The Convertible - Broken Arrow

Mr. Sandor's executive assistant Katy greeted me warmly as if it hadn't been nearly a year since she'd last seen me. "Ah, Mr. Cosgrove, thanks for coming so late on a Friday afternoon! Go on in, they're expecting you."

When I walked into the office, Mr. Sandor was standing with another man, writing some numbers on a huge whiteboard. He turned and greeted me, introducing Edgar Harrison, the Vice President of Business Development. We shook hands, and Mr. Harrison began to explain why I was there.

"Darren, at the moment there are 143 Indian casinos and gaming centers operated by 33 tribes located across 50 counties in Oklahoma. You may not be aware, but the Indian casinos have a finance division that allow their guests to use their vehicles as collateral for loans to fund their gaming. When the guest hits a losing streak and can't pay, the tribes end up with vehicles that need to be liquidated.

Here's the great news: We've just been notified MoveIt has been approved by the Oklahoma Tribal Casino Council to be the vendor to handle the liquidations. There's just one proviso; the contract requires us opening a satellite office in Pawhuska, Oklahoma, near Tulsa to manage the account."

Mr. Sandor spoke up, "Darren, we realize this is not what you signed up for, but the account has the potential to be worth several million dollars over the next 18 months."

I was really confused, and asked, "That's great, sir, but I'm a just a level 4 tech, why am I part of this discussion?"

The two executives exchanged a glance, then Mr. Sandor said, "Darren, I know this is going to sound crazy, but there's a clause in the Council's contract specifying you to be assigned as the Account Manager for no less than a year. I spoke with the Tribal Liaison's office personally, and it's no exaggeration to say they were quite insistent upon it. Apparently the Liaison has some connection to your old boss Gerry Wentworth, and his recommendation carried a lot of weight in this decision.

We offered them their choice of 3 other very experienced Account Managers, but they said only you had the requisite specialized knowledge, and made it clear: without Darren Cosgrove, there's no contract. Thanks to your ex-boss, these Casino Council people have a real hard-on for you, son."

Mr. Harrison leaned forward and put his hand on my shoulder. "William Shakespeare once wrote, 'Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.' Darren, greatness was just thrust upon you. What do you think? You'd be transferring from Tom Ragsdale's group to mine, Business Development. There'd be a raise in it, and we'd pay relocation fees for you."

I thought about it for a second. With Claudia gone, there was nothing left for me here in California. In this new role I'd be learning new skills, which would also have the benefit of distraction from thinking about her, what the hell, why not? It might even be fun.

I answered, "The opportunity sounds challenging, plus Tulsa's only a few hours' drive away from East St. Louis. I'll be able to go see my parents and my brother more often. Sure, I'll do it."

Both executives hooted and clapped me on the back, jubilant. Mr. Sandor declared, "You're a good man, Darren! I knew investing in you was a great idea!"

Mr. Harrison opened up his briefcase and handed me an envelope. "Here's a report on all the casinos and estimated business included in the Oklahoma Tribal Casino Council's jurisdiction. You can study it on the plane to Tulsa. The Director of the Tribal Liaison's office wants to meet with you as soon as possible."

++++++++++

With flight delays and changing planes, the trip to Will Rogers/OKC was 5 hours, but uneventful. I had a room reserved at one of the casino/hotels on the Osage reservation in Pawhuska. As I drove my rental car past the reservation limits, I realized I'd forgotten to pack a tube of toothpaste, so I pulled up at a convenience store to buy one.

A little boy was sitting out front. He was barefoot and wearing dirty overalls, and I remembered a time when it was me wearing overalls, sitting outside a corner grocery in East St. Louis. It was like looking in a mirror; I liked the kid immediately. As I walked by, he flashed me a grin and blurted out, "Hey mister, will you buy me an ice cream bar?"

"Yeah, sure kid," I said, "come pick one while I pick up some toothpaste. In fact, ice cream is such a great idea, pick up two, I'll have one with you." The man behind the register frowned, but it's not like we weren't spending money and just loitering in front of his store, so I ignored him. We ended up back outside, leaning against my rental car and enjoying our ice cream. I hadn't felt happiness like this in well over a year; I felt 10 years old again.

