All Comments on 'The Chasm and The Bridge Ch. 03'

Very nice story, with a tinge of gothic. Interesting take on two people not really being themselves. It would be hard to not hear the husband playing and practicing- most guitar players have hier instruments lying all over the place, ready for picking up on a whim. The wife not knowing about that would be odd. I like happy endings.

The reconciliation of two people both so messed up they are better off single is a let down.

The down fall and death of the villain felt hallow.

Glad I saw the reconciliation coming in part 2 and just skimmed this to confirm what was foreshadowed.

Writing abilities 4 star

This installment 1 star

Now get to work on more of them

Very nice story, I enjoyed very much missed chapter two when it was published and two and three at the same time and the story flowed much better then being broken up. And I enjoyed the ending very much it was fitting. This is the romance section.

help me understand this point alot of you make a point of doing. How is it in anyway the husband's fault when she cheats? And in the same breath you'll hate the husband when he does the same thing. She cheats, its his fault, he cheats. Its his fault. Also its her pride that kept from making the mistake of taking him back. At the same time, it's his fragile male ego that caused him to destroy their family by not forgiving her.

This response is all about personal taste, so disregard at your pleasure.

When I read this and similar stories, my first response is that there has been too much inbreeding on your island, and it has destroyed the last vestiges of masculinity.

The writing style was so lacking in direction and impetus, so circuitous and self-referential, that it was frustrating to read. The fact that the coup de grace at the end was delivered by fate, rather than any motivated person, the fact that even the wife was so weak as to let the villain off the hook when this was clearly a punishable case of sexual harassment, the fact that the protagonist was the world's weakest pussy, I almost felt that the wrong line had been driven into extinction.

Please, travel abroad and take a spouse from a culture that still has red blood flowing in their veins. Pusillanimous, feckless, effete, pathetic, weak, ... Seriously, how could we not root against all of the weasels you presume to be the moral heroes of this story?

When she appeared in just the stockings I felt pain. All I could think of is how the earlier chapter had stated she never wore stocking for him (she said he never asked) yet she did wear them for her boss. So seeing that would have angered me to the point wear the mood was gone and I would tell her to please never ever wear stockings again. No sexy lingerie ever as all I think about is her at his home wearing sexy garments for someone other than me.

5*

I do have question. In this chapter Jake was upset he did not confront Julie when he first learned about her working for Drago. My recollection of the first chapter was that he did not know about that until after the fateful date with Drago.

anon.1

I was especially Impressed with your treatment with Henry’s demise. Courtesy of Greta, all the loose ends were tied down, and our intrepid couple emerged better than before. Congrats on a sweet tale!

Best remember to be true to your heart. What we go through to realize that.

Both of these characters are complete zeroes in terms of morals ethics and personality

I thought you did an excellent job creating a refreshing, unique story in this genre. You had a pretty complex plot with several overlapping story arcs yet never lost your focus. I commented on Chapter 2 and loved the twist that Greta introduced and you finished the story in the epilogue (one of the best epilogues I've read on this site) that circled back around to the intro - maybe there was something supernatural with the chasm after all. Well done and I look forward to more from you! 5+*

Hue, it appears that this writer is mostly targeting the audience of the mentally ill, to whom the story undoubtedly makes perfect sense.

From across the pond, The Bear loved it. All three parts. The average guy wins is ALWAYS o good ending, even way it hurts to get there. If Julie and Jake get to Texas on his world tour, tell them to look us up. 10 stars, 'cause we can't count over here in the Colonies. The Bear approves. Besides, my wife loves guitar solos.

The BEAR

Loved the story keep up the good work

Jake did not cheat with Greta. He was with her some 6 years prior to the time frame of the story long before he married Julie.

NS

No matter what other readers say, you did a great job. The only change I could see would have been if the car had gone down in flames until it hit the bottom. Congratulations on a very good series.

Anonymous about 6 hours ago

Well, the series is done. And there are winners and of course, losers

Winners:

1. Jake, he has Julie back. He has a hit song. He (not his fault) rid of Henry. And worst of all, despite making a blowing up a small marital problem thinking Julie cheated, he was the one who actually had sex and cheated -- with his therapist.

2. Greta The_Rapist. She had a famous client, got paid handsomely for her shrink-services and got him to perform as her sex toy FOR FREE. Her husband is a cuck and wimp. Truly a winner here.

