All Comments on 'The Christmas Dinner'

liked it but i would have chase her, on christmas what a pig.

takes some skill to make such a short story this interminable to read

1.) You really need to post your stories under Romance and not Loving Wives.

When most readers read stories under this category they want to see a form of symmetry that comes from the story. They want to "feel" that the couple should stay together. They want to know they are together because something they read made them "feel like they should" instead of because the author "said they should be".

Make sense?

But this story was more along the lines of they stayed together because you wanted it to happen, not because it felt like it. Especially when you only have the husband embarrass the wife at a private dinner with the family and the husband is hoping that the Mayor doesn't name his wife as the woman of the Mayor's affair, but then the husband goes the whole way to screw the Mayor by calling the Mayors wife and the News stations to the hotel where he was hoping to meet his wife, and there outs the Mayor.

See lack of symmetry.

What you did to the man she was sleeping with Christmas Day didn't "remotely" match what he did to her the night before.

If you say you wrote it that way because of his love for her, then you need to put it under romance. He doesn't have to throw her to the curb because it's a Loving Wife story, but it does need to make you feel good about them staying together and what he did didn't do that and doesn't balance out remotely.

2.) You shouldn't mix two first person telling's of the same story. It makes the reader see the story as if its told from someone with a split personality.

You can't go "I said" when Candice is talking and then on the next line go "I said" when Harriet is talking.

Only one person can be talking at a time when they are telling a story from their view point and then they are "observing" the other person as they are talking. So it should have been more like "I said" coming from Candice and a "Harried then said" from her observation of Harriet speaking to her.

Mixing it up like that destroyed what little balance you had in the story because you kept ping ponging the reader back and forth between first person tellings of the same account from one line to the next.

______

I'm not picking on you and I hope you don't think so because I did the exact same thing a year go when I started, and when I go back and read what I wrote then I totally get why it is so hard to follow.

One last thing, while the story isn't my cup of tea forgiveness in a story is tricky to write. You have to make the reader "feel" that they should forgive the character you want them too. You can't spend 3/4 of the story making the character in question a villain, and most readers despise the villains, and then use only a paragraph and a half at the end to try to make them like them again.

That never works, "EXCEPT" in romance stories where the only thing that matters is a happy ending.

What you did here was like having the wife take the husbands wallet because she needed money for some reason, and when the husband went to get his wallet after pumping some gas into his car he realizes that his wife has take it, after a promise to never leave him without funds for any reason countless times, and and so he went and punched the nearest person he could find to make himself feel better, and then he went home to work it out with her.

Your wife in the story made a promise to him before god and the person he just had to get even with was someone who didn't promise him a single thing.

I've never understood the mentality that everyone must pay "but" the person your sleeping with who promised you everything and then "reneged" on that promise "multiple times", unless you don't really want to do anything to them because you expect all the guilt laden sex you can because of how hard they are going to work to get back in your good graces.

That's the only thing that makes sense to me.

Anyway the above two points are really valid and hopefully can help you in future stories.

-Risq

Probably closer to reality than most of the stuff you read in loving wives.

First, you write well. Your descriptive prose is above average, and your word choices are generally superb.

Second, though, your writing is often difficult to follow. There are numerous run-on sentences and even proper sentences that would have been better split into two--and sometimes three--sentences. Tighter sentence construction makes for more powerful writing.

Third, as Risq (I believe correctly) points out, you should stick with one of two methods of telling the story: first person or third person omniscient. If the latter, then have the observations for each scene being in only one character's mind, but do NOT tell it from that character's first person point of view. You have bastardized the two forms. Instead of selecting one first-person narrarator throughout, you take a third-person approach but tell each scene in the first person. This is confusing, unnecessary, and frequently leads to repetetive prose, which can bog the story down.

Fourth, you really beat us over the head with your theme. And, again, Risq was correct in that your theme seemed to veer from its intent. You wanted to show the Christian spirit--if not moral imperative--of forgiveness, but he still drew his full measure of revenge from the Mayor, the adulterer who owed Kenneth nothing save common courtesy and respect for Kenneth's marriage. If either of the adulterers was more culpable, it was clearly Candace, but she received full, unavenged forgiveness. Punish them both, forgive them both, or get the hell away from them both, but don't just punish one. By doing so, your theme of Christian forgiveness was weakened.

Finally, start the story with more action to immediately draw us into the characters and the conflicts. Granted, I love reading about wonderfully prepared food as much as the next reader, but here we had no idea anything was going on--that there was any action beyond the perfect meal--until the story was nearly 25% done.

