All Comments on 'The Chronicles of Hvad Ch. 15'

Damn you.

It was extremely well written, and arguably almost necessary.

But damn you, and damn Borna for not making sure that Ljudevit was remembered as a hero. For that matter, what happened to the guslars, huh, to not write about the man who brought them together?

Humph. You're too good of a writer to be reading your stories on a Friday night with a few drinks in me. (But don't you dare stop writing.)

Thought it was a rather abrupt end to a good story, seemed it was rushed. It also feels awkward because I remember in the beginning of the story ljudevit said he would tell bornas story, so his death just does not seem to go smoothly with the premise of the whole story.

Loved the story. The end seemed so rushed however.

I loved this story, the end was shocking and unexpected but he was a clever man an saw the opportunity to give his life to protect his loved ones. I wanted the story to go on! Thanks for another gripping yarn.

Then it was terrible.

I'm sorry, but instant killing off of the character because of a rationale that he had only come up with at most a day beforehand. That is so unlike anything Ljud was at any other time in the story that it is impossible for me to believe that it was part of his character.

I expected Ljud to sit there, moseying up to the leaders before stabbing them in their sleep, and then escaping into the night.

An epic tale.

Definitely looking forward to the sequel!

Logical end but fuck me too short by far and a bit sudden perhaps. Very glad you're well along writing a sequel. Might be time to move to a webnovel site, or just publish novellas, you've long been capable and your stories are worth the long read. (I just want to binge a while story from you, I'm sure I'm not alone here).

Keep it up however you want to proceed.

Sighing

Ive enjoyed reading each story you've posted here and was checking every day for the next chapter to this one. Have to agree with others tho, the ending was very abrupt and for me, just ruined the whole story.

The ending was far too abrupt.

Apparently not a fan of the string orchestra, pathetic fallacy and other melodramatic shit that surrounds the death of a main character in soaps. Good. In real life decisions like this tend to be quick and there is no music. This sets you up well for a serious epic...you've introduced a great world, have an interesting set of fairly well rounded characters and you have demonstrated your willingness to do nasty things in it which increases the stakes for readers.

Did not see that sending coming. Rather abrupt, but awesome job. Looking forward to the sequel.

This ending was so abrupt that at first I thought it was a mislead. I can accept how things ended for our hero. Though it's not the happy ending I would have preferred, it is realistic after all. But it happened so quickly that I feel like I got a door slammed it my face and shouldn't have gotten so invested in the character. I've enjoyed most of your work, but this was a bit of a let down.

I loved this series, and I have all of your stories. I want to love the ending because I can see what you wanted to do. But somehow it didn't work for me. Maybe because it was so abrupt. Maybe because everything after the dramatic point was in italics. It just felt incomplete. But I applaud you for trying it, and I look forward to your next series.

Loved the entire story. It was the only option.

Hello

First let me thank you for your amazing work,you are really talented and I hope someday you will become a professional and a successful writer.Secondly I agree with my fellow readers the story did ended rather abruptly and killing our main character really pissed me off.Lastly I have a proposal if you can allow,plz rewrite this last chapter and this time finished the story with our main character alive.Thank you so much.

What a choker. I think most readers were pretty well invested in the narrator's story, character and life.

Your story development and plot lines are marvelous. Thanks very much.

Borna knew he couldn’t win, so he sent Ljudevit back knowing his hand would make the ultimate sacrifice for him. It was a huge shock to me, I think it’s only the second story I’ve read on this sight, where the main character dies before the end of the story. Makes for a quite profound ending

Always love your stories, you are one of the top writers on this sight.

Thank you, KS

Agree with the others that the ending was sudden, but disagree with them that it ruined the story. Ljudevit was a warrior, and the endings of their stories are almost always abrupt and untimely. Ka-pow, the end. In my opinion, it works.

The endings of stories are often the hardest part (like sticking the landing in gymnastics). I'm sorry if you were disappointed, but that was the plan all along.

Ljudevit in Izumyr was originally covered in 2 chapters. My editors let me know that this was too abrupt. I stretched it to three, and let him go home to see Payl and the twins. He knew then what he was going to do - Payl almost guessed. I'll leave it up to you to decide if Borna knew, in advance.

Should Ljudevit be recognized for what he did? I don't know. Wouldn't that antagonize the Izumyrians?

