All Comments on 'The Contract Ch. 04'

I can't give this story line a very good vote.

To all my detractors, YES the sex is well written. Yes, it is very hot. And the writing is way above average. Why the mediocre grade then? Simply because this thing travels all over the emotional landscape! It pulls at one heartstring one minute and then finds another the next. The character and situations go from beliveable to absurd in the span of a paragraph.

Now, my wife died just about a year ago, so I know something about the death of a spouse. Also, her family tried to "substitute" a sister for my wife. So I know something about this kind of situation.

Brenda and her husband are both emotional basket cases and asking, no demanding, thoughts and actions from their spouse, indeed, from everyone. All three are engaging in emotional blackmail. Brenda: "If you love me, you will go on with life for me and for my children. If you don't, then you don't love me and you don't care about my feelings in these, my last days. I am dying, you know." Him: "I love you and if you love me you will just let me wallow in my misery like I want." Samantha: "I will be the voice of reason, concern, and self-relliance. I will be your quide and step right into Brenda's shoes and you won't even miss her."

At a time when the husband and wife should be supporting each other, they are hard at work trying to manipulate each other. This is not healthy. She needs to know that her family will be taken care of and their lives will continue after she is gone and he is insensitive to that. He needs to realize that she needs to know that she has left life in an orderly way so she can die at peace with herself. She, on the other hand, needs to realize that her husband has to find his own way to deal with the almost unberable grief that follows the death of a spouse. If he offs himself, he does. If he continues to live, it must be because he found his own reasons for continuing. She can't buy him a reason to live. He has to meet his future life on his own terms, not the ones she provides.

And Brenda? Well, the author is already trying to set her up as that most elusive of creatures, a hooker with a heart of gold! They are scarcer than Bigfoot! Let's not forget, she is in this for the money.

You need to find a theme or emotion and work on developing that. The direction I see you going is going to just trivialize every aspect of the couples life together and be totally unbeliveable to anyone who has gone through this process. Had my wife tied to pull something like this (which her family did) I probably would have felt horribly manipulated and really resented her for most of her last days. After that, I probably would have offed myself just for spite.

Just my humble opinion, but rein in the wild emotionalism. Too much with no direction. A good try, but way to ambitious. (sic)

Regards,

C

I respect “Chagrined’s” feelings and reasons and sadly I also personally know this scenario. I am just looking at this fantasy as just that a fantasy not real to life. I know in real life what the feelings and thoughts are and how the grief takes over when the end comes. I know what a husband and wife talk about and ask of each other. It is not close to what is portrayed here.

The Author is telling a story he has developed in his mind and this is how he presents it. I’m positive he isn’t trying to portray anything about real life happenings or feelings. It’s just a story line with the twists he has imagined would make a good erotic story.

I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of this fantasy.

I agree that there is just too much going on. The whole premise is interesting but outlandish and it really does go from reasonable to outrageous in the space of a paragraph.

That would be bad enough, but to have to hear the same thing from three different viewpoints makes it very difficult to stay connected to the story.

It started with Becky's POV. It should remain from her POV...though that kind of kills any chance of following the story after she dies.

The author has a very novel idea, but has bitten off way too much here. Less is more.

I agreed with practically all of what you said, including the "bigfoot" theory,,, But there's one thing you missed (which still doesn't matter!, since your over-all assessment is still the intelligent person's),,,

The author has already, he/she believed, DEALT with the "bigfoot" theory: that the high brow society hooker is already in the process --- or thereabout --- of using that cool $1M to set up trust funds for the couple's kids and possible grandkids!

It's actually not only stupid but quite unbelievable, to say the very least. (For some reason I had thought "curious2see" was much more capable than this; I may still stand corrected,,,)

Note: we are NOT blaming a smart hooker; we are simply saying a smart, good looking, sexy "high class" hooker who does not plan to hook until she "retires" at the age of 50 or 65, ain't gonna throw away a cool million bucks, just to prove to a sick-dying-messed-up couple embroidered in their own little twisted tragic affairs ("I love you so much, honey, I'm hiring a first class hooker, for one million dollars, to fuck you and hopefully fall for you, WITHIN ONE YEAR"], JUST TO PROVE to them, to the husband [because the wife is to be gone within months], and the kids and society, that SHE and her hooking friends, with such "heart of gold", exist in more abundance than a population of "Bigfoot"!

I hope that Bigfoot is never found to have existed for your sake then people.

what chargined said ..another one of my favorite authors ... but jim as in curious to c is another ... and with this story i can see or maybe feel things and in so many ways it is exactly how i would react ...or maybe how i would want things if i was in the same predicament....when an author can make me feel emotion from just how he expressives words ...he is a great author chargined AND curious take that as a compliment if any of you know roadbird you know i am not always easy to give great reviews ..thanks again jim and sharon aka curious roadbird@yahoo says

It is a story, submitted by the author for everyones entertainment, and I enjoyed it. Beats me why some people have to always be tearing something apart.

Get a life.

this is a very good well written story. I hope there is much more of it to come

I mean I've gotten that Becca loves John - duh. And obviously he reciprocates... and I have no problem with Sam falling in love with John. Here are my issues, I think...

One, though it was obvious in all of your previous chapters, where are any or all of her OTHER friends...? We never here about THEM visiting or helping or anything... at least beyond the bit about Becca trying to fix John up with them. And where are any of their family...? Telling me her mom couldn't spare a few weeks to at LEAST commiserate...?

And for a woman who loves a man and INSISTS on him being honest with her, she sure seems to have no problem lying up a storm with her hubby. Yeah, yeah, yeah... good cause and all that. But she has the advantage of dying. What will Sam's excuse be...? She falls for him and will live - but still lies to him.

And BOTH Becca and Sam saying nasty things to and about John - again, good cause, whatever - but to make him feel bad and guilty for how crazy in love with his wife he is...???

"Afterwards"... when all is said and done, he should explain to Sam how he understood why she (and by then deceased Becca) did what they would have done to ensure he lived... but that he just doesn't see himself being with someone who could so readily and consistency lie to him.

I think part of what it is is the bit about how Becca made him stop looking for a way to keep her from dying. Based on how she acted, he should NEVER have stopped taking her to doctors to find a way to save her. And yeah yeah yeah, she's going to die, he could live. She's basically instead good with "Do what I say, not what I do".

But I will read on in hopes you straighten this sensation up.

Though it is a good thing that this isn't a rehash from another POV, the problem is that it feels like almost another story, too many small things are different compared to the last chapter. Conversations that simply do not fit with Becky's POV

A sad story that will hopefully have a happily ever after for John and Samantha. 5 stars