All Comments on 'The Chaos Blade'

I've always been an avid reader of fantasy/sci-fi, and this submission was in my opinion, quite well worth the read. Have you considered expanding on the idea/worldset and writing a novel? You have a lot of talent, and I would enjoy being able to go down to the local book store and see your work for sale there.

You are my american idol in literotica. The best of the best. I just love it.

Brilliant triology - can't wait for (if) you to write a sequel...

Great to see stories which are a good read first, and erotic second...

While part of me is pissed you killed off Eric & Bill, (that being the sentimental part), the other part of me understands why you did it. For the plot.

And, to be honest, there are few things I prefer more than a great plot.

And this one was pretty damn good.

(Convoluted as HELL though. ;) )

To NOT end a story. What of Yamara though?

The story was incredible, I could hardly put it down. Strongly recommend a proofreader, not only for the grammatical issues (to/too, there/their/they’re, etc.), but also for the characters (at one point you call Eric Jason, and <spoilers> in the last battle you say Eric and Cowboy fight Bavorish when Eric died several battles before that). Those details stood out from an otherwise incredible piece of writing.

Overall, the trilogy would make a decent manuscript for a professional editor to turn into a finished work. At the end of the second book, I commented that it was not untypical for the 2nd book of a trilogy to be a bit flat, as the first book is usually driven by the passion of the writer starting out on the adventure of a new tale.

The passion and enthusiasm of the first book makes the second pale in comparison, as the real work begins. This is where a lot of would be authors fail; the hard work, without the boost of the 'new tale' passion and enthusiasm, can become drudgery, and the finale an impossibility.

You made it through the 1st and 2nd, and did a decent job with the third, but there was a bit too much convolution, lack of growth in some, but not all characters, and some unnecessary internal drama and dialogue in others. One thing which stuck out time and again was the actions of Garrick, and the failure of some characters to seek his counsel and wisdom. His character needs work; he would cycle from being a complete asshole to being gentle, and understanding so fast, it made one's head spin.

He was the sage old veteran in your story; a foreigner to the lands, like several other characters, but that similarity was never used to deepen the relationship(s) between the characters. He had been risen to god status, and had that persepctive, but it wasn't, IMO, utilized to full effect.

Garrick had also stepped down from being a god, carrying with him the wisdom of knowing when it is time to change, grow, or move on. This too, could have been used to soften his character, and create more of the cohesion groups of disparate persons normally form.

I see the lack of normal development of a group of individuals, into a group with common goals, and the natural relationships which form. That would be the biggest asset a professional editor would bring.

Don't get me wrong with my personal analysis; it was a good read, but it could be a great read. Many manuscripts, which later become best sellers, have been much worse reads, before the set of fresh eyes, and another mind, works them over. Few books are the works of singular people; they are the rare ones, and their influence lasts for generations. Most books are team efforts. This would be a great candidate for some added teammates.

Thanks for sharing, and thanks for all the work it takes to put together such huge project to submit to Lit.

Regards,

GeoD