Sorry for being so verbose, but your writing really does show incredible talent if honed a bit better. I hope you take my comments in this light.

A course in creative writing would be a great benefit to you. You have a good story but a strange presentation. Using more than one first person in a story is a bit uncommon and difficult to follow.

Try again and "never give up".

Just a couple of notes!

First I think you got the ideology wrong; this mayor sounds more like a democrat then a republican, lets say a Bill Clinton want to be. When you talk about taking the hard earned money from tax payers; that also sounds like a democrat you know spend-spend-spend and tax-tax-tax.

Second you have the attitude of a pussy wiped husband. Do nothing and just hope everything goes away. One other thing you forgot to blame yourself for your wife screwing around on you.

Sure she was sorry; sorry she got caught, that is the only thing she is sorry for. Sounds like another democrat trait. I think you should run for office; yes that is a good idea; just put your wife out on the streets to get votes for you.

While your need a little storytelling sharping. You expressed the Catholic faith perfectly. Thank you for writing a strong Catholic man who remains with his wife. I fully got the reason why he did what he did. If this is your first story please keep going. If it is not please keep going and do not be discouraged.

loved the angle you tried to take. hope to hear more from you in the future.

one of the best written pieces I have read on lit

What an interesting, unusual, well-written, and even morally uplifting story, the likes of which never before has graced the cyber-pages of Literotica.

Well-edited, for the most part, but still with a few smudges.

Thanks for the story. Thanks for the reminder.

Well written. Enjoyed the feeling as well as the sentiment

It made me think more than I wanted to do.

Sad but yet interesting to read about the moral implications that comes from cheating on one's spouse, especially on one of the holiest of days.

The author has done well in reflecting the pain and hurt that was felt by the husband and also the sick feeling that the wife had of being caught.

She would have continued cheating on her husband if he hadn't confronted her with the knowledge of her indiscretion, and she wasn't really sorry for cheating but more for getting caught.

Thanks for the read.

Total Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Interesting.

Difficult to follow at times. And..

Being one who thinks that religious belief is for fools, I find it difficult to feel any sympathy for the players in this drama.

This is some really sick stuff. Since it takes place in Colorado, and JPB lives in Colorado, (or at least many of his stories take place in Colorado), I wondered if this was some sort of attempt on his part to create another "nom de plume." Problem is, for as sick and wimpy as Bob is, he is a far better writer than you are, and doesn't appear to be some kind of sanctimonious bible thumper. Not only is this story muddled and confusing to read, but it contains themes of severe male wimpishness. God does not allow wimps into haven, nor does HE tolerate male bashing bitch writers, and you will probably rot in hell when you die. But don't worry, I'm sure Father O'Greedy will promptly give you absolution on Sunday, and all will be forgiven. And it will only cost you eleven hail Mary's and a generous $$ contribution to the churches Cadillac fund. Please try to refrain from practicing your writing skills on this site (it's a PORN site for Christ's sake) and post it in Readers Digest or one of those Lighthouse magazines that the door knockers are always trying to hand out.

I was a little confused at times about who was actually speaking. And probably like many others on this site religion means nothing to me. The only time I have willing gone into a church was on my wedding day and I have given my wife strict instructions NOT to bury me in a church graveyard there is no point. As I keep telling people I don't talk to any 'higher' being(If there is one) and he/she/it doesn't talk to me which is all good as far as I am concerned. So all this business of going to church and confessing your sins? after willing cheating on your partner? Sorry but that doesn't mean anything to me. Humans make mistakes, thats what we do constantly. To me it's how we learn from those mistakes. I hope the wife truly did learn from her mistake. Would I, could I forgive her? Years down the line maybe, then again maybe not, but I do know I wouldn't stay married to her.

Anyway sorry for rambling

Keep writing you will get flack for this story, but please carry on writing.

regards

AW

I have a group of friends who read and write the types of stories we share here. I found this one worthy to share with them and sent the link. Good job, original take on a timeless theme.

While I believe whole-heartedly in Christian redemption, it is one thing to forgive, but a completely different matter to forget; & it seems like he cannot forget. And I really did not get a true sense from the wife of abject - which it should be abject - repentance and begging for his forgiveness. He probably should just move on. This story sort of reminds me, as the mirror in some respects of Ohio's "Her Blue Minivan", where the husband wants to maybe both forgive & forget, but simply in the end cannot.

