All Comments on 'The Contract'

Tanya or Tonya should be divorced and stripped of all access to the money!

yes along with lots of others i read it through with interest. Can see a Large expanding plot coming up.

Who is Ben, how will he fit in, and the Sperm Donation will be a couple of months away, will be done personally,

Whats-her name gets shafted, impregnated by the said Ben ( i like Husbands nuking the birth control pills, [but aluminium foil makes this difficult] a divorce with her 'showing' would fit in the time line

Ben comes into the picture, meets, and does a runner with Sherri who is bearing Paul's Child by now. Paul reconciles with Tanya, who is carrying Ben's child. at some point, they meet and exchange kids semi-annually.

How do you like THEM onions??

Cheers

Kilroy

as far as how it ends, divorce seems to be the best answer. She's cheating on him, belittling towards him, and doesn't enjoy his company. Why keep her? Hell, if she feels that way why is she staying? He should divorce her leaving her with as little as possible, also giving her lover some punishment. As far as the lower bank balances, he'd better make sure she hasn't been hidding cash! Dump the bitch, hurt the lover and move on with Sherri, or maybe Mary.

I'm on nins and peedles! I hope he takes off with the blond bombshell and gives her many children up close and personal. At the same time Tonya should be dumped and humiliated as much as possible. You probably knew I was going to say that.

I like the way you set up the story. The plot device with the recorder fit really well and something of the main characters has been revealed as the story flows. It has been a while since I anxiously waited for future installments of a story, but I am certainly "into" this tale of yours!

I realize I have made this next comment to a number of "new" authors but in your case it applies! This does not look like the work of someone who has never done this before.

By all means look to the readers for story ideas but keep in mind that many of the readers at least appear to be bitter and even vengeful and are only happy when all unfaithful women are publicly humiliated then drawn and quartered. We've read that story too many times (not that I haven't cheered when they got their comeuppance!) but I'd prefer to see the whole story from someone with a new approach like what you have started here.

I'm sorry to hear that you have not yet decided how it is going to end. In the few times I have managed to get a story all the way to posting it, I decided roughly how it was going to end before I even started writing it. When I started writing first and thinking about an ending as I went, I ended up with literally dozens of unfinished stories on my hard drive.

As the suggestions come in, I hope you will focus on the characters as you originally saw them and write us a story from your imagination that is as well thought out and written as this first chapter.

Best wishes for every success.

I'm looking forward to seeing more.

cageytee

Good start. I hope you intend to continue this story. As it is, many questions remain unanswered. Don't leave it here!

...and you need to work out where you want it to go. It's very good so far--but don't expect your readers to write the rest of it for you, or to shape its direction. YOU are the author--use your imagination and write the rest; then let us enjoy it! (And, of course, be prepared for the jerk-offs who tell you the thousand things you did wrong...)

Thanks, ohio

This is a terrific start to your story. Cageytee and Ohio are accomplished veteran authors and you cannot go wrong if you heed their advice.

The key is the PHONE conversation the wife has with the other man. A woman does NOT call up another man like that .. and say come over to my place so we can fuck...unless they are VERY close and sexually comfortable with each other .

That means that this has been going on a LOOOOOOOONG time.

SECOND...recall that Paul left for the banquest at 6pm THEN came home EARLY from the Banquet at 9pm right?

then we read this.....

..........I then heard Tanya's voice say "Hello, Ben. Yeah, it's Tonya. Paul is leaving right now. We'll have at LEAST THREE HOURS before he comes back. Get over here and fuck me silly."

Paul came home at 9pm--- he left EARLY.... Yet the wife was covered in the hair color and facial pack etc which takes TIME to put on...

You see the problem? The ONLY way the wife could be have that stuff on her body and STILL fuck the other guy for say 2 hours is for the wife and / or Ben to have info that Paul was leaving the party early.!

THIRD.... where is the actual sound of Tonya and ben fucking? if the recorder was left on.... and since it did NOT run out of power... the sexual liasion between them SHOULD be recorded.

Congratulations on your start as a writer. While listening to feedback is important, I would encourage you to not change your plot to make them happy. Make the next story different. I want to read what you conceive; I don't want to read some plotline concocted by some rabid monkeys. (Sorry, just chumming the waters.)

nothing, just wanted to scare you.

You must have other writing experience as this was a polished piece. I suggest that you be careful not to overdo the good guy (saint)/bad wife (devil) that these stories often generate.