He said his name was Willy Five Bears. I told him my name, and why I was here. Just then a pickup truck with three teenagers pulled up. When they got out of the truck and saw Willy, they came over. By the look on his face, Willy wasn't happy to see them. This didn't good, and I could feel my East St. Louis fighting instincts bubble up.

The biggest one said, "You little shit, we told you to stay away from the store. You keep bugging the customers, and the owner don't like it. Now you're going to pay." I dubbed him Loudmouth in my head. If there was a fight, he'd be the first guy I'd go at.

I took my sport coat off and threw it in the back seat, loosened my tie, and stood in front of Willy. In a not-so-neutral way, I said, "Willy's not bothering anybody. I'm a customer, and we're having a nice chat. Why don't you guys just move along now?"

The biggest one sneered, "This is between us and that little shit, it don't involve you, mister, so why don't you get in your rental car and get your white ass out of here?"

I took a step closer to Loudmouth. He didn't back away. Good, this might be a decent brawl. "I agree to disagree. Willy's a friend of mine. You wanna hurt him, you gotta go through me first."

The big guy laughed, "There's three of us, Mr. White Businessman. You think you're gonna beat us all?"

Spotting an empty beer bottle in the dirt, I quickly picked it up by the neck and broke the bottom on a rock. I pointed the jagged edge at Loudmouth. Very calmly, I said, "Naw, I'll probably get my ass kicked but I promise you, I'll do some serious fucking damage first.

Just so you know, my name is Darren Cosgrove. I grew up in East St. Louis, and if you think I'm a pussy, I'll be glad to prove you wrong. I haven't backed down from a fight since I was 7 years old." I waved the jagged bottle at him. "You wanna GO, motherfuckers? Come on, then, let's fucking dance."

I bent slightly into a crouch, waiting for them to make the first move. Fighting with the client's tribe members was probably going to cost me my job, but I didn't care anymore. You can take the kid out of East St. Louis, but you can't take East Saint out of the kid. What the fuck, right? I had no girlfriend, no home, and carrying a shitload of self-loathing; I had nothing to lose.

Fighting, scratching my balls and ice cream were the only things that made me happy these days. I'd just finished my ice cream, and my balls weren't itching at the moment; my adrenaline was pumping now, so I was totally ready to rip it up.

Loudmouth and his two friends looked at one another. The two friends shrugged their shoulders and walked away, like they wanted nothing to do with this crazy white guy. After a few seconds, Loudmouth spit on the ground in front of me, then followed his friends.

I turned and high-fived Willy, then gave him a $20 bill. "Now you got no reason to go without ice cream," I told him, "see ya around kid." I drove on to my hotel.

The next day, I arrived at the Council offices 15 minutes early for our 1pm meeting. A beautiful native American woman with long black hair was seated at the reception desk, and greeted me warmly, "Hello, Mr. Cosgrove. Welcome to the Oklahoma Tribal Casino Council. I'm Janice Blackfeather. Please, come this way." She led me into a conference room. "The Director will be in shortly."

I heard the conference room door open. Before I could turn around, I heard a familiar voice. "Hello, Darren."

Not believing my ears, I turned and saw her. Still tall and slim, still with the shiny black waist-length hair and flawless tawny skin, still perfect. She was wearing a white business pantsuit with a red blouse, red fingernails, red lipstick and red high heels. She looked heavenly, and I was speechless. My heart started pounding like a trip hammer, but the rest of my body felt paralyzed from the shock. Claudia!

She sat down in the chair next to me. "You know, my grandmother told me many times that a warrior's highest calling is to protect his woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed."

She put her hand on my cheek. "Even after I abandoned you, my warrior, you never stopped fighting for me, did you?" I shook my head no, because the speech centers of my brain were inoperable at the moment. I was in disbelief. I thought I'd never see her again, but she was here, in this room, right next to me. Claudia was here. SHE WAS HERE!

Then, the unthinkable happened. She leaned forward and kissed me. My rapidly-beating heart now felt like it would explode.

She continued on, every word a silken endearment, "Darren, after I made the worst mistake of my life and dropped you, you still cared enough to try and warn me about Josh Morgan, very good advice that I stupidly ignored. Then, after he betrayed me, you went to Janine Foles entirely unsolicited, asking for my job to be spared. When she turned you away, you called her and the rest of the Board a bunch of cunts for letting me go."

