by OldHideki
Hope the wait until Chapter 10 isn't so long. Keep writing!
You have reversed the genders of the honorific. It is Hideki-san and Motoko-sama.
This is wonderful story. Take it to its conclusion, please!
From what I understand, most honorifics are gender neutral. The use of "-san" is more like using "Mr." or "Miss", where "-sama" is used to refer to someone of higher rank. Motoko has used '-sama' as a level of admiration. ". The use of "-kun" and '-chan" are usually used to a person of junior status, and are gender specific. Moto will be changing the honorific for Paul, and will start to calling him Paul-dono. This honorific is an even of higher rank than "-sama" and is more in line with "Lord" or "Master".
I stand by my use of honorifics, andprobably should have upgraded Paul to Paul-dono at the middle of this story.
It must have been good to start with because I remember what happened without reading it again. :)
That kid is gong to be in therapy for the rest of his life. What a cauldron on women and issues, no room for him to have any testosterone in him.
OH,
Tremendous writing! Depth was truly beyond shallow conflict for writing's sake.
IF, there is a Ch 10. It should be a "New" story or at least a new beginning. ......or as Mr. Peabody would say to Sherman. The moral is: "you can't just bang Ran, and run" that would be, another story.
I/we should be humbled, our only cost is the emotional stirrings, not the cash price of our labor, for your great time and efforts writing this story.
Thank you for sharing on Lit.
x
be finished we dont know if we gave Motoko his children and or Sherri & Mary. Did he go back to work and did Ran become his.
Interesting story line. Would like to see the next three chapters to the conclusion.
Noticed your still writing, so please finish.
thank you.
would like to see the end - looks like you have been off this story line for a year but i have hours invested in it.
Was very enjoyable to read, thank you for your efforts in writing it. It would be great to see more of this story.
Lots of unresolved story lines in this tale which detracts from the overall product and as such this leaves the reader very much unfulfilled
The story is far from finished. What about :
1. Does Paul go back to Morton or does he join the dojo as an instructor? what about his glass shop.
2. Does he marry Motoko or split from her and marry Ran?
3. How many women does he impregnate? Do all the mothers give him parental rights?
4. What happens to Rose?
Leaving the story hanging like this after 9 chapters is a prick tease. Now get on with it and finish the job.
PS. Two common spelling mistakes that I have found, not only in this series, but throughout Literotica is :
arraignment for arrangement and discrete for discreet.
The rest you cut it too short and if Motoko is to be his "slave" then Sherri & Mary would be available as well as Tonya if she wanted a Baby. and what becomes of Tonya and Ben. Too many things left un-said
Not a bad story, to bad you aren't going to finish it. Seems like this chapter was just thrown togather to finish things. You've left alot of plot twists unresolved. I'd suggust Ran as the wife and the girlfriend as the submissive to Paul and Ran. Never happen though, Paul's been a pussy the entire story. Hopefully you'll come back and finish but after almost 2 years I've kind given up hope.
He's still walking the alley - he's now in the "ladies" section.
Not finished ..... :(
You drone on and on and ON for 9 chapters, bringing in enough characters to stock a 500 page book and then you fail to come to ANY conclusions about their relationships? Couldn't have been worse than if you had started "Once upon a time" and ended "They lived happily ever after." And if you EVER write anything again, proof read your work. So many irritating mistakes.
I agree with the others. You really need to finish this story and not leave all of these loose ends untied. It was way too long to have such a let down in the end.
Have to agree with the other comments, not finished. Ran seems to be the one to create a partnership like what he wanted BUT on the other hand he seemed to be predisposed to this master bit telling Tonya how their life was going to go, marry, kids then she can go to work. Oh and seemed to be stuck in the past not growing as Tonya was, he wanted his "muse". Seems if I remember law correctly what Tonya inherited if not comingled was hers alone, not to be split.
It was a very long story.
You ended it in the middle,Paul had made no growth from the beginning.
It ended up just being a ramble.
Paul and Tonya drifted apart,Paul met some interesting women Paul had to make choices if he wanted to have children and grow old with spouse(s).Tale told.
