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Maggie blushed at that last statement, beginning to move again to keep Jane from seeing her red face. "You're a good friend too, Jane," she replied sincerely. For the rest of the walk, she struggled to look at Jane's face directly, still giddy about the teen's words. Eventually, however, they arrived at the red brick building and said their goodbyes. Jane gave a sleepy wave that Maggie reciprocated before turning and setting off towards her bus stop.
"Jane?"
"Jane," she repeated, "I thought it was you."
As the girl began to walk towards her, Jane took a step back. She didn't recognize this girl or remember having spoken to her before and yet, she knew Jane's name. The teen was already struggling in her exhausted state, but her mind was now all over the place. It was possible that she just wasn't remembering correctly but, outside of classes, there wasn't a single place where they even could have met.
"I'm sorry, I-I don't know you," Jane stuttered. Initially, she thought it possible that the girl wasn't talking to her. When she stopped in front of Jane and continued to make eye contact, however, it was clear that she was. Not that Jane cared, though, as she tried her best to slip to the side of the mystery girl and get inside her building.
"My name is Lilly," the girl called back, trying to keep up with Jane, "I'm... L." Her second statement was much more somber than the first, barely audible over the blood rushing through Jane's ears. Although, it seemed to do the trick as it stopped the teen in her tracks.
Jane felt her muscles freeze as she heard the confession. Her skin went cold, and her exhaustion instantly vanished. Perhaps she misheard; her lack of sleep certainly could affect the situation. She had to be sure so, despite her best interest, Jane replied. "What did you say?" she spoke in little more than a whisper, not even turning to face the girl.
"I'm L, but my real name is Lilly."
"No," Jane began walking to the door once again, stopping when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"It is me Jane, I know you probably don't believe me-"
Jane snapped her head around, looking Lilly in the eyes for the first time. This was not how she wanted to meet L and, after everything that happened and the way Jane was now feeling, L likely didn't want to meet the teen like this. "We're not doing this," Jane hesitated, "After what you did... I just wanted to see you. You said we could meet. It doesn't matter if I believe you; not anymore." Not waiting to hear the girl's response, Jane shook off her hand and grabbed her student card out of her pocket.
Lilly wasn't giving up, however, the girl quickly grabbing Jane's wrist to keep her from running inside. She made sure to keep her grip loose to prevent panic or physical injury. If Jane wanted to, she could have easily gotten away. "Look, I'm sorry. I texted and called but... you never replied. I didn't know how else to do this. The way I handled things... they weren't good."
"No, they weren't," Jane mumbled more to herself than anyone. She could feel Lilly's hand shaking against her wrist and slipped out of the grip.
"But I did have a reason why. I didn't do it intentionally Jane, you have to know that," Lilly pleaded.
"Why then? Why did you treat me like I was worthless?" Jane turned her face away, trying to hide the fact that she was on the verge of tears.
"I want to tell you..." Lilly looked around, spotting a few other students looking their way, "But not here. If we could just go inside... I'll explain everything."
Jane contemplated the proposal, considering if she was willing to give the girl that broke her heart one more chance to prove herself. The other issue was, despite their idle conversation, the teen didn't really know Lilly. And, for that matter, she didn't know if this girl even was L. "I don't know... I don't think that's a good idea," she murmured.
"I'm not going to stay long; you can probably tell that I just came from a soccer practice. I need a shower, but I wanted to fix this first."
It was true; if the uniform didn't give it away, the smell of body odor left after physical exertion certainly did. Jane could also see beads of sweat on Lilly's forehead, though it was difficult whether these remained from practice or were from new-found nerves. The worst part was, despite her best efforts, Jane felt subtly aroused. "No."
"Ok... I had to try," Lilly sighed, turning to leave.
"How did you know where to find me?"
Lilly stopped briefly, turning to find that Jane was standing stationary with her hand on the doorknob, "You told me when we were texting. I knew that you had a marketing class that finished at one o'clock so I assumed you would be here. Since the soccer field is sort of close... I thought I would come to apologize in person."
"So, you do care?" Jane whispered.
"What?"
"You remembered all that stuff. I thought you didn't care about me but..." Jane trailed off.
