All Comments on 'The Conquered's Choice Pt. 02'

I appreciate the story writing capabilities but I am not impressed with the character of our Hero. He seemed to have such a strong personality and sense of Justice but a sudden and complete turnaround of him was a turn off for me. Otherwise the Story was well written. thanks

A riveting read. The pacing, action and most of all the sex were all masterfully done. The sex in particular was hot, and also really original.

Thank you so much for putting this out there.

I did have some reservations on how the events were affecting the hero's integrity, and was surprised by the plot developments given that I had pigeonholed the story into a kind of "Hero" genre where a faultless protagonist lives in an ideal world and can solve every problem with his honor intact. It seems clear now that's not how you intend the story.

I did feel kinda sorry for Balia all through the first 7 pages until her betrayal came. The passion with which Vol and Zea consummated their love - hot as it was - was verging on a kind of cuck/cuckquean fetish where the reader gets off on how hurt the cheated party would feel and their inferiority to the one who supplants them... but then the story as a whole wasn't giving off this vibe so I still held out hope that everything could be solved amicably between the love triangle.

I feel the biggest issue with the plot is with Balia's betrayal. It felt sudden, but sort of understandable given that she's a hot-headed warrior maiden. My main gripe was that it felt like she was being shoe-horned into being a villain. Similarly, it felt like that you were trying really hard to make us like Zea with her repeatedly swearing her devotion to the protagonist. Well it worked. I really like Zea, but her rushing Vol still feels kinda wrong some how.

My only conclusion is that you intend for these to be complex characters, or at least ones who will have to deal with a lot of inner struggle ahead. I eagerly await the next installment.

Alright. I read your other story and now I understand. The betrayal theme is kinda your thing. In that case I just have unreserved praise for this story so far. It's probably not to everyone's tastes as the other comment shows, but everything else is really stellar.

I can kinda get into the head-space for it, but it really helps if you make the one being cuckolded someone who's unlikable, so that it's easier to accept.

Thanks for the feedback! Both positive and critical (it's the most helpful in the end). I'm amazed that these stories got the traction they did. Before I published it I thought I was maybe too self-indulgent with the world-building and character development and half-expected the criticisms to be 'just get to the sex already', but I'm pleasantly surprised it's almost the opposite.

I'm sorry if this felt like a bait and switch, that wasn't really the intent. If I can defend it a bit though, the betrayal tag and warning was right there, besides Feldig's premonition...

This was a seduction fantasy at its core. My premise when I first started writing was, what could make a guy like Vol be so intensely and hopelessly seduced that he'd leave his betrothed and not even regret it in the morning. And then the story just kinda got away on me (*shrugs*).

If I could go back, I'd try to make Balia more 'problematic' in her personality and they way she treats Vol, ...it IS supposed to be a heartbreak, and a tragedy though (with an illicitness to the sex), but if it got the point of sadistic then I apologize.

None of the main characters are intended as simplistic heros or villians, the idea is they all mostly try to do what they feels is right, or what they feel they have to (in the context of honour/tradition/politics), and still the crazy events unfold, as a sort of inevitable half-tragedy that in the end is for the best.

I don't intend to continue this, at least not in any immediate sense. I have another multi-part story teed up for the next little bit. But, maybe in the future, something in the same timeline/realm at least could happen.

Thanks so much for reading, and the again for the helpful comments. I appreciate it and it hopefully I can continue to improve.

One rarely encounters such excellent fantasy story telling as The Conquered's Choice- gritty, riveting, dramatic, with some excellent and descriptive love scenes that, while too short, always serve to advance the overall story rather than hinder it. One can only hope that this author will offer readers another great fantasy story, of which there are too few.

Complex characters and staggering world-building.

Great read!

Well…. Yes, a well written and great example of how much of a complete and utterly despicable, faithless, traitorous, and treacherous character humankind is capable of… but who wants to read about that?

Zea is a seriously ambitious bitch, the first time she doesn't get her way she will betray Vol without a moments thought.

Go Balia!

I very much enjoyed this story. From a fantasy story viewpoint it's solid, but the real excitement comes from the love triangle situation and the emotions involved with it.

Volren is a likable main protagonist who you put into a tough position with Zea's choice of ravishment: Do what rationalism, tradition, and his desire for the utterly attractive queen demand, or follow a warrior's honor of keeping his promise to the woman he loved to this point? Everything speaks in favor of the decision he made, but I still feel disappointed that he neither managed to keep his promise to Balia nor speak to her before he fully gave in to Zea's urges for his wedding agreement.

Zea's motivations are comprehensible. A smart, ambitious, and passionate woman, willing to do everything necessary to achieve her goals: Rule wisely with a man of her choosing who will treat her as an equal. I didn't like how she's doing everything possible to bring a wedge between Vol and Balia, even if she has a pretty precise grasp of Balia's shortcomings but I could understand her motivation in doing so. However, I absolutely disliked her gloating over Balia down in the dungeon. Haughty bitch.

Finally, Balia. Yes, she is a flawed person, who can't hold a candle to Zarina, but she was willing to put her personal interests aside when she offered Vol to put his seed inside her. This gesture of her (as reluctantly given as it was) should have been worth him keeping her promise to her. Instead he thoroughly betrayed her and subjectively treated her like garbage. Sure, she acted rashly and murderously, but in some way, Zea and Vol had it coming. I liked the ending with Balua sending a clear message to both of them w/o killing either of them, though I don't like her final thoughts about potential victims. Instead I would love a sequel with a strong redemption arc for Balia. A story in which she isn't consumed by a thirst for revenge but matures and learns from her shortcomings. Balia will never be a cunning woman as Zarina but at she can regain her honor.