All Comments on 'The Chasm and the Bridge Ch. 01'

A GOOD START

So far so good, but to be honest I thought it was a little overwrought. The villain (and his family history) is a bit too villainous. Trying to ruin Jake’s life is perhaps believable, but gang-raping Katie and getting away with it seems a bridge too far.

And we are to believe that Julie was totally unaware of the rock-god guitarist she’s married to? Again, a little hard to accept unless she’s been living under a rock.

Having said all that, I still really enjoyed the story. We have the perfect villain, the wronged husband betrayed (sort of) by the wife he trusted, and the wife herself wondering how she was sucked-in by Henry and how can she win her husband back. The emotions were stirred, the characters are lined up and revenge is in the air.

Thank you, and I look forward to the next instalment.

Great story! Hoping Julie can win Jake back and help him destroy his nemesis.

a great start !

Intelligently written, looking forward to the next chapter. Thank you.

Interesting beginning!

5

Sad story.

But it was well written. 4 star.

Liked it, a lot, scores 4/5

Sorry, but this yarn is a way too trite. Too "guilty until proven innocent". I'm normally leading the charge when it comes to burning the bitch, but this smells too much like a set-up. Yeah, she what clueless and utterly oblivious. Maybe her inlaws might have clued her in? Maybe helped get her back on track?

Yes, she was clueless, oblivious, and selfish. But no one did a thing to correct her, which in my book makes the entire lot of them a bunch of fucking cunts.

Perhaps they can redeem themselves in Chapter Two, if there is one,.

Interesting start to a fairly dark story.

I'm a bit taken back by the unanswered gang rape though.

Buying one girlfriend was bad enough but blackmailing another?

I'm surprised old Henry is still above ground after that and not only Jake has been victimized. What about those lady's families and even their own consciences?

But drugging and gang raping Kate is a step too far by a mile and none of them would have been long for this earth had it been my family they did that to.

There is a lot to be answered for and this is intriguing for the characters alone and their potential growth but mostly for the incredibly dark debt owed to Kate and Jake by Henry that only blood would really satisfy.

I hope Jake's growth is part of this story as he seems far too passive in the face of such evil. Evil on this level requires an answer or it will be consuming children on an alter before long.

You have certainly hooked me well with this one.

Damn, that's one intense backstory. The resolution of this story will have to be something else to do it justice. Fingers crossed for the author.

Good start. And I agree with Pencarrows feedback about things being a bit over the top, the wife is portrayed as being more than a little ignorant. But I guess it's for the sake of the story. Looking forward to part 2.

Agree with the previous. Very good

I am not sure what she did at his home for all that time? A man as evil as he is written surely would have attempted something. He wouldn't be satisfies in just giving the impression something had happened.

Nice start, even if it gushes a bit over how perfect he is. I do have a hard time sympathizing with the recurrent LW character who has a terrible trauma in his past that he hid from his wife and is now mad that she triggered...but this is well written and it’s not one of those 750 word wastes of space, so I’m on board.

Yes. A dark little gem. Well written. It does raise the HUGE question as to why a "loving" husband had not thought it fitting to reveal the truth of events that had happened. So that his wife could better understand some of the background issues that still affected himself and his sister. I mean, that was truly stupid.

If he loved his wife as he said he would have armed her with the background knowledge so that she understood. But he didn't. That error was responsible for his wife not knowing the impact of all the situation going on. Being the "strong silent type" clearly created that giant fuck up! Cheers.

Liked it a lot needs to get the sec. part done.

I will admit I don't know anything about English Law, but whether the company she worked for needed the money or not, isn't pimping out an unknowing employee a crime there?

Is Henry so rich, he is untouchable?

Is Henry so jealous of Jake, that he has to buy his superiority?

NS, I'm not here to judge but to read, if this story takes more than two chapters to complete, any future chapters will pay the price.

Four stars.

When a story gets so one-sided as it is here, interest level drops off dramatically.