"I told you I cared," Lilly took a step forward, "So can we talk? For real?"
Jane let out a long breath before opening the door, "Fine." She held it open so that Lilly could follow her in, closing it behind them and walking upstairs. The two girls said nothing to one another as they ascended, Lilly staying silent behind Jane in fear of changing the girl's mind. Eventually, Jane stopped in front of her bedroom door and pulled out her keys to unlock it, taking a final look over her shoulder at Lilly before allowing her in.
"It's a nice room," Lilly said softly.
Failing to acknowledge the remark, Jane set her backpack beside her desk and sat on her bed. "So, what is your explanation?" she asked Lilly, the girl still standing just inside the door.
It took Lilly a few seconds to come up with a concise response, "Like I said before, I did really want to meet you. In fact, I was going to do it the night of the concert. It was supposed to be a surprise; you go the porta-potty and then I would be there and... I guess you can figure out the rest."
"It was you!" Jane looked up with a sudden realization, "You were the one using it when I got there. I saw you leave."
Lilly nodded forlornly, "Yeah."
"So why didn't you stay?"
"Can I?" Lilly gestured towards the bed. Jane nodded her head, shifting to the left to allow the girl to sit. Letting out a sigh, Lilly continued, "I have this... thing. I've had it since I was a kid and... basically, I get bad panic attacks. When I'm stressed or nervous or whatever, my brain freaks out and I get really sick."
"Oh," Jane kept her gaze to the floor, unable to look Lilly in the eyes.
"That's why I always text people; texting is easier. I can still have panic attacks depending on the situation, obviously, but I find that it's much less common. I guess something about not seeing the person face to face helps."
"Yeah, that makes sense."
"I don't know where it comes from, the panic attacks. I've been to doctors and a therapist and stuff, but they aren't really sure either. Most say it must come from a traumatic event, but I can't think of any. It could also be genetics, but no one in my family gets them," Lilly admitted.
"I assume your parents know? Do you think something happened when you were young, and they just never told you?"
Lilly shook her head, "No, we're really close. They've always helped with my episodes and I can't imagine they would lie to me."
"So, the night of the concert..."
"Yeah, I... I was surprised that I even made it there to tell you the truth. I guess I just really wanted to surprise you," Lilly smiled wistfully, "But then when you, you know, did it... You were coming over and then I had a bad attack. I threw up and thought I was going to pass out, but I managed to leave without too much else going wrong."
"The same thing happened in the bathroom yesterday," Lilly continued, "It was going well, and I thought I might have finally overcome it, but then that other girl came in. I don't know what it was exactly, maybe the fact that we could've gotten caught. My throat closed and I just barely made it out of there."
Jane took in the explanation, thinking about it for a few seconds before speaking, "You could have told me that."
"Yeah, I know. It probably could have helped with stuff," Lilly admitted, "I just... Some people get weird when you tell them that there is something wrong with you mentally. I've had a few bad experiences with dating in the past. I didn't want to go through that again, especially not with you."
"I would've been ok with it. I mean, I am ok with it. But I can see why you might have been trepidatious." Narcissistic as it may be, Jane found herself somewhat relieved to hear she wasn't the cause of their relationship collapse. "So, what changed, between now and then? Why are you now able to meet me in person?"
Lilly held up her hand, showing how violently it was shaking. Jane looked over at the girl, only now noticing how red her face had become. Similarly, Lilly's eyes were red and swollen with tears filling them. She used the back of her hand to wipe them before returning it to her side, clenching it in a fist to stop the shaking.
"I'm sorr-"
"No, it's not your fault," Lilly cut off Jane.
Jane rested her hand on top of Lilly's, wrapping her fingers around the fist, "If you're still having a panic attack, why did you come?"
"I don't know," Lilly shrugged, "I guess I just wanted to see you. I always asked if you were serious when we were texting, and it was time for me to prove that I was."
Leaning over, Jane rested her head on Lilly's shoulder, "I wish you told me all this earlier... but I get it. I'm sorry that I didn't pick up when you were calling or try and text you back."