Oh, HDK is going to have a few things to say to you. On the other hand he might feel Risq and Rehnquist have already covered everything. I do enjoy his comments immensely so I hope he will weigh in. It seems he has quit writing stories and limits himself to comments nowadays. I'm going to ask Santa to bring me an HDK story this Christmas. <P>

JB

The author seems more tempted by food -- even the finger snacks are seductive -- than by sex, and what sex occurs (despite the mistletoe nearby) seems an act of charitable giving very much like serving a turkey to someone in need. Scarcely carnal self-indulgence. But the sense of injury done to the "one flesh" created by the sacrament of marriage is well-felt -- the infidelity is a moral act as well as ego-injuring as in most of these stories, and I don't think less of them for that -- along with the need for repentance and forgiveness. So, congratulations!

I agree that the presentation was a little off-putting with the split POV. I also agree that some of the grammar is off-putting, and that the author could use an editor, especially when one reads: ""Are you a Christian? No, that isn't the questions (sic), are you a Catholic Christian?" It was not the question I was expecting. He knows I am Catholic by all of the Catholic Charities I support.

"That was what I thought."" It is helpful to give a sense of continuity here, with a connecting idea to help the reader get to the next idea (a headshake, a grunt, etc...)

"It is a grave sin to covet another man's wife. It is a grave sin to commit adultery. Your transgressions are ____ just against me. I will not judge you William Harrison that is not my place."" I think the NOT missing here, makes me take a moment to work out what you MEANT to say. It slows and makes the reading disjointed. I think this is what commentators had in mind, when referring to the story as :"interminable.;" and "confusing."

Having said that, I really enjoyed the story, because you really are trying to convey a Catholic sensibility. It took me a while to think about it, but Belindacorwin nailed this in her comment. A key difference between Catholic and Protestant sensibilities is that Catholics believe you have free will (and can freely choose to sin or do good), whilst Protestants (to various degrees) believe that we are cesspools of sin that can only do the right thing with the grace of God, because we are so weak. It also differs on the mechanics of forgiveness. With Catholics, true repentance earns forgiveness, through contrition, the act of Confession (with a priest) and subsequent good works. In Protestant views (to varying degrees), one is never quite sure, until one is face to face with God. Finally, Catholics take all seven Sacraments whilst Protestants vary in their degree of compliance.

The point is that these three differences play a role in this story. God put the marriage together and for devout Catholics, only God can break it apart. You freely chose this experience; you must stick with it. Divorce is not an option (nullity may be?) within the Catholic faith. The civil institution of divorce does fit within the Protestant tradition. Ken cannot divorce his wife, he is forbidden by his faith to do so. He has the option of not sleeping with her (divortium imperfectum), and he takes that option up on December 24 & 25, for four years. A nice subtle touch. If one reads Sophist81's stories, you see this thread of "making it work" through all of them.

TO Zed0's point: "God does not allow wimps into haven (sic)." I have no idea what you mean by this, since Jesus makes it very clear that if one does injury to you (striking one cheek), then he expects you to offer the the other. If that isn't a clear definition of wimpdom (in appearance at least), I have no idea what is! The key is in the intention. One is a wimp if one turns the other cheek from FEAR. If one is doing so out of a strong conviction for one's faith, then how is this being wimpy? The martyrs were not wimpy from a Catholic perspective. Yet, even when Ken does "lash out a bit", in LW category terms, it is incredibly mild, and in contradistinction to Risq, I assert, quite SYMMETRICAL.

Ken's "vengeance" is nothing more than to expose the sinful behaviour in a manner most meaningful to the individuals concerned, in front of the people most important to that individual. In doing so, Ken maintains his dignity, given the beliefs that he holds. For Candace, it is in front of her sister and brother-in-law. For the Mayor, it is in front of his constituents (oh, and his wife--maybe). Ken does nothing more after this. No blackmail, no violence, and no further shaming. The key thing is the EFFECT (and AFFECT) on the two individuals concerned--to bring them into clear consciousness with the sins they have done.

Finally, the one thing I would say I would like to have seen more of, is the way back for this couple. This part is really rushed, only hinted at, and I say this, given the multi-chapter stories that you normally write!

Thank you for your very interesting story.

Giving everyone their turn to tell parts of the story just about made it unreadable. I seldom complain about wimpy husbands in these stories, but this guy didn't seem to be strong enough in character to tie his own shoes. His wife came off as such an easy mark for the mayor that I would expect that she and her husband will end up spending several holidays apart in the future up until the husband grows a pair and walks away from her for good.

This story missed the mark for me but I appreciate your efforts. I hope that you continue to post stories.