Losers:

1. Of course, Julie for obvious reasons

2. Greta's husband. Cucks are always losers.

3. Henry Urqhuat-Drago (whatever).

You must have read a different story than the rest of us, he had sex with Greta before he married Julie not after he found out about the date night.

Well I must admit I'm a little let down, not for the writing because it moved well and I was entertained.

I don't really feel a good measure of justice occured for Katie.

It would be nice if she met her true love who turned out to be on the right side of wrong.

A man with certain skills and a history best left in the past.

I'm glad the mystical mist took care of Henry but there are more who need taken care of.

Wow! I can't believe all the negative reactions to this tale posted by others. I've pointed out certain weak points in the earlier chapters and am not certain they are fixed here. Nonetheless, I loved this chapter. Five stars only because I can't give more. Jake and Julie both appreciated they were at fault in some way and reconciled with the intent to change and atone. Henry got his comeuppance that was more than overdue. A quite satisfactory end of the story in my mind.

In response to the final note, I have stories posted here. I do wonder how many of the critics have and note also that many of them are anonymous. How interesting!

I think you have done very well with your little story! Thank you. Nice twist with the bad guy driving through the mist while the van coming the other way saw no mist at all! Really enjoyed it.

I thought you did an excellent job with this! The atmosphere created in part 1 was perfect for the story. You did a good job showing that Jake and Julie both have considerable growing up and learning about each other yet to do, and that when they were tested, the flaws of both contributed to their near-failure. I do have two minor suggestions for you:

1. I wish you'd given your villain a different name. At least on this side the pond, anyone rejoicing in the name "Urquhart-hyphenated-with-something" will be assumed, at best, to be a pompous snob. We already know we don't like him or her before they say a word.

2. Include links to the previous parts at the beginning of the story. That way readers who've missed a part or want to refresh their memory don't have to page all the way to the end to find the links that the site supplies.

Thanks for your work, and congrats on a fine story.

GA

Great story telling with a satisfying ending. I like the irony of Urguhart being caught over something he didn’t do after getting away with everything he had done all his life. Good lesson on communication and being true to yourself. I enjoyed the Chasm and Bridge bringing final justice for Jake and Julie. You wrote a good one.

An excellent and original story.

Exellent!!

For a change (in these stories), a marriage is threatened not by arrogance or uncontrolled sexual lust, but simply to the immaturity and thoughtlessness of two relatively decent people. I wonder if more marriages don’t fail for reasons like these than for the usual ones we read about here. I could see myself in this story and hope to read more like it.

I have to admit I was captivated by chapter one and while two and three weren't quite as compelling it was still a five star story.

A breath of fresh air like the breeze across the chasm! Thank You, wonderful story presented with skill, talent and containing, eventually a loving wife and happy man... Thank You 5***** and worth so much more. Great Job.

I rarely give a story 5* but you earned it with this one. You kept Jake and Julie together and gave Urquhart-Drago a very fitting demise. Well done!!

Thanks for sharing...

Very entertaining!

Two points struck me while reading, first of your stories are very focused "cut to the bone" with limited character development. Unfortunately, as good as your plot is, the tale left me devoid of emotion.

Secondly, I thought the paranormal inspired ending for the villain was a bit..Shallow.

Thanks again, looking forward to your next posting

I am only disappointed that the story is finished. Good writing!

I rather liked the story and the characters, which is generally what holds a story together. The ending may have been a bit too pat, but the chasm was rather central to the story. While this may be critical, I can't offhand think of how I would have resolved it, other than just letting the evil minded villain slink off into the mists to be forgotten.

fun read. Some minor problems but enjoyable enough to overlook.

Good ending!

5

the first 2 had a bit of detail this one didnt seemed to be a summary. the all is good sex solves all was dumb after all that psych in the first 2. but all in all i enjoyed the series ty for the read

A moving redemptive tale with a pleasing karmic conclusion. What a villain Urquhart-Draggo is (and what a great name!). I waited until all parts were posted so I could enjoy it without a break in continuity. And enjoy it I did. Many thanks for sharing your story.

The ending was not my cup of tea. Going to get a hit man to kill jake and katie was so far out . After jake wife could have brought him up on sexual harassment charges. So his hate overpowered the reality. And you had his fate sealed with a road accident that killed him

Overall well done. You almost went over the bridge with Henry when you had Jake somehow blaming himself for Julie's wretched selfish behavior. Equivalency without merit is dishonest and glaring virtue signaling: We can't blame it all on the woman. Yes, you can, if the person to blame happens to be a woman. Who cares? She righted herself quite handily and with some style.