That Claudia was saying all this was impossible, there was no way she could have known!

She continued, "Then I heard Josh Morgan got arrested for sexual assault and kicked off the football team, but ONLY after the 85-pound woman he was attacking threw him, a 200-pound football player mind you, into an oak tree with enough force to knock him unconscious. The woman he attacked, Tracy Evans, swears that's what really happened."

Her eyes narrowed, "Do you really expect me to believe it was only coincidence that a Campus Security officer had seen you walking in the vicinity 5 minutes prior? Come on, Darren, you know I'm smarter than that."

I was able to choke out, "Claudia, how do you know about all that? You were gone by the time it all happened."

"Janine Foles and I are still good friends, she kept me up to speed on things. By the way, she's still furious at me for dropping you and taking up with that bastard Josh. When you stood up for me and told her off, if it wasn't so evident how much you loved me, she probably would have taken you for herself."

I finally found my full voice, "Claudia, what happened to you? No emails, no calls, not a word from you, I missed you so badly, it's been torture for me."

She sighed, tears in her eyes, "Darren, I am so sorry. Once I came back to the reservation and I got this job with the Casino Council, I had to focus on fixing my own life. You swore your heart to me, and I swore mine to you. My plan was always for us to be together, but I couldn't tell you for fear something would go wrong. I had to wait until there was no turning back. And now you're here. My warrior."

"Wait. Did Gerry actually have anything to do with this?"

"No, I just told your bosses that. You'd told me so much about him while we were together, I knew if I used his name they wouldn't question our requesting you."

You know how aluminum cans get crushed when a car runs over them? That was my heart right about now. I should have been happy, but the damage had been done. I was carrying too much emotional baggage.

"Claudia, I never stopped loving you, but despair and loneliness got the better of me one night. I made a mistake with the wrong woman, and I've hated myself for it ever since. If I'd known about your plans, it would have changed everything. Instead, I have nothing but self-loathing and regrets inside."

My love replied, "Darren, given my past, I'm hardly one to judge you. In the 10 months we were apart, we both did what we had to do. Don't speak of what's past, it can't be changed.

Let's talk about the future. You once swore your heart to me, and I swore mine to you. I promised you that one day we'd be together, when it was the right place and the right time. This is our place and our time!

Our first day together you told me I was unequivocally the woman you wanted. After all we've been through, do you still feel that way?" Claudia stroked my cheek, trying to be reassuring. It wasn't working. I still felt like a piece of shit, but with the added insult that I'd basically been manipulated to relocate here.

Tears filled my eyes, and I felt like my chest had imploded on itself. I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Claudia, I'm afraid it's too late. This is too much to process. I've been broken inside since the day you left Riverside. Being here with you now doesn't fix anything."

I stood up. "I need to go. Tomorrow I'll be calling my bosses to resign. They'll send someone else to be your Account Manager, someone more qualified... someone who's not broken."

I didn't even pretend to try for a goodbye kiss. I rushed out of there as fast as I could and went back to my hotel. I intended to stay in my room and get shit-faced drunk. Like the old song went, "I'm gonna keep drinkin', till I can't move a toe, and then maybe my heart won't hurt me so," except I knew it was bullshit. This hurt wasn't going away any time soon; no amount of alcohol could completely numb the pain. Ever.

Three hours and three quarters of a bottle of Jim Beam later, there was a knock on my hotel room door. I got up, drink still in my hand, and opened it. I began to slur, "There's a mistake, I didn't order room serv - " I stopped.

Two huge Native American men were standing there. Scary, yes, but their faces were both classically handsome, I had to give them that. One had long hair down to his waist flowing free, the other had his in braids, but they were both taller and wider than me, two reddish-brown mountains. It didn't take a street kid from East St. Louis to figure out whose ass would get kicked if we started brawling.

"Hello, Mr. Cosgrove," the braided guy said, "I'm Edward Blackfeather, and this is my brother Billy Blackfeather. Our grandmother has requested your presence for a little chat. We're here to escort you to her."

The name rang a bell. Then, somehow through my besotted brain cells, it hit me - the pretty woman in Claudia's office! Instead of brawling, which would have been both painful and pointless, I tried diplomacy. "Ah, are you by any chance related to Janice Blackfeather, the delightful woman who works at the Tribal Casino Council? Wonderful woman, quite breathtaking!"