"No, I understand," Lilly sighed, "I... it was a weird situation and I don't think the blame can be placed on one person." Jane's hand was comforting on her own and she felt her throat start to open slightly, her panic attack beginning to subside. "So, do you think we could try again?"
"I want to if you do," Jane yawned.
"Ok."
Chapter 8: The Payoff
The pale popcorn ceiling slowly came into focus as Jane blinked her eyes. She looked down to find herself tucked under the covers; a strange fact considering she didn't remember ever getting into bed. Stranger yet, pulling off the sheets revealed that she was still wearing jeans and a t-shirt rather than her pajamas. She grabbed the bottle of water beside her bed, taking a drink to soothe her sore, dry throat before standing up.
Disoriented, Jane pulled open her curtains only to realize that it was dark out. A quick look at her clock gave an easy explanation for this; it was 9:00 pm. The teen took a seat on the side of her bed as she tried to remember the last thing she did. "Lilly..." she whispered, their meeting starting to come back to her. Looking around, Jane spotted her mobile phone and picked it up from where it fell while she was sleeping.
Unlocking it, she found that she had received a text at 1:14 from Lilly asking if they could talk when Jane woke up. She couldn't remember their entire conversation, but Jane did have a recollection of the two girls coming to an agreement regarding trying their relationship a second time. Seemingly, this is what Lilly wanted to talk about. So, without further ado, Jane pressed the auto-dial option on the girl's contact.
"Hey Jane," Lilly picked up before the phone could ring a second time, "I was worried that I wasn't going to hear from you."
"Did I fall asleep? I'm sorry, I just can't really remember everything," Jane admitted.
Lilly chuckled into the phone, "Well, we were trying to decide how we were going to move forward with our relationship and then you rested your head on my shoulder. I thought you were just trying to comfort me but, next thing I knew, you were snoring."
"I'm sorry..."
"Nah, it's ok. Besides, it was nice to have you so close. And it gave me some time to think things over," Lilly paused briefly, reliving the moment, "Don't worry, I didn't stay too long after I saw that there wasn't much chance of you waking up anytime soon. I tucked you into bed and managed to find my way out of the building. Though, I was slightly worried about leaving you asleep alone without your door locked."
"Well, don't worry; I survived," Jane joked, "What did we... end up deciding about things," the teen went quiet, worried to hear the answer.
"I think we both wanted to try again, I do anyways."
Jane let out a little sigh of relief, "Ok, I do too. I just... maybe you changed your mind."
"No..." Lilly trailed off, letting the line go quiet.
"Are you still there? Lilly?" Jane panicked at the silence, checking her phone to make sure the call was still connected before speaking again, "Lilly? Lilly, can you hear me?"
"I'm still here," Lilly replied meekly.
"I thought you were having another panic attack," Jane explained, taking a second to calm down.
"I was just... thinking about what... I-" Lilly stammered, struggling to get her words out. Jane remained silent, giving the girl time to recollect her thoughts and think about what she needed to say. "I was going to ask if you are busy tomorrow. It's Saturday so I assume you don't have classes and, you know..."
"Yeah, I'm free," Jane put the girl at ease, "What did you want to do?"
"Well, you could come to my dorm room. If you want. I live alone and, I mean, it's a single room. I'm still on campus. You know that," Lilly tripped over her words, "I don't know... I guess we could hang out or something."
"It's ok Lilly, take a second to calm down. That sounds good; we don't need an elaborate plan."
Lilly took Jane's advice, waiting for a moment before continuing, "I just... I want to apologize for everything that happened. What I did."
"You already apologized, and I forgave you; you don't have to keep worrying," Jane explained, feeling bad that Lilly was still upset.
"I know," Lilly admitted, "So you'll come then? I'll send you my address if you want and then you can meet me at the dorm. The front door is usually unlocked but you'll have to sign in if you come later in the day. Just so they know who is sleeping in the building."
"So, you want me to come at night?"
"Only if you want to!" Lilly exclaimed, panicked that she had been so presumptuous, "If you don't want to, we can meet earlier in the day."
"No, it's ok; night works for me."
"Ok, I'll send you the address and... I guess I'll see you then."