And would Ljudevit really want a statue of himself? There's already a song about him (Borna's bucket)

Not the ending I was hoping for. I hoped that he would be able to live with Payl in the Uplands. It became obvious that Borna could live without him and their paths had diverged naturally.

When are you coming back to Vannerbehn's Luck?

I thought you hinted at possibly allying Borna with another opposing kingdom bordering the izumyrians... or possibly a treaty of sorts dictated by the results of a game of hvad “chess” between Barsam and Borna... (Borna Would start with only half the pieces... and will lose of course while extracting a terrible toll on barsam) Or something even more clever... ljudevit became so real and such a remarkable hero that I doubt if any of your readers wanted it to end.

I didn’t think the ending was abrupt — it made perfect sense to me, given the events of the story. I think the problem people are having is that it seemed to come out of nowhere because you didn’t foreshadow it enough. And I get it — you want the audience to be surprised by the shocking twists.

The key there, for future Stories, it to set expectations early and then draw attention elsewhere. Like a sleight of hand magician, you want the audience to know that outcome in their subconscious while making them forget it as they get caught up in the story and characters. This foreshadowing is especially important when writing in the first person, since we’re seeing the point of view character’s thoughts and feelings so intimately. It’s a delicate balance, but one I know you have the ability to pull off.

I highly recommend watching Brandon Sanderson’s YouTube lectures on plot, particularly those from this year’s lecture series where he discusses in great detail setting audience expectation and payoff.

Overall, a highly enjoyable story, and I look forward to the next series from you as always.

You could see hints of Barsam's demise. Especially when they say that all you would have to do is take out the leadership and the followers would have no one to follow.

It was a battle. Like all of Borna's battles, there was a lot of strategy. In this case it was Ljudevit that fought the battle and won. Like at Asrava's steading (the first time) the battle began without the enemy's knowledge.

I just hoped that life would get better for this faithful Hand. Specifically I wanted him to be with his family. But it was not to be. Because Payl & Ljudevit hadn't figured out how they could marry, Payl only lost possibilities not realities. Sometimes possibilities are harder to lose. It's why we mourn children differently than we mourn the elderly.

Like all of your stories, we want them to continue because you write in a way that keeps readers engaged.

You asked if Ljudevit should be recognized. Yes, he should. The ways in which he was a Hand should be taught to all Hands and Hospodar Heirs (so they know which qualities to pick). He wouldn't want a statue or national holiday. A prince with his name he would understand. Borna should also make it clear to all Hospodars & Bans & Triumvirates what Ljudevit did. In these important ways he should be recognized. Guzlars should sing Borna's Bucket and Priit's Sacrifice.

The reason Payl gave for naming the twins sounded very much like something Payl would say. :)

I'm so glad that Ljudevit stayed faithful to her while he was away.

Let me say up front I enjoyed your story, and others of yours before it. And Ljudevit's sacrifice in and of itself is fine, even if a bit depressing (like life sometimes).

But a story told by a first person narrator who dies mid-story, right up until the italicized third-person denouement, is a literary technique I've never encountered before. Who is he telling this to? When? In the epilogue, it says he remained known to the Izumyrians only as Preet, so it wasn't told to his captors before his execution.

I'm a techie, not a lit major, but fairly well read. Can you point us at any other works that use this device? Exploring literary form is creative and interesting, and I wouldn't criticize a novel literary device in an of itself, but rather applaud it.

But seems a little bit dishonest to achieve the shock value of this ending by using a device that's not possible in real life, as well as novel.

You went out of your way in episode 1 to say that this is only in SF&F because it has swords, not magic.

I'd just welcome your (AspernEssling's) comment on this.

This is a great story, overall. Keep it up, and I very much look forward to the sequel.

But the ending disappointed me for multiple reasons. First off, I feel cheated by Ljudevit's death, because of the very nature of the story. From the very beginning, this was put forth as the saga of Borna, as told by Ljudevit. So, by its very nature, that meant Ljudevit had to outlive Borna, or at least both of them live until retirement age, in order for him to be the narrator. Thus, to have him die when he did feels like a cheap, unsatisfying trick. If he died, then how the hell are we getting his written account, up through and including the assassination?! The fact that the rest is then in italics from a different POV is only more confusing and frustrating, because it further confirms that everything prior to that was written by him, but that part couldn't be.

To further clarify, imagine you watch a movie where the first scene is an old man reminiscing about his adventures when he was young. Everything from that point is a flashback. (I've seen movies like that.) But the flashback story ends with the main character dying when he's young! If I saw that, I'd be frustrated as hell. WTF? How can he be reminiscing as an old man in the first scene then?! That's how I feel about this story.