My only small caveat is that you should note at the beginning that this is a multiple part story. I usually wait until all the parts are posted before I read multi-part stories. I've been caught out by long delays between parts and with authors not finishing what they promised.

I'd like to second Ohio's point that this is your story, write it for yourself. Listen to Harry observations - he has some very good insights.

-Ttom

First, this was a good story, particularly for a first time posting. Thus, you really need to keep it up and work at getting this finished.

Second, you shouldn't take anyone's advice on where this should go. It's your story, and you need to make it uniquely yours.

Third, a few pointers if you don't know yet where you're taking this. I strongly recommend you outline the main points. That helps in two ways: It gives the story focus, thereby pruning away unnecessary plots, and it helps you fill in gaps in your plot line. The outline so far would be as simple as this:

1. Protagonist approached by co-worker to have baby, is hesitant due to his own marriage.

2. Protagonist goes home, begs wife to go to banquet with him, but she refuses.

3. Protagonist gets home, wife is innocently at table in facial cream grading papers. She showers. (Why? Is this unusual? Should this raise suspicion?)

4. Protagonist has argument next morning with wife, buy why? What is bringing this on? He sees his recorder is recording the conversation, and he wonders what's on the recording.

5. Protagonist listens to recording and his world turns upside down as wife phones strange man and orders him over to shag her silly while hubby's at banquet.

Et cetera. It doesn't take much, but the outlining shows you where you're going before you start writing, and as such helps everything flow better. Then it's a simple matter of filling in the outline points with believable detail.

Just a few suggestions, so take them for what they're worth.

Either way, welcome aboard and keep up the good work!

I have to echo some of the other comments.

First, the writing is generally pretty good, but the Tanya/Tonya flipflops were a little annoying, if not confusing. The last part of the closing paragraph shows up a few lines earlier, as if you were moving things around or adding to existing writing.

In short, a little sloppy.

T*nya is painted as a complete harridan, right off the bat, a bit of a stick figure to my way of thinking. The fact she was recorded saying "fuck me silly" is just waaaay too convenient.

Also, I agree with those who said multipart stories should be labelled as such.

Well, again, not bad, not great. I'll read future submissions, based on the strength of this one.

take your story where you want it to go; don't depend on your readers to finish it for you. Some comments may offer a different insight but you need to write your story, not one suggested by someone who doesn't know your characters as intimately as you do.

The technical glitches are mostly ones that editing can solve.

Enjoyed the effort and look forward to the next chapter.

I liked what you've written so far and am anxious for the next part. I offer a few words of caution: Make sure you proof-read your work before submitting.

Right now its off to a good start (^_^)

I'll just stop there because I don't have enough to work with to offer a suggestion on what I think so far >=)

But it seems to have a very good start.

-Risq

If your going to start a multichapter story, let us know. Some readers prefer the story completed before reading. Mike in Missouri

i think its a great start. i would have liked it longer, but its still a solid effort. i do hope that the next chapter is coming our way? thanks!

I hope you will take the time you need to write the story well. As a reader I share the impatience of others to see the story come out. However, if it's rushed and of lower quality because of it I would not be happy. I prefer quality over speed every time. I might suggest in the future for a multipart story to write most of it out and have a few trusted people review it. Then start publishing it. You can still respond somewhat to feedback but will be able to publish more quickly. I agree with others, write with your own vision and voice. The story is much stronger that way. Use comments in future stories as you want to but again only if it really resonates with you. I can give a little advice that makes stories better for me. Respect your characters. As you write about them you are creating them for the reader and somewhat casting them in stone. If you, for example, spend time creating an honest character, don't make them act dishonestly without developing a very good explanation. Don't make them act stupidly unless they are meant to be a stupid character. Smart characters are more interesting than stupid characters. Take the time to explore your characters emotions. Readers will respond to emotional links more that rational links. Also, take your time with the ending and wrap up of the story and the characters emotions at that time. For example, revenge against someone is only effective if the reader really feels it was effective. We only know that if the target of the revenge is clearly shown to suffer. Dumping a wife and saying she is alone is insufficient. Showing she is upset, not living well, having trouble working makes the revenge effective. Readers need to feel that. It takes a little more effort and writing to make that work but it enriches the story. This was a good start. There's lots more to explore.

Good story so far, the characters are in place. Well done for this chapter, let's see where you take it.

You need longer chapters. It was all exposition so far and little character development and more explanation needed with the tape recorder he carreis all the time. But interesting so far ...