Just another wimpy cucky story about a man to afraid to do the right thing by divorcing the whore and throwing her ass out in the street. Then getting his revenge of the asshole mayor. only one star for this diatribe

Most of the others have touched on the points I wanted to make, so I won't mention them here (mainly technical stuff).

I don't adhere to any religion, so the Christian viewpoint doesn't do much for me. For myself, it's mostly "be a good person".

To make it short, I do not see why Candace should be so easily forgiven. The key point here is that she did it for four years in a row! (Or was this supposed to be the 4th year?)

If she felt guilty, if she felt remorse, if she felt regret, why go back 3 more times? Why repeat it several times if she is sorry? No, she was sorry she was caught, NOT because she did it. Every time she did it, she's had a full YEAR to think it over, and EVERY year, for THREE years in a row, she did it again. If that isn't premeditated, I don't know what is. This is the furthest thing from a drunken fling, or a "silly mistake".

This isn't even inflamed lust or passionate obsession. Candace felt perfectly well for the entire year without secretly fucking the mayor. It's not like she can't live with fucking him. That makes her once-a-year cheating even worse.

As for Ken. Although it's not said precisely when he found out, why the heck didn't he stop it? As far as I can tell, he gave NO indication to anyone that he knew until he dropped the bomb on them.

Why stay with a cheating wife for 4 years, with the risk of STD's, the pain of betrayal and disrespect and everything? Especially Candace doing it EVERY year, on Christmas!

I'm neutral about what he did to the mayor. Although I wouldn't have been adverse to Ken giving him a good beating, outing the mayor to his wife and especially the media, was equally effective. Unfortunately we don't read what the mayor's wife response was.

Also, at the end. "If this ever happens again we will not survive."

Um, this kind of speech would've been appropriate after a drunken one night stand. Not a once-a-year cheating for 4 years in a row. It's WAY beyond that. Does that mean that if she cheats for 3 years instead of 4, it'll be OK? I know I'm being sarcastic, but when is it enough?

He should've drawn that line after she first cheated, not bottle it up for 4 years, and then give that far too mild reproach.

That's like reading about a bully beating up your son to within an inch of his life for 4 years, and not doing anything about it, and only after 4 years saying to the bully "That's a bad thing you did! Bad boy!"

Ken's statement was a disproportionate reaction to Candace's 4 year long cheating. Yeah, I'd classify him as a wimp, regarding his mild reaction to his wife's cheating.

read the "final outing" he forgave his wife and ended up eating creampies. Then he got his balls back and fried that bitch.

Ken is not Jesus, thus how can he be compared with him. Good story, but started to get a bit 'preachy' near the end.

Interesting dialogues. Interesting story, well told.

nor is it forever. TK U MLJ LV NV

Thanks for sharing!!

is huecuck the admitted cuckold, at least he isn't a child molester like ped0 - that guy is a totally perverted freak of fucking nature.

TOTAL CRAP

he wrote if you do this again our marriage will not survive it. what he should have written is "if you do this again YOU will not survive it."

Not a lot of resolution, but I love your writing. Some of the dialogue got a little confusing when switching back and forth between who was giving the first person narrative.

ruined it completely. Mind you, the constant change - without warning - of POV didn't help. A very silly story.

This was a terrific idea, but there were too many mistakes. Be reminded D.H. Lawrence was noted as someone who'd take a day, a whole day, composing a single sentence. I don't have that kind of patience, but I'd like you to consider getting a proofreader. I've found the LW crowd to be very critical regarding even the most remote errors. Your story sounded like a rough first go through. I'm truly sorry I consider myself a fiver. This wasn't anywhere near what it could have been. Honestly I hate the comments I get from the LW anons, but knowing they don't pull any punches gives me the satisfaction that I know I'm getting some real investment on my stories.

will never be the same for lesser. TK U MLJ LV NV

Obviously the other comments have stated the pros/cons of this particular plot-line and it miscues. Carvohi's comments made the most sense in summation of this tale and his observations about the brutal but practical comments from "anons" is true. Cantbuymy's comments were also well stated. Just-another-anon.

does it say Judas was forgiven? he hang himself, a mortal sin in Catholic Law.

Toss her out in the snow. "Same Time Next Year" feces.

That was painful to reconcile with her cheating .

I gave it a 3. You write very well but I found the story line weird and confusing to follow. Too religious and not enough about the players themselves. Keep writing as you do that well but please concentrate on the players and not try to fit in the Catholic religion in two pages.

cuck shit.

You are messed up dude...

Just really awful.