Second, I felt that you, as an author, put all your chips into making the assassination a total surprise to the reader. People complain that the ending feels too abrupt. I think that's because, in order to maintain the surprise, you basically had to have L lie to the reader. Since his account continues through the assassination, that means it must have been written AFTER it. In which case, there was no reason to keep his thinking about the assassination a secret in his account of events leading up to it. If this truly was the written account it claims to be, he would have explained his reasoning of the assassination as the idea developed in his mind. Why would he keep it a secret, other than as a literary device to surprise the reader, which makes no sense in the context of him writing about the saga of Borna?

I think a lot of the problem with the ending has to do that you never explained what exactly the "Chronicles of Hvad" are, or when they were written. The whole thing at the beginning of chapter 1 - "I will tell the truth" - makes it seem as if it was written after the adventures were over. In retrospect, that intro also feels like a cheap literary trick. Who was he telling the truth to, exactly? If he was keeping a diary of sorts all along, that would make more sense. But you never clarified that. Yet, even if he did keep a diary, then how did he get a chance to write a final chapter that includes the assassination? And if he managed that, presumably while in captivity in the short time before his own death, how did that get back to his friends? And wouldn't he have written more at the very end, such as his feelings about his own upcoming death, his love for his Payl and final thoughts to her, his explanation for why he felt he had to do what he did, etc? That's also why people feel the ending is too abrupt. Because if he did write it, then why would he end it there? And if he didn't, then how does it exist?!

Since you're writing a sequel and you haven't published it yet, there's still time for you to undo your mistake here. You say he was killed three days after the assassination. You could explain that, during that time, he was allowed to write (or, more likely, finish) the Chronicles of Hvad. Then, the claim at the start that he will tell the truth would make sense. He feels he can tell the full truth even to the enemy because he knows there won't be a war, so they won't be able to take advantage of any of info in it. And he hopes what he wrote will somehow survive and add to the legend of Borna, helping to turn him into a hero that his people will be able to look to long after he is dead. Alternately, if you don't like the idea of him handing over the info to the enemy, you could have Dulo visit him in prison in his last three days, and have him secretly slip his diary to her. That would also better explain how the Chronicles eventually get back to his home country. There might even be a good mini-story in how that happened.

If you have the sequel take place a couple of generations later, which seems to be the case with the last bit of the epilogue, you could even at this late stage add in a bit about how the Chronicles of Hvad were finally found many years later, and people were astounded to discover this truthful account of Borna's exploits. At the same time, that would solve the problem of L's great sacrifice not being appreciated or even known. It would, just not until decades later. Perhaps Dujo kept it for a long time, not knowing what to do with it, but near the end of her life she had a change of heart, or some descendant of hers finds it in her belongs even later than that? Lots of options.

By having the Chronicles found, you could also fix other problems with the ending. For instance, you could have further bits from the Chronicles in the new story to tidy up some loose ends. As an example, knowing that he was about to die, L could have written bits of advice for his children to guide them through life. Even if the sequel starts with the great grandsons, that advice could still be impacted on the descendants. That would be a neat way to tie the two stories together, while giving L a better send off.

The other reason I'm bummed by the ending is that I was intrigued by the character of Payl. I really wanted to see the rest of her life story, esp. her struggle between being an Uplander yet hitching up with a Lowlander. It would be great if she is in the sequel. Perhaps she lives long enough for the Chronicles of Hvad to be discovered, and she can have the satisfaction of seeing L go from being forgotten to being hailed as a hero who saved thousands of lives. If the sequel begins with the great grandkids, she still could be alive, but very old, and we could learn about the years in between through her.

In conclusion, I really hope you use the sequel to fix the seeming contradictions about the Chronicles - what they are, how they came to be a surviving posthumous account, etc... Then people who read the sequel will be able to appreciate this ending better.

First, thank you for writing. I enjoy your voice and attention to character as I’ve said before. I am big fan of the world you’ve created, and the potential for a series of stories told from the perspective of a culture on the razors edge of annihilation. I know you’ve said this was the plan all along, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it given the first person narrative. I can’t help but feel like you wrote yourself into a corner, and this was the only logical solution to allow the continuation of the story (sequel). The saddest thing about being an author is that it doesn’t matter if you follow your plan perfectly. It only matters that the reader feels like you did. Readers might allow you to have the outcome you desire if you wrote it differently. Perhaps if you’d stayed true to the narrator’s perspective until the moment of his death then written from Borna’s perspective as the epilogue rather than the whole denouement. Even then, you would need to expand the falling action significantly, allow the reader to spend time with Ljudevit as he awaits death. The ending, as written, would make this story unpublishable, as readers will feel you’ve broken faith, and won’t trust you enough to read the sequel.