First time I recall reading one of your stories in this genre. I like that you have most, if not all, of the story written as it often avoids the problems authors have of making it up as they go. On the other side, not sure whether it's worth commenting if the end is already written. Here goes anyway - We don't get any leading as to how they met, age, or really any backstory so it leaves us readers with partial information on getting our arms around the plot lines. Not meant as a criticism, just letting you know where my head is right now. You do a really good job setting up the despair Julie is feeling based on what happened and the helplessness she has for her future. You make it clear she really didn't do anything with Henry, but at the same time it's clear she was interested in him more than she would admit, even to herself. I love the dialogue with her mom where you lead us through her realization she hasn't been anywhere near the loving wife she thought she was. Surprisingly, their "honeymoon" seemed to not last long, at least on her end. (It's clear Jake was still in that mode.) I gave this segment 4* but I see a lot of potentially intriguing plot lines that could elevate it to 5* if properly executed. What's Henry's status - single or married? Why didn't he make a pass at her at his house given his past history? (You could switch back and it turns out they did fuck but I hate authors that give me whiplash on plot lines.) She should start investigating how she was set up by Carol and maybe get Carol to "defend" some of what went on with Henry. If she can actually get Jake to believe her (you've written it so it'll be damn near impossible), Henry needs to take a jump off that bridge in the end... I love complicated, engrossing stories and your has the potential to be one. Best of luck moving forward! 4*

My little statement: I am not a mind reader. I have never claimed to be a mind reader. If I am missing information that I need to have, then Geez, somebody tell me before you say I'm stupid, dumb, uncaring, hurtful, and all those other things that would be avoided by knowledge and consideration. Don't leave me flapping in the wind of my own ignorance. I am not a mind reader.

Awesome start! So well written. Hopefully the succeeding chapters will maintain this quality!

5 easy *****

I don't think this bodes well for Julie. Another self-absorbed wife with no interest in her husband. I sure hope Jake makes the asshole suffer for all past transgressions.

Very good start. I can't wait to read more.

As always - a relationship needs communication, on both sides. 5 stars so far.

I agree with the above, but I still like it. It’s a pleasure to read something that is literate, punctuated properly, and doesn’t mix up homonyms. And how can one not like something that has “nominative determinism” in the introduction? More, please.

And this drama after a year of marriage ?! Catastrophic!!! Still a good story, told a little too emotionlessly for me!

Well done. The explanation of how most historians really operate is, I think, spot on. Call me cynical if you will but money does seem to be the main thing that motivates most people. As for the Henry/Jake feud that seems fairly typical of most rivalries and family friction through the years. Hopefully Jake will reach down into the bowels of his soul and discover that he has had the power to overcome Henry all along. As for the wife, she seems a bit self centered and oblivious to what goes on around her and not being from the same village wouldn't have known anything about the past between them as it didn't involve her in any way so not on her radar at all. I like the over the top type of characters we have here, not looking for nuanced character development, just gritty characters. Which we have or hopefully will have that in the coming chapter(s). Thanks for sharing your talent and your story, looking forward to the next installment.

So, an over-the-top husband. An over-the-top villain. And an underachieving wife.

I thought the gang rape was a step too far. What the law didn't take care of, I would have.

All-in-all you've set an interesting, well-written scenario, and I look forward to ch2. 5*

This was excellent. Best I've read in a long time. I was captivated from the first sentence. Hands down five stars.

Really good story that could easily be continued. I hope you do, because this is too good to be complete.

Why would she think that as a married woman it would be acceptable to go on a date? Doesn't matter that her husband and this guy have a history. That is not what makes it wrong. That fact makes it extremely unlikely that he will forgive. The fact is simply she went on a date thinking that she will help save the company. Once it became clear no one else was showing up it should have dawned on her that she was asked, literally picked out, to be his PA. Had she asked her husband he could have explained how she was wrong and then just be angry at her for even considering it. But since she did it anyway and was led step by step as she was her image is now tarnished with more people than just her husband.

This hubby is a grade A dumbest, so far seems he has not included the wife in his life. Wife not at fault here at all and since the hubby knows the lengths this guy has gone to to fuck up his life he should know better and the sister too. She was given a job to do and that's that. Wife has no reason at all to suspect any under handed shenanigans are going on. Hubby 100 percent in the wrong he should include the women he claims to love in all aspects of his life but no he hides everything expecting what? Wifey is not a fucking mind reader. There was no date.

one of the best written stories I've read here in a while. Can't wait for the next chapter

PLEASE don't let this be RAAC.