The self righteousness of these characters makes me gag.

of any type of overt male characteristics it's easy to see why the wife would take a lover. I would guess she wanted to see, just once or twice in her life, what it was like to be with a male of the species. What a load of crap. Hubby had a bigger pussy than she did. Not a very well thought out plot for my taste.

Certainly a better story than most in the LW category, even with the "pompisity", whatever the hell that is.

You can always hit up the confession booth to absolve any responsibility you have for writing this nonsense.

On the bright side, mental illnesses like the authors aren't sins.

I skimmed most of this story and only wasted about 10 minutes of my time. I shudder to think how much time the author of it wasted righting it and several other like-minded stories.

I couldn't follow this at all. What was the revenge on the mayor? What was the reaction of the family to his Christmas absences? Just what is the point of this story?

There is far more satisfaction in taking the high road. It's hard to understand why she would make that mistake, but his handling of it was interesting.

As with all his type, the predatory mayor was a stranger to the truth.

Divorce or at least separate so she knows what she did or could lose. Husband does nothing wrong at all yet on Christmas Day she fucks the Mayor out of pity? What a piece of crap she is.

shouldn't she have realized that the asshole mayor was still with his wife? He should have been outraged at being lied to at the very least. She would have rejected him when sent the message.

I stop reading from this author. Nothing but cucks

gibberish!...were ye high on weeds?

I hate religion as it was a form of control in olden times but it still is and that is the sadness of this world, until religion is eradicated from the world there will always be strife.

Thsi story was.......below average

JJ

Truly unrealistic cuck shit.

Literally no man is that forgiving unless he's one of those gay/bi men in denial.

The Mayor is a famous person, so if his wife had divorced him or at least served him, I'm pretty sure it would be publicly known. And a year later she would know he lied, so why meet with him again?

Another of your stories that I have favorited. You received some useful and well thought out comments. While some believe this should have been classified as Romance, I believe Loving Wives was the correct one. The story resonates better with someone that steeped in the Catholic faith. Midnight Mass on Christmas can be mystical and healing. Thanks for this story.

Sanctimonious nonsense.

Thank God that everyone who hates religion and thinks that believers are fools, has weighed in with their opinion. I recommend a new rule, because why should any author be allowed to write any story that includes any nuance.

From this day forward, all cheating wife’s will immediately be sent to Mexican whore houses. All the men they cheated with will have their balls stomped on, by the husband, (who never has to go to jail) and said husband must meet a super hot young thing, who makes his life complete!

Not to my taste

Well done. Well written. It is a great shame that the trappings of religion blind so many to the truth. Thank you for your effort and your courage. A little bit of leaven leavens the whole lump.

Willing cuck with no real revenge on the Mayor. 1*

I know, at the same time, to vicariously fuck one of my staff would be an empty experience the next day. I need to be able to look Charles in the eye and tell him I love him like no other person, and mean what I say.

I don't care who you are or what your philosophical persuasion, if you go outside of your marriage, for any reason, you give away a part of that marriage

===> Yup. Harriet is a keeper.

Surprised by all the vehemence against a writer who chooses to have religious themes interwoven. It is the author's story. If you don't like it, don't read. Don't pretend though that faith and religion don't exist.

Will agree that the ending was a let down. Not so much the reconciliation but after he confrontation with thr Mayor, there is no on page communication with Candace regarding.her one time slip (and her second intended one, which her sub conscious mind wad clearly against). Considering how she described the sex as nothing special, actually compared it to Denny's, why even entertain a second time as Harriet pointed out? No explanation. The husband's therapy is to somehow avoid her on Christmas eve and Christmas Day for four years? Huh?

Also unclear if she actually went back and f$cked a second time. She met him 4 years ago on Christmas. He describes seducing her last year. But she says it happened in the third year. Those are two different incosnsitent statements. Work it out. And now having not spoken to the Mayor for the last year, he texted her and beckons her and she planned on a conscious level.to go? Wtf?

Christian are taught to forgive. That is not the same as reconcile. Catholics frown on divorce. But modern Catholics do get divorced. After so many years and with kids, he might stay in the marriage and make a sacrifice. It is his choice. But there is zero discussion of why and how they reach any sort of agreement to stay together. Her one time slip (if it was once, unclear) is and enough, but planning to go again? That is a big chasm, even if once a year. And on Christmas Day? Wtf. So the end is just totally unfinished and focuses on his avoidance pattern. But nothing else is discussed on page when she tries to tell him it was onlynonce and ge cuts her off.

Great story. I loved how you put it all together.