You are only the second person to have commented on (or even noticed this aspect of the story - the other is a writer himself). Here's what I told him:

- I toyed with the idea of revealing (at the end), that Ljudevit had related the whole story to someone else just before going to kill Barsam. It could have been Dulo, or I could have created a sidekick to accompany him to Izumyr (for that sole purpose). It felt like a distraction, merely to satisfy literary convention.

- For the same reason, I rejected the idea of having Ljudevit keep a journal. Pen and paper, on the run in the forest through the winter? Added to that, I'd never addressed the question of literacy in Yeseriya.

- I'm of the generation that wrote letters, long before email was invented. I read stories where there had to be an explanation of 'how' the tale was passed down. These explanations often felt a bit contrived. Younger readers, I think, are more accustomed to movies and television - mediums where you rarely (if ever) wonder who is holding the camera - the narrator behind the narrator, so to speak.

In the end, I decided not to worry about breaking literary convention. You are quite right to point it out. I hope it didn't spoil the story for you.

AE

For those interested in previous examples of the "ghost writer" (haha) plot device: the first that comes to my mind is The Red Tent, a sixties novel-made-movie about a botched 1928 North Pole expedition. Years later, the surviving captain reflects with several others on his responsibilities and guilt - all of those deceased. Legend Roald Amundsen (played in the movie by Sean Connery, btw) died in the rescue attempt, but is actually the one offering captain Nobile redemption, decades later. Well, IIRC, it's been decades and I can't find a script anywhere. I do remember that they repaired a radio with a resistor made from some paper and pencil lead, but that is of no help at all here. Anyway, dead persons prominently speaking; more of a stretch of the imagination than is required here. And now I'm wondering if The Sixth Sense would qualify, too.

Closer to home: the inimitable DreamCloud's "The Rehab", to be found on this very site. The narrator that starts the story, is not the one to finish it and that's all I can say without spoilering it. Go read it right now - I'll just say that six years after publishing, it is still in the top-three in that category, with a 4.92 rating. Then read everything else the man has written, especially The Festival, The Muse and (I'm tearing up just typing the title) The Promise.

I am a bit upset about not getting a happy ending of sorts here. I want to be bummed, I read a newspaper. Yeah, yeah, I know, history is fraught with peril and AE's epics are as plausible as they are detailed (that is: very), but that doesn't mean I have to like it when my companion of fifteen chapters is neutered and gutted, or that he himself has to suffer the fate he wants to protect his family and friends from, literary justified moral irony or no. I was as stumped for alternatives as Ljudevit and the assassination ultimately was an statement of true love, but still. He never even knew it worked (that would have stopped *me*!) and he didn't get the credit, either. Not that a statue for killing people is for all eternity, that's thankfully very clear these days, but still: boo. Five well-deserved stars for the story as a whole, of course, but I would prefer something slightly more uplifting, next time, and like Ljudevit, I'm not giving up hope.

There are those who complain about the ending, I am amazed at your courage to give this amazing story the only ending that would have solved the “story problem” in a way consistent with the in-story universe and human nature. You foreshadowed it well with “why have they not invaded before”, and I knew then how it must end, and only wondered if you had the intestinal fortitude to see it through.

I am a reader on this site, but I am also a professional military officer, who has planned many an invasion and helped in a couple, both large and small, in life and training. I am a historian, military, political, and economic. I have studied martial arts of various schools for 38 years, can fairly acquit myself with long sword, rapier, katana, knife, and bayoneted rifle. I read a tremendous amount, and have written a small bit. I have personal knowledge of how to fight the battles you describe, having fought mock battles for real honor and prestige with rattan arms like the ones you describe.

Your battle sequences are the most accurate depreciation of real fights and how they are perceived by those in them I have ever read. The immediacy of the fight, what you are doing to your opponent, and what is happening to you are critical to the individual fighter, literally life and death. Many authors fail to register this immediacy the way you do. Superb sir, outstandingly well done. You also give a well described gestalt of the overall battle, with confusing bits, like it is. Amazing.

