All Comments on 'The Corruption of Princess Lily'

You have good ideas and your writing really isn't that bad. But your storytelling is trite. Everything feels pat, perfunctory, pre-arranged. There's no real tension and no proper characterization. You're not putting people in a situation and letting it play out, you've come up with a scenario and your characters are just puppets you're using to enact it.

You can do better.

Loved the adventure you place your readers in. The scenes domineering Amelia were a hot contrast for Lily’s inevitable submission to the darkness.

As a fan of the succubi , I'm impressed

Oh this was a fun one. Love the fact the righteous heroine fell into darkness (a plot point i won't get tired of). Also the "twist" was great!

I'm somewhat confused. Are Belen and Belial the same individual? Is Belen possessed by Belial? Is Belial Belen's fantasy? Which one is it, all of them?

I really enjoyed your one about a pet, but this one feels like it's being told from a distance. The experience isn't there

This is hot.. pleaseeee continue writing!!