see him force pleasure himself from her.

Please add another chapter!!!

Would love to read more..