Imperial invasions of less civilized societies end up three ways: Imperials win, Barbs devastated but carry on guerrilla war for generations (Romans and the Scots, English and the Afghans); Imps win Barbs devastated and enslaved ( Akkadians and, well everyone they conquered, Romans and the Baltic states); and Imps win, Barbs devastated and made into productive provinces for their Imperial masters, usually becoming full citizens after a few generations.(Rome and most conquered areas, Persia, Mongols, China, USSR, England and India.).

All outcomes are bad for Hvad. This was the only way out, I am proud that you took it.

Loved the story, just felt it ended to abruptly, like the last chapter was rushed for some reason, maybe rewrite this chapter??

Quite a moving ending. Lifted the whole story.

It was nice that he got to see his kids.

I really dug this story and I'm glad you shied away from a HEA ending, in favor of something more interesting from a character perspective. I guess I can see what some other users are saying about it feeling abrupt. Maybe there could have been more internal monologue and foreshadowing of what would happen. But nevertheless I liked it a lot, well done.

..talk about not seeing a LOT of that coming!

(I apologize in advance, as I just finished driving 18 hours, then returned to read this. I'll review what I can while it's on my mind.)

I must say I was thinking this would go 25-30 chapters, like Westrons, given I saw some similarities with a few characters. However, you kind of hid what Ljudevit and Borna were thinking, so as to "spring" the ending on us and not make it appear so obvious. When I think of how the Izumyrian civil wars were described, this was the only possible "good" ending--sacrificing Ljudevit--as he would have been lucky to escape a second time, once you showed Barsam paranoid about a Hvadi spy. Of course, this really compounds the mystery about whom the Izumyrian spy in Hvad was--although the only two possibilities were Imants or Keptel (likely the latter, operating as a double agent, who also held back part of what he knew, so as just to provide sufficient information not to compromise his standing--think of it--he was in Borna's innermost circle too). Returning to the only feasible solution, both Ljudevit and Borna knew that causing a civil war would be the only thing to stop the invasion--and you quickly threw us a bone in the story that the soldiers would "stand around" if their leader were assassinated. Did Borna anticipate this? With how you detailed him, there's no way he DIDN'T foresee it, because the story implies had he accepted being hospedar, he would have settled down BUT that would not have produced the information needed to know about the invasion, and the alternative would have been all of Hvad overrun, with all the brutality and ensuing guerrilla warfare for decades to try to wear down the invaders. Also, to those thinking Borna could have honored Ljudevit: he never could have, as that would have placed the thorn into the Izumyrian side that would have resulted in them invading later, and they would have been brutal about it. This outcome protected both Borna and Hvad, offering them plausible deniability.

The ending is indeed abrupt, but given you ended this at such a point, I imagine you've "padded" the sequel to address some of these items from this last chapter. I would hope we read of Payl, after she returned to the Uplands; how the twin boy and girl grew up; how that led to the 2 great-grandsons returning to Hvad to offer to fight for it. Once more, those requesting a "rewrite" have to remember how Ljudevit fought with himself as to if he could marry Payl--YET they BOTH never spoke of it again after that one drunken night she had. Payl was much like the beautiful and untamed Spanish mustang named Hidalgo that was set free at the end of the movie. When I think of this and think of Payl, I remember undercurrents of "The Shawshank Redemption" where Red muses about Andy, that he was "too bright a bird to be caged," as Payl was.

I now eagerly await the sequel, to expound of some of this in this last chapter.

You most certainly learned how to get sneaky!

I enjoyed this story beginning to end, even the end. The abrupt ending is art imitating life. Sometimes in life sudden things happen and you can't take them back.

Sure reading through the story and getting into the slow build I was mentally preparing for a long and expansive saga and there's a twinge of disappointement that goes with that expectation be dashed. It's also the expected choice Ljudevit would have made given his limited options and the potential horror show of the invasion if he didn't.

And I absolutely believe Borna knew what he would do after finding out about the blasé attitude their leaders had to sacking their targets.

I loved this story and the characters you created, but I would like to suggest you rethink the ending, but not to change the outcome. I admire your gutsy move with Ljudevit who is the story teller. However, the lack of any additional story after his demise make it seem very unfinished. You of course, have to switch to yourself as the story teller, but then you leave many of your main characters who are so deeply indebted to Ljudevit mostly silent or hardly perturbed. As a result, Ljudevit's death feels like a full cup that's been carelessness knocked on the floor, and as its being mopped up, the party continues. Borna's reaction is beyond muted, and what of Payal, the fiercest warrior? What did she do? For such an amazing person and the focus of the story, he needs a better epitaph. Something that is the equivalent of a Viking funeral among those who knew he was a spy, and that his brilliant split-second decision to sacrifice himself saved them all.