In fact, I think you should have written the entire story before submitting this chapter and submit each chapter on consecutive days. By the time your next chapter is posted, I'll likely have forgotten this one -- which I enjoyed -- and may not even read it.

Write the rest soon and submit all at once or on consecutive days.

.....his medical history? If I were to make a suggestion to the author it would be to make sure you take the time to have characters act somewhat humanly. This was a bit short but generated intrigue didn't it?

Please continue.

This was a good start, and it sounds like an interesting story. As this was your first submission, it occurs you didn't take any help, do consider about it.

Few errors, especially — is going to end. Once, again, any positive suggestions would be welcome, and of course the "Tanya/Tonya" mix up. Other than that very good first effort, and I'll be looking forward for next chapter.

~Kelly~

But there was no middle and not even an attempt at an ending. There's no way this should be voted upon for quality. I was looking forward to your close.

Focus on dialogue and action and reduce the exposition... and the advice to use an outline is right on...

The commenter that noted there was no real end to the story was right. . .

BUT, it was a good start to what could be a very good story.

I hope there is more coming.

I'll echo most of the comments here that you had a good start - make that a very good start - to this story. You've grabbed readers with a central appealing character, an interesting situation - the proposed baby contract - and an interesting mystery - why is the guy's marriage in the toilet and how did his wife pull off the meeting with her lover in the time parameters you set out.

As to how you're writing the story, I honestly don't see anything wrong with making it up as you go along, with one proviso. I usually turn in completed stories but right now I'm at the beginning of a long story that I am writing as I go. I'm coming up with new ideas and I've even taken in a few from readers that I've decided fit into the story I'm telling.

But, and this is a big BUT, I know where I'm going. The story may take a few jogs, but the ending is going to be where I've envisioned it before I set down to write the first word. I've had the experience when writing in other genres of starting a story and then either losing steam or writing myself into a corner I couldn't get out of without a complete rewrite. And I wasn't writing those on a website where readers were looking over your shoulder as you were working.

But, you said this was your first effort here and the only way you ever find out if you can swim is to jump into the water. I'm looking forward to seeing how your maiden voyage goes.

Wow, I AM happy with the comments and suggestions. I am sorry about the Tonya/Tanya problem. It's supposed to be Tonya. The rest of the chapters will reflect that, and I may edit this one to correct for that mistake.

For the comment about timing, the banquet started at 6PM, so Paul had to leave before that, and give himself time to get to the venue in rush hour traffic. He was away from the home for about four hours. Tonya had the timing down, because she has done this on several occations.

Sherri had access to company medical files because she is a nurse at the company clinic.

I will try and have the second installment posted in the next few days. This entire story will probably be 4-6 chapters.

OldHideki

What Paul should or could deal with:

What happened to his savings? Don't let that bitch get away with that shit. The bank might be able to provide a deposit/withdrawal history. Get creative with ways to spend your money such as using the savings to pay your attorney OR taking a 2nd mortgage out on your home.

Who is Ben and how long has he been tapping Tonya? He gas retribution coming, big time. He obviously knows she's married. Use the savings to hire a good PI.

A lot of cheating wives who actually do love their husbands make one mistake and get royally fucked over by husband. You have created a bitch who desparately needs her ass handed to her in a sling,

What's the chance Paul finds he has an STD given by the wife? She will have to notify ALL her fuck-buddies and on down the line. This is a great and safe way of confronting her. "Ugh, honey, who gave you the clap?"

Looking forward to your next chapter. Find out how to notify readers so those who want can be alerted.

in the next chapter, I hope. You have created an interesting set of circumstances and characters. How you weave them together will be interesting. I look forward to reading the next installment.

Thank you. This is going to be fun!

We have a lot on the plate. The author admits that the wife makes a habit

out of fitting hot moments into small spaces... Money has apparently been misplaced. When I read about the STD exam my first thought is that he has not cheated but....

Luckily I missed this one, so I can read several chapters today!

Boring and senile. Nuf said.

What a letdown for this successful husband finding out his cunt wife is cheating on him and has an attitude. Fucking cunt. I'll continue...

Haven't read anything to follow this opening story but one thing for sure is to file the check away until you know what the hell is going on with Tonya. Also might start wondering about that STD test,

Also as another comment std test more important

Funds put hold on bonus check if possible

Not only sperm donor but maybe more with Sherry

Left yourself a lot of room

So only ok so far

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Was this supposed to end when it did? Are you planning more chapters?