The details of Julie's ignorance of her husband's talents and professional reputation does come off a bit stupid, or lame. How could she not know who and what he was? The premise makes their marriage appear very distant and tepid to a ridiculous degree.

But it was a nice romance in the end, inlcuding the charming and definite exit of Henry from their lives. What a good sport.

Thanks for the effort.

A great, original story very well written. Thank you.

This was a more literate than erotic story but nonetheless it was a pleasure to read. Please keep writing.

Great story

5/5

This is a great story. You are quite talented and thank you for gifting us freely your art.

I am bedridden these days and don’t have the finances I once did, so I look for reading entertainment where I can. Gems like these really do make the waiting go by easier.

Your stories resonate with my own life, I was a chemical engineer as a student shy growning up but once I found my niche as a unique risk modeler (actuary-statistician) I got to live in London and NYC.

Of course, when you grow comfortable with your knowledge and your expertise puts you higher on the pecking order you can meet good-time girls, or if you are like me you search for your “It Girl.”

Friedrich Nietzsche called this pursuit of the intellectual the most dangerous pursuit of all. “The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything."

Well I found her and she was brilliant, beautiful, loving, but her game playing and femme fatale acts defined pure sexuality.

So, I am drawn to your stories from that aspect, to see how you’ll recast and where you’ll go next. And you have not failed to surprise and excite.

There are many decent and good authors who post here, but you are your own man (or woman, I didn’t check) when it comes to what you write and the ideas you explore. Being a individualist who does not write what is expected of them but of what you wish to write about is refreshing in this day and age. Artists in days-bygone had sterner backbones, and I am happy to see some are still around.

Ignore the insults, don’t play to the crowd. Do read criticism that can make you grow, but be careful who’s advice you take to heart and let few into your inner sanctum.

Sadly, for me, my immortal beloved departed before I was able to, she always like to leave me anxious, unsure of myself, and waiting to see her, but this time is a bit much.

My hope is eternal that I’ll find her again and while you are welcome to stick with your atheist-biochemist who rolls his eyes at folks who pray, but then again he has an immortal succubus lover. Which leaves me thinking your character there had somehow met a relative of my departed wife (my wife really was evil twisted peacenik.).

Anyway, what I started out trying to say and I am ending with is thank you and please keep working on your chose art form.

I have a list of authors I scan to see who’s written something new, and your a new addition, I smile each time you’ve posted, knowing it might infuriate, sadden, or provocate.

All are bright spots in an otherwise dreary old-mans day to day.

p.s. if you write under another name or have novels, let me know, I’d like to see more of your work.

A.D.

Thank you for that, an excellent read. Different plot to the usual, believable characters and very well written. I could almost feel the mist shrouding the bridge...

A brilliant story, well crafted and played out well; however, what was not addressed, what was ignored was the lack of trust and an immediate jump to a conclusion that didn’t happen.

If the marriage was in danger, then it’s because Hake does not trust his wife enough to give her the benefit of doubt.

As an example, my wife has gone for coffee and once, even a dinner with former classmates and once with an ex boyfriend (his wife committed suicide by cop true story) I trust my wife enough to know that she wouldn’t cheat on me.

It’s obvious he doesn’t trust her and that is the death knell to a marriage.

Really good story, well written and it had a excellent ending. Thank you.

5 from me,, thank you

A great story, I am sorry for some of the more stupid comments (Julie didn't cheat with Henry asshole, while she was dumb to go there, she also didn't know the full extent of the background with douchebag, and Greta's husband is not a cuck, she had her fling with Jake 6 years ago, before she or he was married), those calling this a cuck piece, calling Jake a wimp didn't even read the story (I really wonder if they can read).

I liked the tone and setting of the story, for me it was very British kind of writing style. I liked that Jake and Julie both figure out they love each other and also why they so segregated themselves from the other, with Jake's past and his being too unselfish, and Julie not wanting to admit she sold old so she makes it that it is Jake's fault because he is a head up in the clouds artist (the one weakness with this story, even though they haven't been married all that long, is that it would be kind of hard to believe that she wouldn't have stumbled across Jake's name and how good he was, or have heard from others his reputation).