.

This was an interesting, well told story with a protagonist who deserves much better. Let him find it instead of shoe-horning in some reconciliation.

Excellent wordsmithing! I really like your writing and I hope that you continue. I shall have to go back and read some of your other stuff. I’m looking forward to see How this is going to continue. And please, tell me it’s going to continue! You are a rare talent!

Very best regards,

C

Very powerful , what happens in every day life all the time . Thanks for writing , all*5* from me and look forward to more of your work !

Good start but I don't see any way Julie comes back from her date with her husband's arch rival. Married women shouldn't be going on dates period. Interested in how you proceed with this.

There are multiple tracks to this story. You have the clueless wife ( though her not knowing how good her husband is is a big stretch, if he was that good other ppl would tell her how good he was). She also is kind of stupid, she gets dressed up

In date might clothing for a company event then wonders why others backed out? Doesn't insist Henry takes her home?

Even w her working with him, she doesn't think the.request she work w Henry ,the way it was asked,was weird?

Another problem,she obviously lives in the area,at least fieba year,and she wouldn't hear from other ppl via gossip the whole thing with Henry's father,and what Henry did to Jake? Not very likely.

Jake isn't blameless, he expects his wife to know that Henry is poison to him without telling her,and doesn't give her a chance to even explain why she worked with him.

Julie if she keeps up the woe is me, emotionally flat routine going forward deserves to be tossed into the chasm. Right now having heard what evil Henry is, she should be livid,and plotting final revenge on Henry, if I did that kind of thing to a lived one I literally would act until my death to get revenge on that rich boy turd. I personally would find a way to drug the fuck,then find a way to throw him off the bridge into the chasm.

I almost felt sorry for Julie at the beginning, you realize she was used,but she is just so selfish,so clueless,so unable to feel Jake's pain that you don't care. If Julie told Jake the truth about her working w Henry and showed some real regret, he might have realized that Henry set her up,but right now he would have every reason to believe his wife sold out.

Wow, Julie dodged a bullet. Hubby was a looser. He kept key information that she might have known was critical to her profession. He fucked up, that is his fault. He had issues with this man, he did not tell her, his FAIL!

wow. looking forward to next installment

Well it's kind of contrived and stupid. I suppose one could understand white cake and not wanted tell a life that the world famous musicians staying had called and asked him to go on tour

.

But given the intense rivalry with the urqhart's and what they have done to Jake his system and their family in his be on or comprehension that the wife and the marriage could be so ridiculous Li ill informed as to have no idea of what actually happened with the or Urquharts

.

Even more ridiculous is the fact that the wife has been working for this guy for a year and she still had no idea and the husband never told her what actually happened between them and the Urquharts

.

Just ridiculous and completely unbelievable

Great start. When does Julie jump from the bridge?

You know that we all want her to.

That was amazing.... I just can't wait for Chapter 2. 5 Stars with a bullet!

Jake needs to be given something positive in his life, like an opportunity work with a major artist in a different city or country and take Kate with him so they can both start to live without the dark clouds of their past hanging over them.

I am really hoping in the next chapter Julie is served with divorce papers. it would not make things better with his nemesis. it would put him in control of one thing in his life, getting rid of a selfish woman that clearly did not love or respect him.

Looking forward to what happens next.

4 stars because of the gang rape and Julie’s attitude turning around too quickly. It should have taken longer and involves some public humiliation at work for that major of an attitude change.

While the general tale is very good, its clear you went way too far overboard with the golden angel of a husband and a wife that literally pays less attention to him than the wives are on here that cuck their husbands.

Would have been far better if they were a little more normal.

An excellent beginning, albeit on the dark side.

Hope spring clear for the future of this story (both of lyric quality and proper English use, as well as spelling and punctuation - thank the Catholics; grin).

Smokepole

More Temerity And Prostration Of The English Culture

Its British to take your knocks from the better man, to know your place, to accept the humiliation and condescension from the nobility, and, most importantly, to not make a fuss. What a fucking bunch of sheep.