"Yeah, and Lilly?" Jane paused, "Just don't... don't be too nervous, ok? There's nothing to worry about."
"I'll try my best."
~`~`~`~`~`~
As they arranged over text, Jane arrived at Lilly's building shortly before 6:00 pm. She hadn't been to this side of campus yet but using a map online and her prior knowledge of the school's layout, she managed to find it with little issue. Now she just needed to work up the nerve to go inside.
Standing by the front door, she watched as a group of cheering guys run in, some of them pulling reluctant girlfriends alongside them. It being Saturday, there seemed to be some sort of party happening in the building. Of the students going in, more than a few were carrying alcohol and wearing minimal clothing. Shouts could be heard coming from the windows and, looking up, Jane was surprised to see a shirtless man hanging out of a second-story window.
Taking a deep breath, the teen finally went inside the residence building, squeezing in after a group of especially rowdy girls. Standing outside she wasn't sure how so many people were allowed to bring in alcohol, but that became apparent upon entering. Running the sign-in table was two students no older than Jane who were capitalizing off the party. Seemingly unafraid of being caught, they were both openly taking bribes from the partygoers, the money meaning they would turn a blind eye to the alcohol.
Fortunately, with all the commotion Jane would likely be little concern. So, once it was her turn, she walked up to the table. "Is this where I sign in?" she had to shout to be heard over the people shouting in the adjacent stairwell.
"Right here," the guy on the left pushed forward a book, "Here for the party? Give us both ten dollars and we won't report you if you have alcohol," he snickered.
"No, I'm just here to see my friend," Jane replied quietly, signing her name on the empty line.
"Too bad," the guy replied, looking over her information, "I guess you can go ahead. Say high to your friend for me," he winked before bursting into laughter.
Bringing the interaction to an end as fast as possible, Jane made no mention of the comment and moved past them, beginning her ascent up the steps. Unfortunately, Lilly's room was on the sixth floor meaning she had to slip through the crowd congregating on the second floor's landing. No one seemed to care, though, and she squeezed past without incident.
As she traveled upward, the sound lessened but it would take some distance to not be able to hear the music blasting from the party. Jane couldn't understand how this party was still happening; maybe the residence leaders had taken bribes too. Either way, she was just glad not to be living in the building. Her residence had always been relatively quiet since she moved in, possibly due to everyone coming here to party.
Either way, she ignored the party best she could and continued climbing until arriving on the sixth floor. Stepping through the stairwell door, Jane deciphered the room numbering system and made her way to 615 -- Lilly's room. She took a second to straighten the wrinkles on her clothes before knocking, holding her breath as she waited for someone to answer.
As if Lilly was waiting directly on the other side, the door flew open almost instantly, making Jane jump. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Lilly apologized, stepping out from behind the door.
The view was breathtaking as the girl appeared, Jane just managing to keep her mouth from falling agape as she took in the sight. Though she saw Lilly the previous day, she didn't remember the girl being quite this attractive. Perhaps it was because she was tired or just not in the mood; it was hard to say. Still, looking at her now, Jane couldn't fathom how she overlooked such natural beauty.
Rather than a soccer uniform, Lilly was now wearing a tight pair of grey jeans and a teal shirt. Although, Jane was focused little on the color as what was beneath it took her full attention. The small garment made Lilly's chest look quite large, even bigger than Chloe's. The loose jersey she was wearing yesterday did no favors to show off what essentially looked like grapefruits stuck under the shirt and it was a shock to be sure. Jane couldn't help her awkward smile as she made eye contact with Lilly, admiring her slim face and subtle makeup.
Lilly, of course, noticed the ogling she was getting, but just blushed and enjoyed the attention for once. "Are you good?" she asked, ending the silence. Jane just nodded, still a little distracted. "Ok, then come in," Lilly stepped to the side to allow Jane to enter.
Following Lilly inside, Jane took in her surroundings, "Your room is more... pink than I expected." While the walls remained their university-standard beige, all the furniture and art filling the space was either entirely pink or had some inclusion of the color. The bedspread was especially bright as were the numerous cushions and stuffed animals that covered it.