I liked that Henry Scumbag got what he deserved and I liked the tales from beyond quality of the revenge, that he was out to kill Jake and Julie, maybe it was the spirit of the Greville family, old great grandfather,that finally takes revenge, Henry dies knowing that his family is now dead and that he was a small dicked wonder to boot, and that in the end he outmaneuvered himself. One possible alternative would be that the car coming across the bridge was Karen......

All in all I was impressed. About the only quibble was here and there I saw some awkward writing, a typo or two, but that didn't hurt the story at all, it certainly was an enjoyable read.

Love it. Wouldn’t be an interesting twist to have Julie family only distant relatives alive. Hmmmm

It’s such a HUGE part of his life, and he kept it from her??? I have friends who have consuming hobbies that would have to take center stage in their lives because of the time and money spent on it that NO spouse could miss.

It’s one thing if Jake lied to Julie, and she doesn’t know, but for her not to be exposed to the level of tune that he has to spend as a professional musician? Not likely. Like the movie “True Lies”. But this is Jake never offered to tell Julie what his job was. And Julie never asked. Well, crap, it’s a marriage that’s absolutely bound to fail.

Also, Julie used be a prize winning photographer, but gave it up for a steady check. Ok, I get that. I know a lot of musicians who, because the pay sucks and now have kids to feed, take a day job with a paycheck. But the intimation was it was years ago. Theyre roughly 30yo. And it seems financing and photography don’t mix, so she gave up photography. But then it turns out she gave up photography last year?

I realize lots of fiction requires some suspension of disbelief, but at least I have trouble with suspension of logic that carries on through much of a story.

But some interesting scene setting.

Well done. Thoroughly enjoyed.

Thanks

Great story well written five stars.

Has anybody else noticed the negative comments are from people who clearly either skimmed or didn’t read it at all. In the immortal words of Forest Gump ‘stupid is as stupid does’

He didn’t cheat, she didn’t cheat. Before posting comments perhaps you should wait to pass your remedial English classes so to have a better understanding what you’re reading.

Prompt completion of a multipart story

👍✌️👍✌️👍✌️🙏

Cheers mate, I love it. Five.

Captcha

A well done story. Very poignant.

Not sure about this one. Interesting premise and some intelligent insights into the human psyche, but the couple's mutual epiphany came a tad too easily, the writing was unnecessarily formal and stilted (as if trying to emulate a Victorian novel) and the double-barrelled, pseudo English surnames were just plain silly.

But more good points than bad on the whole. Keep writing.

LA

Loved your story, well written.

I liked it. Very poignant delivery of the brooding darkness of lack of communication.

A wife that knew nothing about her husband's fame and fortune as a rock star?... a bit fantastic... even her mother knew.

An enjoyable series. It is a little convoluted in the beginning with the history of the two families and who did what. I particularly liked the scene where Julie is trying to get comfort from her mother. I could feel how Julie was shrinking in on herself as her mother cross examined her. The woman asked some really stinging, but appropriate questions. And... I love a happy endings. Thank you.

There are smaller bands. Could you pick the lead singer of Switchfoot out of a lineup. Yeah the following is substantial but sting was considerably larger. Larger bands will have smaller bands open for them.

I liked this. It healed a bit of my jaded heart. 99% of women in real life bang though. Especially women that selfish. Adults don't play checkers between the hours of 11pm and 1am.

Echh, Got less interesting as the tale wore on. Just so-so. LP

I loved this story. For a while I thought we were heading to a “Romeo and Juliet” ending, but good sense got us to a good ending. Thanks for the story.

Ed

Forcing an employee to go out on a date is the very definition of sexual harassment, so the explanation at the end was dumb. Also it would have been better if the police caught him trying to hire a hitman, than some random act of karma.

Last chapter was pretty melodramatic. Story started off well but by the final chapter turned kind of anticlimactic and trite. Obviously Jake and Julie belong together but seemed pretty straightforward once Jake spoke to Greta and Julie reflected after her talks with Katie and her mom. Also whatever happened to Jake getting hope against the evil asshole? Are we to expect that the stuff on the bridge was not karmic fate but a planned ambush?

Was glad they reconciled and came out stronger in their marriage. Neither cheated. Not remotely. But they had poor expectations and communication that should be better. But the way the asshole died while ironic, seemed kind of weak. It just suddenly happened. And he was dead. So karma got him? Bit anti climactic.