They exchanged a glance, as if wondering what exactly this white idiot was going on about. I tried again, utilizing all of my drunken charm, "Listen fellas, it's nice of you to deliver an invitation in person, but given my current state of inebriation and undress, I must respectfully decline." At least that's what I was trying to say, but thanks to my recent liquid diet, all that came out was some mumbling about an invitation and undressing.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in someone's living room in a modest little home. The décor was Native American, not unlike Claudia's home in Riverside. I looked down and was immediately appreciative that Edward and Billy had somehow managed to get a pair of jeans on me before we left, so I wasn't sitting in just my dress shirt and boxers. I looked up, and Janice Blackfeather was handing me a cup of coffee. Damn, it wasn't my imagination earlier, she was really pretty.

Then I heard a woman's voice say, "Drink it, it's good for you. There's chicory in it, it'll perk you right up." I looked to my left, and there was a woman who looked to be about 100 years older than me. It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure out this was Grandmother Blackfeather. Even with her wrinkles and silver hair, she still displayed a modicum of beauty. Edward and Billy stood to either side of her, arms folded.

Still semi-inebriated and unfiltered, I blurted out, "Holy shit, is there anyone in this family that's NOT good looking? I feel like a damned horned toad sitting in the middle of you all."

Grandmother Blackfeather threw her head back and roared with laughter. "Oh, you are one charming young man, no wonder my granddaughter fell for you." It took me a second to put the pieces together.

I was confused. I'd only just met Janice Blackfeather, no way had she fallen for me. Wait a minute! "By granddaughter, do you mean... Claudia Broken Arrow?"

The old woman nodded, "Exactly. For Native Americans, family goes beyond parents and siblings. At times, households may come together to form a small community within their tribe. While Claudia is not a Blackfeather, she's an Osage, as we all are. I love her and watch over her as I love and watch over all my children and grandchildren."

Her face became serious now. "I asked my grandsons to bring you here because my granddaughter has done you a grave injustice. I want that injustice to be set right." She clapped her hands twice, and Claudia walked in from the kitchen, taking a seat in the chair across from me.

Suddenly, there was a painful tightness in my chest and I couldn't breathe. Would this nightmare never fucking end?

Grandmother Blackfeather took my hand and continued, "Darren Cosgrove, you may not have native blood in your veins, but you have a warrior's spirit in you. You fought the injustices against my granddaughter, and you brought fierce vengeance to the man who betrayed her. I heard from several in the community that even yesterday, you were prepared to draw blood to defend a small boy you'd just met. There's no doubt in my mind you are loyal and fierce."

Grandmother then turned to Claudia. "My child, this man is very unusual, especially for one so young. He understands women are the true source of life and treats them with respect and care, none more than you! He unselfishly gave you his heart and fought fiercely for you, but his efforts served no purpose.

If what you told me is truth, you selfishly tricked his employers into sending him here without his knowledge or consent. You're a powerful woman, granddaughter, but force, no matter how concealed, begets resistance; now his world is in chaos and he seeks escape, not reconciliation. This is what you've brought upon him."

Grandmother looked at me and squeezed my hand, "Is this not so, young warrior?"

I nodded, "Yes, Grandmother." My chest was so tight, those two words were about all I could manage.

Turning back to Claudia, she continued, "You've forgotten what I taught you, granddaughter: A woman's highest calling is to lead her warrior to his soul, to unite him with his source. Instead you failed this good man, and it saddens me. You claimed you gave him your heart, but afterwards you foolishly let your warrior wander alone, without your guidance. This is how his heart became closed and lost to you."

Claudia looked down and asked quietly, "What should I do, Grandmother? How can I atone for what I've done?"

Grandmother pointed at the floor in front of me, "Kneel before him, humble yourself and beg his forgiveness. If he hears your sorrow in your words, this may open his heart."

The eyes of the Blackfeather family on her, Claudia slowly got out of her chair and knelt at my feet, her head hung in shame. "Darren, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I screwed everything up, I don't deserve you. I - "

I'd seen enough. Anger surged through me. No interference from alcohol now, my brain was on full alert and every nerve ending in my body was tingling. I leapt to my feet and shouted, "ENOUGH OF THIS!"