His wife is auditioning to become Henry's whore, and the defenseless poltroon decides to walk out and leave her to the victor. Pathetic. Bravo to the civilized English culture of restraint, acceptance, non confrontation, submission to authority and superiority, and complete defenselessness to aggression and brutality. You get what you settle for. You yield to the bully and you get more bullying.

The whole story is becoming a black cartoon, complete with evil king, ignorant wench, and naive peasant. Good luck with it.

Thanks for the effort.

I feel like this is the beginning of great story. You have created a great villain. We haven’t met him yet, but we can see that he is a highly functional master manipulator that spends his life force dwelling on ways to destroy Jake and Katie. I get the feeling that Jake, Julie, and Katie don’t have a chance against him.

I totally believe that Julie got played by a master manipulator. She has some minor character flaws that made that easier. Normally, they would be forgivable flaws of type that most people have. Of course, Jake shares some of the responsibility for not communicating.

I am looking forward to the next instalment. 5*

Wolfsden Castle and its occupants are swept down into the chasm, the town becomes known for the remarkable engineering accomplishment of the bridge and is renamed Greville-Across-the-Chasm.

On the other hand, why continue? She is right... she screwed the pooch.

Very well-written start to your tale.

Jake hides the most significant traumas in his emotional history and his greatest successes from his wife? Julie hides her close work relationship with a man she knows Jake strongly dislikes, and she totally clueless. Theirs is not a marriage based on mutual immaturity; perhaps we will see them grow into a marriage of romance and love. Flawed characters are what make stories interesting. At least, we are not faced with one who is without some blame, and one who is totally to blame. Still, I am looking forward to more of this story.

I’ll leave a 5 star the day chapter 2 is out

Well mr drago needs ti be run under a vehicle.... tragic

Great first chapter!

There is a way Julie can atone for betraying Jake and going on a date with his arch nemesis. She needs to murder Henry, and have him die in protracted agony for all his despicable crimes against the two siblings.

Looking forward to chapter two!

It is a fine story with a good ending right now. Hubby is still alive and Sweetie has just received a graduate course in Marriage. It should serve her very well in her next marriage!

I thought the story was very good, with great character development. I thought that Urquhart-Drago was a first class ass-clown, who needs some serious attitude adjustment in a nice dark alley, but that is just my Missouri Hillbilly upbringing talking. People like him think their money makes them special, but 90% of them could not make it in a post EMP/Apocalyptic world. The two bright spots in the story, at least for me, were "Mom" sitting her daughter down and schooling her in the fine are if relationship management, and, perhaps, Jake can still go on tour with Sting.

A promising start. It is hard to imagine how this woman could be so unconscious at such an early stage in her marriage. Her mother seems wise: did she learn nothing growing up with her? And why marry such an emotionally stunted person- I am curious how, after all the sabotage, the poor guy landed this sad excuse of a wife.

As is usually the case, there is fault on both sides. Julie certainly comes across as selfish and self-absorbed. You read the story, you fill in why those words apply to Julie.) But Jake seems to be (Sorry, I can't come up with the right word. I'll put one in but it is not as all-inclusive as it should be.) forgetful. He's certainly aware of how Henry has treated him and his family in the past. Why could he not see that Henry had set up Julie to be used to exact more revenge on Jake? Perhaps when Kate repeats what Julie said to her and what Henry had done to exacerbate the situation and remembers Henry's past actions, the truth of Julie's declaration of innocence will begin to sink into his head. The author has captured my attention and deserves the 5 stars I gave this chapter, and I look forward to following the way the author brings the misunderstanding to what I hope is a happy ending.

Curious as to whether Urquhart-Drago asked her to wear stockings. After all, wasn't Jake supposed to?

the mother deserves a medal in this story

Great start , great input from mom. This girl got an awakening.

You know, when stories are written about a person who is so dumb, so stupid, so so so dumb and stupid, they become dumb, stupid stories.

great start to a story. I hope there's more. LP

Loved this story…lots to think about…one of my fav authors

Nicely done.