It didn't really seem like anyone cared about Ljudevit dying, I don't think anyone shed a tear, Payl had a sore hand but that's it, everyone else was just like "Well....bound to happen wasn't it, what's for dinner?" Also why not honor Ljudevit with a statue or immortalise him in a song, Izumyr were going to invade without a justification anyway, purely because they wanted to, so what difference would giving them a reason make?

Quite a big plot hole really.

Still, when I read about a sequel, my first thought was: Oh no, no sequel to this one - this series ist spoiled. Why? Because of the way you tried to solve the POV problem.

I'll concede that the problem may have occured late in your writing process, probably too late to find any 'real' solution. But then - why not simply go on with it and let the narrator tell of his own execution? The way you stopped at him blanking out seems kind of half baked to me. A blatant contradiction cannot be concealed, only changed into something that seems to have been planned from the outset. (Miles Davis is said to have consciously repeated false notes he had happened to hit.)

That said, you're still one of the best and most interesting writers here. So I'll certainly read and cherish any story you may publish in the future, even a damn sequel. ;-)

You really hit this one out of the park. I have thoroughly enjoyed all of your stories but this is my new favorite. Thank you very much for all your hard work and for sharing it with us.

I loved it. Ending was very quick. Would have liked more ending but regardless it was a great read.

Enjoyed your work. What other ending would work? Perfect!

Writing this from the U.S. in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic and the U.S. national elections and I am reading for pleasure and soothing. I was greatly enjoying this story and was looking forward to adding this to my 'read again' list until this ending.

In literary terms this may be a great ending - but emotionally it sucks. If I wanted realism, I would read/watch the news.

No vote; no reread. So sad.

You are a very talented writer . This was a GR8 story . To the reader below . There were a GR8 many large figures that died in this tale . Ljudevit could have died many other times . All of those would have made him a hero . Looking forward to the sequel .

Overall, I enjoy your stories, for the first 80%. You need to do some research on how to properly end a story. Of the 4 stories I have read of yours, 4 of them have feel like you just got tired of writing and wrote a final chapter to just end it. It's been pretty disappointing every time. Other then that great world building, memorable characters, but the way you seem to end all your stores changes the quality of the stories from @-@+ to c- to c. Hopefully you can work in that in the future

This is an amazing story. Or start to what looks like a series. Well done.

I'm even okay with the way you ended it. I get why people are shocked; they're invested in a character and story, only to have it end abruptly. But, I gotta ask, were those readers paying attention to the story? It's got a bit of a body count, to put it mildly. It's not like AspernEssling wasn't leaving lots of clues about how short and brutal these peoples lives were. Not a lot of surplus calories in Hvad...

Plus, it's not a straightforward historical action story. These ARE "The Chronicles of Hvad", after all, not of Ljudevit or Borna. I think the right way to understand this story is to think of the land as the hero. Or, more precisely, the protagonist is the ethos of Hvadian culture and this is part of its origin story as revealed by the exemplary life of one of those whose actions shaped it. If I get what AspernEssling's doing, this is a story that will become a legend that will shape a people. So the ending--which even explains this would all be forgotten except for "Borna's Bucket"--makes total sense.

That said, I would have stabbed you in the eye with a fork if you'd killed off Payl. I have my limits.

Great story. Totally distracted me from all of the current plague and chaos (for a while at least...).

Perfect ending, gripping story and characters thank you

The reason that the invasion had not heretofore happened was a good one; the seasonal window of vulnerability must be open at the same time as all the many factors for war are aligned. Those factors are as hard to predict when they occur randomly as a dice game. Removing the strategic head aligning the factors reduces the chances of alignment back to random. Nice solution in the short term.

What I suggest is that the model of using alliances that was explored in harnessing the Upland tribes be used against the local barony. Borna should have sent an emissary to its traditional enemy, the larger powers to the south and west, offering aid against Barsams destabilizing ambition. Forge long term agreements to maintain a detente.

Superb storytelling and world creator. My 2 cents: the narrator should not have described the assassination. Up to that point we can believe he was able to "tell someone" his POV. After, it is easy to imagine he was incapacitated.