I will not comment on an unfinished story that I read from beginning to nowhere. Cheers!
It is what it is. Who knows why? At least we are not left hanging, much. At this point I have lost interest in the characters and their ending. Hope you are well.
I want more of this story. Are you planning to continue it or NOT? At first I did not like this series but as it went on it became fantastic. If this is a place to stop that you stop at. Then why should anyone ever give you a score of anything above a single star. Why?
Did you get tired? What a disappointing ending. Paul is not himself anymore.
It's been something like 5 years since the author wrote this chapter. So far I have seen all the earmarks of a successful saga albeit perhaps just half finished.
I am certain others would agree with me. I do wish this tale would continue to a point where Ran's and Paul's fate is determined, Paul's future connection to the dojo / cultural center is completed,and to seejust how many women wind up being attached / married to him. You cannot have a harem otherwise.
This has been a good read to this point... let's continue forward please.
He effectively flipped out on Motoko because she was showing off for others... Letting them see what was supposed to be his... And he, afterwards, went on to tell the others he wasn't into exhibitionism...
Then he thinks "...exhibition we had done in front of Mary, Sherri, and Jason..." referring, obviously, to his stimulating her under her kimono while she was kissing Rose.
Uh huh...
I kind of think he'd be better with a primary of Ran and Motoko as his secondary - especially if she's willing to be submissive to him to the point of accepting others... Or maybe it would turn out Ran would accept second as well for the same reason...
Great story but although I think you tried to finish it, it seems there is more to it. What happened, if he was accepting his harem did he donate to Sherri and Mary? What about Ran? Still overall I really like the story and the rich details that made it real.
You need to finish this. It was to good to leave hanging like that, you developed the characters but left us not knowing their fates.
Very well written with characters that draw you in but no ending! Unfair!
The author has verbal diarrhea. You could cut this by about 90% and have a taut story. It rambles, is filled with irrelevant crap, and is riddled with typos and poor grammar, including non-sentences. One *.
An epilogue would be very helpful as everything was left up in the air. I could see him marrying Ran and keeping Mokuto as a mistress / concubine. He could end up with children from all five women. OH seems to have expertise in a lot of subjects - Japanese culture, martial arts, glass making... this makes the series interesting indeed.
I enjoyed the story although it could have done with tightening up. An ending would also have been nice.
I have recently retired, and I will need some time to get my writing up to speed. I am looking for an editor, and looking to write a few stories before getting back to this one. “The Contract” is (I think) about halfway done.
Thank You, for your patience.
OldHideki.
This story has taught me so much. Like I should look at the posting dates of a long story before starting to read. And then I get to (my) end, and discover this is only half complete? Oh hell no! I'm just not sure where this plot is going to meander to next? And I don't care at this point.
I admit this sounds terribly ungrateful, but I just can't get into what seems to be an unending story that slowly dribbles out. I don't write fiction, but even the professional writing that I do has at least the benefit of starting with the idea of where the end is, how to get there, and what it looks like.
I'm glad to hear you are going to start writing again! I wish I was good at editing, but it's not in the cards for me. I look forward to reading the rest of the story, and congratulations on your retirement!
This is a great story, one of the best I've ever read. Thanks so much for your hard work and I am glad you are thinking of continuing this because I desperately need more :)
I will look forward to all your works in the future, and hope that this is not the end for Paul.
Interesting story, but it stops mid-stream. I hope it gets wrapped up at some time.
I thought the plot was good at the start but lost it’s way in chapter two, for myself too much description time and time again, I think looking back at it I would not be surprised to find that it was written by more than one person
An interesting story and well written, shame it wasn’t finished
The MC was a dick.
From a uncertain monogamy that fails, towards a risky polyamory that's developing.
There is more to this journey than serendipity.
"The games afoot, Watson!"
Frankly I think Paul is one dumb SOB
The three women he has so far fuck are nothing I would want to share eternity with. They will not change from the cheating sluts they are.
Give me his instructor any day of the week
And how come this author has not finished the damn story?