Didn't see that coming. It was right. It was perfect.

I'm NOT going to rate this story. Not yet. I'm too emotional. I was 1000% rooting for a happy ending. I KNOW it would have been ridiculous and impossible to find one, Aspern, but I was HOPING. I really was. I'm really upset and that should say something about how highly I regard this story. 98.8888% of all the stories on the site are just basically pablum. Now? Now I have another writer to include in my list of AUTHORS. There's a big difference between a writer and an author to my mind. You, Aspern, and BurntRedstone are the two best authors on this site. Hands down.

I'm not going to blow my own horn here, but I was published, years ago. Wrote a couple of children's books that actually made the grade and made me some $$. Then I edited books for a while. Started as a line editor, proofreader, then editor in charge of individual projects before I burned out. Went off and became a teacher of our language. YOU, Aspern, make the grade. You could turn this into a HUGELY successful historical novel series. I'm NOT kidding. Reset it in OUR world, use some real places, some real people, and you've got a killer novel on your hands.

Okay, still too emotional. I REALLY wanted Ljudevit to come home to Payl. Shit. Fuck. Crap. DAMMIT!!!

Thank you for an excellent story, well plotted and addictive. A real depth to the culture described, and a feeling of real history.

I enjoyed it immensely. Five stars on every part of course

Michael

I rated 5 stars. Although I really really REALLY wished there was a different ending. Something along the lines of after he assassinated the duke he was beaten and was about to be hung but the folks at the inn intervened. The innkeeper nursed him back to help in her private room. Then a month later after his bones mended he was able to steal away in the dead of night. Everyone had already heard of the assassination and just assumed he was killed so when he shows back up there were screams and cries. After being reacquainted with Payt she agrees to wash and stay clean. Many of the remaining fighters and such are in awe of her beauty and agree that it might not be so bad to get a little roughed up for something that pretty. Between Ljudevit and Ahli they are able to keep Borna from becoming a dominating king and help him be a fair and kind ruler.

Poor, brave Ljudevit. His bravery all the more emphasized by the one act of cowardice in his life, failing to stop Borna from shattering his bondsman, Dirayr. He was a better man than Borna deserved, but Borna knew it. I'm glad he and Payl got to spend time together before he left, and he got to meet his little ones. I hate that he couldn't watch them grow up.

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An excellent story, with a perfect narrator, and I look forward to starting the sequel, next!

I've been reading all of AspernEssling's work, very impressed, but this is amazing.

Had to go back and reread it, just so sad, wish there had been a way for him to live....

This could easily be have been a David Gemmell style story with the focus on the fighting and normal people doing superhuman things. It's far better than that. The characterization, the story, the world and culture you've described...it's vivid and well thought out and beautifully written. Congratulations.

Thank you for a great story.

Absolutely brilliant.

Outstanding!

Refreshingly unique!

Interesting perspective told from an interesting angle, Ljudevit might not feel like the mc but he was certainly the hero at times

Wow!... Just wow!...

-jaye-

Wonderful story.

That was impressive story telling. Thank you

My 2 cents

An excellent story ( 2nd time I read it). Thanks for your time and imagination.

You know it's a great story when it's not even a genre you typically like but it draws you in any way and keeps you entertained till the end. Great story, impressive author skills. Keep it up!

Been reading all his stuff but this is above everything else. Best I've ever read on this site!

Thank you for sharing. I had a great time reading it.

Very disappointing ending. Borna just throws away friends left and right while pretending to not be ambitious? Something about the way Borna was written even from the very beginning never made him feel worthy of the blind loyalty we get from Ljud. It never felt even with the epilogue that Borna saw Ljud as anything more than a tool. Of course he knew he was sending his supposed friend to his death but then lies to his wife like "oh noes I had no idea". Asshole asshole asshole can't even own up to his own ruthlessness. God this story infuriated me.

Seriously the only person who gets a happy ending is the one who least deserves it (Borna)? ugh

This was a very nice story

It compelled me to read all at once

Please keep the excellent work up

This was great!, but....man I wish he had had a happy ending

Damn, that was a very enthralling tale, you do have the ability to evoke vivid imagery. 5⭐️s And on to the next adventure.

Absolutely enthralling. Shame Ljudevit didn't make it to the end, but that would have been very difficult. Thank you, it deserves a wider audience.

What a great story ... this should be a movie in the likes of Lord of the Rings!